Chapter 17
Sneaking back into the house turned out to be easy, and I got back in bed without anyone the wiser.
Despite only getting a few hours of restless sleep, I woke the next morning as excited as I used to get on the first day of school. Yes, I was that kid who couldn’t wait for summer to be over so I could go back to school. In some ways, school was my safe haven from the chaos in my numerous homes. School made sense. It had order and structure at a time when I needed it.
I was up even before Hannah, but when I came out of the bathroom from brushing my teeth she was moving.
“Does your hair always look this spectacular in the morning?” It looked like a stylist had spent hours teasing it to the max.
She tried to pat it down and failed.
“Pretty much. And if you tell anyone, or ever take a picture, I will kill you.” She yawned and stumbled to her feet. “Can I use your shower?”
“Sure, go ahead. Towels are in the cabinet and you can use whatever you want. Need some clothes?”
“Yeah, that would be great.” Hannah was taller than me, but I found some pants that I had to roll up and a shirt that worked.
“I know we’re close, but I’m not sure I’m ready to swap undies just yet,” she said. “I’ll just keep mine on.”
“Sounds good. Listen, I have a favor to ask you about when you’re more awake.”
She gave me a thumbs-up and shuffled to the bathroom.
While Hannah took her shower I went upstairs to see who was actually awake. Mase was lying across the dining table, a cup of coffee steaming inches from his face. Darah closed the fridge and yawned, running her hand through her hair. I’d never seen it so messy before. Definitely sex hair. At least somebody got some last night. Well, with someone else other than their hand, which was what I was reduced to after everything with Dusty. It was the most epic sex with myself I’d ever had.
“You want me to make some eggs?” Darah said to Mase. “Hey, Jos. You and Hannah sleep okay?”
“Yeah, great,” I lied through my teeth.
Mase mumbled something incoherent.
“Hey, it’s not my fault, babe,” Darah said.
Taylor and Hunter came down, followed by Renee and Paul as Darah got out the skillet and started making eggs. I decided to help by making massive amounts of toast and handing everyone a full cup of coffee when they walked into the kitchen.
Hannah emerged from downstairs looking significantly more chipper. I handed her a cup of coffee as she dried her hair with a towel.
“Sugar?” I got the sugar jar and started spooning it into her cup. “Say when.”
I put about four tablespoons in when she stopped me.
“That’s disgusting,” I said, sipping my Lemon Zinger. I was definitely addicted to the stuff now.
“Meh,” she said, taking one of the last available seats. It was Sunday, so that meant cleaning, but it looked like it was going to be a while.
My phone vibrated in my sweatshirt pocket.
Okay, I can’t wait anymore. Can you be over here...nowish?
This time I could almost feel the desperation in the little black letters. Or maybe that was just me.
I typed out an answer.
I have to drop Hannah off first. And get dressed in something cute.
He responded a fraction of a second later.
You always look cute.
Ass kisser. But no. I need to shower.
An hour, then?
One hour.
I could barely contain my excitement. Then my phone went off again.
Bring socks. Brand-new ones.
What the crap? Maybe he meant to say something else and got auto-corrected.
Socks?
That’s right, Red. Socks.
I could just picture him saying it with a smile on his face.
Are we making puppets? Because that’s a little weird.
I couldn’t think of anything sexy we could do with socks, but then again, I was a virgin. Maybe it was something I had yet to learn about. I did a quick internet search and didn’t find anything illuminating.
You’ll see. Come soon. Bring socks.
I’d have to make a trip to Walmart to get some. That seemed like a mission Hannah would want to be in on.
She had already downed her coffee and was washing out the cup.
“I should get back. I have a shit ton of homework. And clothes. I’d really like to put on a fresh pair of panties,” she said. Mase choked on his toast.
“You okay there, buddy?” Hannah gave him a look.
“Fine. Just fine. How’s the hand?”
Hannah held it up. You couldn’t really tell because it was all bandaged up, but she didn’t seem to be in much pain.
