THE LIGHT IS really bright. I don’t think I’ll open my eyes just yet. I don’t know where I am, but I’m warm, and I feel like I’m swathed in the softest fluffiest blanket, and it feels wonderful, but my arm itches like crazy. I could go back to sleep if this itching would stop. My arms feel really heavy, like they are moving in slow motion as I try to lift one to scratch the other.
“Hey, hey, sweetie, don’t do that.” Hey, that’s Sofia… her voice. Sofia’s with me… Oh, that’s nice. I can feel her take my hand, and she squeezes it, but I need it to scratch this itch. It’s driving me crazy, and I try to pull it from her hold. “No, don’t, sweetie, you need it in. It’s helping with the pain.” She sounds sad, why is she sad? I don’t feel any pain. I try to open my eyes, but clamp them shut instantly. It feels like I’m staring into the sun.
“Lights.” My voice is hoarse, and it sounds muffled in my ears, but I am obviously understood, because the brightness of the light is dimmed. I try again to open my eyes, and they take a little while to focus, but I have spent enough time in similar rooms to know straight away I’m in hospital. My head feels thick, and I look at the source of my itch and see the clear IV and needle sticking out of the crook in my arm. That would explain the lack of pain, and my thick dazed head. I look at my hand and at the beautiful face looking intently at me. “Ooo, Sofs, you look like shit.” She looks tired, but I’m guessing I look worse, as I start to recall why I am here. She laughs out loud and sighs in relief.
“Yes, sweetie, I’m sure I do, but let’s not go swapping mirrors any time soon, okay?” She is laughing lightly, but she has some tears falling down her face.
“That bad, eh?” I croak and try to smile, but my lips feel too puffed up to crease, like someone went crazy with the fillers. I try to shift up the bed, but she stops me and presses a button, which allows the bed to do all the hard work. “What time is it?”
“It’s just after seven in the evening.” She is stroking my arm. It tickles but feels nice.
“Wow, I must’ve been out of it to sleep right through a whole day.” I keep trying to smile, but my face just won’t play.
“It’s Thursday, Bets. You’ve been unconscious for three days; you lost a lot of blood.” She starts to sob, and I move to pull her to me. Everything I do is in slow motion, but she feels the extra pressure and moves in for a semi-hug.
“But I’m okay now, right?” She nods. God, she looks sad. “Obviously I won’t be winning any pageants at the moment, unless there’s a category for sexiest hospital gown model.” I manage a small smile and feel really pleased that my face is making progress to react appropriately, but my tiny smile disappears, when I see Daniel stride into the room. His face is impassive, his eyes are dark, and I can feel the tension radiate from him.
“What?” I look to Sofia.
“Daniel called me. You were found outside his building. The guard from the building called the ambulance, but you didn’t have your bag, so he didn’t know who you were.” Daniel steps closer, and I jump and press back into my pillow; I can’t have him near me. He freezes, and his eyes flash with a look of pain. Join the club.
“What do you remember?” His voice is cold and commanding. He steps back into the corner of the room. It hurts to frown, but again I am pleased I am having some normal facial responses as I try to think of what happened.
“A man attacked me from behind, threw me against the wall, he tried to…” I take a sudden gasp of air. “He… he… I stuck my thumbs in his eyes, and he let go a little. I head-butted him, but caught my nose.” I raise my hand to my face at this painful recollection, and I feel the enormous swelling that no longer resembles the shape of my nose, but more like that of an aubergine. “I ran. I just ran… I’m sorry, I went to your building. There was no one around, no one to help. I…I just ran.” My face stings, as the salt from my tears soak the grazes on my skin, and I close my eyes. Sofia is right at my side, her gentle lips kiss my hair, and she continues to stroke my arms at the one part of my body that isn’t bruised. My whole body tenses violently at her voice, and the sound of her heels clicking across the floor in my room.
“Oh, darling. Oh, Boo… are you all right?” She gushes. “I came as soon as I heard.” If she doesn’t recognize the look of hatred in my eyes, she must see Sofia’s.
“Back up there!” Sofia snarls. “She doesn’t need an infection, too!” Kit halts her advance to my bedside.
“How?” My voice is barely audible, but I want to know. “How did you find out?” She looks confused.
