J ames

Thought I’d be leaving the police station with a flea in my ear, but all in all, I’m pretty satisfied. Smug, even. Turns out the Fentanyl story sprang more leaks than a colander before I even came to my senses—chief among which, it was never missing to begin with. Honestly, I’m not surprised. The theft never needed to be real. It just had to make the papers. Just like with that pension check .

Could’ve forked over Diana’s glass right there and then, spilled my guts and let the wheels of justice spin. But my worst suspicions are sitting in my belly like lead. I need to know, one way or the other—and hopefully catch Tom red-handed in the process .

Main thing is, no one’s after me. Nasmith isn’t bothering to press charges. Thinks he’s already won .

Now, to make sure Tom does, too .

I roll up my window to cut the noise of the highway, speed-dial Tom, and prepare for an Oscar-worthy performance .

“Hello? Jim? Is that you ?”

Damn straight it is. “He—hello? Tom? Is that... Oh, God !”

“Jim? You all right? Where are you?” I hear typing in the background. Asshole’s not even pretending to give me his full attention .

“I...I’m—I don’t know. Driving. I... She’s gone, Tom !”

He sighs. “I know. I’m so sorry. Listen, are you near anything? If you can pull over somewhere, I’ll come to you .”

I draw in a long, shuddering breath. “You... Wait, you know? How — ?”

“Well, I mean, you went home to break up with her, didn’t you? Didn’t seem like you’d really thought it through, but—Jesus, Jim, we’ve been looking everywhere for you! I even ended up at the morgue, identifying a body that—“ He fakes a pretty convincing gag. “—Jesus. Coroner pulled back that sheet, I was so sure it’d be you, I actually saw you for a second .”

Sure you did. “Sorry—I... That’s....” Fucked up. A body? Where’d he even come up with a story like that ?

“Hey. It’s okay. You’re safe. What street are you on? See anything familiar ?”

I gasp. Cough. Pretend to catch my breath. “Wait—wait. I was going to break up with her? With Diana ?”

“You don’t remember ?”

I let my voice go small and quavery—easier than I thought it’d be. Tom’s creeping me right the hell out. “I don’t remember anything. I... Did I yell at Nasmith ?”

He does a shaky chuckle. “Sure did. At me, too, a little bit .”

“Sorry.”

“You really sound terrible. Why don’t you head home? I can come by later, pick you up something to eat .”

Fuck, no. “No. No—Think I’m gonna.... Think I’ll swing by Diana’s old place. I—shit, Tom, I gotta find her! Gotta....” I start breathing hard. “Listen, I... Thanks for everything. I’ll try and drag myself in later, get everything wrapped up for...for ....”

“Wait! You don’t have to — “

I hang up on him. I want him stressed out all morning, anticipating my unstable, potentially destructive presence in the office .

Meanwhile, well, far be it from me to disappoint. Got the perfect comeback outfit waiting at home: my nasty, pukey bad-trip clothes—can’t believe Diana hugged me in those. Gonna show up at Dovecote shambling like a zombie and reeking of the low life. Let ‘em think I indulged in some self-medication, on my own account. Rub a little whiskey behind my ears—why not ?

First, though, I’ve got to check in on Percy. Diana left him with the run of her yard, and a neighbor to feed him, but he’ll need a real walk. Give Tom time to get good and riled up while I get my wits about me .

Plan in place, I pull out of the parking lot .

* * *

I roll into Dovecote around three. Now it’s all happening, I’m having a hard time staying cool. There’s a heart-sized lump in my throat, and I’m thrumming with nervous tension. It feels real, all of a sudden—in a fuck, I could die right here kind of way .

But that’s silly. I’m not going to die .

I could still turn around. Loop back to the police station, let them handle the heavy lifting. They might not be able to get the whole picture, but there’ll be enough to put Tom away for years. Probably Nasmith too .

No. I’ve come this far .

I take several deep, steadying breaths and stagger out of my car. Nasmith’s dumb gold Lexus is parked next to mine. Wish I still felt sick enough to puke on it, but... This’ll have to do. I whip out my keys and etch a wavering line from taillight to mirror. The metal-on-metal screech hurts my teeth, but it’s worth it. Been wanting to do that for years .

I march inside to the blatting of his car alarm. I see him on the walkway already, rushing for the elevator. That’s right. Out you go .

“Dr. Ashby ?”

