Chapter Twenty-One
“The first blush of love, when the self has lost its mooring,
and, half-drowning, succumbs to a fearful tide.”
~Eleanor Catton
They’d barely spoken on the drive down the coast. She kept the radio blaring and sang to her favorite tunes. Her unwillingness to engage in meaningful conversation annoyed him, but he resolved not to break the awkward silence with idiotic banter. He didn’t know how to begin the conversation he wanted to have, and he didn’t want to mess things up before they arrived at their destination. Wherever that might be didn’t matter because he knew he’d go anywhere with her, anytime.
She delivered them to a tucked away camping spot deep in the woods nestled under a cluster of towering redwoods. Secluded and quiet, a great sigh of contentment surged through his chest the moment he stepped out of the car. “’Tis a lovely location you’ve selected. Are there many places like this away from the hustle of the city?”
“Yes. This park is one of my favorite places to camp, close enough that we can enjoy it for a two-day sojourn. But there are many vast wilderness areas in California.” She quieted and her gaze lost focus as she stared into the forest around them.
“You’re thinking of Daniel, aren’t you?” Anytime Daniel came up, she drifted to a place he could not reach. It happened every time they entered a wooded area. Even when she didn’t mention her brother’s name, he suspected where and whom her thoughts sought.
“He’s always on my mind. No one has heard from him for months now. It has been the longest period with no word, and we’re all worried.” She continued to stare into the forest as though her concentrated stare could materialize him out of the mist.
“I miss him more than you can imagine.” Then she seemed to realize what she’d said. “I’m sorry. Of course, you can imagine it. I mean, you’ve lost everything and everyone familiar. I sometimes forget because you rarely speak of your family and home. You can talk with me about them, you know. Anytime.”
His throat burned, as though he’d swallowed a scalding cup of coffee. It took several minutes to respond. “I find it difficult to talk about the past, about my family and my home. When I do, the weight of loss is—crushing.” He shook his head. “I cannae find the words.”
A delicate, warm hand slid into his. Without further words between them, she led him down a wilderness path. They passed a few others along the route, greeting them with nods or hushed words as though it went against nature to speak in a normal voice. After they’d passed the third or fourth group, she veered off the trail and tugged him up the hill over ground thickly laden with golden, red, and brown fallen leaves. The shades perfectly matched the glints of color in her beautiful hair tied with a ribbon at the back of her head, the long tendrils drifting to the middle of her back.
The scene, reminiscent of a time from his past when he and his brothers had hunted red deer along a wooded burn on a similar late autumn day rushed into his head. They’d taken him on his first hunt when he was barely twelve summers. A part of him from that time continued to slip from his grasp as he acclimated to his place in a crowded, noisy, bustling city. He didn’t like the feeling. The absence of his family and his past had scarred his soul, and no matter how hard he ran, or how much he learned, the acute awareness of that loss scraped every nerve raw.
Suddenly, she turned to him, stood on her toes, and pressed her mouth gently against his. The touch of her lips, the press of her body, slowly released the aching nostalgia. Though it seemed he could not go back, would never recapture what had been, he could hold on to this moment, find a new path through the wilderness of his despair with a single touch from his angel. She always seemed to feel his need, to understand when he required silence or a simple touch. However long it took, he would make her his. He would find a way to become the man she deserved and her family would approve.
Angel pulled away and ambled down the hill until they reached a slow meandering stream. She stopped abruptly and shushed him, pulling every muscle to tense alertness. Since when did he venture into the wilderness and lose total focus on his surroundings because of the warmth of a woman’s hand nestled in his? She motioned ahead with a slight tilt of her chin. About one hundred feet further up the stream on the opposite bank a large, dark brown beast sipped at the edge of the water. The animal lifted his snout snuffling the air in their direction. He shook his head, reared up on hind legs, and roared a warning from snarling lips pulled tight across enormous teeth.
Brian started to reach for the dirk, strapped under his sweatshirt.
“Don’t move,” she whispered. They stood quietly until the animal dropped back to the water. Then ever so slowly, she lifted the camera strapped around her neck. This was another example of modern ingenuity that fascinated him.
