Live from the Big Apple, it’s the show that has its finger on the pulse of the city…

Wake up! Get the husband to work! Send the kids to school.

Because it’s time for the dynamic duo and you to pull up a chair…

It’s Gossip Time, New York City!

Tristan: Hello, hello, New York City! Welcome to Gossip Time! I’m your host this morning, Tristan Manning!

Natalie: And I’m your co-host Natalie Bell! And I’m a little hungover, so not so loud, Tristan.

Tristan: Yeah, I’m a bit hungover too. Dinner last night was...interesting. We have a great show today. Big developments at Clarendon Tower.

Natalie: That’s right! And luckily this coffee mug is more Bailey’s than coffee, so we’ve got the scoop this morning.

Tristan: Looks like Clarendon Tower is in the midst of a battle to decide the future of its flagship retail site. Will it be Colt McCoy’s ultra-luxe health club? Serena James’ elite and exclusive spa? Or Hiram Hooskins’s Job Center for Displaced Workers?

Natalie: Aww, see, now that’s a hard one. Because on the one hand, who doesn’t want to watch billionaires sweat? I mean, how else am I supposed to be motivated to hit the stair climber if not to forgo calories for the sake of an appropriate bikini body? But sharing these oogie stories...well, I need to unwind...Also displaced workers. That, like, sucks for them.

Tristan: I got something that we could do that would burn those calories right off, Natalie. I call it the Tristan workout.

Natalie: I’ll only drink the shake that goes with it if it isn’t green. But I think you’ll find I’m otherwise very, very flexible.

Tristan: Flexibility is good—especially because it involves me folding you up like a pretzel. And the shake? Let’s say it’s white and salty. Interested yet?

Natalie: Wow, if only things were moving so fast at Clarendon Tower! We have to wait two whole months for the winner, which is like a billion TV years...

Tristan: I know. So the only thing we can do while this drama unfolds is to like...fuck.

Natalie: I like a man who’s practical. And who has water in his coffee mug. Pass that over here!

Tristan: I’m getting word that we’ve gotten another $25,000 fine from the FCC because of today’s show and use of expletives. So let me be very clear, New York City. I want to fuck Natalie Draper’s brains out after this episode. Give me a shout at #honkifyourehorny if you think she should do it.

Natalie: Tristan, you hang out with your dad too much. No one honks if they’re horny anymore! Also, please everyone chill with sending me their dick pics or I’ll have to go on another therapy date with Tristan.

Tristan: How about some therapy fucking?

Natalie: I have that whole hangover horn thing going on right now, so how about you honk these?

Tristan: And we’re out for the day folks! When we come back, our alternate stand-ins will walk you through the seedy side of Broadway. Is there really a virgin auction going on with the cast members of Hamilton? When we return!

:Cue commercial break: