Chapter 19
By the time the cookies were gone, my face was dry and a little crusty and I had a headache. Dusty was still holding me, and I remembered that Hannah was still waiting in the hallway.
“Oh, my God. We forgot about Hannah.” Dusty readjusted his arms around me.
“She’s fine. You don’t need to worry about her.” My nose was still stuffed up and I sniffed. “Here,” he said, searching around for something and finding a box of tissues on the floor under the futon. He’d had to let go of me to find them, and as soon as his arms weren’t around me, I realized I wanted them back.
“Here you go.” He handed me one and I blew my nose. Not the most sexy thing to do, but it wasn’t like I hadn’t already un-sexied myself as much as possible. I knew, without having to look in a reflective surface, that my face was blotched all over like I had some sort of disease and my eyes were definitely harder to open and close than they had been a while ago.
“Do you need some water? I can go get you some.”
I did, but I didn’t want him to leave, so I just shook my head.
Dusty turned his head and yelled out, “Buffy!”
A second later, the door flew open.
“That’s her word, but I came, just in case,” Hannah said. “I see you’re doing better.”
“Can you get her some water?”
“Sure thing.” She grabbed a red cup from a stack in her closet and dashed away. She was back in a flash with a cup of cool water. “Holler if you need anything else.” She went to her bookshelf, grabbed something and left again, shutting the door behind her.
I chugged the water, spilling some of it.
“If you were that thirsty, you should have said something.”
“I didn’t want you to go anywhere,” I said, finishing the water and handing him the cup. He wiped my face with another tissue.
“I’m not going anywhere. Not even if you try to make me. Not again.”
I loved hearing him say that at the same time I hated it.
“We can’t, Dusty. We just can’t.” Now I was the one saying no.
He put his finger on my lips to stop me from talking.
“Not right now, Red. Later. For now, can I just enjoy being here, with my arms around you?”
I nodded. I was enjoying it, too.
“If you want to sleep, that’s fine. Close your eyes.” I did and he started humming again.
I listened and kept my eyes closed. I knew he could beat box like a boss, but I didn’t know he could sing, sing. Dusty Sharp, man of many talents. I let myself sink into his voice and his arms, because soon, I would have to find some way of getting out of this. But for now, I was going to savor this last moment of perfection. It would have to last me for a long time.
* * *
“Oh, shit, look outside,” Dusty said when I woke up. I’d fallen into a deep and dreamless sleep and woke when the light in Hannah’s room had turned dark. I glanced out the window, which was partially covered with what looked like a shower curtain. The world was dark all right, but it was also covered in snow. From the looks of it, there were several inches and it was piling up fast. Double shit.
“Renee said it was supposed to snow, but I was hoping the weather people would all be wrong. I mean, it’s not like they can predict the future,” I said, rubbing my eyes.
“True. We should probably get you home.” He started to move, but I latched on to him to make him stop.
“It’s not really that bad.”
“Joscelyn,” Dusty said, giving me a look. “I’m not letting you drive in this. There’s just no way. So you can give up now and let me drive you, or we can fight about it a little bit and then you can give up and let me drive you. The choice is yours.”
I rolled my eyes.
“I can call Mase if you’re going to get that upset about it. He’s got a plow truck. He’d probably be willing to give you a ride, too.”
“No, it’s fine. You’d be surprised how good my car is in the snow.”
“So you’re allowed to stop me from driving in the snow, but I’m not allowed to stop you from driving in the snow? Double standard much?”
“Fine, fine. But if I get a ticket, I’m holding you personally responsible,” he said, kissing me. This was the first time he’d kissed me since I’d cried. And I let myself give in to it because it felt damn good, and if this was going to be our last kiss, I was going to make it fucking count.
“Your mouth is all salty and chocolaty,” he said, smiling as he kissed me.
“Is that bad?”
“No, it’s good.”
And we didn’t talk for a while after that. His hands and my hands moved up and under and between our clothing, searching for skin-on-skin contact. We were both a little hesitant, him because he probably didn’t want to push me after I’d been crying and me because I was afraid of letting myself go too far.
I was so, so close to saying fuck it and ripping his clothes off and mine off, even though this was Hannah’s room and she was outside and her neighbors would probably hear us. I’d finally found something to drown out the bad parts of my mind. People had been using sex for centuries as an escape. Why did it take me so long to realize it could work for me, too?
“Dusty,” I said, pulling away from his mouth.
“Oh, Red. We have to put the brakes on, even though I don’t want to. This isn’t right. Not right now, as much as you can probably tell I want it.” Yep, I could tell. Really, really tell.
“This is Hannah’s bed and this just isn’t the right time. I don’t want to go further like this. I want it to be because we both know it’s right.”
“Why are you such a gentleman?”
