Chapter 13
"What am I supposed to do!?" I bellow. "Yell until I'm blue in the face? Tried that. Beg and grovel? Done that. Plead with you? Been there. Berate you? Tell you you're worthless? Covered that. Tell you how much I love you? How much I miss who you used to be before you let this... let this fucked up addiction eat the soul you used to have?" I end on a humorless laugh.
I stand there staring at her and shake my head sadly. My chin drops to my chest and I breathe out a breath of defeat. The hand holding mine squeezes and I look over at the angel who walked into my fucked-up life. The angel my life has tarnished. No matter her history, my life has darkened hers. My stomach revolts at even the idea, let alone the fact.
"Stop," she whispers. "No matter what, I stand next to you. And if you can't do this anymore, say the word and I'll stand in front of you until you can start again."
I have no idea what I did to deserve Schuyler. I don't know if it's the world paying me back for the fucked up family I got, or if I did something else to deserve her.
I blow out a breath, not of defeat, but strength.
"Mom, every single time you fuck up, you call me. If I ignore you, you call my brotherhood. This is the last time. I'm finished. As much as it rips me up, I can't let your chosen lifestyle hurt Schuyler anymore. Your life choices—"
"You're going to choose this little bitch over your own mother?!" her screeches interrupt me.
All the guilt I was having for cutting my mother out vanishes. All the sorrow in this moment is replaced by bitterness and clarity.
With a smirk, I tilt my head. "First off, don't ever disrespect her like that again. Secondly, like you have room to talk. You chose your drugs, your pills, and your bottle over me, time after time after time. Just like you did Lexi. She moved across the country to get away from you, and your bullshit ways of bringing everyone around you down. Not anymore though." She tries to interject, I raise my hand while shaking my head. "I'm not choosing her over you. I'm choosing me, Mom. I'm choosing happiness. I'm choosing life."
I turn on my heel with Schuyler's hand in mine, and walk out of her cell doors. I nod my head to the sheriff on duty and I ignore her yells, leaving her there, behind me. Once we are out of the holding cells, I turn and punch the wall.
"Fuck!" I roar.
Schuyler wraps her arms around my middle from behind. She grabs my wrists and pulls them to my chest, squeezing me, holding tight.
"Shh, baby. Shh," Schuyler whispers.
I sink to the floor, mourning the loss of my parent who is physically still alive, but has mentally been gone for far too long. Breathing deep, my chest rises and falls with each deep breath I take. With the woman I still don't deserve, sitting on the floor, letting me have this moment of weakness and sending me strength, I remember.
I chose myself. I chose happiness. I chose life.
***
We get to my house and I just want to lay down with her and make sure she’s okay, and worship her for being my strength back there.
I lead her down the hall to my bedroom. I sit down to unlace my boots and she kicks off her flats and walks to my bookshelf and looks at my collection.
“Is this your sister?” she asks pulling out a book.
“Yes, ma’am,” I tell her as I stand up and walk over and grab another one of her books. “I’ve bought and read every single one of these that she’s put out.”
My finger grazes the cover of the one I’m holding.
“I’m sure she is happy to have her brother support her like that.”
“Ehh... She doesn’t know.” I shrug.
“Will you tell me about her and why she doesn’t know that you are proud of her? I can tell, the way you’re looking at her books, the pride is shining bright in your eyes.”
“Where have you been my whole life?” I smile at her as I put the book down and pull her into my chest.
“Just waiting for the right moment to meet you.” She snuggles into my chest and I exhale a breath.
I pick her up by the waist and carry her to my bed. I lay down with her still on top of me and put one of my arms under my head.
“Where do I start with Lexi?” I wonder out loud.
“Where your heart wants to,” she tells me.
I rub my free hand up and down her back as I think back.