“That’s not important. I’m just glad I’m here to take care of you now.” She steps closer and takes my hand loosely. “You know I forgive you, when I heard, when I thought I might lose you, I realized, you are my family, and I forgive you.”
I know it could be the drugs, but I feel really dizzy and sick.
“Were you raped?” She asks, as if she were asking if I’d like some coffee.
“What the fuck, Kit! What kind of question is that? What the fuck!” Sofia shouts, incredulously.
“I just want to know. You know she might need extra support.” If she’s trying for compassion, she is way off.
“No, she wasn’t raped!” Sofia spits out. “And she has all the support she needs. She has me, and she has my family, so you can fuck off!” Her anger is justified, but Kit wouldn’t be here, if she didn’t want something. Kit gives a tight smile, and it’s then she notices him. She looks shocked and a little panicked. Her face is doing a quick calculation to see if she has revealed anything she shouldn’t have, but she relaxes when she is happy that she is still portraying the injured sister, more so because of Sofia’s open hostility.
“Daniel, darling, what are you doing here?” Her voice changes, her tone chills me. “Are you? Is she, the two of you?” He steps swiftly across the room and wraps his arms around her waist, shaking his head at the very thought. It’s no good. I reach for the grey card bowl and heave, only liquid. I clearly haven’t eaten, but the small amount of liquid is torn from my stomach with violent heaves that rip the acrid material up my throat, burning as it leaves my wracked body.
“She was found outside my building. I don’t know why she was there.” He sounds angry when he adds. “Do I look like a man who needs to settle for sloppy seconds?” I hear Sofia gasp, but before she can jump to my defense, Daniel is thrown across the room. My sister stumbles from his hold as Marco charges, hitting Daniel side on, driving him into the wall. Before he can throw a punch, I have leapt out of the bed, knocking my IV stand and dragging it across the room. The drugs must be strong, because I still feel no pain. I pull at Marco’s arm, screaming, but it is not my screams that stop all the activity, it’s Sofia’s.
“What’s that? Bets, what happened to you? Look at your arse!” I crane my neck and see the gaping hospital gown revealing my welt-covered arse, red and bruised. Fuck! I twist the gown to cover my exposed bottom.
“I was thrown against railings, Sofs. I guess they are railing marks.” She raises her eyebrows, and I shake my head for her to let it go. I wobble and grab onto Marco’s arm. He lets Daniel go so he can scoop me up and carry me to the bed. It is then that the doctor walks in.
“What are you doing out of bed?” He reprimands me, not the two who caused me to jump out of the bed in the first place. I look contrite. “Bethany, you have to be more careful. You have two broken ribs, you broke your nose and lost a lot of blood. You need to take it easy, no drama.” He looks around the room and both Marco and Daniel have the grace to look sorry. The doctor takes my chart and sits on the edge of my bed. He smiles kindly, ignoring the tension in the room. “I think you will be able to go home tomorrow. Do you have someone to take care of you? Your sister, perhaps?” I snort. I know that’s rude in front of a stranger, and again, it makes me look bad, but I figure I can’t look any worse.
“She can stay with me. I’ll look after her.” Marco volunteers, and I can see Daniel’s jaw ticking, but frankly, after the sloppy seconds comment, I don’t even know what he is still doing here.
“Oh, honey, that’s kind, but you can’t look after yourself, and we both know I’d end up looking after you and I’m not up to that yet.” He kisses my hand, because he knows I’m right.
“She’ll be coming home with me,” Sofia informs the doctor. “Mama was very clear on the subject. In fact, you might have a fight on your hands about ever getting back to your place.” She grins.
“All right, then, that’s settled. Now I would suggest some rest, maybe a few less visitors. I know it’s a private ward, so there is a little flexibility, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need to rest.” I frown, I know I don’t have private health care, but he is right. I do need my rest, and I feel exhausted. I need to clear the room, and in more than one way. I look at Daniel, his eyes dark and intense, it still sends a heat of prickles to my core, but I can’t make out his expression. But you know what? It doesn’t matter. I am done.