I sketch my best drunken salute at the receptionist. “Morning, Mr....Brangel—Branden...Burger .”

He stabs a button on his intercom. Calling in the big guns, no doubt. There’s a chance I’m hamming it up a bit hard, but one thing’s for sure: I’ve got their attention now. I step into one elevator just as Nasmith boards the other. Wish we had those glass cars, so I could give him the finger at the halfway point .

He’s not my target, though. Not yet, anyway. I stumble down the hall, flump into my office chair, and await Tom’s arrival. I know the fucker’s here. Ready to soothe the savage beast one last time. But this time, that beast is going to bite. I open a random spreadsheet—lysosomal enzyme release levels at two-hour intervals following irradiation. Not even my work, but it’ll do just fine .

“Jim! When’d you get here?” He looks me up and down. “Shit—Do you need me to call someone ?”

And... Right on cue .

I lift my head, focusing on a spot just to Tom’s left. “Just...making things right.” My hand spasms on the mouse—involuntarily. Not good. “Before I go .”

“Okay—okay. Making things right.” Tom’s circling like a dogcatcher about to noose a pitbull. “But what are we talking about? Something I can help with ?”

“This!” I spin my monitor to face him. It almost flies off the desk. “Uh...my bad .”

Tom glances at the spreadsheet. His brow knits. “Yeah, uh—That doesn’t mean much to me. Once more in English ?”

I turn my monitor back, type in some nonsense. “I lied before .”

“About what ?”

“Don’t need to dissect any tumors to know—“ I manage a hiccup, a deranged little giggle. “—to know our protocol barely out—outper...barely beat the placebo. Got our ass kicked by plain old cisplatin .”

Tom narrows his eyes. “You can’t know that .”

I wink. “Wanna bet ?”

“You’re panicking. Not thinking straight .”

“Am I ?”

“Listen, I’ve been by the hospital myself. Seen a lot of those patients. They’re looking better. Healthier.” He drops a hand on my shoulder. I don’t even try to resist the urge to jerk away. Hell, I go with it, surging to my feet with enough violence to overturn my chair .

“’Course they’re looking better. ” I bark laughter. “’Course they are. ‘Cause they’re not pumped to the gills with cancer meds. But give it a month, maybe two, all those happy, smiling faces... They’ll be... They’ll be grinning their last. In the morgue.” I half-collapse into my desk. “Seen this before .”

“Okay—Say you’re right. What can you do about it now?” Tom’s creeping up on me again. I don’t have to fake my haste to back away .

“Gonna—Gonna admit it. Tell the world. ‘Cause—‘Cause it should’ve worked, would’ve, if I hadn’t...shit, Tom—I fucked up. Been going over and over it—Been ....”

“Okay, yeah—We can do that.” He’s got me cornered. I almost freak out for real when he grabs me by the arms. “Listen, though: there’s a right way and a wrong way to do this. Whatever you’ve done—However bad it seems—There could still be a chance to come back swinging. Make it right for real .”

“Come—come back? I’ve just killed — “

“Ssh—ssh. You haven’t. Nobody’s died yet—no-one who wasn’t at death’s door, anyway. There could still be other trials — “

I sway on my feet, slump against the wall .

“You’re okay. This is... This is a blip. A stutter-step. Come to my office. How about a coffee? I’ll get you a coffee. Sober you up .”

Sober me up—right. “Coffee—yeah .”

Tom slings an arm around my waist and guides me to the door. Forcing myself to lean on him hard is the most unnatural part of this whole charade. Helps a little, knowing what he must be smelling. Still, I can’t help but notice the little detour he takes, to tread on my power bar along the way. Guess he wants my computer good and dead, if I happen to break loose and come back here while he’s grabbing that coffee .

As soon as he leaves me alone, I whip out my phone. Everything’s ready. One tap on my screen, his goose’ll be cooked. I settle in to wait. His office is kinda nicer than mine, and he doesn’t even work here, not really. He’s got one of those Aeron chairs—mine’s just a Sayl. Never noticed that before. And his desk’s a great oaken monstrosity: If it were a dinner table, it’d seat six. Eight, if they squeezed .

“Here you go.” Tom plops down in his fancy chair. “Drink up .”

I take an obedient sip. “What do I do ?”

“A little more, first. Let’s get you sober .”

