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Meik&Sebastian - Obsessed #4: A Gay First Time Series by Quin Perin (7)

THIRTY-NINE

“Fuck!”

Meik slammed his hand down onto the tiles of his bathroom floor and closed his eyes. It felt like his insides were struggling to get on the outside. Sweat dripped from his brow, hair plastered to his forehead and neck. His body shook, violent enough he needed to hold onto the toilet for support.

It had been twenty-four hours without any booze, and Meik was regretting that decision. He couldn’t think of a time he’d felt this sick. Body undergoing a detox it didn’t particularly want. That he didn’t particularly want.

After that disaster of a meeting, he’d gone on a bender. He’d blown through several hundred dollars of liquor, days spent horizontal in front of the windows, staring at the blur of the city. Sebastian loved the view. He’d been taken with it from the very beginning. The view had been inconsequential to Meik for a long time. He didn’t bother looking at it. But he did still like the way other people did. The apartment was expensive. It showed how far he’d come. From nothing but a heartbroken mess to Meik-fucking-Lennen. A success. Someone everyone wanted to be. Wanted to be with. Meik had everything he could ever want. But the one thing—the only one—he’d truly come to need, he’d closed himself off to.

Everything he touched managed to crumble into filth. He ruined it all. Like always.

* * *

20 Years Old

“Wake up Gabe.” Meik’s lips brushed against Gabe’s forehead, fingers cupping his cheek as he hovered over him on the bed. Gabe stirred, dry lips pressing together and head leaning into Meik’s touch. “It’s time to open the presents.”

It was the day after Christmas, and Gabe was over at Meik’s apartment for their own holiday celebration. They’d spent the actual day at Gabe’s house with his parents—Meik’s were on a beach somewhere—and then, after dinner and opening presents, Meik was allowed to whisk Gabe to his apartment for their own special treat.

Gabe had started falling asleep the moment he’d buckled himself into his seat. He completed that in Meik’s arms as he carried him in and laid him in the bed. Gabe was still sleeping come the next afternoon. He didn’t do too much more than sleep these days. Throughout the entire evening with his parents, his eyelids had been heavy, and he kept dozing off onto Meik’s shoulder. Every time Gabe closed his eyes, Meik saw the looks his parents exchanged. The worry. The anguish.

They could think what they wanted. Gabe needed sleep because he was getting better. Meik was convinced of that. He’d started gaining weight back after being so thin for so long. Color was coming back into his cheeks, and his eyes were bright instead of glazed. He didn’t hurt as much either, he said. Which was why Gabe didn’t mind spending all night with Meik’s arms surrounding him. He was getting better. Meik was sure.

“Presents?” Gabe struggled to open his eyes.

Meik bent over him, ghosting a kiss across his lips. “Yeah. You fell asleep last night. There’s a present under the tree for you.”

Eyes finally opened and Gabe managed a pretty good skeptical look even while still half-asleep. “The tree?” he wondered out loud. “You got a Christmas tree?”

“Well, it’s not the nicest tree. It’s kind of small and...fake. And I didn’t really have much to decorate it with, but I know how much you love holidays.” After the gift he’d gotten Gabe, he hadn’t had much money left over for a fancy tree and Christmas decorations, but he’d made due. He wanted to make it special. Everything had to be special for what he had planned.

Gabe’s lips cracked into a smile. “You didn’t have to do that.” He rubbed at his eyes with his knuckles. “I’m happy spending time with you. You know that.”

Meik smiled and straightened off the bed. He slid his arms under Gabe’s shoulders and knees, lifting him like a damsel from some fairytale. Gently, he cradled him and kissed him again. He was still so light. Bones like a bird. Meik could crush them to powder by hugging him too tightly. “Do you want to sit on the floor or the couch? I can bring your present to you,” he offered.

The tree was puny. It came up to Meik’s knees, and the fake plastic branches were sparse. Ornaments consisted of six that had come in a discount box of ten with four of them too broken to hang up. Not nearly as nice as Gabe’s parents’ tree. Filled with ornaments that had so many memories attached to them and a skirt of presents for Gabe—and Meik. Under Meik’s tree was only one small present. Wrapped a bit sloppily in red metallic paper he’d gotten from Gabe’s house; it fit perfectly under the stubby tree.

“You’re supposed to sit on the floor when you open Christmas presents,” Gabe said. “Duh.”

“Oh, of course. How silly of me.” Meik laughed.

He adjusted Gabe in his arms, supporting him as he nudged a cushion from the couch onto the floor. Carefully, Meik sat him down before letting go of him. “There we go. All comfy? Lemme go get you a blanket.”

“I’m not that fragile, Meik,” Gabe scoffed as he pushed himself up to sit on the cushion.

“I’m still getting you a blanket. You know the heating in my apartment is shit,” he said, grabbing a truly hideous blanket Gabe’s mother had given him when he first got his apartment. He knelt on the floor in front of Gabe, draping the fabric around his shoulders. “And you know if you get sick, your mom will yell at me, and she really kind of scares me.”