She snapped a picture just as the huge beast splashed a large paw bearing claws several inches long into the stream and pulled up a fish. Gnashing his reward between huge teeth, he glared at them and then turned and gamboled up the opposite hill beyond their sight.
A whoosh of air left her lungs. “We should head back to camp. Slowly, step backwards until we are certain he’s not watching us.” After several steps with no reappearance of the animal, Angel grabbed his hand and ran, their feet tossing leaves into the air as though the devil followed hotly on their tracks.
Back at camp, she doubled over, her breath coming hard and fast. “I’ve never seen a bear in this location before. Thank heavens I left Simon at home. That could have turned into a very dangerous encounter.” She lifted the camera off her neck, “I hope I got a good shot.”
He’d prefer a shot with an arrow or perhaps a modern-day bullet.
“The animal didn’t quite look like Smokey, the friendly bear.”
He laughed, patting her back, while carefully scanning the area. The creature had unnerved him, though he’d never admit that to her.
“Will he follow us back to camp, do you think?”
“They usually stay away from people, but if he’s down this close, he’s looking for food. These bears have become too accustomed to easy meals from unwitting campers who leave food unsecured. We need to stow everything in that bear-tight container. If the cooler doesn’t fit, we should use rope to pulley it high into a tree.”
He looked at her in disbelief. “You’re not serious. We couldn’t just stow it in the trunk of your car.”
“Serious as a heartbeat. He’d smell the food and tear off the trunk’s lid.” She started laughing then and danced around the camp flailing her arms excitedly. “I’ve never been that close to a bear before. It was rather thrilling.”
Thrilling? Rather terrifying, he thought. She beamed from ear to ear. What a wild, unexpected pleasure her enthusiasm ignited in his chest.
He built a roaring fire and with her assistance, properly stowed the remaining food after they’d eaten their meal.
Tucking her tight against his body, he whispered in her ear. “Thank you, lass.”
“For what?”
“For bringing me here. For understanding my need to get away, to come into the wilderness.” He wanted to add, for giving me the tenderness of your heart, but decided to allow them time to share the experience of this peaceful place without declarations. Declarations would come later.
With the moon overhead, their bellies full, and the crackle of a fire smoldering to fiery hot coals, Angel took his hand and pulled him into the single tent they’d erected earlier.
Two sleeping bags had been zipped together to create one invitingly snug bed. Once she’d removed her boots and socks, and pulled off her slacks, she slipped between the mounded layers. She hadn’t removed the purple sweater that barely covered her bottom, nor the lacy panties that peaked out. The sight of her long legs and rounded arse stole the air from his lungs. An erection surged hard and solid beneath the cloth of his jeans. He’d tried to be honorable, to wait, to decide when he should seek her father’s permission to court his daughter. The fight over honor and propriety had reached its limit. The woman he wanted above all others lay before him, her long hair spread over the pillows in silken waves, asking him to join her. It was time to enter the modern world.
* * *
Angel held her breath, then released it slowly. “Aren’t you going to join me?” This was the last chance she’d give him. Now or never, the choice was his. If he turned away, she would never speak to him again unless absolutely necessary.
He turned to the side and pulled off his boots, jacket, and jeans. His shirt went to the pile as well until the long-muscled mass of him stood naked before her. An impressive shaft lifted in expectation and made her mouth water. He kept his dirk, however, and placed it near his pillow when he slid in beside her.
The air had cooled by at least 20 degrees since the sunset, but their snug cocoon wrapped them in delightful warmth. Radiant waves of heat wafted off his solid chest. He reached one arm out of the sleeping bag and placed a hand on her hip. She wanted to snuggle tightly against his body, but waited for him to make the next move.
She didn’t wait long. His hand moved over her until his fingers threaded through her hair. “Your hair always smells of wildflowers.” He kissed her hair, her temple, and then latched onto her lips. No hesitancy remained. His hand pushed down the covering and pushed her sweater up and over her head. Shaking fingers fiddled with the clasp on her bra until finally, it too fell away from her body.
He pulled back and studied her, his eyes hot with desire. “You are magnificent. I’ve tried to wait, to be the hon…”
She pressed her fingers to his lips. “Do not. If you say that word tonight, I’m going to leave you in this wilderness and never speak to you again. Maybe you’d make that bear a fine breakfast.” She couldn’t suppress the bite that tinged her humorous remark.
