The faire was a week away and my barbecue master had to go to Cleveland for a conference.
“Can you barbecue?” I asked Dave.
He shook his head. “I’m a principal, not a chef. Besides, I burn pasta—you don’t want me cooking. I’ll send an email asking for volunteers. Hopefully, someone will step up to the plate.”
I groaned. “But will they have any cooking talent? This could be a disaster.”
During my entire train ride home from work I brainstormed solutions. The grill was donated and temperamental, and the meat expensive. We couldn’t risk asking just anyone.
When I came home to my cooking fireman, I had a thought. “Hey, Hot Stuff?”
“Yes, Hot Stuff?”
“Would you be willing to come to the faire next week to cook? We lost our barbecue master.”
Chris hesitated, “I don’t think—”
“Look, just come as my friend. No big deal.”
“Nobody there will believe we are just friends. We’ve been out around your friends and family so long, we don’t know how to fake it anymore.” He lifted his eyes to mine, and the aqua orbs were filled with regret. “I hate this, too. That what we share has to be hidden.”
“It doesn’t,” I reminded him. “Your family already knows you’re gay and Vinnie is a good friend—he won’t care. I’m sure he’ll help with the rest of the department.”
“You can’t know that. I don’t know that. It’s not a chance I can take.”
He dropped his hand and moved away to lower his music. “I’m turning thirty on my next birthday. My father keeps mentioning how disappointed his is that there isn’t a ‘Four’ on the way. What do I do? I’m never going to give him what he wants.”
“Is it what you want?”
“Is what, what I want?”
“A Four?”
“Not with a woman.”
“Well, no. You’re gay.” I gestured between us and smiled. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t have children. I have four students with same-sex parents in the first grade. It’s not impossible. These are successful, established people living full, happy lives. It’s very possible.”
“I know.”
“You’re never going to come out.”
He didn’t answer me. He couldn’t.
I didn’t expect today to be the day, but it was. Today was when I appreciated that he needed to do what was best for him, but I needed to do what was best for me. What tore my heart out was that these were not the same things.
“Chris.” I took a breath, the words sticking in my throat. “I want you there next week. I want my boyfriend there with me. I’m so proud of who I am, who you are, and I want to show you off. I want you to see what I’ve created at the school, and for you to be a part of my life. I know you love being with my family—being out with them. I want that for you with your family. This… this secrecy...”—I started crying in earnest—“it’s killing me.”
“You want me to go. To leave you,” he said quietly. “You want to break up.”
“No, I don’t. I don’t want any of that, but I can’t see a choice. Do you?”
Chris walked over, kissed me on my forehead. “I am so sorry, you deserve someone better.”
“There is no one better,” I croaked out. “I deserve you.”
He walked out and closed the door behind him, the quiet click of the latch was the loudest sound I’d ever heard.
***
The next week sucked. I was heartbroken and lonely. My friends’ repeated “I told you sos” annoyed the crap out of me. My mother was upset for Chris, and worried that he was alone. I was being pulled a dozen different ways, and as much as I wanted to wallow and get drunk, I had a faire to plan and children to teach.
The big day arrived and I came to school in costume. Of course, I was a king—after all, I organized the event. As a nod to modesty, I’d purchased loose leggings instead of tights, but my maroon tunic and crown were totally bejeweled.
The park near the school had been totally transformed. Local vendors had donated all kinds of foods, decorations—even tents! The parent association organized different games to engage the children. The chorus prepared a medley of songs to regale us.
Our new barbecue masters—Lilli’s fathers, Marcus and Tyler—assured me the food would be delicious. Marcus, who owned a successful nightclub, had taken one look at our decrepit old grill and donated a new one to the school. It had all the bells and whistles and was huge.
Tyler taught dance in a private studio and to the children in the school. The men made a beautiful couple and were fantastic parents. They were assisted by Micah and Josh, the fathers of one of our sets of twins, a neurosurgeon and a lawyer. I figured they could handle any cooking crises that emerged, and hopefully end the day without medical emergencies or lawsuits.