“Can I check it?” Renee said. Once she’d ascertained that Hannah’s hand was just bruised and swollen, she went back to her coffee and staring off into space.
“I’ll drive you. Do you just mind if I take a shower first?” I said, giving her a look, and I watched as she remembered I’d said earlier that I had a favor.
“No big. Hey, do you have a comb I could borrow?”
“Yeah, sure.” She put her cup in the dish drainer and followed me back downstairs.
She rounded on me as soon as the door shut.
“I’m guessing you need a favor so you can sneak away and make out with a certain boy that has gorgeous green eyes. Am I correct?”
“Let’s just say that we sort of made up. Kind of. Anyway, we’d like some alone time, so would you be my alibi?”
She got down on one knee and held my hand.
“I would be honored to be your alibi anytime you want to get together with Dusty and bump your bits together.”
I took my hand back. “That does not sound sexy. At all.”
She shrugged and I went to my drawers. She followed and shoved me aside as I pawed through, trying to find something remotely cute.
“Girl, you have a serious wardrobe crisis. We need to get you some new clothes ASAP. But for now, how about this?” She pulled out a green three-quarter-sleeve shirt that must have hitched a ride from my previous life.
“This is cute. And it brings out your eyes.” She also selected a pair of dark skinny jeans that I’d bought with the intention of wearing them, but it had never actually happened.
“He said I needed to bring socks. Brand-new ones.”
She laid the clothes out on my bed and then went for my underwear drawer, picking out the only matching set of a black bra and panties that I owned and adding them to the pile. “Are you making puppets?”
“That’s exactly what I said.”
She raised her eyebrows.
“Okay, then. Socks.” She found a pair and set them on the bed, as well. I didn’t have much choice in footwear because it was winter and we lived in Maine and you had to wear shoes you could potentially slog through the snow in, so that meant boots nine times out of ten.
“I’m going to shower.”
“I’ll be here.”
I showered as quick as I could and got dressed, wondering what to do with my hair. Dusty seemed to like it when it was down, but it was wet and it was winter and I didn’t fancy pneumonia, so I twisted it back on the sides and formed a bun. Once I was at his place I could take it down and let it dry. Maybe it would actually have some curl in it from being twisted up. Yeah, probably not.
“Verdict?” I said, coming out and spinning around for Hannah to see.
“You need jewelry. Other than your bracelet. Which is why, when we were buying stuff last week, I got you these.” She pulled something out of her pocket and handed them to me. They were tiny silver studs shaped like trumpeting elephants.
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“But I did. Do you like them?”
“Yeah, I do. Thank you.” I gave her a hug and then put the earrings in. They were small and understated, which I liked.
“Perfect. Now we just have to get you some socks. Oh, by the way, are you on the pill, or anything else?”
“Yeah, the pill.” I’d gone on it last year when I’d thought things were serious with Matt. Yes, I hadn’t planned on having sex until we were married, but that didn’t mean I thought it couldn’t happen earlier. More than anything, it was probably wishful thinking. If I’d learned anything about living with Renee, it was that you always had to protect yourself and never leave it up to the guy.
“You got condoms?”
This should have been a crazy uncomfortable conversation, but somehow it wasn’t.
“My sister gave me a box when I got my period. No joke.” I’d been thirteen and so mortified I’d hidden them in the very back of my sock drawer. “And I find them periodically in my stuff, especially now. There was a box in the drawer when I got here.” I went and got it, putting a few in one of the zippered pockets on the inside of my purse.
“Good girl. I think you’re ready.”
“We’re not going to have sex, Hannah.”
“Well, it won’t be long. I’ve seen the way you look at each other. The logs have been laid, the gasoline has been poured and all someone has to do is strike the match.”
She gave me a hug and we dashed upstairs.
“Renee? I’m going to study with Hannah today. We have this thing to work on for our class.” This was true. First step in crafting a good lie was to use something that was actually true and build upon it.
“Okay. Just be careful. There’s supposed to be a snowstorm coming in this afternoon. If you get stranded, Mase can come get you.” He had an extra truck with a plow attached to it so we didn’t have to pay anyone to plow the driveway.
