I knock on her door for the third day in a row, praying she’ll answer. I’m trying not to push, but I miss her. I want to see her. I fucking need to see her. When she doesn’t come to the door, I turn the handle. It’s unlocked and I let out a sigh of relief.
Pushing into the chilly room, I frown to see the fire has died down in the fireplace. There’s a lump in the middle of the bed buried under blankets. I hurry over to the fireplace and make sure the flames are good and high before walking over to her bed.
“Casey.” My voice is hoarse.
She doesn’t answer, but I sense she’s awake. The air is still and quiet aside from the cackling of the fireplace. Finally, she responds, “Tyler, it hurts.”
I clench my teeth to keep my emotion at bay. “I know it does,” I whisper.
The bed quivers and then she lets out a gut-wrenching sound. Needing to touch her, I lift the blanket and seek her out. She doesn’t retreat from me, so I settle beneath the blankets, curling my body around her tiny one. The harder she cries, the harder I squeeze her. I wish I could make it all better.
“I’m sorry, Casey. I never meant to hurt you.”
Protect her. Protect her. You must protect her.
“Y-You l-l-let m-me love you.”
“Loving someone isn’t a bad thing,” I murmur, my nose nuzzling against her hair, trying to memorize her scent. “Love isn’t something you’re supposed to shield yourself from. You’re supposed to find it and snatch it up, sweetheart.”
“N-Nobody ever loved me b-before. I f-felt loved here and it’ll be g-gone soon.” She sobs so hard I think she’ll be sick.
I wish I could go back in time and make things right for her from the very get-go. She deserved better than what life doled out to her. Others’ selfish choices left her alone and unloved.
“Shhh,” I coo. “You are loved here. It’s not going anywhere. Love doesn’t just disappear. My mom and dad are gone, but I still feel the love they had for me.”
She sobs until she’s dried up and the sounds coming from her are pained moans. “I never had a family. You teased me, Tyler. You teased me with what you couldn’t give me.”
Guilt gnaws at me. It pains me that I brought her into my life only to tell her I’m dying, but I don’t feel bad for selfishly having her with us the past couple of months. She breathed life into my upcoming death. The sadness was overshadowed by her.
I brought her here for Torin, but I didn’t realize I found her for me too.
The affection. The talks. The eye contact.
Being with a brother who doesn’t show emotion and refusing to date knowing no one deserves to be with a man with one foot in a grave meant I was lonely. I just needed a connection. Casey connects me to this life more than anything else I’ve done lately. She makes me focus on the little things. The sound of laughter. The chilly bite of a snowflake on your cheeks. The savory taste of a well-cooked steak. I’m not absorbed in growing our fortune to leave behind for when I’m gone. I’m focused on living in the moment—enjoying every second of it.
“I don’t want to fight and I can’t lose you,” I tell her, my voice cracking. “I need you more than I’ve ever needed anyone in my life. I need you to be here…until the end. I’ve tried to give you everything to make you happy, but all I want is this one thing. One simple thing you can give me in return. You. Your smiles. Your voice. Your touch. I just need you.”
She lets out a wail but turns in my arms, clutching desperately onto me. Her fingers claw at my shirt as she buries her wet face against my neck. I hug her tight and stroke her hair. I comfort my girl—our girl—as she grieves. Selfishly, I hug her because she’s the only affection I’ve been afforded in quite some time.
“I love you, Casey. You need to hear that. I know you’ll never be mine, not like that, but you can be mine like this. Just for a little while.” Tears streak down my temples. “Just for a little while.”
“I’m sorry,” she breathes against my neck. “I don’t want to fight. I love you too, Tyler.”
My heart swells and I smile as I kiss her head. “Today, we’ll cry this shit out and then tomorrow, I want to spend my time with you and Torin. My family.”
“How are you so strong?”
“I’ve never been given a choice not to be,” I utter. “I’ve been given challenges my entire life. Challenges not meant for the weak.”
I’ve been running and running. Chasing and chasing. I finally have all I ever wanted wrapped up in my arms. Fucking sucks it’ll all soon be over.
“Like me? I’m a challenge.”
“You’re a reward, sweetheart. You’re my reward for this difficult life.”
She sighs and a small chuckle escapes her. “I’ve been called a lot of things but never someone’s reward.”
“That’s because you’ve been around the wrong people.” And I’ll be goddamned if I ever let that happen again. “You’re finally where you belong—where you can hear the things you deserve to hear.”
“How will I go on without you? For Torin? Is that what you did?”
I squeeze her. “With Torin, sweetheart. And that’s exactly what I did when our parents died. I went on with Torin. He’s not a burden. He’s a lot stronger than people give him credit for. One day you’ll see.”
Casey lifts up and stares at me. In the dark room, I can’t make out her features, but I want to. Her fingertips run through my hair. “Say it again, Ty.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”