S H I L O H
The road hummed beneath the tires of the truck. A soft breeze flowed through the open window, blowing my hair. The fragrance of fresh grass and dirt filled the cab. I had no idea where we were going, but I honestly didn’t care.
There was really no question if I would go with Nate. The way he’d clung to me in the barn spoke volumes. Certain times in my life I had to listen to my gut, and this was one of them. Something was going on with him, and in that moment, his vulnerability bled into me. I wasn’t about to turn my back on him when he needed me, no matter what he’d done before.
Surprisingly, Mira hadn’t questioned me about going away with Nate. Ryke and Silas had almost sounded relieved. I guess we’d both acted a bit off with the way we’d left things.
When my watch announced the time, I was surprised to find we’d been driving for over an hour. My hands tapped the beat of the music on my legs.
“Are you hungry?” Nate asked, turning down the radio.
Gasping, I fumbled until I found the knobs. Once the volume was back up, I sighed.
A soft chuckle rose from Nate. “What the hell was that all about?”
“Have some respect. That’s Luke Bryan.” I leaned closer to the speaker where Luke’s sexy voice sang to me. The booming laughter coming from the man next to me had my heart beating faster than even the sexy, country music singer’s could.
“I like that.”
“What? Luke Bryan?” Nate asked through his chuckles.
“No. You laughing.” A large hand covered mine, startling me. Turning mine over, I laced my fingers with his. It felt so damn good to just hold his hand.
“Are you gonna tell me where we are going?”
“Not yet. Okay?” His voice was soft, almost unsure. Honestly, at this point, I would go anywhere with him to feel the butterflies in my stomach some more.
“Okay.”
“Hey, can I take you on a date tonight?” Nate’s thumb stroked over my knuckles.
“A date?” The shock must’ve registered through my voice if the low snicker from Nate was any indication.
“Yeah, a date. We’ve done things a bit backward so far. I’m thinking if we start again, maybe we can get it right this time.”
“I’d like that, Nate.” The soft squeeze of my hand was his only response, but it was enough for me to realize I was way too far away from him. Holding him tighter, I unlocked my seat belt and scooted over to the middle seat. As soon as I buckled up again, I snuggled against Nate’s shoulder and closed my eyes.
His familiar smell was full of comfort. The repetitious breathing along with the steady beating of his heart had me dozing off in no time.
Soft lips pressed to the top of my head as I felt myself shifted.
“Mmmm.” I smiled, stretching as I sat up. “Where are we?”
“Kansas.” The truck turned off, and I blinked several times to get the gritty feel out of my eyes.
“How long was I asleep?” I asked when my door opened up. Nate reached around me and unlocked my seat belt before placing my hand on his arm. I couldn’t help but smile at how much he’d learned. He no longer yanked me but guided me so I could independently maneuver. It didn’t go unnoticed and it was surely appreciated.
“You were out for a few hours, drooling all over my shirt.”
“Oh my God, seriously?” I gasped as I climbed to the ground, my legs taking a few seconds to remember how to work.
His laughter filled the air and rumbled through my body.
“You jerk!” I shoved him playfully as we walked.
“We just need to check into the hotel to freshen up, and then I’m taking you to dinner.”
A cool blast of air hit me as we walked through the doors. My cane was in my purse, but I was comfortable holding onto Nate’s arm for the moment.
The check in was quick, and soon, I was led into the elevator. Soft lips on mine surprised me at first, and then butterflies took flight in my stomach. When we reached our room, Nate opened the door and led me in. Before I could ask, he gave me the layout of the room.
“The bathroom’s on our left. The bed’s straight ahead and on the left about ten steps. There’s a dresser with a television on the right and a window all the way at the other side.”
“Thank you, Nate.” I patted him lightly on the ass before feeling for the dresser to set my purse down.
“I’ll set your bag here.”
“That’s perfect, but where is here?”
“Fuck,” he mumbled, causing me to giggle.
I moved to him and felt my way to my bag myself. Leaning up, I placed a wayward kiss on his chin, completely missing my goal of his lips. We laughed as he held me close to him.
“Thank you for coming with me, Shiloh.” His chin rested on the top of my head, his voice suddenly serious.
“When you’re ready, you can tell me why we’re in Kansas, and where we’re headed.” Wrapping my arms around his waist, I leaned back and tilted my head to him. “Just so you know, I’ll go wherever you need me.”
