The apartment was cold when Meik woke up. At least the floor where he’d fallen asleep was. His back ached and his neck was stiff. Mouth tasting like an ashtray vomited in it. He really shouldn’t have started smoking again. However, all of that paled in comparison to the persistent dull ache behind his eyes. He tried to push into a seated position, but the tilting of the room talked him out of it.

Cautiously, he rolled onto his stomach. It didn’t help his sickness, but the cool wooden floor felt nice. It made shivers trickle down his back while his face still burned. He’d be okay if he could get up and grab the bottle of whiskey from the coffee table. It seemed like a Herculean task. He needed it though.

With a groan from the very depths of his miserable soul, he squirmed towards the table. Like a fish, flopping along the bottom of a boat in search of the liquid it needed to live.

Meik almost threw up three times on his journey. As a reward, he finally reached the bottle, fingers clasping around it. Moving like a much older man, he sat up, bones popping, and leaned back against the coffee table. He uttered thanks to his previous drunk self for leaving the cap off and took a long swig. It burned, made his gut clench. He’d surfaced for air when his phone went off. The alarm was grating, his teeth ground together.

Too loud. Too loud. Too loud.

Meik hauled himself up and swayed his way towards the discarded jacket by the door. Dropping back onto the floor, he rummaged through the pockets. He found the offending phone, blurry eyes and shaky hands struggling to unlock it. He went into the alarms, shutting it off. A dreadful feeling washed over him as he read and reread the message he’d written with it.

He had an important meeting today.

Shit.

Meik adjusted the blanket on his bed, smoothing it out with precise, fiddly movements. Satisfied, he turned to fluff up the pillows. His lower lip caught up between his teeth as he tried to steady his breathing. His heart was pounding, palms sweating. His parents were gone, having left early that Saturday morning on a trip they didn’t want him around on. Thank God. He had much better things to do.

When Gabe’s parents had given him permission to spend the night at Meik’s house, he knew this would be the day. The past couple of months had progressed their relationship from kissing to handjobs. Meik still spent nearly every evening fantasizing about the night in Gabe’s room when Gabe looked up at him and said he wanted to try something. His brown eyes had been so big, sparkling in the blue light of the TV. His cheeks were red, hot to the touch. Without the faintest idea of what Gabe had planned, Meik let him shift around on the bed until he lowered himself and kissed Meik’s stomach. He’d nearly come right then and there. Since then, blowjobs had been on the menu too.

Meik straightened, eyeing the bed and its surroundings when he noticed the bulge in the front of his tight jeans. Sweatpants, he needed to remember to wear sweatpants. Sighing, he sat on the edge of his bed and yanked open the drawer of the nightstand. He eyed the bottle of lube resting inside. Should he have gotten condoms? Everything he’d read online said they wouldn’t need them if they hadn’t been with anybody before, but he didn’t want Gabe to think he was some kind of inconsiderate jerk.

“God,” Meik groaned into the air, lying back on the bed. He squished his eyes closed and slammed a fist against the blankets.

Sex shouldn’t be so hard. People did it all the time. Hell, he and Gabe were proof that people fucked. By now though, he’d looked up too much information. That was the problem. He’d researched and researched. Looked up articles. Instructional videos. Diagrams. He wanted to be prepared, but he’d ended up scaring himself.

The doorbell rang, several times in quick succession. Gabe’s familiar pattern. Anxiety served as a cold shower to his erection, the bulge dying down. He shut the drawer, bouncing up like a jack-in-the-box.

He galloped down the stairs, grinning when he saw Gabe walk towards him, having let himself in. His backpack dangled from his shoulder, and he smiled widely. “Ready to work on homework?” he teased.

“Yeah. Sure.” Meik chuckled. He approached Gabe, meeting him at the bottom stairs. He took the backpack from his shoulder, letting it thud to the ground next to them. “We can work on our anatomy homework.”

Meik moved in to catch Gabe’s lips, but his kiss ended up skidding across those dark curls when Gabe tilted his head forward into Meik’s chest, sighing loudly. “You’re talking like we’re in a cheap porno. I don’t like it.” His whining was muffled. “I don’t even take anatomy.”

A snigger and Meik buried his nose in Gabe’s hair. “You kinda like it. Admit it.”

“Never gonna happen.” Gabe kept his giggles quiet, but his body shook against Meik’s.

Trickling his fingers along Gabe’s side, he snuck them under his shirt, touch light on the warm skin. “Admit it,” Meik lilted, tickling him.