“Lexi always was a straight kid. She worked hard in school, went to college, didn’t finish, but was there long enough to get what she wanted out of it. She’s two years older than me, and she was always treated like she was the golden child. I never resented her for it, but I did come to resent my grandparents for it. She and I could literally do the same exact thing and they would praise her and then turn around and tell me how I could do better. I’m not sure if it was because she’s a girl or what, but man… it pissed me off, hard core. When Dad left, Mom told Lexi it was because I was too much for him. Lexi defended me, and said it was bullshit for her to say that. Dad was a gambler. I bailed him out time after time, and he just kept doing it. Eventually he left Mom for some woman he met at one of his gambling places, and I told him if he leaves her, he leaves us, too.”
“Lexi didn’t understand that’s what his intentions were to begin with, but she took it hard, and blamed me in the end because I made him leave her. When Mom started with her drugs, Lexi took it even harder because that’s two parents she basically lost, and they are still very much alive. My mom would always call me begging me to help her, and at first I kept telling her to fuck herself basically, because I knew she didn’t want help, she wanted money. So, Mom would call Lex and tell her I wouldn’t help her. Lex would get pissed off at me for not loving our mom when that wasn’t the case at all. Mom started popping pills to start with. Then she started drinking when her body got used to the pills. She started to build a tolerance to the alcohol, but that wasn’t enough anymore.”
“Oh, Vice,” Schuyler said with sadness in her tone.
“Lex got to the point that she found herself in the same shoes with Mom. She would go out for a night of drinking, and then the night turned into the whole weekend, and that turned into a bottle of wine a night, and so on. My sister blamed me for it, because I wasn’t helping Mom and the extra stress on her shoulders was making Lex drink, too. She never really had a problem with alcohol abuse. She just drank to take the edge off and that was scary for her, as it should be, I guess.” I run my hand down my face.
“Anyway, I started to bail my mom out with everything, so my sister didn’t have to worry about it. Little did I know, Mom was still hitting her up for money on the side. Lex came to me one day and told me she was moving to Colorado and she was leaving everything behind. She was leaving this life, and she was starting fresh. She lost herself in her writing, and became a huge sensation. I’ve watched her ranks get higher and higher with every book she finishes,” I finish.
“You’ve never tried to contact her?” Schuyler asked.
“Yeah, I did at first. We kept in contact through texts for that first year. Then she started to get busy. I’m guessing when her books started to take off. So, I stopped texting to give her room to grow. Then, the texts stopped altogether.”
“Why don’t you reach out now?”
“She’s a superstar in the author's world. She’s made one hell of a living off her stories. I don’t want to sound like the long-lost brother who shows up after my sister hit the big time.” I shrug.
“Oh, Stanton,” she breathes.
“It’s alright. I’m sure I will talk with her again someday, but I don’t want to intrude on her grand life she’s always wanted.”
“You have such a big heart,” she says as she kisses my chest.
“Only for you,” I tell her as I roll us over so I’m on top of her.
Her eyes are locked on mine, and the fire, I search for constantly, is blazing bright with so much love and desire.
“I don’t know what I did so right in my life to get you, but I sure don’t deserve it.” I run my lips along her jaw line.
“Mmm,” she hums as she arches her head back.
I chuckle, dragging my lips down her neck, to her collarbone.
“I want you to stay here,” I blurt out.
Her eyes flash open and she smiles.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” I ask.
“Yup, okay.” She laughs.
“Why do I feel like that was too easy?” My lips move back to her skin.
“I know your heart, Vice. I know your protective instincts. I know your love,” she says. “I know it will make you feel better to have me close. Plus, I get to wake up next to you every single day. I’m good with that.” She smiles.
I sit up and push her shirt up and over her head. My lips move back to her chest and I put my mouth on her nipple over her bra. Her back bows off of the bed and her hands go to my hair. When I feel her need, mine flares. My need to fulfil her. I pull her bra off and close my mouth around her nipple sucking hard. I roll my tongue over it and my eyes come up to watch the pleasure roll across her face.
“Vice,” she moans.
