Chapter Fourteen
“The fool doth think he is wise,
but the wise man knows himself to be a fool."
~William Shakespeare
Char
It took Char three days after the break-in at the clinic before she found enough courage to visit Angel. She’d left a few messages at the house. Always calling when she knew her friend would be at school or at the clinic. Since when had she become such a coward?
Today, she sat several pews behind the Adair family, going through devotional motions yet hearing nothing, her thoughts occupied with the encounter to come. The whole congregation narrowed to the back of her friend’s head while studiously ignoring the man sitting to Alistair’s right. She’d wronged Angel.
It didn’t take a genius to recognize the heated stares and possessive body language her friend displayed toward Brian. It had been there from the very beginning. If she’d allowed herself, she might recall that gaga feeling of potent attraction tempered with reluctance. Those first flirtations intended to capture a man. She’d told herself she only wanted to bring Angel out of her shell. But she knew, deep down she knew that hurting Angel with a man she wanted would be one more stupid attempt to lash out over her own wounded and crushed heart. All caused by one man’s dismissal.
If Daniel had been around, it might have hurt him, but more than likely, he’d have been indifferent and dismissive. This petty, childish, self-destructive attempt to vent her anger on someone Daniel loved, and her dearest friend, only resulted in Char being alone, unhappy, and thoroughly disgusted with herself. Angel had always been kind, supportive, a joy to be around, and her truest friend. What did that make her? The question was too painful to dwell on. And yet, she couldn’t stop dwelling on it.
Angel never judged her or Daniel, never interfered, never spoke an unkind word, or attempted to be the voice of reason. Even when Char and Daniel broke up and engaged in horrid, spiteful behavior, Angel always stayed out of their conflicts. She refused to take sides or discuss details, showing more maturity and wisdom than either of them had ever displayed. Never once had she blamed Char for Daniel’s disappearance, though Char blamed herself, and buried that guilt deep behind the wild-girl façade she flaunted at the world.
How could she find the words to make this right? Best friends since grade school, she had watched Angel’s bubbly personality grow somber and detached. She often wore a sad expression, and Char carried most of the blame for this change.
This conversation would not be easy. Char had never been good at apologies, but the time had come to open her heart and let it bleed. Time to break through the clots of resentment, even if it left them both battered and further distanced her from the most important person in her life.
Perhaps, if she spilled this terrible heartache at Angel’s feet, the woman who knew Daniel and her as much as anyone else could, she’d finally purge the ache that permeated every waking moment. Maybe then, she could finally more forward without this burden of anger and resentment. On the other hand, maybe this was one more jaded, selfish attempt to leave the burden at someone else’s door.
So far, all the men she’d left panting in her wake and no amount of wild, self-indulgent partying had erased the pain. Yet, for some unknown reason, she prayed that this time, this talk might help.
When Angel exited the church ahead of her family, Char waved. “Hi, Angel. I’ve been calling to see how you’re feeling since the break-in. Is everything all right?” A stupid and banal opening, but an opening nonetheless.
Angel walked toward her. “Things are okay. Mom’s a bit wonky with worry, and dad’s gone completely overboard reworking security systems at the clinic. He’s even gone so far as to install a video surveillance system on a par with the British Underground Railroad’s new monitoring system. In addition, Granny M, bless her soul, wants me to strap on her father’s sgian dubh as if this event has transported us to the wilds of ancient Scotland where everyone dons a weapon under their skirt or in their boot.” Her laugh never reached her eyes.
“It’s a good thing Brian wore his sgian dubh that night. Who can guess what might have happened if he hadn’t, though him waiting until you were in their clutches pisses me off.”
“Don’t blame Brian. He was in the back room when the men entered. I’d failed to lock the front door after the last patient left. He acted fast enough once he came to the front.” Char could almost see Angel’s hackles rise in Brian’s defense.
“But not fast enough to keep you from being hurt.” Why did she feel the need to goad Angel with accusations against Brian? Another example of lashing out rather than dealing with the fear and anger that had seized her when she’d arrived at the clinic. The glare of police cars’ flashing lights had nearly blinded her and sent her into a wild panic.
“Sorry, I know if it hadn’t been for Brian, well, it doesn’t bear discussing, does it? I’m grateful he stopped them in their tracks. Did the authorities press any charges against him?”
“No. Dad accompanied us to the station the following morning, and evidently, Johnny’s report went a long way toward labeling Brian the hero of the day. I think Johnny feels the need to step in as substitute big brother since Daniel’s gone off the rails.”
Char couldn’t contain the flinch at the mention of her former lover’s absence.
Angel cocked her head. A sad expression raised creases beside her mouth and across her pale forehead. When had she acquired those dark circles under her eyes?
“It’s not your fault, Char. It’s not Daniel’s fault or my parents, or anyone’s. We’ve all suffered the loss of him. That damned war destroyed my brother. I guess we lost our innocence when news reports brought the nightmare into our living rooms every day. Yet, I can’t help but wonder how Johnny found his way back by joining the police force, and Daniel couldn’t find anything to reconnect him to the world.” Char flinched again and turned her face toward the traffic in the street.
