Kelly didn’t know what to do. Her head didn’t feel too hazy anymore, but she still felt like she’d been run over by a truck. Apparently, almost dying did that to a person.

She was still trying to make sense of Jake saying she’d overdosed when Nina swept in and totally flipped her world on its axis. Mia had seemed unhinged, but Kelly hadn’t thought she’d been homicidal. Maybe Nina was just talking crazy. Kelly didn’t know why, but she hoped that was the case. She didn’t want to think about someone hating her sister enough to murder her.

Learning that could be the case wasn’t what had Kelly frozen in indecision. The envelope she held in her hand had her sister’s name on it, written in her handwriting.

“It’s postmarked two days after her death.”

“I see that. Maybe you should wait until we get you home to open it,” Jake suggested.

Kelly looked up to see Jake studying something behind her. She turned to look and saw monitors with her vitals on them. Things didn’t look too alarming to her, so she ignored it and looked back to him.

“You know I have to read it.”

“I know, but I wish I could somehow do it for you and take all the pain I think it’s going to cause.”

Smiling, she leaned in to kiss him. She meant it to just be a quick kiss, but Jake pulled her close to him and kept their lips together for at least half a minute. When he let their lips separate, he rested his forehead on hers.

“This wasn’t exactly how I planned our wedding day.”

Jake’s warm breath hit Kelly’s face as he spoke. She sighed, happy for the reminder.

“That’s right. You’re my husband. I bet you’re rethinking that whole running while you have a chance thing now.”

He shook his head. “Not a chance. You did have me scared for a few minutes that I’d be a widower before we even had a chance to celebrate our marriage.”

Kelly winced at the thought. She remembered feeling weird, but it didn’t feel like she was dying. Of course, she wasn’t sure how that was supposed to feel.

“I remember standing on the stairs still in shock that we were married and then waking up to hear you yelling. That’s basically it other than what I already told you. Did I ever stop breathing?”

“No.” He shook his head again. “At least not that I saw, and I wouldn’t let them take you away from me.”

She sighed and put her right hand on the side of his face. Like his breath, his skin was warm, making her think her temperature was a little low.

“I’m sorry,” Kelly whispered.

“What for?”

Kelly’s eyes cast down, looking away from Jake’s question. She knew he was going to think she was silly.

“For hurting you. For worrying you. For bringing you into my totally crazy life. I’m guessing you didn’t predict any of this when you came up to me at Nina and Brady’s wedding.”

Jake’s hand pushed Kelly’s chin up, so she couldn’t avoid his eyes, or the smile on his face. Even with the smile, he sighed.

“You’re right that I didn’t predict then that I’d fall in love with you. Or that I’d find myself with two kids that I also love. I didn’t think that in about six months we’d be married. And I didn’t think for a second that I would have a chance to think of how in the world I’d ever live without you in my life.”

He stopped to wipe a tear that had unruly fallen from her eyes. She’d been trying hard not to cry, but with everything she’d heard since waking up, she was starting to lose the battle.

“Things have been crazy, but none of it has been your fault.”

Kelly went to interrupt him to mention her having a kid was kind of her fault, but he held a finger up to her mouth to keep her from speaking.

“None of it has been your fault. I have a good feeling that whatever is in that envelope is going to tell you the same thing. So, even though I wish Nina would’ve saved it for another day, why don’t you go ahead and open it.”

She’d said it a million times, but Kelly really didn’t deserve Jake. As true as that was, she knew she needed him. She was sure it was him being in her life that made it so as more things had been thrown at her in the recent months, she hadn’t even thought about getting high. For so many years that had been her way to cope with things, but she found curling up in Jake’s arms felt just as good.

“Maybe I shouldn’t read it now. Maybe calling in a doctor to see if we can get out of here makes more sense.”

The envelope felt like it was burning her hand. She thought about letting it fall to her lap, but she couldn’t let it go.

“At this point, I think we’re lucky they haven’t had me arrested, so it’s probably a good idea if we give them at least a few more minutes to calm down.”

Kelly smiled and looked down at the envelope. It was a normal-looking envelope for how heavy it felt. Not so much heavy in a weight sense but concentrating on it made Kelly’s chest tighten.

If they could leave the hospital, Kelly wanted to focus on the fact they were married and starting their life together. What was in the envelope would hopefully tell her something, but the fact it was sent to Nina’s made her wonder how important it was.

Whatever was inside was relatively thick. Kelly pushed on it with her fingers to try to feel if there was anything other than paper inside. She was wasting time, because her fingers had already traced the entire envelope a few times.

She slid her finger under the seal and pulled out the papers inside. There were at least three of them, and Kelly could see ink and backward handwriting through the paper. Taking a deep breath, she unfolded them and started reading. She fought to keep reading, because she knew if she didn’t get through it all in one sitting, she’d never be able to.

Star Chaser,

I always start these letters the same way, so I’m not going to change that now. If you’re reading this, I’m dead.

There, I said it. I can tell you after writing three of these that it never gets easier to write those words, but I have to. This time it’s even more important than the others. Yet, at the same time, I hope you never read this. In a year, maybe things will be better, and I can tell you a different story.

But that’s down the road, and you being around the last few days reminded me that it was time for a new letter. I’ve put on a brave face since Nina’s had us running around for her wedding, but inside I’m a broken woman.

