I woke up the next morning with my eyes crusty from crying, my heart broken, and my pussy still tingling. I would have liked to be able to say that the night before didn’t happen, but there was no way to deny it. My boss, the amazingly sexy Dr. Joshua Hutton, had gone down on me and made me come. A total first for me with a partner.
But that wasn’t really the bad part. That wasn’t the part of the story that made me cringe and want to hide in my room for…well, until I got fired and had to leave. No, the worst part was that he’d hightailed it out of the room like someone had set his ass on fire. After I’d gotten mine and long before he’d gotten anything. I didn’t understand it.
He’d been hard, like really hard, and I’d only just started to make a move on him. The poor man had implied he hadn’t been with a woman in years—a blow job was the least I could do for releasing me from my partner-induced-orgasm virginity. I had grand plans of a few strokes with my hand before taking him in my mouth and showing him all I could do to make him feel good. And if he’d decided to fuck me instead of coming in my mouth? Bonus for me.
But he’d shot those plans to hell with his I should go and his I shouldn’t be here. As if I were some sort of sexual charity case—the girl whose body hated her and often refused to climax, and the doctor who could show her how good sex could be. I mean, not forever—just that once—because he’d run away and left her wondering what the hell had happened, naturally.
If he wasn’t so kind and sweet, I’d think he was a jackass.
But it was morning again, another day, another chance to see what happened. Josh wasn’t the type to be cruel, so something had to have gotten under his skin and made him run like that. I needed to figure out what so we could move past it. Even if we went back to just boss and employee—which would suck in so many not-allowed-to-suck ways.
I groaned and rolled out of bed, heading for the shower, needing a little extra time to psych myself up for what I knew would be an awkward moment downstairs. Hopefully, I’d get Josh to talk to me and we’d figure things out.
* * *
The second I walked into the kitchen, I knew this was not going to be the morning to figure things out.
Josh sat at the kitchen table, sexy-as-fuck reading glasses perched on his nose as he read on his iPad, his shoulders set and his spine stiff. The man was on the defensive. This was going to suck.
“Good morning,” I said, keeping my voice quiet and my steps light as I made my way to the cabinets.
Josh startled, as if he hadn’t expected me. A fact that made my stomach tighten even more.
“Morning.” He went back to his iPad, ignoring me.
I made a cup of coffee, my throat tight and my stomach twisting the entire time. I’d expected more from him, but apparently, I wasn’t going to get it without pushing. One of us needed to be an adult and start the conversation, no matter how awkward it would be. I’d been hoping it would be Josh, that he’d step up and be the one to calmly discuss his actions and where we went from there. Apparently, he had other plans. Plans that included ignoring the elephant trampling through the room. I wasn’t willing to do the same, though.
So as I settled in across from him at the table, I took a deep breath and readied myself for some serious adulting. “About last night—”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have overstepped my bounds.” He ran a hand through his hair, refusing to even look me in the face. “I know it’s a lot to ask, but I’m hoping we can just forget it ever happened.”
It was a lot to ask. Too much, in fact. “Yeah, that’s not happening. The only thing ignoring last night is going to do is make things worse.”
His head jerked back, his eyes finally meeting mine. Big, nervous eyes. I hadn’t been expecting that from him. Disgust, doubtful but possible. Awkwardness, sure. Distance, definitely. Nervousness? Never. What could he be so worried about?
Ignoring the urge to investigate that look, to interrogate him until he told me what he was so concerned about, I gripped my mug to keep my hands from shaking and went in a different direction.
“Why’d you run out?”
His expression hardened, and he looked away once more. “I think I already made this situation as bad as it could be, don’t you think? I went down on my nanny, for fuck’s sake. That’s not appropriate behavior, certainly not with the woman who’s taking care of my son.”
I was really getting sick of the word appropriate. “Then why’d you even bother coming into my room?”
He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. “Because I’m attracted to you—I always have been. I thought that was fairly obvious. But just because there’s attraction doesn’t mean it’s something I should act on.”
I digested those words for a good three seconds, relishing the fact that he was attracted to me. Relieved, even. “So it wasn’t a pity orgasm?”
“Jesus, no,” he said, frowning as if even the thought was appalling. “Why would you think that?”
“Why wouldn’t I? The man I’ve had a crush on for almost two years finally makes a move, but only after he learns how defective I am. And when I try to return the favor—something I’ve been dreaming of doing, by the way—he runs.” My shoulders sagged, much of the fight draining from my body. “It was so obvious you regretted being with me.”
Josh tossed his iPad onto the table, his eyes hard and filled with anger as they met mine. “First of all, you are not defective. You came just fine last night.”
I blinked. Twice. Josh stared back at me, his lips turning up in a grimace as the seconds ticked by.
“I came just fine?” I stressed each syllable, my tone harsh and my words clipped.
He groaned, pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose under his glasses as if trying to hold back a headache. “Try to forget I said that. I shouldn’t be saying things like that to you.”
“Why not?”
He laughed, the sound so out of place, I sat back in my chair and simply stared at him.