A bark of laughter rolled through him and off his lips. Sensibly, he did not continue that statement. Instead, he pressed into her, all heat and need and urgent hands and mouth. “Ahh, my Angel, my beautiful lass. You are a miracle of delights.”
His tongue tangled with hers, his hands seemed everywhere at once. She lifted one leg over his hip and rubbed her mons against his long length. Sharp tingling sensation tightened internal muscles in anticipation. They explored with rapacious urgency using tongues to touch and mouths to suckle. Angel exploded the moment a long, thick finger entered her and his thumb pressed against the bundle of nerves hidden there. She dug her nails into his shoulders and soared.
Brian pressed his forehead to hers, as though waiting for her to descend from the shattering heights she’d reached. The earth had spun out from under her even though he’d not yet entered her body.
A sudden shyness descended as well. From where that arose, she couldn’t fathom, and it briefly unsettled her. He seemed to be waiting for her to say something, but she couldn’t utter a sound.
“Are ye all right, lass?” His breath felt hot and heavy against her ear. “Do ye want me to stop, to wait?” His lips slowly moved down her neck, across her breasts and ribs, nibbled at her soft round tummy.
As he moved lower, he pushed away the covers until he reached her inner thigh. He pressed his lips to the crease and nipped her flesh, then rasped his tongue up to the V of her womanhood. He lifted heavy lidded eyes to her, “I want to taste you. I must taste you.” Unable to voice more than a moan she nodded consent. Their eyes stayed locked as he removed her bikini briefs and continued his explorations.
Moments later, her fists gripped his shoulders as another amazing climax rocked her world. She’d never imagined anything so sublime. He moved his body over hers and spread her knees. She felt the tip of his shaft enter her then stop. Not again, he would not do this now. What was he waiting for?
* * *
When his body screamed for him to plunder her depths, it had taken every ounce of control to remain focused on Angel’s needs. In this modern world, women took men to their beds with unfettered frequency and without regard to appropriate pledges of fidelity. It occurred to him that his angel might not be a virgin. Initially, he believed her untried, but her sensual response and open encouragement for this consummation made him question his assumption. If she was a virgin, he did not want to cause her discomfort. If she was not a virgin—he had no idea how he’d handle that revelation. It shouldn’t matter, but in the back of his mind, he knew if there had been another lover, he’d want to destroy the man.
He dropped his forehead to hers, every muscle strained to move forward while he held himself in check. “Are you sure, my Angel? This cannot be undone.”
She dropped her hands away from his waist. “Are you trying to humiliate me, drive me completely mad? Why do you always stop as soon as we reach…?” She punched his arm, hard. “Don’t do this, Brian. Why do you take us to the edge and then hesitate? Do you not want me?” A single tear rolled down her cheek.
He licked it with his tongue, “Never! Never question my desire, mo chuisle a ghra. Do not question my want of you. I honor you with every beat of my heart. Even as we stop, you can feel I’ve not softened. I want you with a need so vast it shakes my very soul. ‘Tis why I want you to be sure of this decision. If you’re worried about conception, I promise to withdraw in sufficient time.”
“That won’t be necessary. I’m on the pill.”
“The pill, whatever does a pill have to do with this?” He continued to nibble on her chin and neck and moved to lap his tongue over first one and then the other nipple.
Her breath hitched as she tried to answer. “It’s modern medicine’s method of preventing unwanted pregnancy.”
Brian stopped mid-suckle and pulled back. “You’re telling me a tiny pill can prevent a woman from conceiving a child, even if the man spills his seed?”
“Can we please discuss the marvels of modern medicine at some later date? Just trust me and continue.” She chuckled and pulled his head back to her breast while lifting her hips in invitation.
A devotion he’d never felt before filled him like a prayer unfurling in his chest. He gently touched her lips, slid his tongue into her mouth, trailed kisses along her throat, and tenderly cradled her face between his hands. Gentleness quickly fled on the heels of gripping passion.
She returned his attentions, and the heat between them flared into a roaring inferno. He slid further in until he felt a tight barrier and wanted to shout with joy. He pulled back, then pushed home. She tensed under him. Had he been too rough, too lost in his need for her?