I’d been so wrapped up in everything I hadn’t even paid attention to the weather. I hoped it didn’t cut my time with Dusty short. That would seriously suck. But then, weather forecasters were notorious for predicting a huge storm that would never happen. They’d already been wrong at least twice this winter.
“Very smooth, Jos. I’m impressed,” Hannah said, giving me a high five as we drove toward the Bangor Mall.
“I’ve had a lot of practice.”
* * *
Hannah gave me a lot more advice, most of which sounded like she’d gotten it from the internet or movies or from urban legends. Sometimes it was hard to tell.
I dropped her off and had strict instructions to give her every single dirty detail when I called her that night.
Dusty’s place was pretty easy to find from his directions. He was also right; it was a shit shack. How the crap was this building still standing?
It kind of looked like someone had taken parts of three other buildings, glued and stapled them together on top of each other and called it good. I sent him a message saying I was here as I tried to figure out the least dangerous way to get to the front door. The porch was definitely suspect. He messaged me back that there was a set of stairs around the back, which weren’t much better than the porch, I discovered.
If I die coming up the stairs, I’m suing you from the grave.
I made it all the way up the steps and knocked on the door.
“You made it,” he said, his face splitting into a smile that made my knees feel like I was still climbing the dangerous steps.
“And I brought socks.” I didn’t know what kind to get, so I’d brought three bags. White, multicolored and a bag of knee-high argyle socks that were too cute not to buy.
“I see that. Come on in.” He moved aside and I walked in.
“This isn’t nearly as shitty as I was expecting. You made it sound a lot worse.” Granted, it was no Yellowfield House, but it wasn’t that bad. We stood in a tiny kitchen with room only enough for the appliances on one side and a small table and two chairs on the other. A narrow hallway led to what I assumed was the rest of the house.
“Want the tour?” he said.
“Sure.” I put the bags of socks down on the table and followed him down the hall.
“Bedroom, bathroom.” He pointed to the rooms on the right and left of me. “And living room slash study slash library slash storage room.” The apartment was shaped a bit like an hourglass, but it was adorable. All the furniture was old and patched, but it wasn’t dirty.
“And this is Napoleon. He thinks he’s going to take over the world.” Dusty reached behind the couch and pulled out what looked like a black ball of fuzz. On further inspection, I realized it was a kitten with huge blue eyes. Dusty cradled him like a baby in his arms and Napoleon meowed and I died, right there, in the middle of Dusty’s living room.
I’d always heard about the appeal of guys with babies, and I’d never really gotten it. But Dusty holding a kitten and scratching its belly as it purred like a little tank? Pantie-meltingly sexy.
“Here, you want to hold him?” I’d never had a pet before. My parents had always said no when I’d asked for one every single birthday and Christmas. A lot of the time it was because we were renting in a place that didn’t allow them. I’d always wanted a dog, but now I was seeing the cat appeal. Big-time.
Dusty passed him over to me and he mewed at me.
“He’s just saying hello. If you scratch him right here, he’ll be in love with you forever.” He put his fingers under Napoleon’s chin and scratched, which made Napoleon close his eyes and start purring again. Dusty moved his hand and mine took his place under the kitten’s chin.
“I didn’t know you had a cat,” I said as Napoleon snuggled closer to my hand.
Dusty sat down on the couch that took up much of the limited space.
“I didn’t plan on it, but then the woman downstairs found a litter of kittens and she asked me if I wanted one and I couldn’t say no. Could you say no to him?”
“Never.” I sat down next to him, making sure I didn’t jostle the sweet little kitty. “This really isn’t that bad, Dusty.” He had it organized at least. There was a bookshelf in one corner with quite a few worn paperbacks on it and an ancient television, one of those with the big wooden box around it, across from the couch with a DVD player that looked very out of place on top of it.
The walls were pretty bare, but here and there were a few pictures. It wasn’t what I’d expected, from the few times I’d been in guys’ apartments and dorm rooms. Usually there were more than a few posters of half-naked girls, or at least a Playboy or two hanging around, and lots of beer cans and chip bags.