Seeing these two couples so devoted to each other and their children was difficult, but it also gave me hope. It couldn’t be easy, being out and raising kids. Obviously, Chris thought it was impossible, but these men proved it wasn’t. Maybe one day I could have that, I prayed one day Chris could have it—even if it was without me. But whatever happened, there would be no more sharing closets for me.
Since I was so busy running the faire, the school brought in a substitute to take my children around. I still checked in on them frequently, just to make sure everyone was okay. I was in the “castle” helping detangle a young princess’s sash from a piece of chicken wire we’d used as decoration when I heard my name called. Once my charge was freed, I went to see what was happening.
Beside the picnic area was a knight holding an empty pet carrier. His armor was tarnished and dented, and appeared to be supplemented with tin foil. When he removed his mask, I gasped. It was Chris.
“King Gabe,” he said, moving close to me so he wouldn’t have to yell. “My trusty steed and I have come to offer our assistance in your endeavor.”
“Steed?”
“Well,”—he held up the carrier, which I could see held Buster—“guinea pig, but that’s the best I could do on such short notice. Besides, he was there the first time I came to your assistance. It makes sense.”
Parents, faculty, and students alike watched us. It appeared we were the entertainment for the day.
Dave walked over. “May I see to your...steed”—he smothered a laugh—“while you two continue your conversation in a more private venue?”
Chris handed him the carrier and took me by the arm to head behind a small building on the grounds. I followed blindly, trying to figure out if this was truly my life, or just a bizarre hallucination. Hallucinations don’t usually involve guinea pigs, but that whole pink elephant thing was kind of wacky, so who knew!
“Why are you muttering about pink elephants?”
“I’m so confused.”
“I thought I explained it pretty well out there. I am here to sweep you off your feet.”
“We discussed this.”
“I came out.”
“You what?”
“I came out. I came out at work, I told my parents I was in love, I am O-U-T, out.”
“You’ve been busy,” I said bemusedly. “I really don’t understand how this happened.”
“The guys at work noticed I was down, and in order to pick me up, dragged me to a strip club to get laid.”
My entire body heated. “They did what? Are you kidding me?”
“Calm down, I went to this club. Surrounded by pretty women. Some of them were stunning actually—”
“Not helping.”
“And I realized I couldn’t do it. That no matter the repercussions—a life without you, a life without being true to myself—it wasn’t a life I wanted to live. You deserve the best, and the best for you is me, and the best for me is you. I turned to Vinnie right there and told him that I was gay and in love.”
“What did he say?”
“He was pissed. When he calmed down he explained that he was more upset that I had been lying to him this whole time. He said, and I quote, ‘I don’t care who you fuck as long as it isn’t me’.”
“Oh my God.”
“I told him it was you, and you know what? He was cool with it. He said you seemed like a nice guy.”
“What about everyone else?”
“Well, I think it’s going to be a learning curve. There are some guys—I definitely lost some friendships—but I hope, and want to believe, that they will be professional. If not, we’ll see. But my chief assured me my job was safe, and that he had my back. Vinnie is still my friend, and it is what it is.”
He leaned back against the wall and ran his hands through his hair, ripping some of his tin foil. “My dad was tough. He preferred the ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ we had going on, but he hasn’t disinherited me for falling in love with a man. My mother is thrilled.”
“Really?”
“Yes, she’d noticed how happy I’d been. When she found out it was because I was in love, she asked where you were. She’s the one that helped with this costume—it was in the back of the community theatre she volunteers for. We had to fix it up a bit because it was shoved in a corner.”
“I see.”
“Is that all you have to say? Did I wait too long?”
“You haven’t told me yet.”
“Told you what?”
“You told Vinnie, your mom, even your dad, but not me.”
Chris pulled me into his arms, the metal of his costume catching on the jewels of my tunic. He reached up to straighten my crown and looked me in the eyes. “Gabriel Cotter, I am head over heels in love with you. Please do me the honor of being my boyfriend.” He nuzzled against my cheek, our stubble scratching together.
“Publicly?” I whispered.
“I claimed you in front of the entire kingdom, didn’t I?”
“Yes, you did. I love you Anthony Christopher Mancini the third. I would be proud to be your boyfriend.”
“We can’t exactly ride into the sunset on my trusty steed, though.”
“No, but we can hold hands and walk there together.”
“That’s even better.”