Gabe squirmed, shaking his head. “No.” His laughter, still silent, made his entire body tremble.

“Not gonna stop until you admit you like my porn talk.” Meik enjoyed the way Gabe wiggled against him, hips pressing together. The erection that had died down started regaining strength until the weight of what he’d planned settled on him again. Would things change? Would they be the same? Would Gabe even want to sleep with him? Those same doubts had plagued him for the last couple of weeks.

“Meik! Stop!” Gabe shrieked in laughter, palming his chest and pushing him away. He was breathless, blotches of pink on his cheeks, tears clinging to his lashes.

“Fine, fine. Only ‘cause I like you though.” Meik held his hands up in surrender.

“You are the biggest dork. I don’t know why everyone at school thinks you’re cool.”

“I cultivate my image very carefully.”

“Oh, so I am the only one who knows the real you?” Gabe’s head quirked, hands fisting in Meik’s shirt.

It was an interesting question. A probing one. Meik didn’t know the answer himself. His brows drew together, and he shrugged. “Dunno. Maybe.”

“You’re supposed to say yes. It’s flattering and romantic.”

Meik leaned in, nipping at Gabe’s pout. “I mean...yes.”

“Better,” Gabe hummed.

Meik pressed their lips together. “Why don’t we...head up to my room?” The words came out with a hitch, surprisingly.

“Sure.” Gabe pulled away, snatching up his bag. “I brought those movies for us to watch.”

Gabe didn’t seem to have a clue what Meik planned. After all, they spent most weekends watching movies together. There was nothing strange about this. It comforted Meik in a way. He didn’t have to make a move if he chickened out; Gabe would be none the wiser.

Grabbing Gabe’s hand, Meik guided him upstairs. He was almost certain Gabe could hear his heartbeat race as he willed his palms to stay dry. He couldn’t think of any time he’d ever been this nervous. Not even when he proposed teaching Gabe to kiss. This was it. It.

When they arrived in Meik’s room, Gabe made himself comfortable. Off came the shoes and he opened his bag, rummaging through his clothes to find the movies. Meik watched, grinning like a fool. He wasn’t sure if this was love, but he thought it was close.

“Got any snacks?” On bare feet, Gabe padded to Meik’s TV. He put the movie in and headed back to the bed, bouncing down onto it. “Hey...did you make your bed?”

Heat rose in Meik’s cheeks as he went to sit with him. “Maybe.”

“You’re turning into a weirdo,” Gabe teased, scooting closer.

Meik slipped an arm around his waist, resting his cheek against his hair. “As long as you still like me, I don’t care.”

“Well, I do like you. Weird or not,” he agreed. “Now where are my snacks?”

“I got a snack for you right here.” To demonstrate his point, Meik cupped his chin and tilted Gabe’s head to press their lips together. His tongue dove into Gabe’s mouth, hand wrapping around his thigh to angle him and tug him closer.

“That’s not what I meant,” Gabe mumbled against his lips.

Meik leaned back. “Well, I can stop.”

“Don’t be a jerk.” Gabe tangled his fingers in Meik’s shirt and pulled him back. “Now kiss me, damn it!”

Meik chuckled, connecting their lips once more. The menu screen for the movie played in the background. A little too loud, but Meik didn’t want to take his hands from Gabe to turn it off. He groped his ass, squeezing hard enough to draw out a whimper from Gabe.

Using his larger form, Meik carefully pressed Gabe onto his back. His dark hair spread out over the grey of the pillows, eyes shielded by long lashes. Meik moved between his legs, settling down against him. Their kisses were hot and heavy, tongue wrestling in playful delight. One of Meik’s hands slid under Gabe’s shirt, nails dragging across his flat stomach.

“I want you.” The words tumbled out before Meik could stop them. Babbled into Gabe’s wanting mouth.

Big eyes blinked. “You have me.”

Oh God. Meik was blushing, genuinely red-faced as he avoided Gabe’s gaze. “No. Not like this. I mean, not just like this. I wanna...y’know…” He pushed onto his knees, rubbing at the back of his neck.

“No, I don’t k-ooooh.” Gabe’s eyes widened. “You want to...with me?”

Meik laughed. “No, with the other hot dude in my room.”

“I just…” Gabe’s voice trickled out with slow hesitation.

“We don’t have to,” Meik muttered quickly. “It’s...I thought...maybe. Nevermind.”

