Chapter Four
We get back to my place and I think that there's enough time to kick James out and binge on a few episodes of something before I fall asleep on the couch. Which sounds fantastic to me. But I know better than that. I already know what's going to happen.
And like clockwork, after I hang my sweater in the hall closet, I feel James' arms on my waist as he nuzzles my neck from behind. Friday night date means Friday night sex. It's the routine, after all.
James kisses my neck, running the tip of his tongue from my ear down to my collarbone. I lean back into him and smile, enjoying the sensation. I can feel his hard cock pressing up against my ass. If there is one thing I know with certainty, it's that James really likes me.
I turn around and clasp my hands behind his neck, leaning in and kissing him deeply. Passionately. Our tongues swirl and dance in my mouth and he slides his hands down my back, squeezing my ass. Our kissing grows more passionate, more intense, and I reach down and stroke his stiff cock through his slacks. He throws his head back and moans softly.
James looks at me, a look of absolute hunger in his eyes. And I feel the fire between my thighs grow even hotter. I'm suddenly feeling a little frisky and want to change things up a bit. He gives me a curious look as I step back from him, looking him in the eye, and bite my bottom lip seductively. I crook my finger, motioning for him to come to me. He cocks his head as if he's not sure what's happening, but obeys me.
When I get to the couch, I turn around and bend over the arm of it, hiking my skirt up around my waist. Looking back over my shoulder at him, I smile lasciviously.
“Fuck me, James,” I purr. “I need you inside of me right now. I don't want to wait another minute.”
I can see the desire in his eyes, but it's at war with his natural order of things. Of how things should go and should be.
I feel the stab of disappointment in my heart as he pulls me up and takes my hand.
“Let's go to the bedroom,” he says. “Where we'll be more comfortable.”
The goddamn routine. Always the goddamn routine. Sex on Friday nights. Never on Thursdays, every other Saturday, but always Friday. And always in the bedroom. James' idea of getting frisky was turning the lights on – and it had taken me the better part of three months to convince him to do that.
I sigh to myself and push down the irritation that had bloomed in my chest, letting James lead me into the bedroom – noticing that he flipped the lights on with a flourish and doing my best to not roll my eyes.
Standing at the foot of the bed, James pulls me to him and kisses me again. It's a deep, fiery kiss and despite my annoyance, I feel myself growing wet. If there's one thing James does well, it's kiss. He knows exactly how to use his mouth and he does it well – my only wish was that he used it more.
He pulled me to him and I could feel his hard cock pressing against me. Despite myself, my irritation from a moment ago evaporates and I lose myself in the moment. I feel his hands slide down and unzip my skirt, letting it fall to the floor. I kick off my heels as James unbuttons my shirt, letting it join my skirt in a pile at my feet.
He runs his hand over my body, setting my skin on fire. I kiss him back as I work at his belt. I finally get it undone and then unzip his pants, pushing them down. James steps back and takes them off, followed by his shirt, and then drops them atop his shoes – neatly, of course. I move over to him and take his thick cock in my hand, squeezing and stroking it while we kiss.
James moans softly and then pushes me down to the bed, positioning me on the edge. Kneeling down, James leans forward and puts his mouth to good use. He licks and sucks on me, teasing my opening with the tip of his tongue before he plunges two fingers deep inside of me.
I gasp and then moan as he works his fingers in and out of my pussy, all the while, he licks and sucks on my clit. I arched my hips upward, trying to take his fingers deeper inside of me, but he pulled them out and instead, slid his tongue in. I cried out as the rush of sensation was powerful as he licked me deep and hard. I felt the pressure building low in me and tried to encourage him to keep going.
“James –” I moan softly. “Yes, baby. Don't stop. Please don't stop.”
But he did stop and I can't help but feel disappointed. I wanted him to keep going, to keep doing what he'd been doing. But, he didn't. Instead, he has me scoot up the bed and he climbs up on top of me. I wrap my legs around his waist and kiss him as James drives his cock deep into me. I groan as he fills me up and begins to pump his hips, setting a smooth, easy rhythm.
I arch my back and dig my nails into his shoulders as he drives his cock into me again and again. I try to move, to switch to another position, but James holds me fast, keeps me pinned down on my back, and keeps fucking me. Missionary is his favorite position – in fact, most of the times we'd slept together, it was the only position we did it in.
Pushing aside all negative thought, I close my eyes and give into the sensation coursing through me. James feels amazing as he drives his cock into me again and again. My body is warm and my breath catches in my throat. I look up at him and he's looking down at me, staring deeply into my eyes.
“You feel so good, baby,” I say. “I love it when you're so deep inside of me.”
James grunts and thrusts his cock into me but says nothing. He never does. Outside of some grunts and groans, he's pretty much silent during sex. I raise my hips, taking him deeper into me and revel in the waves of pleasure rolling through me.
He sheaths himself deep inside of me, taking slower, longer strokes, and I know that he's getting close. I close my eyes and try to summon my own orgasm. I grip his arms tight and grit my teeth, trying to squeeze every last ounce of pleasure from him as he pumps himself inside of me.
He squeezes his eyes shut and quickens his pace. I know James is done for. His body shudders and he moans as he unleashes his seed deep within me. A flood of warm, sticky come fills me up and James collapses on top of me, his breathing labored.
He gives me a smile and plants a kiss on my forehead before rolling off and laying beside me.
“That was incredible,” he said.
I smile but make no reply – because it hadn't been incredible. Not really. Not for me anyway. Not that it ever is. It was fine and I enjoyed it, but I never really enjoyed it. It's not James' fault. To be fair, I'd never been able to get off with any man before. The only orgasms I'd ever had in my life, I'd given to myself.
It's not all that long before James' breathing became low and steady. He's asleep, of course he is.
I get out of bed and turn off the light, heading out to the kitchen for a glass of water. As I stand at the sink, looking at the moonlit world beyond my window, I sigh. Sex with James is fine. It's enjoyable. But I can never say that I'm satisfied. I usually have to finish myself off later. But I'm not in the mood to even do that tonight.
I'm frustrated. Not just sexually – though, there's plenty of that mixed in – but emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually. Because hell, why not? I loved being back home and away from the city, but at the same time, I felt restless. Incomplete. There was something missing, some void in my life and for the life of me, I can't figure out what it is.
You'd think that being a trained psychologist, I'd have a better handle on my own thoughts, emotions, and mental well-being. You'd think I'd be able to zero in on exactly what the problem within me is. But for some reason, the answers to the questions in my mind and in my heart, continue to elude me.
It's because I'm too close to things, obviously. You can hardly ever see the problems when they're within you, right in front of your face. Not as easily as it is to see and point out the problems other people are having, anyway.
But it is what it is, I suppose. To be fair, things aren't so terrible with James. They're just not as exciting as they could be. As I'd like them to be. But I know that can also be just as much my fault as it is his. Like I said, I'm in a weird place in my head and in my heart, and I'm not sure how to make sense of anything.
I finish my water and put the glass in the sink before going back to bed, my mind and heart still troubled by the endless questions and the persistent feeling of being unsettled.