“Tell me what you want, Schuyler. You know how this works,” I growl out.
“I want you inside of me!” she cries out, not hesitating to tell me.
I rip her pants and lace underwear off without undoing her pants buttons. She sits up and frantically pulls my belt free and pulls my cock from my pants. She climbs onto my lap and lowers herself on me fast and hard. She cries out at our rough connection.
“Damn, you’re already soaking wet,” I grit out.
“Always for you,” she moans out.
“I didn’t put a condom on, Schuy,” I say through clenched teeth. “I want to feel you, but if you want me to use one, I will.”
“No. I need to feel you, Vice. I need it,” she pants.
She starts moving and I grab a handful of her hair and tilt her head back, giving my mouth access to her throat. I will never tire myself of kissing her skin. Her hands are on my shoulders, steadying herself, helping her set the pace.
“More. I need more. I need you closer,” she pants out.
I grab her hips and thrust her onto me. Each sound of her skin slapping mine urges me on faster, harder. Her pussy is tight, wet, and hot. As our thrusts get harder, her screams get louder.
“That’s right, sweetheart, let me hear you,” I grit out watching her.
“Stanton!” she cries, “I’m so close!”
I grip her hair and bring her mouth down to mine. Her lips part on a moan, and I thrust my tongue inside. She fights for the control she never gains as I tighten my grip. I end the kiss with a bite to her bottom lip and she gasps. I can tell she’s on the edge. Her forehead is resting on mine.
“Fucking give it to me, Schuyler,” I demand, pulling her bottom lip into my mouth and biting down on it, sucking hard.
Her nails rake down my back, bringing my blood to the surface, and she throws her head back, screaming my name. Her orgasm takes her by full force.
Hearing my name on her lips, she loses herself, and it’s my undoing. Lifting her hips, twice more, I slam into her. I explode inside, warming her inside out.
“I love you so goddamn much already,” she pants as she shoves her face in my neck.
I wrap my arms around her back, pushing her harder on me to ride out her aftershock and milk me dry.
“I love you,” I rasp. Her hips start to move again and she lets out a long moan.
I can feel her walls getting tight again and I know she’s close to another orgasm. I rub her back and forth on me, rubbing her clit with my free hand. Her head falls back, riding the waves of pleasure and she bites her lip.
I lower my head to her nipple again and roll my tongue across it. She starts moving faster, and I rub my thumb over her clit and shove it into her mouth. Her eyes meet mine, dazed with desire and she clamps down on my thumb, rolling her tongue around it, nearly making me come all over again. I remove my thumb and start rubbing her clit again as I move my mouth to her other breast.
“I’m going to fuck these tits, Schuyler,” I growl out.
She tenses, crying out my name again and squirts all over my dick, soaking it.
I push her to her back and pull out of her. I grasp my cock and take a deep stroke and watch her eyes darken. Her hands come up and she pushes her tits together.
“You want my cock buried in your tits?”
She nods her head and I feel her thighs clench under me.
I crawl up her body and I push the head of my cock into the valley of her breasts.
As I slide into them, she pushes them tighter together, making me groan. Her eyes consume me as I move, thrusting back and forth.
Her mouth falls open on a gasp and then she pulls that bottom lip between her teeth. Her heavy-lidded eyes meet mine as she lets out a moan.
“Please,” she begs as I continue to thrust.
“Please what?” I ask her, knowing what she wants as she licks her lips.
“Let me taste you.”
“You want me to come in your mouth?”
She nods and I pump faster, bringing myself to the edge. I pull myself from her tits and her hand comes out to grasp my shaft as she guides me. Her mouth is hot as she swirls her tongue around me.
I push myself into her mouth as far as I can get.
“Jesus Christ, Schuyler,” I groan out.
She returns with a moan, and my cock stiffens. I thrust into her twice more to the hilt. She swallows, making me explode.
She drinks me down, and when I pull out from her mouth, she licks her lips with a smile.
This woman will be the death of me.