Chapter Eleven - PAX
I don’t know how long I wandered the jungle after I left West and the kid, but I do know I passed out. And when I finally open my eyes again and figure out I’m on the beach again, I start humming I Wanna Be an Airborne Ranger.
“‘Live me a life of blood and danger.’”
I turn my head and realize Cindy is next to me. The sand is cold, so I absently wonder if she’s cold. “Hey,” I say. My voice is all raspy and my head is still kinda spinning.
“‘I wanna be a scuba diver,’” she sings. Softly. Not the way it’s supposed to be—all loud and chanty for marching.
“‘Jump right in that muddy water,’” I say.
“‘Scuba diver,’” she whispers, placing her head on my chest. Like she wants to make sure I’m still here. That my heart is still beating.
“‘Muddy water,’” I reply.
“‘I wanna be a paramedic,’” she continues.
“‘Shoot some blissful anesthetic.’”
“‘Airborne Ranger.’”
“‘Muddy water.’”
“‘Anesthetic.’”
“It’s not what you think,” I say, ending the song.
“I don’t think anything, Detective. I’m just here, ya know?”
“I’m not having second thoughts,” I say, wanting to make this clear. “Not about you, anyway.”
She props herself up on her elbow and stares at me. The moon is setting, but it’s enough light to see the blue of her eyes. “Then what’s going on?”
“I did something,” I say. “Something…”
She swallows hard. “Something you need to talk to me about?” she asks, her voice shaking slightly.
I nod my head.
“So talk.”
I take a deep breath and let it out. Try and think of where to begin. But… it’s all pretty fucked up. So I turn my head and stare up at the stars.
“I was with Rory tonight,” Cindy says, changing the subject.
I look at her again. Study her. I don’t deserve this woman. Not at all. “How’d it go?”
“Good,” Cindy says, lying back down in the sand. She puts her hands behind her head and just stares up at the dark sky. “She’s like…” And then she laughs. “She’s just like my mom. It’s so weird. I mean, I never thought of her as a sister. Not really. We’re so far apart in age, ya know?”
But I don’t know. I don’t have any siblings. I have almost no family at all. Just my mom, who is very cool as far as moms go. Maybe not as kickass as Veronica Shrike, but still. I love my mom. And she can hold her own as far as I’m concerned.
“I was gonna watch a movie the other day,” Cindy says, changing the subject again. She looks at me. We stare at each other. “But there was already a movie in the Blu-ray.”
I wince.
“It was Challenge Accepted.”
“Yeah,” I say. “I was watching it a couple weeks ago. I guess I forgot to put it back.”
“Charles was pretty good in that movie. I watched it. Just curious, ya know. I was trying to see if you looked like him.”
“Do I?” I ask.
“Yeah,” she says. “Like… kinda a lot. It’s weird. You look like a movie star, Pax.”
“Well.” I laugh. “Then I guess it’s a good thing you look like a starlet, Miss Cookie. We’re perfect for each other.”
“Destined to be together,” she adds.
“Destined,” I say. “For sure.”
“Do you want to stay out here on the beach? Or do you want to come to bed with me?”
I smile. “Bed.”
“Then let’s go.” She stands up, grabs my hand, and then pulls. I’m still a little bit drunk, so it takes me a second, but I get it together and don’t lean on her too much as we find our way back to the bungalow.
When we get inside we leave the lights off. She lifts up my shirt and I help her get it over my head. Then she unbuckles my shorts and pulls them down.
I just stare at her. Wondering what she’s thinking right now.
She bites her lip and I want to kiss it. I want her to stop thinking. I want to take her to bed and hold her tight, and just forget what I did.
I wait for the question to come again. But it doesn’t. She just sighs as she takes off her shirt. She’s got no bra on. Like she was in bed before she came looking for me. And then she wiggles her shorts over her hips, lets them drop to the floor and takes my hand again. She leads me to the bed, and we get in, cover up with the soft covers, and hug each other. Hold each other close.
I wonder how she got so patient. Because she’s very patient with me. We’ve done some crazy shit over the past year. We started our own investigation business and we’ve made a pretty good go at it. We mostly stay in Fort Collins to be near my friends—who are now her friends—and her family, who are now my family, but we travel a lot. Mostly to Southern California, since that’s where most of my clients are. I don’t fix things for people anymore.
Usually.
But I’m in the middle of some fixing right now and that’s what’s eating me up.
So I say, “I’m doing something.” But then I don’t know how to continue and just let that bullshit hang there.
“OK,” she says.
“And I don’t want to talk about it yet.”
“All right.”
“But I love you.”
“I love you too. That’s why I’m marrying you, Detective.”
“It’s gonna be a great wedding,” I say, then realize… it might not be.
But she says, “I know. I’m not worried about the wedding. I don't even care about the wedding. I just like being here with everyone else, ya know? And you. I like the islands. I don’t think we spend enough time on the islands.”
“I love it here,” I say. “Hey, you know what Nolan told me tonight?”
“What?”
“He was looking for a babysitter so he could take Ivy out on a date.”
“Did he find one?”
“No idea. But I like the thought of a date with you, Miss Cookie.”
She snort-laughs. “Yeah?”
“Yeah, so let’s make our last day together as single people a date day. What do ya say?”
“One last date before we’re married? You’re building up some high expectations in me, Detective.”
I laugh… but she’s right.
“What will we do?” she asks.
“We could…” I start thinking up ways to impress Cinderella Shrike. Something spectacular. And fun. And sexy. And that we can do on an island. Scuba diving, snorkeling, surfing—not that this place is really surfable, but we could try. Or maybe build a sand castle, or have a picnic, or hike around the island. Maybe there’s a cave. We like spelunking.
But we’ve done it all. Our lives this past year have been exciting and fun. Pretty much one hundred percent of the time.
“You know what?” Cindy says, reaching down to grab my dick.
“What?” I say, turning into her so I can kiss the soft skin of her breasts.
“Leave it to me. You’ve got something on your mind, so let me take care of it.”
I wait to see if she’s gonna ask me more. If she wants to know what I’m up to. What’s got me so worried. Is she picturing me getting caught? On trial for any of the nefarious things I’ve done in the past? Serving time? Leaving her alone… adrift… lonely?
“OK?” she asks in my silence.
“OK,” I say, bringing my kiss up to her lips.
I just want to enjoy her. Forever.
But forever is a myth. I think everyone knows that. In the back of their heads, right? There’s no such thing as forever. So weddings… that whole eternity thing.
It’s bugging me.