My marriage is a total sham. I like to think there was a time I loved Brian, but decisions by both of us over the years has left us in a bitter battle to see who can hurt the other one more. If you ever get married, please, please do it because you are head over heels in love with a guy. Don’t make the same mistake I did.

I got pregnant after spending a drunken night with a friend in college. Brian had just broken up with me, and I was thinking about dropping out. I knew Steve had always liked me a little more than a friend, and I wanted to feel special.

Don’t get me wrong, having Fiona was the best thing I did in my life. Deciding to accept Brian’s marriage proposal after he found out and thought she was his was probably my biggest mistake. I didn’t know for sure whose she was, and I was scared.

Things seemed to be going good for us for a while, but when Fiona was around three she fell off a horse she and Brian were riding and needed surgery. Brian was beside himself and wanted to donate blood. Turns out, his blood type makes it clear he’s not her father.

Everything seemed to blow up that year. Before we found that out, I was already working on my case to adopt Simon. When you called after you went into rehab and told me you were giving your baby up for adoption, I couldn’t just sit back and let you do it. I understand that it was the right decision for you then, but eventually, I thought you’d want to know your son.

That’s why I write these letters. If for some reason I die, you need to know Simon is your baby, and he has been loved since the day he was born.

After seeing how good you look, it’s hard for me to keep the secret. I’m hoping that you’ll bring up wondering how the baby is or something and I can tell you. Until that day comes, I’ll keep him safe for you.

As far as myself, I’m currently just trying to make it through each day. I suppose that’s why I’m really hoping another year will pass, and I can write a new one of these. Brian and I have had our ups and downs over the years, but he’s never started a new family. I suppose I can’t blame him for that. I take exception that it’s with our nanny, and she seems to be crazy, but I haven’t been the best wife over the years, so I will foot some of the blame.

By next year’s letter, I’ll be a single mother of two kids. Maybe I’ll move down to Texas with you and we can raise our kids together. I don’t know how serious you are about that boyfriend of yours, but I’m sure we can make it work.

I guess my life isn’t so bad if I am looking forward to the future. I hope it happens, but if it doesn’t, and you get this letter, know that I have always loved you and wished I could’ve been there more when you needed your big sister. Try not to spend too much time mourning me. I know it will be hard, but I will come back and haunt your ass if I hear you took my death as bad as mom’s.

It’s okay to be sad for a little while, but I need you to be there for our kids. I don’t presume to think Brian will die with me or before me, but my will names you as guardian if that happens. Even if it doesn’t, the kids will need their aunt in their lives. I don’t suspect Brian will be able to tell them everything they need to know about me, so someone has to, and no one knows me better than you do.

Tell them about how much I loved them. And tell them about when we were kids. About how we liked to catch snowflakes on our tongues and spent our summers begging Mom to let us go down to the creek.

Remember, I’ll be watching over all of you, so make me proud.

Kirsten

Right from the childhood nickname Kirsten had given her, Kelly had started openly bawling. By the time she made it to the end, the three sheets of paper were riddled with tear stains.

“You okay?” Jake asked softly when she didn’t move for a few minutes.

She was trying to just soak it all in. Over the months, she’d thought she had come to terms with Kirsten’s death, but there had been something missing through it all. The voice who’d always been there when she was in trouble or in pain. The words weren’t Kirsten verbally telling her everything would be okay, but they had the same effect.

“She wrote me a new letter every year to make sure I knew she took care of my baby in case something happened to her.”

“Did it answer your other questions?”

Kelly nodded. For the most part, she’d already learned everything in the letter, but coming from her sister’s own hand, it made everything official. The only thing she wondered about was why the letter went to Nina’s and who sent it. Neither of which really mattered in the grand scheme of things.

“I think it did. You can read it if you want.”

Straightening the pages, she tried to hand them to Jake. He smiled and shook his head.

“Those are for you. You can tell me anything you want that’s in them, but the specific words she left you is between you and your sister.”

Kelly tried to smile as he worked in vain to wipe the tears from her face. They weren’t all tears of sadness. She was grateful to know her sister hadn’t meant to leave her without any clue what was going on in her life and that she’d always been looking out for her.

“The good news is that I seem to be following her advice.”

The sloppy smile she hadn’t pulled off turned into something a little more natural. She took a deep breath and wiped what she hoped were the last of the tears from her eyes. A doctor probably wasn’t going to be quick to let her out of the hospital if she looked like she was drowning in her own tears, so she had to pull herself together.

“What advice would that be?” Jake asked as he kissed her gently on the forehead.

“To get married because I’m ‘head over heels’ in love with a guy.”

“That’s a direct quote?” Jake asked.

Kelly nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck. Looking in his eyes, she saw some worry, probably still for her health, but for the most part there was only the love she saw every time she looked in his eyes. She’d never been in love before, and she wasn’t sure if it always showed, but she hoped it did.

“It is. And I am. I don’t think I could’ve made it through the past few months without you by my side.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” he said as he pulled her close to him, so her head rested on his chest. “I think you’re stronger than you think. I’m happy I could be there for you, but you would’ve figured out a way to make it without me.”

He could deny it all he wanted, but Kelly knew from years of past experiences that things would have been harder for her if he wasn’t around. Jake was unlike any guy she’d ever met, and she was going to spend the rest of her life making sure he knew how thankful she was for that.