“It’s not much, but it’s mine. And Napoleon’s. It’s really his place and I just live here.”
Everything was quiet except for Napoleon, who was still purring away.
“So are you still mad at me?” he said.
I couldn’t lie. “I’m not happy about it, but it’s not completely your fault. I’m going to have it out with Renee and the rest of the residents of the house when I get back about it.”
“Do you have to? I mean, they don’t have to know that you know.”
“But they lied to me, Dusty. I can’t just let that go.”
“You’re right.” He stroked Napoleon’s head and sighed. “So I have something for you. Something to say I’m sorry. Or at least start saying I’m sorry. Do you want it?”
“Does it have anything to do with the socks?”
“Nope.”
I had no idea what this could be. Dusty took the now-sleeping Napoleon from me and placed him gently in a little kitten bed on the floor beside the couch.
“Be right back. Oh, and close your eyes.” I gave him a look and did what he said. He left the room and went into his bedroom. I listened as he came back and placed something on the floor in front of me.
“Okay, open.”
I looked down to find a clear plastic bucket with a huge bow on the lid. It was absolutely filled with...
“An equal ratio of Skittles and M&M’s. I actually counted them out. Did you know they don’t put the same amount in each bag? I learned that around five this morning when I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
“Do you mean to tell me you sat and counted all of those?” There must be thousands of them in there.
He put his hands into his pockets. “Yeah, it took a while.”
I looked down at the bucket again and shook my head. “You are so weird, Dusty Sharp.”
“Is weird good?”
I stood up and stepped over the bucket and pulled him toward me.
“Yeah. Weird is awesome,” I said before I tilted my face up and kissed him. He took his hands out of his pockets and wrapped them around my waist, pulling me up so I was on my tiptoes. I pulled away from his mouth, which tasted like chocolate.
“Did you eat any of them?”
He grinned.
“They were uneven, so I had a few left over.”
“Oh.” I shrugged and went back to kissing him. It was a little bit slower than last night. Softer. Like a tentative first kiss. Like we both knew we could take our time. I let the taste of him flood my senses as his hands slipped under my shirt and set off every nerve ending. He pushed me back, and we nearly tripped over the bucket on our way to the couch. He laid me down and got on his side so he wasn’t on top of me.
He pulled some hair loose from my bun and twirled it around his fingers. “Want to try it slower this time? We have all day.”
“What do you mean by slow? I think I need to see a demonstration before I commit to it,” I said with a serious face.
“I was thinking something like this,” he said, giving me a slow kiss before moving down my chin and to my neck. “And this,” he said, pulling aside one shoulder of my shirt and kissing down my clavicle, moving my bra strap aside.
“And this,” he said, coming back up to my mouth and sliding his hands upward, under my shirt.
“Slow...good,” I said. Once again, my moaning-while-talking issue had returned. He laughed, sending vibrations racing across my skin. Jesus. H. Christ.
We kept making out and he kept moving my clothing, but not removing it. Which was both awesome and totally frustrating at the same time. Also, because he was fully clothed, as well. I’d never seen him without a shirt on, and I had about had it with waiting.
Finally I just started pulling it off him so he had no choice but to take it off.
“About time,” I said, taking in the toned muscles, which, up until now, I’d only felt with my hands. Seeing them with my eyes was something else entirely. He was cut, but not in a gross way. Just...perfectly perfect in every way. And I got to see the tattoo for the first time.
It was two identical Chinese characters. I had no idea what they meant, but I made a note to ask later. I didn’t have any tattoos myself, but I always liked hearing the stories behind them. They reminded me of a tattoo I’d seen before. I couldn’t begin to imagine what Dusty’s meant. I just hoped it wasn’t Gangsta 4 Life or something like that.
“Wow,” I said before going to his mouth. My fingers raced along his blazing skin, and I kissed my way down his neck.