“You wouldn’t say that if you had met me a year ago.” And just like that, the mention of what he used to be like shut all the good feelings down. What was I doing? I pushed myself away from him.
“I’m going to call Mase.” I got up and climbed over him, getting my phone from Hannah’s desk. Dusty followed me, moving my shirt aside so he could kiss my neck. I tried to ignore it as I realized I had about a million missed calls from both him and Renee.
“Hey, what’s up?” I said, knowing very well that Renee was going to lay into me.
“Where the hell have you been? I’ve called and called you. The snow is getting pretty bad, so I think you should come home. If you didn’t contact me in another ten minutes, I was going to send Mase to get you anyway.”
“I’m sorry. My battery died, and I couldn’t find my charger so I had to use Hannah’s.”
She sighed and Dusty kept kissing me. Damn, that was distracting. I reached my hand back and smacked him a little, hitting his nose and also poking him in the eye.
“Ow,” he said, moving away from me.
“Sorry,” I mouthed.
“What was that?” Renee was instantly on alert.
“Nothing, just dropped something.” I hoped she bought it.
“Okay, well, Mase is leaving now.”
“Okay, ’bye.” I hung up and spun around.
“Not nice. Renee definitely heard you.” He looked up from my neck.
“So? I’ll just say that I came here to say hello. Taking my guarding duties seriously.” He was smiling, but I didn’t think it was very funny.
“Not the best thing to bring up right now, Dusty.” I moved away from him and got the rest of my stuff together.
“Buffy!” I yelled and Hannah came rushing in.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I was just wondering if it would work for me, too. Mase is coming to get me with the truck. Will you please convince Dusty to let Mase give him a ride?”
She went to the window and looked out. The wind whipped the frothy white snow around, and the usually bustling walkway was bare of people.
“Damn. It’s looking pretty gnarly out there. I wouldn’t want to drive anywhere.”
“I live in Old Town. I could practically walk if I had to,” he said.
“You can give in now, or we can fight about it and then you can give in,” I said, throwing his words back at him. Take that.
He threw his hands up. “Fine, fine. I really suck at saying no to you, Red.”
“That’s as it should be,” Hannah said, nodding and patting Dusty on the shoulder. “Your woman is always right. Even if she isn’t.”
Mase texted me when he was in front of the building. Hannah had volunteered to keep my candy bucket safe for me, because there was no way I could explain that and not have everyone get suspicious.
“I swear, I won’t touch it. Those Skittles are tainted.” She made a face and pushed it to the back of her closet.
“Good, because I would find a really creative and painful way to murder you if anything happened to them.”
“Point taken.”
The storm was in full rage mode when we got downstairs. I pulled my hood tight around my face and Dusty did the same.
“Don’t you own a winter coat?”
“I kind of rushed out of the house in a hurry, Red. Didn’t have time to consider the proper attire.”
Oh. Right.
We both ran for the truck, and Dusty boosted me in so I rode bitch in the middle.
“Hey, man, what are you doing here?”
Dusty grinned in a casual way. “Just came to check on Jos and got stranded by this crazy storm. You mind giving me a ride back to my place?”
“No problem.” Mase was giving me a look, and I wondered if maybe my face was still red from crying. Hannah and Dusty had both assured me it wasn’t, but you never knew.
Mase drove confidently through the snow-covered streets, and before I knew it, we were at Dusty’s.
“See you, man,” Mase said, turning his head as if he was watching something fascinating in the opposite direction. Smooth.
“Yeah, thanks for the ride.”
Dusty looked at me, and I saw in his eyes that he wanted to kiss me goodbye, but that wasn’t possible in our current situation.
“’Bye, Red. See you later.”
“See you,” I said. Once again, lame goodbye. I almost told him to say hello to Napoleon for me, but that would have been like admitting I’d been to his place and then there would be a lot of questions that I couldn’t answer.
Just before he slid down off the seat, he grabbed my hand and squeezed it hard, once. I squeezed back and he let go and I let out a breath as he shut the door and a little bit of snow swirled into the car. I watched him walk to the back of the building and go up the steps and the automatic light flash on when he got near the top. He waved once and then closed the door.
Mase coughed and turned the radio volume up louder.
“Be careful,” he said.
“Careful of what?” I was still watching Dusty’s apartment as we pulled away.
“I think you know,” Mase said, and I met his eyes in the dark cab of the truck.
“Please don’t say anything.” I didn’t need Renee finding out and flying off the handle like I knew she would. Besides, I was going to end things with Dusty before they even began, so there would be nothing to freak about anyway. We were done. Finished. Sure, I’d still hang out with him when he was at the house. That was pretty much unavoidable, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to be alone with him, and if he tried anything, I’d just keep telling him it couldn’t be. Eventually, he would find someone else. Someone that was not emotionally damaged.
Someone who wasn’t responsible for his brother being dead.