“I had hoped we could talk, Angel. Not about Daniel, not banal chitchat, and not about the incident at the clinic, even though I’d be happy to talk about any of those topics later. I’d hoped we could spend some one-on-one time. I really need to talk with someone. I need a friend, Angel. I hope that you still consider yourself my friend. Perhaps you’re the only friend I have left in the world.”
A shuddering breath shook Char. “Could you ditch school for a few days and go camping with me? Maybe hike the Muir Woods next weekend. It’s been a long time, and I owe you more than a few apologies for the way I’ve behaved lately.” She examined the concrete at her feet. An impulse to lie down on that hard surface, scrape her nails to a bloody pulp, and curl into a tight, rigid ball stole her composure. It took a few deep breaths before she could continue.
“I’ve been wallowing in a slippery morass for some time.” When she turned to face Angel again, something on her face must have conveyed the depth of her despair because her friend’s face bloomed in a generous smile and she stepped in for a hug. Where did that spirit of generosity come from?
“Yeah, sure, my dad would probably be thrilled to hear we want to get away. He’s been bugging me to take a few weeks off from the clinic anyway. At least until his new security is in place. I’m good with my schoolwork. A missed day or even two won’t hurt anything. Unfortunately, I’m not sure the family will eagerly support us going off on our own right now. Of course, I think we could sway Granny M.”
“You could ask Brian to join us.”
* * *
Angel couldn’t stop the sharp rise of her eyebrows or tightening along her jaw. “Why do…”
“It’s not for that reason, Angel. I don’t think the man has eyes or desire for anyone other than you. You know, I’ve tried to contact you half a dozen times to apologize for that night at the disco. I don’t exactly understand what comes over me, but I’m starting to sort it out. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to talk with you. Maybe we could ask Toby and Jonas to join us too. Brian’s never been on a campout yet, I think he’d really enjoy it. Soon it will be too cold for camping. If a couple of guys come along, they could entertain Brian while we manage a little time to ourselves. They’d provide the protective muscle to satisfy your father’s concerns. Don’t you think?”
Her friend was babbling, and Char never babbled. A nervous, fidgety Char, at odds with her words, defied every definition of the self-assured woman most people saw. Even though Angel recognized much of her brashness as nothing more than an armored shield, most people didn’t have a clue. How peculiar, and perhaps another testament to change she’d long hoped to see.
“Charlotte, my dear, what a delight to see you this morning.” Granny M glided toward them. Ever one to detect and unravel disgruntlement among the family, she embraced both girls at once.
“You must join us for breakfast, Charlotte. I have a favorite ham and egg casserole and homemade cornbread already prepared. Everything’s ready to pop in the oven as soon as we return home.”
All the Adairs had exerted effort to continue an alliance with Char despite the difficulties between her and Daniel. After the deaths of Char’s parents and older brother in a car accident a month after her eighteenth birthday, Char became a common fixture and attended most Adair family events. She’d inherited a substantial sum of money. Enough to obtain the best education, and maintain her family’s rambling Victorian home, though she’d sold it to purchase a townhouse more to her tastes and leave behind haunting family reminders. Angel hoped she’d invested wisely. If so, she’d have few needs for the rest of her life. Unfortunately, never had the phrase money can’t buy happiness been truer since happiness and Char shared scant familiarity.
When the family sat to brunch, Angel suggested their planned camping trip and invited Brian to join them. Despite the shocked expression on his face, the idea seemed to intrigue him. “I’ve heard much description of these giant redwoods and would be honored to attend the outing.” Brian turned to Alistair. “If it meets with your father’s approval.”
The eagerness in Brian’s address to her father made her smile even as it reminded her of his comments after their aborted tryst. She’d bit her lip to keep from laughing aloud at his declaration to seek her father’s permission to properly court her.
A combination of her irritation and anger over their arrested attempt at intimacy had kept her laugh contained. He’d been so solemn and sincere she simply couldn’t bring herself to injure his pride, not even in retaliation for her frustration. Besides, she never thought he’d actually talk with her father, at least not before they spoke about it again, which they hadn’t.
Alistair cast a glance toward her with peaked eyebrows. What did that signify? Had Brian approached her father? She cast a quick glance between the men but couldn’t read anything in their expressions or body language. No, he would have said something to her first. No matter, the slight pleading tone in his voice made up for some of the hurt and anger she’d lugged around during the previous two weeks. She didn’t dare muck this up and embarrass or humiliate him now. He’d never forgive her.
“We thought to ask Toby and Jonas to come along as well. Make it a little fall retreat of sorts. You know, roasting marshmallows over a fire, making s’mores, telling ghost stories under the stars, hike the trails during the day. The usual fare.”
Brian spun back to Angel and Char. “Roasting marshmallows? How does one roast those bitty little puffs of sweetness over an open fire?”
Alistair never actually answered Brian’s inquiry because everyone laughed and spoke at once, explaining that they would not use the tiny marshmallows Granny put in their hot chocolate.