“Daniel, thank you for coming.” My voice is clear, calm and determined. “You made your feelings toward me perfectly clear, always good to know where I stand. Thank you for our time together, I will treasure it, but I’m done, really, it’s enough, no more. And you,” I turn toward my sister, she has her head tilted and has a strangled smile awkwardly plastered to her face. “Well, you… you got everything you wanted and then some, I would say, so you can just…fuck off! I don’t want to see you again… Ever!” I hold her glare as she huffs, indignant, grabbing Daniel’s arm to leave the room. She turns for her last word; I knew she would, and I sigh. “Please, do go on, say what you need.”
“I am so sorry, Boo, but I can’t forgive you. I can’t forgive this.” She wipes her stray tear and turns away, resting her head on Daniel’s shoulder. I don’t know if he looks back at me, because I keep my eyes tightly shut until I hear their footsteps fade.
“I know.” I let out my breath and close my eyes. Only to snap them open when Sofia squeals.
“Yeah!” She punches the air. “Oh, my God, Bets! You should take this more often.” She grabs my IV tube and shakes it lightly.
“Yes, I definitely need to be smacked off my tits to deal with this shit and that bitch.” I laugh, and it’s the first time I feel a little relief.
“Seriously, Boo, you rock!” Marco agrees. “I know it’s your battle, but I have wanted to tell her to fuck off for a while now, and I can’t understand why you just wouldn’t do it sooner?” Marco is holding my hand tight.
“It doesn’t matter now.” Sofia interrupts, stopping that line of inquiry. It really doesn’t matter now. I know I won’t see my sister again, and I know I won’t see Daniel, either, and I have a shit load of other pain to keep me distracted, for now.
Sofia and Marco leave me shortly after and I fall into a dream-filled sleep. It feels so good, and I am smiling so wide, no restriction from the swelling. I lean into his warm hands holding my face; turning to kiss his palm. His minty breath feathers against my cheek, as he whispers to me, “I’m so sorry I didn’t keep you safe, I didn’t know. I needed to know, and you wouldn’t tell me.” He sounds so sad.
“Ssshhh, baby, it’s all right. It’s all right. I tried to, but I don’t blame you, baby, I don’t blame you.” I nestle into his hand as his scent consumes me. “Mmmm, you smell so good. I loved you so much, Daniel, and, and it’s okay, I’m okay, and you helped me. You know, you really helped. I think I will survive you.” I kiss his hand again, but he pulls it away, and I see his dark dangerous eyes, and the heat scorches through my soul.
“I don’t want you to survive me. I love you. You’re mine.” He kisses me fiercely, sparing no consideration to the deep bruising on my mouth, my breath hitches, and my lips part welcoming his demanding tongue. God, that feels so good. It is urgent and passionate; stealing my breath as I moan with need. My pulse is racing, I can hear a rapid beeping noise, my shoulder is shaken gently, and a nurse fills my vision as I open my eyes.
“Hey, Bethany.” She is still shaking me. “I don’t know what you were dreaming, my dear, but if you keep setting your pulse racing like that, the doctor won’t let you go home tomorrow.” She smiles and I know under the bruising my face is bright red. I may have been projecting in my dream, but, God, that was hot!
I spend the first few days recovering in the guest room at Sofia’s parents. I catch up on all my reading, and Mr. Wilson was kind enough to get all the Lecturers to email their notes and assignments directly to me. It was like having private tuition. I spoke to Mags, I felt bad for not having spoken to her sooner, she must have known I had stopped taking calls; she probably wanted her phone back. She didn’t, and she was really sweet, told me the phone was prepaid and still booked until the end of the month, so to keep it and maybe pop it back next month, because she’d really love to see me and catch up. I know it didn’t really work out, but she didn’t make a big deal about it, and sounded like she really wanted to see me, so I promised I would pop round next month to do just that.
I have been at Sofia’s parents’ house for a whole week, and, really, I feel much better. The bruising on my face is a nice greenish yellow, and I still have two black eyes, but my nose is back to its normal size; though it is very tender . My ribs are the same shade as my cheeks and are still bound with strong sports tape and the cut on the sole of my foot is healed. It’s not those injuries that has Sofia’s judgemental brow raised, as I lift myself from her bed and head to her bathroom. The welts are now thin red lines, and they peek out of the bottom of my pyjama shorts.