“Fuck, Joscelyn.” I loved when he used my full name. Like he was having sex with it. Really, really good sex. “If we go much further, I don’t think I can stop, and I don’t think either of us is ready for that. Yet.”
His words were right, but I didn’t want them to be. My body was screaming so loud I didn’t want to hear anything else.
“You know, you’re not really being fair. You can’t get me all worked up and then expect me to be able to...shut it off.”
“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to jack off since I met you? It’s like I’m twelve again and hiding in the bathroom and praying my parents don’t walk in.”
“Gross,” I said, putting my hand on his chest as if I was going to push him away.
“Oh, don’t tell me that you haven’t done it.” My ears betrayed me.
“Not today.” That was a lie. It had technically been today when he’d called me and we’d had our little session in the backseat of the car.
He climbed off me, looking down at his pants. He shook his head as he grabbed his shirt and put it back on.
“I always tell myself before I see you that I can control it, but it never turns out that way,” he said, as if he was speaking to the bulge and not me.
“Are you giving yourself a pep talk?”
He threw his hands up. “Why won’t you go away?” Yep, he definitely was. Talking to his dick.
“I’ll stop being so...seductive,” I said, adjusting my clothes so everything was covered.
“Oh, Red. You can’t stop. It’s just...you don’t have to do anything. You could sit there and do absolutely nothing and it would get me hot.”
Yeah, well, he was the same way.
“Maybe I should start picking my nose, or hocking loogies. What about that?” I said.
“I’d find that charming and adorable.” Napoleon had woken up and was crying from his bed. Dusty went and picked him up. He brought Napoleon up to his face and gave him a kiss. Sweet Jesus H. Fucking Christ.
“Is Napoleon helping with your problem?” Since I didn’t own a penis, I didn’t know exactly how that whole thing worked. I did have brothers, but they were all younger and this wasn’t really dinner-table conversation.
“A little. I’ll get over it. I hope. I’ve had worse.”
He kept looking at Napoleon and not at me and I kept looking at his pants. It should have been the most awkward thing ever, but Dusty was treating it like no big deal.
“Does it hurt?”
“I’m fine, Red. You don’t need to worry about my dick.” Maybe I wanted to worry about it. But he clearly wasn’t going to let me anywhere near it, so I took the top off the bucket of M&M’s and Skittles and pulled out a handful.
“It’s not that bad. Eating them together,” he said, making faces at Napoleon, who kept pawing Dusty’s nose. “It’s like chocolate-covered fruit.”
“Exactly,” I said, cracking an M&M’s between my teeth.
“Do you want anything else to eat? I should have offered.” He walked into the kitchen with Napoleon and looked in the fridge. “I don’t have much, because, as you know, I can’t cook.”
I followed him, enjoying the view from behind. He had a great ass. You could see it was great even though his pants sagged. That reminded me...
“How do your pants stay up?” He closed the fridge and turned around, holding a block of cheese.
“What?”
I pointed.
“How do your pants stay up? I’ve wanted to ask you that for weeks.” I sat down at one of the only chairs as he went to the counter and got out a knife and started cutting up the cheese.
“Can you hold him? He doesn’t like being set down. Little monster.” He handed me Napoleon, who was upset that Dusty was abandoning him, but as soon as I started scratching him under his chin he relaxed.
“I wear a belt, as you can see,” he said, lifting his shirt and showing it to me. Yes, I’d seen it earlier and contemplated how to undo it in the sexiest way.
“But your pants are so saggy.” They were kind of not saggy right now, given the situation, but normally, they were. “They just defy gravity.” Napoleon started batting at my finger, so I waved it around for him to attack. He dived for it, got off balance and nearly tumbled off my lap.
“Um, Jos?” I looked up to find Dusty regarding me with his eyebrows raised.
“Yeah?”
“Talking about my pants isn’t really helping with my current situation.” He gestured in the vicinity of his situation. How long was that going to be a problem for him? Should I offer to leave?
“Sure thing.” I went back to petting Napoleon while Dusty cut up cheese and then got some crackers out of the cabinet and put them on a paper plate.