Gabe giggled, wrapping himself tighter. “Fine,” he said, turning his attention to the tree. A bit of blood welled from the cracked center of his lower lip; he licked it off, smile still never fading. “Your tree is so cute.”

“Cute? Meh. It’s kind of wimpy,” Meik admitted as he slid onto his ass next to Gabe. “I couldn’t really find anything else.” With his empty wallet.

“No. It’s perfect. And you didn’t have to,” he said, tipping off of the pillow so he could rest his head on Meik’s shoulder. “We don’t need a Christmas tree.”

“I wanted to,” Meik whispered, resting his cheek on the top of Gabe’s head and burrowing into him. It was so normal. The past week of holiday celebrations had been so normal. A vacation from the constant doctor’s appointments and treatments. “I wanted it to be special for us you know?”

“You always make everything special,” he said in an almost scolding tone. “You know you don’t have to try so hard.”

Meik huffed. “I’m not trying hard. I’m being romantic,” he argued. “Now, aren’t you going to open your present?”

“You didn’t have to get me anything either,” Gabe added.

“If you don’t want to open it, I can take it back.”

“No!” Gabe grinned. He held his hands out, wiggling his fingers. “Gimme.”

Meik chuckled. “That’s exactly what I thought.” Picking up the present, he delicately deposited it into Gabe’s waiting hands. “Now open.”

Gabe turned the package over in his hands, eyeing it. “What is this?” Eyes narrowed with suspicion as he looked up. “What did you do?”

“Open it.”

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what was in the small gift-wrapped box but that didn’t mean Meik was going to give it away before Gabe opened it. Shifting, careful not to let Gabe fall over, Meik rested on his knees in front of him. Blue eyes glued to Gabe’s face.

Gabe’s fingers shook. Whether from the illness or nerves, Meik wasn’t sure. He’d used a bit too much tape, trying to get everything to stick, and it took Gabe a while to figure out how to get into it. A few pulls and the paper finally fell away, revealing a small box of black velvet. A ring box. “Oh. It’s…”

“Open it,” Meik urged softly.

Gabe glanced from Meik’s face to the box before popping it open carefully. On a bed of white rested a ring. It was simple; Meik didn’t have the money for anything more. Two pieces of silver twisted together with a tiny dark green stone in the center. It was cheap. Only a few hundred. It cost all of Meik’s savings though.

“Meik...what is this?” Gabe asked, his voice caught and tears shimmered in his eyes. The tremors in his fingers increased to the point where the box slipped from them and thumped to the floor. “What...does this mean?”

Meik picked up the box, plucking the ring from it carefully. “I’m not asking you to marry me, yet,” he told him, not meeting his eyes as he reached for Gabe’s left hand. His fingers were cold, the ring easily slipping past the knuckle of his ring finger. It was a bit big, but once Gabe got back to his usual weight, it would fit perfectly. “I’m not good enough for you, yet. I can’t take care of you the way I want to...yet. But...this is a promise.”

“A promise?” Gabe croaked out. A tear broke free, clinging to his lower lashes for a split second before sliding down his cheek.

Holding Gabe’s hand in both of his, Meik nodded. “A promise.” His mouth felt dry, eyes burning as he flicked them up to meet Gabe’s. All his efforts spent on keeping his breathing even. “I want to marry you, Gabe. I want to spend the rest of our lives together. I want to take care of you. Protect you. Make sure you’re happy. That you never want for anything. I want your mother to cry and make a scene at our wedding. I want us to have our own place, nicer than his dump. A home.”

“Oh, Meik.” Gabe’s breath came out in a repressed sob. “But...what if—”

“You’re getting better,” Meik said firmly. “You’ll get better. You’ll start college next year, and I’ll keep working on my company. In a year or two, we’ll have the wedding of your dreams.”

“Meik…”

Shaking his head, Meik took one hand away from Gabe’s and wrapped it around his waist, pulling him close. “We’re meant for each other, baby.” Meik didn’t believe in most things that couldn’t be proven but knowing Gabe, falling in love with Gabe, was proof enough that soulmates existed. They were meant to be together. Ordained from the beginning to spend the rest of their lives together. That’s why Gabe would get better. Had to get better.

Gabe cupped Meik’s cheek with his free hand, looking up into his eyes. Tears ran rivers down his sallow cheeks. “Okay,” he murmured. “I accept your promise. But you have to promise me something in return.”

“Anything, Gabe. Anything. Always.”

“N-No matter what happens. No matter what the future brings. I want you to promise me that you’ll live your best life. That you’ll be happy. Let people see the real you. Not this asshole persona of yours. Do that. Even if—”

Before Gabe could finish, Meik kissed him, shushing him. The truth was, he couldn’t bear to hear what Gabe had to say. Whatever it was, he wouldn’t let him finish because it wouldn’t matter. “We’ll live our best lives together,” Meik whispered into the kiss, pecking the side of his lips.

Gabe sighed into his mouth. “Of course, Meik.”

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