Chapter Thirty-Eight — Oliver

My lungs burned. My head pounded.

I was alone. So fucking alone. Abandoned.

But it was so much better than the alternative.

Sinking to the bathroom floor, I let out a long, shuddering breath. At least she didn’t do what I feared most. If I absolutely had no choice—if I couldn’t have Maya in my life—I’d be gutted. But I’d rather have her alive, knowing that somewhere she was breathing.

Even if it meant I never saw her again, I'd let her go if it meant she kept breathing.

Leaning back against the bathtub, I closed my eyes for a moment.

She always had been free, only she didn’t know it. She was the one in control. Always had been. She held my heart in her hands with the power to crush it in one second.

I need to tell her. Find her and tell her.

Reaching for my phone in my pocket, I found the box I’d picked up earlier. Now was as good a time as any to open it. With trembling fingers I pulled the ribbon and took off the lid. I carefully unfolded the yellowed paper. The ink had started to fade and I narrowed my eyes to zone in on the cursive handwriting.

These rings represent the circle of life and love.

Your heart will know who the right person is to give it to.

If you are lucky enough to find the ONE, hold on to that love.

Choose wisely.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Of course I knew who the rings belonged to. Was my grandmother trying send me a message from the grave? Fuck. Was Larissa?

I had to fight for her. Man up and grow the balls to tell her the fucking God's honest truth.

There was no other way.

I’d find her even if it took every day of the rest of my life. I mean, how far could a little bee run from its hive?

I was desperate to find Maya. I closed my eyes for a moment to gather my thoughts. When I opened them a few moments later, my gaze fell on the rubbish bin. She’d left something behind.

Rising to my feet, I peeked into the bin. Blades. Shiny. Unused. She’d thrown them away. Hell, I wasn’t a psych expert, but I instinctively knew it was significant. It meant she’d let go of the need to harm herself.

Relief flooded my system. Where would little bee go after taking such a gigantic step? The airport. She’d want to get away from this place, leave her hurt behind. To start fresh—without me.

Exactly where she’d go, I had no clue. The first step was to get to the airport as fast as I could. She couldn’t be more than thirty minutes ahead of me. If there was ever a time in my life I needed luck, fate, providence—whatever the hell you wanted to call it—on my side, it was at this moment.

Pressing the button for the escalator, I tapped my foot impatiently, praying that I’d find her. As soon as the doors opened on ground floor, I stepped out and pushed through the revolving doors into the icy cold night. I still had her coat over my arm. She needed it to be warm.

“Airport,” I barked at the taxi driver. “Double the fare if you make it in record time.”

The man took my challenge, nearly killing us as he sped through the traffic on the icy roads. I didn’t care if I died in a car accident. If I didn’t find Maya in time, I might as well be dead anyway. Looking back over the last three years, I realized I’d simply existed; I hadn’t really lived. I was going to settle for a mediocre life. What a damn fool I was.

I made good on my promise and paid the taxi driver double the fare. I grabbed Maya’s coat and ran into the departures building.

Which way?

“All passengers boarding the flight to London, you may proceed to gate eleven.”

London.

Sometimes when we’d finished fucking, we’d lie in bed beside each other and talk. She’d tell me little things about her mother. I'd tell her everything I remembered about my father. We kept them alive through our words.

Maya’s mother was born in London. She’d told me she always wanted to go there.

I needed a damn ticket to get past security. The line at every ticket counter was miles long, except for one. I was going to need that infamous charm of mine again. More so because the person behind the desk wasn’t a woman.

“Good evening, sir,” I greeted, trying to sound calm when all I really wanted to do was scream like a crazy person that I needed to get through the gate as soon as possible.

“Yeah?” he said, “How can I help you?”

I took a deep breath. “I need to get to gate eleven. My fiancé is leaving for London. We had a . . . misunderstanding I need to clear up before she goes.” His eyes remained glazed over and impersonal. I bet he’d heard all the stories in the book over the years.

I swallowed hard.

Time to get real.

“Look, the truth is, I’ve fucked up. Badly. She isn’t even my fiancé, and she wants nothing to do with me. She hates my guts. But I’ve just realized I love her. Like really love her and I can’t let her get on that plane without her knowing.”