“I want to.”

Gabe never stopped surprising him. The surety with which he said those words made Meik even more embarrassed about his own uncertainty. “If you want to. If you’re sure.”

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while,” Gabe admitted. “Like...a lot.” His grin was sheepish.

“Oh man, me too!” Meik couldn’t help but laugh, breathless, relief sweeping through him. “I really want to do this with you.”

Gabe nodded, wrapping his arms around Meik’s neck. He yanked him back on top, their lips connecting in a desperate kiss. Gabe raked his hands to the edge of Meik’s shirt. He touched bare skin, sliding to his shoulders and guiding his shirt up along the way. “Off,” he whispered.

Meik didn’t hesitate. Rising up, he tugged his shirt off over his head and tossed it to the side of the bed. His shirt collar had made a faint ripping sound when he tore at it, but that hardly mattered. “Your turn.”

It was hard to get Gabe’s shirt off when he insisted on caressing Meik’s chest and stomach the whole time. The material ended up tangled around Gabe’s arms, both of them laughing as they worked to untwist it. Soon the shirt landed on top of Meik’s.

Blue eyes skimmed Gabe’s slender body, fingers following the same path. He never got sick of admiring Gabe, never got tired of touching him. Everything was perfect about him.

Meik made his way down, tongue dragging along Gabe’s hot skin. Lips brushed against one of those hard, pretty pink nipples. It stiffened as Meik lapped at it. He switched to the other, repeating the motion. By accident, a few weeks ago, he’d found out how sensitive Gabe’s nipples were and now made sure to take advantage of it.

Gabe’s back arched, hips undulating off the bed. “Don’t tease,” he whined.

“You say tease, I say savor,” Meik purred against his skin.

Huffing, Gabe slid his fingers through Meik’s hair, tugging him up into a kiss. “Stop savoring.”

Meik snorted. “Impatient.” His hands descended to unbutton Gabe’s pants.

“Wait—I’m...scared.” Gabe heaved in a shuddery breath, fingers brushing along the back of Meik’s hands.

Meik paused, gaze flicking up to meet his eyes. “We don’t have to do this. I don’t want to rush you.”

“It’s not a bad scared.” One of Gabe’s hands folded around Meik’s wrist, guiding his palm to the bulge that had to hurt in his skinny jeans. Meik made a note to mention his sweatpants idea to Gabe...later. “I’ve not done this before. That’s all.”

“Me either.” He knew the feeling Gabe was talking about quite well. “So, we’re in this together. In more ways than one.”

Gabe’s laughter turned to a moan when Meik started to rub him. He lifted his hips into the touch, rocking with it. “Nn. Meik. Please.”

Meik’s heart leapt into his throat, hands moving into action to undo Gabe’s pants, sliding them down. The material fit like a second skin, getting caught up around his calves. “Okay, babe, we really need to have a talk about fashion versus utility.”

“What are you on about?” Gabe giggled, wiggling his legs to help get them off. “Learn to strip me better.”

A growl rumbled from Meik’s chest, and he yanked hard enough to pull Gabe off of the pillow. It was a bit violent, but it worked. Gabe shook his head, mirth shining in his eyes. “Don’t be mean!”

A wolfish grin twisted across Meik’s lips. “Am I mean? Really?” He dragged the tip of his finger over the damp spot on the front of Gabe’s underwear.

Gabe let out a soft gasp and breathed, “No.” Eyes shuttering closed.

“That’s right.”

Gabe’s underwear slid down a lot easier than his pants. The pretty, flushed cock popping free. Meik wrapped his hand around it, moving slowly. “So, uh, how do you want to do this?”

Gabe’s eyes snapped open. “Don’t you know?” Another firm stroke made him struggle to speak.

“Of course I know!” Meik could write a thesis on gay sex at this point. “I meant how do you want it? On your back? Stomach? Hands and knees?” Part of his research had involved studying a lot of positions.

“Uhm...oh...I don’t...would you get your hand off my dick so I can think?!” Exasperation clung to his words.

“I guess.” Meik pulled his hand away, looking at him expectantly. “So which way?”

The expression on Gabe’s face was a familiar one. Forehead furrowed, mouth pursed, and a slight crinkle of the nose. He was thinking really hard about it. Meik wanted to bite him; he looked so cute. “Back, I think,” he decided. “So I can look at you.” The last words were whispered.