Time to lay it on thick. I lean over in my chair. “Don’t wanna... Don’t feel so good ...”

“Get that inside you. You’ll feel better .”

“You sure about that?” One last chance .

“Have I ever steered you wrong ?”

Yes. I drain half the coffee. He always puts so much cream in there, it’s barely warm. That’s how he takes it. Never even asked how I like mine. Fucking psychopath .

“So, start at the beginning—Where exactly is it you think you went wrong ?”

I blink. I’m not sure I feel anything yet. Maybe that was just coffee. Gotta stall. “Spent so much time...so much time worrying about the action of the drug inside the tumor cells, I completely neglected delivery .”

“Which means ?”

“I was trying to...to bang in a nail with a sponge .”

“Not sure I quite understand — “

There it is: that familiar drowsiness. I’m not relaxing—I’m fucking high. “Let’s just say....” I fumble for my phone. Hit dial .

“Who are you calling ?”

I hold up one finger. My heart’s pounding. I expected this to happen, but it’s still a lot to swallow .

“911; what is your emergency ?”

I sit up straight. Lock eyes with Tom. “I’m at Dovecote Biotech, on Fallsview. Fifth floor. Just been roofied. Get here quick .”

“Sir, have you—“ I hang up .

Tom’s staring, round-eyed. “We can talk about this.” At least he’s not trying to deny it .

“Yeah? And say what?” My head’s starting to pound. Now that it’s happening, I can’t wait for this to be over .

“Look at me.” He reaches for my hand. I roll my chair back, unable to hide my disgust. “I know this looks bad, but I swear to you, I did it for all the right reasons .”

The right...what the fuck ?

“You were running yourself into the ground. Killing yourself. The first time I did it, it was just so you’d sleep the night through. It was that time—you remember, don’t you? You had that cold, lasted three weeks?” Tom sniffs a little. “You weren’t sleeping. Weren’t getting better. You’d just lost your dad....” He’s doing it—the unbelievable dickwad’s actually doing it, trying to manipulate me, even now .

“And after that ?”

“Keeping you docile. Protecting you from Nasmith .”

I shake my head. My brain’s getting foggy. It would be easier to go along.... “Uh-uh. No. Not gonna work this time .”

“Listen. I’m telling you the truth. You were — “

“Confused. Tired. A little suggestible. Just like you wanted me.” I pound my fists on his desk, to shock myself alert as much as to startle him. “Like when you sent me to break up with my wife !”

“That wasn’t — “

“Y’know, I actually trusted you. Respected you. Even without the drugs. You didn’t have to — ”

“I protected you! I — “

“But what I want to know is....” I lean way over his desk, looming over him. “How much did you have to give me so I’d follow you out my own front door, shoeless and clueless? You even know what a safe dose is ?”

“Yes! Dr. Wells saw to all that. You were never in any — “

“Bullshit I wasn’t!” I give his desk a good shove, trapping him between the oak and the wall. “If this is what I think it is, it’s a fine line between a scary overdose and a fatal one !”

I can hear sirens already. Fast service. Guess it’s time to wrap this up .

“Just one more question: why ? ”

Tom shrugs .

“I mean, I get it—Nasmith needed to keep me in line. Keep me running scared till I finished the job, and it was time to cut me loose. But you... What do you gain ?”

He looks at me like I’ve grown a second head. “The hell do you think ?”

“I honestly don’t — “

“Money , jackass !”

The fight goes out of me, and I sag back into my chair. Money—really? All this for a dirty payday ?

The ambulance pulls up and the siren cuts out. I hang my head. I’m not acting any more: I feel every bit as pathetic as I look. Feel like an idiot—how many times did I let this guy lead me around by the nose, and for what ?

“Jim, listen— Don’t — “

I jolt upright, ignoring my spinning head. “You’ll wanna shut the fuck up, right about now .”

“I’ll roll on Nasmith. Wells, too. Anything you want .”

I bury my head in my hands. All I feel is tired. All I want is out .

“Just think about it. None of this would even exist if it wasn’t for me. I could still help you. Still — “

Distantly, I hear the elevator ding. Tom hears it too. He goes still. Like a trapped animal, torn between fight and flight. But the fight’s over, and it’s too late to run .

“Jim. Jim . ”

“I gave you every chance to change your mind, to take that coffee back. Practically begged you. I — “

The door flies open. I close my eyes .

So, this is it .

I win .