I exhaled a long breath and waited. Seconds ticked by and still he didn’t respond.

“Ahhh, why didn’t you just tell me you were an asshole that needed help?” His eyes brightened as a smile twisted his lips.

“Yes, I’m the biggest asshole you ever met in your life. Can you help me?” I was clutching at straws here. The clock was ticking and I was no closer to a resolution.

“Only if you have a valid ticket to fly somewhere, sir.”

“What?”

“I said—”

“I heard you. How do I get a ticket?” Shit. I didn’t have time for this.

“You’re in luck. I was just shutting down for the night, but I like saving assholes from themselves. Happens to be that I was one too a long time ago.”

“Um . . . that’s great. So what do I need to do?”

Five minutes later, I had a valid one way ticket in my sweaty hand. Now for security. Luckily I didn’t have baggage with me. Taking a hell of a chance, I went to the first class passenger line. It was always shorter.

“I’m running late,” I said, shrugging. I nearly kissed the man when he waved me through.

Running as fast as I could, I made my way to gate eleven. She has to be there. As I approached, I started looking for her, frantic that she would be one of the first people to have boarded the plane.

My shoulders dropped as I searched the crowd. Maya was nowhere to be seen. Either she had already boarded or I was mistaken in thinking she was going to London.

I’d come this far, I wasn’t giving up without trying everything possible.

I approached the woman at the desk, smiling even though it was the last thing I felt like doing. “Excuse me. I’m wondering if someone I’m looking for has boarded this flight. Can you help me?”

“I'm sorry, sir, I’m not at liberty to give out information on passengers.”

“I just want to know if she’s on this flight or not.”

“What’s her name?”

“Maya. Maya Christina Childs.”

The woman smiled apologetically. “I'm sorry sir, I don’t see that name on my list. That’s all I can tell you.”

”You know my middle name?” Maya’s voice came from behind me.

I spun around, my heart leaping out of my fucking chest.

“Little bee.”

“Hello, Oliver,” she said, smiling shyly.

“You didn’t leave.”

“Um, no. Clearly not.” She teased me with her eyes. “You didn’t need to come all the way to the airport just to bring my coat.”

I looked down to where it still hung over my arm. Grinning like a fool, I said, “Thought you'd need it in London. It's freezing there.”

She tilted her head and appraised me. “Why did you think I’d go to London of all places?”

“Because of your mother,” I answered simply.

She sucked in a breath. “You were listening. All those times I thought I was boring you and you'd gone to sleep because you were so quiet.”

“I was listening.”

An awkward silence fell between us. She reached out and took her coat from me. My arm felt cold and way too light.

“Thanks for bringing my coat. I was going to buy a new one in London.”

“So you were going there!”

“Yes. I was too late to get on that flight—the baggage section had already closed. My flight boards in fifteen minutes.” 

“Can we talk?”

“What about, Oliver? What's left to say?”

I swallowed hard. “There's too much to talk about here. Come back to my place tonight. We can talk and iron everything out. Then, if you still want to leave, I’ll bring you back in the morning and pay for a new ticket. Deal?”

Maya hesitated, dropping her gaze to her hands like she always did.

“Look at me, little bee,” I said softly.

Slowly, she raised her head until our eyes met.

My mind flitted back to that night at the pool. The night I’d first realized I loved her.

Really loved her.

When I found her there, sleeping on the deck, all I could do at first was stare at her beauty. I saw her vulnerability. The love and peace on her face as I made love to her while she thought she was dreaming. The words I’d held back for years slipped out, spoken to her in her sleep. I knew she heard me. Even if it were a dream, she felt the same. Of that I was sure, even though she’d never spoken of it again.

My chest tightened. I wanted to tell her again. Only this time, I wanted her to be awake and to know it was true. That it wasn’t a dream and that I wasn’t going to disappear.

If she’d have me, I was hers.

“That dream you had at the pool all those years ago—it wasn’t a dream, Maya. It's all true. I love you. Always have. Deep down you knew.”

Her eyes shone with tears. “Yes.”

“We need to talk. I won’t touch you, I promise.”

She placed her hand in mine. “Okay, let’s go.” She smiled up at me, her eyes glowing. “But first we need to get my baggage.”