Iwas scrambling eggs the next morning when my phone rang. I was immediately worried, because it was way earlier than most people would call. I slipped it out of my pocket and when I saw the sheriff’s number on the screen, I quickly shifted the skillet and turned off the burner.
Deputy Clauson identified himself, apologized for calling so early, and then told me he had news about Abigail.
“We just got the call a few hours ago,” he said. “Her body has been found at a vacation cabin in Vermont. It’s a place her parents owned when she was a kid.”
Wait…..did he just say…..her body?
I lowered myself slowly onto a chair, my hands shaking and my heart thudding in my ears. I struggled to concentrate as he went on to say she’d died in bed, after taking a bunch of pills and drinking a bottle of vodka. Their best guess was that it had happened Saturday night. The same day Andrew had shot Jude.
I sat completely silent as the deputy explained how Abigail had broken a window to get into the cabin, and from the looks of things, she’d been holed up there ever since leaving DC. The guy who owned the cabin next door had gotten into town last night for a vacation, and when he saw the neighbor’s lights on, he’d stopped by to say hi. When no one answered, he’d gone around back and found Abigail’s car parked up close where it couldn’t be seen from the road. He’d also spied the broken window and wisely called the police. They were the ones who had found the body.
I absorbed the information as best I could, but the only thing that truly registered was the fact that Abigail had taken her own life. Somehow she’d found out about Andrew being arrested and then she’d used pills and alcohol to escape. How was I supposed to feel about that?
My first thought was that I wouldn’t have to worry about her vindictiveness ever again. The fear of what she would do next was gone, and I couldn’t deny a sense of relief at that knowledge. But on the heels of relief I felt an almost overwhelming sadness. Crushing regret. This was someone I’d known, someone I’d worked closely with for two years. How could I rejoice in her death?
To call it tragic was an understatement. Abigail had been a brilliant girl, with so much to offer. If not for her obsessive jealousy over Ian, we might have become friends. Our occupation gave us a lot in common, plus, we were the only females on the team. We should have been able to form a bond.
Instead, she’d decided Ian was her savior and I was the enemy—the one who would end up ruining her happiness if she didn’t do all she could to stop me.
I tried to focus. Deputy Clauson was still talking, giving me more details on the case. He said taking the pills the same day Andrew had been arrested indicated Abigail had been monitoring things from afar, and I agreed. She’d probably tapped directly into the department’s communications network to make sure she’d know if anything went wrong with Andrew’s abduction attempt. Then, when she’d realized it was over and Andrew was in jail, she’d chosen to give up on life.
The deputy said there were no signs of anyone else having been at the cabin with her. She’d died alone.
Her choice of the cabin made me wonder if the Sutton family had had some good times there, before things fell apart for their family. Had Abigail chosen to go back for that reason? Had she known she might die there if Andrew didn’t come through for her?
In spite of all she’d done, I grieved the girl and the potential that was now lost forever. I’d kept my distance from Abigail as a way of showing I didn’t want Ian for myself, but now I regretted not trying harder to get to know her.
When I hung up the phone, I just sat there crying, not even attempting to stop the tears. I felt guilty for having so many good things in my life, when Abigail had decided she had absolutely nothing worth living for.
There was so much I would have done differently if only I’d known that her tough, confident exterior was mostly fake. Maybe none of it would have made a difference—maybe she would have pushed me away no matter what.
But maybe not. Maybe I could have helped somehow. Been a friend.
I’d never know now.
I got up and walked past the pan of half-cooked eggs to the stairs. I needed Jude.
***
He was dressed in sweats and a fresh T-shirt, sitting on the edge of the bed trying to get his shoes on. I knew bending at the waist was the most painful position for him right now, so I quickly dropped to my knees to help.
“Morning, sunshine,” he said, tousling my hair. “Good timing.”
My face was hidden from him, and I dreaded looking up. I tied one shoe, then slipped the other one on.
I cleared my throat. “I just got off the phone with Deputy Clauson.”
I felt him stiffen. “And?” he asked warily.
I tied the shoe and finally raised my head to look at him. His eyes immediately narrowed with concern and he stood up, pulling me with him.
“What’s wrong, Ava? Do they know where Abigail is?”
I nodded. “She’s dead. She took pills. They think it happened the same day you got shot.”
He stared at me for a long time, his eyes reflecting the same mix of emotions I was feeling.
“Wow. That’s the last thing I expected to hear.” He exhaled slowly. “Tell me everything Clauson said.”
We sat down on the bed and I told him the whole conversation, or at least as much as I remembered. When I finished, he put his arm around me and drew me against his side.
“Man. There was really no good outcome for her after what she and Andrew did, but this was definitely the worst.” He rested his cheek against the top of my head. “She must have been having trouble for a while, and losing Ian sent her over the edge.”
“You would have never known it,” I said, wiping my eyes again. “I knew she was suspicious of me where Ian was concerned, but otherwise she seemed so tough and in control. And confident. The way she dressed, the red hair and tattoos—she wanted to stand out. She was an in-your-face kind of person. It’s crazy to think she’s gone. That she chose to die.”
“There had to have been a lot of turmoil on the inside. She was just really good at hiding it.”
I breathed him in, growing calmer as he held me. I shared my conflicting reactions with him, the relief versus the sadness, and of course he understood.
“I admit, my first thought when you told me was that now you’re safe. I was second-guessing leaving you here alone, because I couldn’t stop thinking about how we’d underestimated her before. So, yeah, I’m glad to have the threat completely removed.” He gently smoothed my hair away from my face. “That doesn’t mean I don’t wish it would’ve turned out differently for her. I could never feel good about someone feeling so hopeless they think their only option is to take their own life.”
“I should’ve been a better friend to her. I should’ve realized she needed help.”
He grunted softly. “It’s always easy to come up with things we could’ve done differently after the fact. You can’t dwell on it, babe. You saw the Abigail she wanted you to see. The rest was her secret.”
I nodded against his shirt. “Logically I know that.”
“Have you talked to Ian?”
“Not yet.” I reluctantly pulled away from him and stood up. “I need to finish breakfast so you can get going, then I’ll call him.”
“I can stay here today,” he offered. “If you have a computer I can use, I can do some stuff remotely.”
“I have all kinds of computers you could use, but I’ll be okay. I’ll talk to Ian, then get to work. I need to keep my mind occupied so I don’t keep going over everything.”
He got up and took my head in his big hands, his eyes searching mine. “You sure? I really don’t mind staying.”
I smiled, full of love and gratitude. “As long as I know I’ll see you again this evening, I’m good.”
He wrapped his arms around my shoulders in a tight hug. “There’s no way you won’t see me this evening.”
I enjoyed the comfort of his arms for a minute, then stepped away, feeling stronger and calmer because of him. I looked up and smiled fondly. “We’d better get moving. I’m going to have to start all over on your eggs.”