“So, Miss, you gonna’ tell me about those railing marks?” she quips.
“No.” I shoot right back and shut the bathroom door to take a pee. She bursts right in as I take a seat.
“Sofs! A little privacy here! I’ve been prodded and poked with no chance at modesty for almost a week, so now I’m home, I’d like to regain a little of my dignity,” I huff.
“You can ask for privacy with your arse looking like the rear end of a Grand National winner?” She has a point, but I don’t know how I would begin to explain that night, because it would mean explaining Lola, and that I am perhaps a kinky bitch. I know she’s my best friend, but I don’t think that means she needs to know everything about me, especially when I don’t know everything about me.
“You know Sofs, I think I can, and I think you should let me have it. All you need to know is, I’m okay.” I look dead into her eyes and see that she is only worried about me. She doesn’t really want to know the gory details—well, maybe she does--but she really just wants to know I’m okay.
“You sure, it’s important, Bets. You sure you are okay? You’re not just saying that?” Her need for extra assurance is why I love her so much. She really cares enough to ask the awkward questions even if I don’t want to give her the awkward answers.
“I’m sure, promise.” I cross my heart and blow her a kiss, and she walks to me, when I hold my hand to stop her. “Wait right there, Mrs.! I am not cuddling you while I’m sitting on the loo!”
“Right, right.” She laughs, still not leaving. My eyes widen, unbelieving that she doesn’t know I want her to leave. “Oh, sorry.” She scuttles back into her bedroom and I laugh. She has no shame, but that doesn’t mean I don’t, either.
Sofia’s mum has cooked the most amazing meal. I look at the table, and I am sure there must be at least another ten people joining us, with the amount of food piled in the center, but no, it’s the six of us: Sofia’s mum and dad, Sofia and Paul, Marco and me. She has cooked a roast, and I know that’s because it’s my favourite non-Italian meal -- roast lamb stuffed with rosemary and anchovies, crisp roast potatoes, rosemary buttered carrots, cauliflower cheese, spring greens with leeks and broccoli. My eyes are definitely too big for my stomach as I pile my plate with the delicious smelling food. Sofia raises her glass of wine for a toast. I’m still on pain medication, so I have water, but I raise mine all the same.
“To family and no more hospital food.” There is a light laughter, and we all chink glasses. I am so grateful to this family that literally saves my life on a daily basis. We all begin to eat.
“How have you been, Paul? I mean you look well.” I ask, as I try to slow down shovelling food into my face like I haven’t eaten in a week.
“I am all good, sweetheart, good as new, eh, babe?” He nudges Sofia, and she instantly blushes. It’s sweet, but Paul quickly carries on when he sees her father’s scowl. I chuckle. “I’m back to work, I mean.” Nice recovery. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you. My doctor said I should avoid hospitals, you know avoid possible infections, but if you look like this after nearly two weeks, honestly, I am glad I didn’t get to see you then.”
“Paul!” Sofia elbows him in the ribs, and he winces, but I laugh.
“What? What did I say?” He looks affronted, but then it sinks in what he said. “No, Bets, it’s not that you look like shit, it’s just you know-” Marco interrupts.
“You want a shovel with that, Paul?” he snickers, and I can’t stop laughing as Paul squirms with embarrassment.
“Take no notice, Paul.” I shoot him my sweetest I’m-not-offended smile. “I’m glad you’re all fixed. Anyway, enough with the drama. What else is new?”
“Well,” Sofia’s dad joins in. “The restaurants are all coping without you, Bets, so there’s no need to hurry back, you just take your time getting better.” He reaches and grabs my hand, his hands are massive and completely cover mine, and holds it. “You’re very precious to me, to all of us.” I can feel tears building, and he senses this, too, and quickly continues. “Marco has some news.” He nods to his son, and I turn to look next to me as Marco puts the largest potato in his mouth, whole. He grins. We all stare at him while he chews and swallows; he loves the attention.
“Oh, yes, yes, I do. I’m moving.” He seems really pleased, but I hope he isn’t moving too far.
“Really, where?” I sound apprehensive.
“Not far, two streets over, a little nearer to the restaurant, actually, and it’s bigger, has two bedrooms.”