“Where do I start?” he asked in an incredulous voice. “I’m your employer. I rely on you to take care of my son. Not to mention the fact that I am nearly old enough to be your father.”
Sometimes puzzle pieces seemed impossible to put together, and other times they fell into place without issue. I hadn’t expected an aha moment with Josh, hadn’t planned on actually getting to the root of his problem with me, but his words dropped those pieces in a way that they slid together in my mind and showed me one very clear picture. “Is that it? You want me but think you can’t have me because of Max?”
He looked away, avoiding me once more. “I want you, Bailey. I always have. But, I’m sorry. I can’t do anything to jeopardize—”
I shoved back from the table, the screeching of the chair drawing him up short. “Do you really think so little of me? Do you think I’d risk that little boy in any way?”
“Bailey, what—”
But I wasn’t hearing him. “For fuck’s sake, Josh, I’m not stupid or heartless. You weren’t the only one who dealt with Max’s grief. You aren’t the one who wipes his tears away when his doctor daddy is stuck at the hospital for a long surgery, and he gets anxious about losing another person in his life.” I stomped across the kitchen, rage fueling every harsh move. “I know how important I am to that little boy, and I’d never do anything to risk that relationship. I thought maybe—just maybe—we could move the attraction between us to the next level, that we could be adults and put Max first while exploring our feelings.”
“I’m trying to put Max first!”
I slammed my coffee cup on the counter and spun to face him. “No, you’re not. You're putting your fears first. Max gets second place.”
My eyes burned, tears ready to fall. He really thought I’d leave Max if things didn’t work out with us? Did he not know me? Did he not see how much that little boy owned my heart? Max was family, and the fact that Josh chose not to notice that hurt far more than him walking out on me the night before.
I rinsed out the mug and set it in the dishwasher, slamming the door closed. “Just so you know, no matter what happens with us, I’d never walk away from Max. Ever.”
My tears began to fall, leaving wet streaks behind on my cheeks. I needed to go, needed to get away so I could settle down before I said something I really regretted. Before he saw how much he’d hurt me and tried to placate me with words he didn’t mean.
I wasn’t above launching one final hit below the belt, though.
“You keep your fears company,” I said as I headed out of the kitchen. “I’ve got a lunch date to get ready for.”
I fucked up. There was no other way to describe it as I watched Bailey storm out of the kitchen, her irritation cloaking the room even after she left. I plucked off my glasses and scrubbed my hands over my face with a groan. How had I let this get so screwed up?
I’d gone to bed last night with the smell of her all over me, so sure walking away had been for the best. That instead of thinking with my cock, I was finally thinking with my head and doing the logical, responsible thing. For all of us.
Not only did I have Max to worry about, but I knew Bailey didn’t come from a lot of money, and her employment with me was the only reason she was able to stay on the island while taking online classes to complete her business degree. I hadn’t wanted to do anything to jeopardize her future. Not that I’d ever fire her—Max loved her too much, and the feeling was mutual between them—but if she got uncomfortable, I didn’t want to put her in a situation where she had to make the choice between her livelihood and her happiness.
But then, in true Bailey fashion, she’d taken a sledgehammer to my thinking, busting through every preconceived notion I had, and made me see things from her perspective. And from her perspective? I was the Grade A asshole who walked out on her five minutes after she came, not the responsible parent I thought I was being.
She’d been right—I was letting my fear guide my decisions. Even shittier was that I’d even convinced myself it had been for Max when it was clearly to protect myself.
I sat at the kitchen table, staring at the place she’d just escaped through—for a date, apparently. The thought of her out with someone else about killed me. It didn’t matter if the guy was an immature twenty-two-year-old or a forty-two-year-old business owner, I didn’t like it. I hated it. Hated the thought of someone else buying her a meal, sitting across from her, and soaking up every one of her smiles. Someone else being on the receiving end of her laughter, hearing about her day. I wanted to be that someone—had wanted it for a while.
I’d had a taste of what it could be like to be with Bailey, and now I wanted the whole damn meal. If she was willing to explore this thing between us—if she wasn’t worried about the possible outcomes—then I was going to trust her judgment and push away my reservations.
But now, thanks to my asinine assumptions and my asshole reactions, I had a dog house to get out of. The only other time I’d seen Bailey that pissed off had been when a little shit at Max’s school had swiped his lunch and pushed him down on the playground, ripping his jeans and cutting open the skin on his knees. She might not have been Max’s biological mother, but the mama bear was fierce and alive inside her, that was for damn sure.
My plans would have to wait until tonight, but I knew exactly what to do. It wasn’t anything extravagant or outrageous, because that wasn’t Bailey. I just hoped it was enough.
I had a couple stores to get to, but first… I grabbed a stack of Post-it notes from the drawer, uncapped a pen, and wrote a few quick notes to her. Leaving them around where I knew she’d see them, I smiled for the first time that morning and went to grab a quick shower before heading out.
I wasn’t happy about her going out with some other dick, but I couldn’t exactly stop her. I could, however, do everything in my power to make sure she knew how sorry I was and that she thought of me the whole time.