CHAPTER 18
MITCH

 

 

“Good night, princess.” I kissed Summer on the forehead as I tucked her into bed. I had been babysitting my sister while my father and his wife were out.

This was the second weekend trip I’d made to Pennsylvania recently. She deserved to have a brother who wasn’t completely absent from her life, and for once, I was making an effort to put aside my differences with my father. Something in my life needed to go right when everything else had gone to shit.

We had spent the night playing Monopoly, and I let her show me how to make her favorite Rice Krispy treats. I would have let her stay up way past her bedtime, but she finally got tuckered out and asked to go to sleep.

My father’s living room was dark except for the light from the television. The smell of cigarette smoke ingrained in the dated, tweed couch was pungent. I sat, flipping mindlessly through the channels, wishing I could talk to Skylar and tell her all about Summer. I wished a lot of things when it came to Skylar, namely that the past year never happened. I had made a lot of stupid mistakes in my efforts to forget the pain that she inflicted on me. Yet, the longing for her had managed to only intensify.

She hadn’t contacted me in months. So, about an hour later, when my phone rang and her name popped up on the screen, I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“Skylar?”

“Hi.”

My eyelids closed tight, cherishing the sound of her voice. “Are you okay?”

“I’m at the lobby of your dorm. Are you here to let me up?”

“My dorm? You’re in Boston?”

“Yes. Nina and Jake had their engagement party, and I left the restaurant to come here.”

I threw one of the pillows in frustration. “Shit. I’m in Pennsylvania visiting my sister.”

She sniffled. “You are?” Her voice sounded hoarse. “Wow…that’s great. I—”

“Skylar, are you crying?”

She hesitated. “Yes. I came here to tell you something.”

It was noisy where she was, and I had trouble hearing her. “Listen, can you go somewhere quiet?”

“Where?”

“There’s a piano room down the hall of the lobby, the first door on the left before you get to the guard booth. No one’s ever in it.”

“Okay. I’m walking.” The phone shuffled as she moved. “I’m here. It’s empty.”

“Close the door.” I heard it shut, drowning out the earlier noise. “Now, tell me what you came there to say.”

“This is hard for me,” she said.

“I’ll stay on the phone with you as long as you need. You could recite the fucking phone book, and that would okay right about now. It’s just so good to hear your voice. Take your time.”

“There’s stuff I need to tell you. I don’t know where to begin. I should really do this in person.”

“No. No! I’m not gonna waste another second of my life wondering what you’re thinking. I need to know everything, and I need to hear it now.”

“I love you, Mitch.”

My heartbeat accelerated.

“I love you, too. I never stopped. You know that, right?”

“I have to tell you why I really broke up with you. I thought I was doing the right thing for you.”

“You’ve said that, but I don’t understand.”

She paused.

“There’s a very good chance I can’t have babies, Mitch. The treatments…they destroyed my eggs.”

I stared at the Family Guy episode playing on the television as my mind absorbed what she’s said. What? I couldn’t believe she kept that from me. At the same time, I was devastated for her. It all made sense now.

“Mitch…are you still there?”

“You thought I would leave you if you couldn’t have kids?”

“It was more that I was afraid you wouldn’t, but that over time, as you got older and wanted a child of your own…you would resent me.”

My emotions were all over the place. I needed her to understand, so my voice was louder than I intended. “You got it wrong. I don’t want a child if it’s not with you. I will never want one with someone else. Do you understand me? Nothing matters to me but you. I’m just a fucking walking shell without you.”

She was quiet and sighed into the phone. “There’s something else I have to tell you.”

“Okay…”

The long breath that escaped her was loud in my ear. “I spent the summer in New York and met this girl who lived in the city. She introduced me to her cousin. His name was Chad.”

My stomach suddenly felt sick. I knew where this was going.

“Okay…”

“I was trying hard to get over you…and I ended up letting him have sex with me.”

I let out the breath I had been harboring and could taste the bile forming in my throat. My eyes getting stabbed out would have felt better than hearing that. I tried to act calm, but my labored breathing was a dead giveaway to my true feelings. My hands formed into fists as I resisted punching the wall. “Okay…okay. Is that it? You were protected, right?”

She was talking at warp speed. “Yes, of course. It happened so fast, and it was horrible. I never even saw him again. My first time should have been yours, and I felt so sick about it after. I did it because I thought it would help me move on, and it did just the opposite. I—”

“Okay. Don’t tell me anymore, alright? I can’t handle it. I just want to move past this.”

She directed the conversation toward me. “Have you dated anyone?”

I was silent, unsure of how to explain it to her. Since we were being honest…“I slept with two girls. I was lonely, and the more time that passed, I didn’t think you were coming back. The first time was the one-night stand when I stupidly texted you after. Then, at the end of last semester, I started kind of dating someone. Nothing came of it. It continued over the summer, but I was never into her, and she knew it. Shit, I still had your fucking pictures all over my room. She wanted something more serious than I could give her. In the beginning, she acted like she was okay with keeping things casual, but she ended up changing her tune. Anyway, she freaked when I ended it. I told her I was still in love with you. Then, she wouldn’t stop calling and started acting kind of psychotic. It was a mess, but it’s over.”

“What was her name?”

“Her name? Charisma.”

I heard a sharp intake of breath, and then it sounded like the phone dropped.

Shit.

“Skylar…are you there?”

Her voice was unsteady when she returned to the phone. “Is she from New York?”

“Yes. Why does it matter?”

“The girl I met in the city—oh my God—it’s her.”

“What?”

“It’s her. She came into my work…pretended to want to buy fabric. How did she know where I worked?” I felt vomit start to rise in my stomach as she continued, “She set me up with her scumbag cousin. I told her all my secrets. Mitch, I…I told her why I really broke up with you!”

Skylar started to cry harder, and my heart couldn’t take it.

This couldn’t have happened.

I couldn’t hold it in anymore as I ran to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet with the phone still in my hand.

I would never forgive myself.

I didn’t know then that the worst was yet to come.