Nerves that had faded to simmer rose to a boil again. Meik played calm, pretending to be more confident than he felt. He had to be. He wanted Gabe to trust him; it was important. “Okay.”

Slipping off of the bed, Meik got everything ready. The lube was removed from the drawer and set on the bed. He leaned over, hooking his arms under Gabe’s legs. He lifted him, placing a pillow under his lower back. Gabe quirked an eyebrow, and Meik smiled. “It’s supposed to make it feel better,” he explained. “And...it’s going to hurt. You know, you can back out if you want?”

Gabe wiggled, settling down with his thighs spread while Meik’s gaze zeroed in on the way his balls hung between his legs. He was so focused he almost missed Gabe’s next words. “I don’t mind some pain.”

Meik blinked and inhaled sharply. “You’re ridiculously sexy,” he said. The bed sank under his weight when he moved to kneel between his legs. “God, I’m so lucky.”

Gabe smiled, dark eyes intent. “So am I.”

Meik’s hands caressed down Gabe’s legs, from thigh to calf to ankle. He grabbed one up, lifting his leg and planting a row of light kisses up to his knee. Gabe’s skin rose to goosebumps as Meik adjusted his hips and bent his other leg. He could still back out. Try again another time. Right when he thought he would, Gabe pushed his ass towards the edge of the pillow. No, he had to go through with this. Still, having sex with someone he loved without any experience was one of the most terrifying things he could think of. Man, he wished he’d practiced first.

“You know,” Gabe’s voice cut through the thick silence, throat clearing, “I’ve, uhm, y’know...done this before.” He gestured, wiggling his fingers.

“You said you were a virgin!” Meik gaped at him.

“I am! I meant that I did it, with my fingers. By myself.” Gabe avoided eye contact.

“Oh.” Meik’s breath shuddered. “That’s so fucking hot.”

Gabe’s smile was proud. “I thought it might be easier when we did it if I knew how it felt.”

“Show me.” It came out as a sharp command. Gabe had given him an out.

“Show you?” he whispered.

Meik nodded. “Yeah. I wanna see how you do it. Really wanna see that.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Gabe’s lower stomach. “Please.”

Gabe didn’t meet his eyes but reached around, finding the lube and picking it up. Meik didn’t think he’d be able to perform in a situation like this; Gabe didn’t seem to have a problem though.

Meik scrambled back onto the bed, crawling up close before he rested his hands on Gabe’s knees, leaning forward. “Does it hurt?” he whispered as he watched Gabe.

Nodding, Gabe said, “Yes, a little. Wanna help?”

“I’ve never wanted anything more in my fucking life,” he answered. Too eager.

“Get the lube,” Gabe chuckled. “C’mon.”

Reaching out, without taking his eyes off Gabe, Meik felt around for the bottle. He didn’t want to pull away, his fingers digging into Gabe’s leg until he finally found it and snatched it up. It had been open ever since Gabe had used it, leaving behind a spot of lube soaking into the blankets as well as covering the bottle itself. It slipped between his fingers; he nearly dropped it.

“Hurry.”

Gabe’s impatience spurred him on. “You’re so perfect.” Meik trailed his hand up Gabe’s thigh, then downward between his legs. His hand shook, and he hoped Gabe didn’t notice. Everything turned fuzzy like he was underwater, trying to swim to the surface and breathe while the water crushed him.

Gabe arched off the pillow, rolling his hips. Meik didn’t know how this was going to work, but that didn’t particularly matter at this moment. He rubbed his free hand over Gabe’s stomach, feeling it tremble under his touch. Gabe moved his fingers around Meik’s wrist, holding on tight and looking up at him with wide eyes. Meik was in a daze, barely blinking; a part of him was terrified he was going to hurt Gabe. But then the discomfort that furrowed Gabe’s face slowly transformed and morphed into bliss. His neck stretched, curls around his face, and lips parted as he moved.

“Need you. Oh God, fucking need you.” Gabe’s voice dripped with his pleas, eyes barely open. “Please. Please.” Meik nodded dumbly.

Movements were mechanical now. Meik couldn’t recall grabbing the lube. He couldn’t remember settling against Gabe’s body. It was like sleepwalking. Both of Meik’s hands gripped the fabric next to Gabe’s hair. Sharp inhale. Holding the air in his lungs, Meik moved forward. Body burning. Eyes tightly shut and teeth clenching. “Gabe, oh fuck. Gabe, I’m gonna—”