“Want some?” he held the plate out to me and I took a few pieces of cheese and some crackers. I wasn’t hungry, but I didn’t know what else to do.
Dusty got out two glasses and poured me a soda and sat down. It was probably more comfortable for him that way.
“So, socks. What’s with the socks?” I said, trying for a subject change.
He smiled and took one of the bags and opened it.
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but this entire apartment is linoleum. From the living room and down the hall and out here. As you know, linoleum can be very slippery, especially if you’re wearing new socks, and especially if it is freshly cleaned. So, let’s put Napoleon back in his bed and get some socks on your feet, Red.”
* * *
“Sock sliding? We are seriously sock sliding?” I said when Napoleon had been shut safely in Dusty’s bedroom so we didn’t run into him.
“I have a lot of free time,” he said, putting a pair of the new socks on his feet as I did the same. “And I used to drink that time away, or smoke it away, or do other bad things with it. After I decided not to do those things anymore, I had to find sober ways to occupy my time. You’ve only met sober me. Drunk me was way more fun.”
“I don’t know about that. You’re pretty fun now. And I used to be no fun at all.” He took my hands and pulled me to my feet.
“You ready, Red?” He got in a position that made me think of runners preparing to sprint.
I copied him, getting down. “Ready.”
“And...GO!” We both took off running and then slammed on the brakes, trying not to crash into each other and also to keep our balance. I made it down the hallway, and Dusty got all the way into the kitchen.
“No fair,” I said as he moved backward to the door to prepare to go again.
“I’ve had a lot of practice,” he said, getting down. I joined him at the door and we went again, but this time I tried to push him but he dodged me and I ended up not going very far.
“Cheaters never prosper, Red.”
“Whatever.”
“Oh, don’t pout. It’s too cute. Here.” He held out his hands and we faced each other. He started running backward and I planted my feet. I was afraid he was going to trip on something, but I was too busy squealing as he pulled me along the length of the apartment.
“Again!” I said the second we stopped.
“Let’s try this.” He went and got my sweatshirt and tied it tight around his waist and then had me hold the end. It reminded me a bit of sled-dog racing. He took off and I slid along behind him. Dusty was right—the new socks worked great.
We went again and again until we were both panting and laughing too hard to keep going. We both fell on the couch and he put his arm around me and pulled me close.
“Is this allowed?” I said, turning my face and looking at him.
“I think I can control myself. For the moment. We might need to bring out Napoleon again.” As if he’d heard his name, Napoleon mewed from Dusty’s bedroom.
“Poor little guy. I’ll go get him.”
I opened the door to Dusty’s bedroom and I heard him rustling around in my candy bucket.
“You’d better not be sticking your paws in my candy bucket,” I yelled out, taking my chance to look around his tiny bedroom. There was about enough room for his bed and that was about it, except for a dresser, a basket of laundry and a few knickknacks. I picked up the crying Napoleon and cuddled him.
“It’s okay, buddy.” I gave him a kiss and he licked my face.
“Thanks, I needed that.” I wasn’t snooping, exactly, but I was curious about Dusty. I still knew so little about him. He was cleaner than I thought he’d be. I saw one lone picture frame on his dresser and picked it up.
It was of Dusty, a few years ago, with his arm slung around another guy. A guy I knew.
The picture frame slipped out of my hand and crashed on the floor.
“Jos!” Dusty heard the crash of the glass and rushed in. “What happened?”
“N-nothing. I just... I dropped something.”
“Be careful. Come over here. I don’t want you to step on the glass.” He moved me aside, since we were both still wearing just our socks.
“I’ll get the broom,” he said, leaving me standing there, still holding the kitten.
How was it possible? Why would they be in the same picture? Clearly, they were close if they were in the same picture.
“Who is that, in the picture?” I blurted out when he came back. I saved myself from saying his name.
“What?” He stopped, his arm holding the broom out.
“The other guy in that picture. How do you know him?”
And then he said the thing that pulled the world out from under me.
“He’s my brother.”