He stilled allowing her a moment to adjust to his invasion. After a few wriggled movements, she lifted her hips, seeking a comfortable position. Soon, all else fell away as they moved in tandem seeking the stars and finding them. More than once.
A few hours later, something woke Brian. He moved over Angel and into a protective pose as he pulled his dirk from its sheath. His movement woke her. “What’s the matter?” she croaked.
“Shush. I heard something.” He shifted slightly and prepared to meet whatever foe rustled about. “Perhaps that old Smokey has returned to raid our victuals,” he hissed.
Those words brought her to full alertness. She strained beside him, tilting her head, listening intently to hear what he’d heard. The wind had picked up. Leaves and other woodland debris brushed against the side of their tent. He didn’t hear anything else.
She handed him a flashlight—a handy device for quick illumination in the dead of night. “I’ll slip out to see what’s moving about. You stay in the tent.”
“No, wait.” Her long fingers tightened on his arm. “I don’t hear anything except the leaves. Just stay here with me, and we’ll listen together. If it is the bear, he’ll move on once he discovers we’ve stashed all the food.”
He wasn’t comfortable lying naked while they waited for a beast with sharp teeth and longer claws to tear through the thin barrier between them and the outside. He slid out of the covers and pulled on his jeans. Angel pulled on her sweater, but gripped his arm to prevent him from leaving the tent. “Shush” she hissed. “I don’t think anything is there, but don’t move around, let’s just listen for a few minutes longer.”
Something big hit the top of the tent. He catapulted to the front flap, his hands angled in front of him, a dirk in one fist, his sgian dubh along with the flashlight held in the other. Angel moved behind him, pulling on her jeans. He pulled down the zipper and burst from the tent a Highlander warrior’s roar rending the night. He crouched low and scanned the area with abrupt turns in all directions. The wind rattled the leaves overhead loosening them to tumble and mix with debris blowing around the campsite. An unnatural silence followed his howl as though the critters scampering in the undergrowth held their collective breaths. An owl hooted his discontent breaking the thread of tension.
“Did you see anything?” Angel stood at the front of the tent, her hair billowing around her shoulders, arms wrapped tightly across her middle.
Something fell onto the tent behind Angel causing her to squeal and lurch toward him. He steadied the torch to the top of the tent where they discovered several dangling branches knocked loose by the wind had hooked to the top in such a way that they banged against the canvas with every gust.
Nervous laughter brought his attention back to Angel. She hopped from foot to foot. “I think we’ve let dreams of the big bad bear infiltrate our imaginations. Can we get back to the tent? I’m freezing.” Her teeth chattered, her hair swirled in wild disarray. In complete dishabille, he believed she was the most adorable woman he’d ever encountered.
Snuggled back into their cocoon, clothes discarded in a heap, he trailed his hands over her silken skin and pulled her back flush against his chest. She shivered against him. “Are ye still chilled, lass?”
He pushed the hair away from her neck and trailed slow, ardent kisses across her shoulder. “I ken how we can warm ourselves again, my love.”
She rolled to face him in the dark, her hands firebrands on his chest, his arousal swelling to press against her thigh. “How could I be chilled with you beside me? You’re like a smoldering fire under these covers.”
Her tongue traced along his collarbone like a lapping cat while her hands fisted into his hair. The noises of the night faded to the rasp of her breath in his ear. A powerful desperation to claim her again filled him, but concern for her sensitivity stopped him. “Are you willing, again? I mean—you aren't too—uncomfortable? Perhaps we should wait.”
Her lips pressed softly against his. He opened his mouth, and her tongue slipped inside. She pressed her breasts to his chest and lifted her leg over his hip. She’d become his heart, his reason for life. The wild meadow-scent of her invaded every thought. He vowed to protect and shelter her in his arms for the rest of his life. The feel of her wet center caressing him provided all the incentive he needed. The whole universe congealed to this tiny heated nest. They quickly forgot the wind and leaves, and critters of the night to the burning imperative of desire as he joined her with a slow pulsing rhythm of retreat and advancement until the only sounds they heard came from their cries of pleasure.