The huge breath pressed against my body as it filled his lungs. On the exhale, he sighed.
“I hoped you would.”
“It’s humid here.” After being in the crisp Colorado air, the thickness was noticeable. It reminded me a bit of Maryland with the way I was sticky the second I stepped outside.
“Yeah, but it’ll change soon with fall coming. Before they’re ready for it, the snow’ll be here, and it’ll be frigid.” Nate was careful to keep me close and not pull me, but instead he let me be guided. I was truly amazed by how easily he slipped into all of this. It usually took a while for people to understand the best way to help a sightless person. Nate was a quick study.
“Thank you for dinner.” I squeezed the bicep I was holding, loving the way the thick, solid muscle felt under my small hand.
Our meal at a local steakhouse had been perfection. Light-hearted conversation was abundant. But the way Nate’s voice would trail off and how he seemed even more distracted than usual made it apparent a lot was left unsaid. Even so, there wasn’t a moment he ignored my needs.
“It was my pleasure, Shiloh.”
“There’s a bench. Would you like to sit?” A slight waver in his voice begged me to agree.
“Sure.” When the bench nudged the back of my legs, I sat and gave him my full attention. I had a feeling what he was going to share with me would change everything. For both of us.
“After our mom died, our dad changed. He drank a lot, but I think he was mean even without the drink, and I was always his target.” His heel tapped a nervous rhythm on the sidewalk.
“Why? Why you?” I whispered, not sure my voice would work otherwise.
“I was too pretty. He said I looked like a girl. Told me no one would ever respect a pansy like me. Ryke’s more rugged—manly. Me? I have softer features, I guess. Like our mom.”
I couldn’t fathom how a parent couldn’t love their own child, even in a dysfunctional way like my own. As misguided as they were, they’d never intentionally hurt me.
“Ryke tried to keep me out of the way so our dad wouldn’t get on me, but it didn’t always work. Ryke took the blows sometimes, but he couldn’t always be there. Finally, my dad decided to do his own manipulating of my features.” The bench vibrated as he drummed his fingers on the wooden slats.
“What does that mean, Nate?” I was almost scared to hear his answer.
“By scarring me up or hurting me until I no longer cried. He said the scars would make me look like a man. He seemed to get off on it. I’ve never understood why he hated me so much.”
“Oh my God.” The words came out in a gasp, and my hands searched for him, clutching his shirt when I found him. “How old were you, Nate?”
“Five or six. When we were eight, we went to live with a couple in Oklahoma City after a teacher saw some of the burn marks and called the authorities. We never went back to our dad.”
Five or six? He’d lived through the abuse for years. Little boys who’d lost their mom found themselves trying to survive. I could hardly stomach it.
“The nightmares? They’re about the abuse?” Memories of the night we’d slept together came flooding back. The blood-curdling cries. The terror in his voice. The despair and embarrassment after he woke. My heart ached for him.
“Yes,” he sighed, shifting on the bench. I wanted nothing more than to wrap him in my arms and hold him. He sounded so distraught. “I can’t seem to shake them. I’ve been to therapists, tried meds. Nothing works. You’re the first girl I’d ever let stay with me after . . . Well, after you know.” Soft fingers grazed my face where he’d accidentally hit me that night. I knew he was remembering it, too. Wrapping my hands around his, I brought it to my mouth, kissing each of his fingers before lowering it to my lap and letting him know I was there.
“None of it was enough to kill me, yet it chipped away at my being until I sometimes feel like I don’t know who I am. It was so long ago, but I feel like I relive it all the time, so I can never get past it.”
“Nate?” I wanted to make sure he was looking at me—really hearing what I was about to say. “You’re a strong man who’s hardworking, loyal, and fun. You told me you’re hot, and I can’t imagine you’d lie about that.” A soft chuckle escaped him. “Your heart is bigger than all your misery. Your father didn’t know you and that’s his loss, but if you need to be reminded of who you are, I will do it every day. For you, I will remind you of the man I know and care about.” I pressed my hand to his chest. “That is who you are.”
“Sometimes, I feel like we’ve known each other for so much longer, Shiloh.”
I knew exactly what he meant. My feelings for him were so strong in just a short time.
“The only people concerned with time are the ones not living in the moment.” Leaning into his side, I sighed at how right it felt.
Nate stood suddenly, pulling me up with him. “Well, pretty lady, let’s go live in the moment then.”