“Ooo, fancy! That’s great, though, nearer to the restaurant, not that it’s much of a commute, but still, an extra five minutes in bed is not to be sniffed at.” I nudge him, and he puts his arm around my shoulder and hugs me. I decide now is as good a time as any to mention going back to my place. I am much better, and as much as I love being here, I do miss my own space. “I was thinking, I would head back to mine tomorrow. It must need a bit of a cleaning by now.” The table falls silent, and I look at all the faces staring at me like I had just suggested we eat babies for dessert. I press on, regardless. “I am much better and-”
“You’re not moving back there.” Sofia’s dad informs me, and it would seem it’s the consensus of the entire table with the general head nodding.
“Oh, okay. May I ask why?”
“Sure.” It’s Marco’s turn to join in, and I turn to face him.
“Why?” I direct this specifically at him.
“Oh, right, because we said so.” He narrows his eyes as a challenge.
“You know you can’t keep me here, right?” I am a little irritated. I hate decisions being taken unilaterally, but Sofia’s mum speaks and takes all the irritation away.
“Bets, honey, I don’t want you living there alone. I won’t sleep again if you go back there, but I also know you can’t live here, either. Not that we don’t want you, because you know we do. So we were hoping you would move in with Marco now, since he will have a bigger place.” Her smile is warm and loving, and I can see the genuine worry in her eyes. I don’t want her to worry. I don’t want any of them to worry, but living with Marco? He doesn’t have a flat, he has a shag pad. I know I’ve seen the pictures! I look at him skeptically with my brows raised, hoping he knows where my thoughts are right now.
“I’ll tone it down a bit if you move in, Boo, you know I will.” He wiggles his eyebrows and flashes the cheekiest grin, which makes me laugh. “Beside, I’m going to need help with the rent now; the landlord’s a real ballbreaker.” He nods in the direction of his father, who is scowling, but with a huge smile.
“Oh.” Now I understand the whole set up, and I couldn’t love this family any more if I tried.
“You would be doing me a huge favour.” Sofia’s mum’s voice is soft and kind. “Keep an eye on my baby.” It’s Marco’s turn to blush, and like his twin, he also has no shame, so this is a rare occurrence, and it makes me laugh even harder.
“Mum, enough!” He grumbles and picks up another potato.
“It’s really kind.” They all look my way, obviously expecting me to decline. I’m not so great at accepting hand-outs, but this time I want to. I want to share with Marco, because I think I need to feel safe for a while. “I’d really like that.” My voice is quiet and is quickly drowned by cheers and raised glasses. Wow, they really thought I was going to say no. “When do you move in?”
“Oh.” He finishes, his mouth full. “Next week; it’s just being redecorated, so you get to pick a bedroom colour, but I’m choosing the living room, none of that pink shit!”
“Marco, language!” His mother clips his head with her palm. He is lucky he is down her end of the table; his dad is not so gentle when dishing out his discipline.
“That’s fine by me. I wouldn’t do pink all through the place.” I giggle, because I probably would. “I’ll go to mine tomorrow and start packing.” I lift my glass and suggest another toast.
“To family.” My eyes well as we clink glasses again.
The next day is Sunday, and it’s late evening when Marco drops me at my apartment to begin my packing. I have been at his place all afternoon, supervising his packing, and I got so excited that I wanted to make a start on my own. He dropped me before heading over to Rose’s for the night. I promised I’d call Sofia or her dad to pick me up when I’m done, ensuring I wouldn’t work too late. The flat really isn’t big enough for it to take too long anyway, but it is always surprising how many boxes you accumulate when you start putting everything you own in them. I start in the living room with the easiest items, my university books and files. I have been steadily packing for half an hour, when I hear my door bell. I run down, thinking that maybe Rose wasn’t in, after all, or maybe Marco was so consumed with guilt for leaving me to pack on my own when I had been helping him all day, that he returned. I laugh at that thought and open the door without looking. My reaction’s far too slow to shut it and prevent the heavy boot from kicking it back open. I fall against the corridor wall as Kit walks past followed by her ape with the big boots, but that’s not what makes my stomach drop to the floor and my heart sink. It’s the bruising around his bloodshot eyes and the smell of stale smoke.