Live from the Big Apple, it’s the show that has its finger on the pulse of the city…

Wake up! Get the husband to work! Send the kids to school.

Because it’s time for the dynamic duo and you to pull up a chair…

It’s Gossip Time, New York City!

Tristan: Hello, hello, New York City! Welcome to Gossip Time! I’m your host this morning, Tristan Manning!

Natalie: And I’m your co-host Natalie Bell!

Tristan: Boy do we have a show for you today.

Natalie: That’s right. Seems its all-out war on the rich and fabulous right now, and we’ve got the scoop.

Tristan: In just 24 hours, New York City’s elite have lost both their favorite spa and their most luxurious gym. All because of some...uhm...not sure how I can say this on TV. Natalie? Any idea?

Natalie: That’s bait, and I’ll take it, because these people should have kept theirs at home. Do they not own bathtubs? Put on some nice music, grab a glass of wine, and maybe don’t spray your cum down on old people trying to get their exercise on! They need to go out, in case they fall or something. And Colt McCoy made the area more than slippery when wet...

Tristan: That’s right. So we have Colt McCoy on one side of town with his...uhm...spray. And we have runaway mutants on the other side of town that were running through the spa. Natalie, I don’t know if you can say cum on television though?

Natalie: All I know is that Colt McCoy’s unconcealed weapon love gunned all over some of the most well-off and out of elder care in New York. And, ladies, when we hear monster cock, that was so not what we had in mind...

Tristan: What do you have in mind when you hear monster cock, Natalie?

Natalie: Well, Tristan, I don’t think you can say monster cock on TV.

Tristan: Well, if someone were to ask you to come over and show you their monster cock after a particularly fun episode of Gossip Time, would you maybe be interested?

Natalie: What the fuck Tristan? No one with a monster cock asks nicely, but, hey, they shouldn’t be wangling it around New York streets, either. I can say wangling, right? But yeah anyhow that thing was puffy and just angry in all the wrong ways. I can’t unsee it. There’s a hashtag that I am so sorry I clicked… #DongGoneWrong and ladies it was so, so wrong.

Tristan: You sound pretty shaken up about this. I think you should let me buy you some dinner so that you can come back tomorrow and not be as affected by all this.

Natalie: I could really use a shoulder rub but HR keeps telling us those are inappropriate. Don’t they have shoulders?

Tristan: Yeah, well we just used the words “cum”, “monster cock”, “wangling” and who knows what else so I don’t think they give a fuck right now if we’re still broadcasting. So you interested?

Natalie: Sure, but you’ll need to work very hard to scrub those images out of my mind. They’re seared in!

Tristan: And there you have it folks. When we return, New York City asks itself what flavor of Altoid is best for going down on the ladies. You won’t believe what we find.

:Cue commercial break: