I wake up early, pushing past the sadness that I’m alone. For one brief, hopeful moment yesterday I thought I might give in to my baser needs and let Ethan do whatever he wanted to me. I wanted it, too. I felt the need to be with him, in the closest way two people can be. But then my mind got muddled and I wanted to identify him as Will. My Will. The boy who saved me, who never gave up on me, until one day he just . . . did.

That’s who I wanted to be close to. The one I wanted to kiss. Not Ethan. I adore Ethan, but now the name almost feels fake when it falls from my tongue. Because it is fake. I don’t care if he legally changed his name. It doesn’t feel real.

And that’s me being completely unfair. He’s shed his old self, yet I want that boy back. He’s trying to escape his father, yet his father found him anyway. We’re both trying to escape our demons, but reality continues to thrust them in our faces and we can’t avoid it.

So in the end, we didn’t do anything but talk through the letter, discuss a strategy on how to best avoid Lisa, and walk Molly through the neighborhood. Anything dog related has become neutral ground; it’s like we need her to feel normal.

I drag myself out of bed and start the coffee, turn on the TV. It’s tuned to a national morning show and I listen to the talking heads drone on. Potential political candidates, a random sniper on the loose in another state, a funny video of a disastrous wedding ceremony that has gone viral.

And then, a name. A name so familiar, so dear, that when I hear it said by the morning show host, the mug I just grabbed from the cabinet slips from my fingers and shatters once it hits the floor.

“Sources say William Monroe, the son of convicted serial killer Aaron Monroe, has been residing in the very town his father terrorized, living under an assumed name and trying to escape the notoriety of his father’s crimes. For more on that story, here’s Lisa Swanson.”

I touch my cold lips with shaky fingers, standing amid the broken shards of my favorite mug, stunned as I hear Lisa’s voice talk of the upcoming interview with Aaron Monroe, the fact that his execution date is drawing closer, and catch a quick glimpse of footage from said interview—she’s always the tease, Lisa—and then grainy shots of a tall man leaving his house, climbing into his black car, which is parked in the driveway in front of his garage.

Ethan. Will.

“Since the moment kidnap victim Katherine Watts was delivered to the police station by William Monroe eight years ago, the then fifteen-year-old was a suspect in Watts’s kidnapping and rape. Despite his father being found guilty in the Watts case and the murders of four other young girls, suspicion has lingered throughout the years in regard to the younger Monroe’s involvement, specifically with the Watts case. Now, in my upcoming interview with Aaron Monroe, he tells the full story of what exactly happened all those years ago. And he shares with us the extent to which his son was involved in those crimes.”

Her sensationalizing tone grates. She may as well have said that Will stood right next to his father and they divided the murderous duties between them.

“Ohmygod.” The words are strung together, one horrified whisper. My phone starts to chime from where it sits on my kitchen counter and I step gingerly, avoiding the broken pieces of the cup on the floor before I grab my phone.

A text from Mom.

Another ding. This time it’s a text from Brenna.

I text Brenna first.

She responds before I get a chance to call Mom.

Thanks, Brenna, for having faith in my life choices.

I don’t bother answering her. Instead, I call Mom, my gaze stuck on the mess in my kitchen. The mug shattered in what looks like at least a hundred pieces, though I know I’m exaggerating. I dread having to clean up that mess. I’m up early because I have to work on a paper that’s due tomorrow. A paper I was supposed to work on over the weekend, before I got distracted.

“Katherine.” Mom’s voice is brisk. Efficient. She’s trying to be the strong one right now and I appreciate that. “I don’t know if you saw the news yet . . .”

“I did,” I say, cutting her off. “She’s invading his privacy, Mom. It’s not right, trying to out him in order to promote her interview.”

“Regardless, he’s been put on national news, though thank goodness they didn’t reveal his other name.” She goes quiet, and I say nothing, either. It’s a waste of my time to defend him, so right now I don’t. If she knew I spent the weekend with him, she’d flip. “It’s good you discovered the truth when you did, so you didn’t get caught up in this mess.”

“You’re right,” I say with a sigh. And she is. If I’d found out he was Will this way, via a morning show broadcast? I would have been beyond devastated. “Though I feel terrible that he’s being exposed like this. She’s only doing it to gain interest in her interview.”

“And perhaps to get him to participate? She doesn’t want you involved, does she?” Mom sounds anxious.

I never told her that Lisa’s been trying to convince me to talk to her again. “She does,” I admit. “She’s tried to convince me to respond to—his interview.” That I can hardly say his name after all these years drives me bonkers. I need to get over it.

“Oh, Katherine. You can’t. You just . . . I don’t want you involved in this sordid mess. It’s only going to get worse. More networks and gossip sites will pick up the story. And you know how they are. They’ll try to twist it into a giant mess, and that’s something you don’t need. Haven’t you had enough of that? You’re trying to straighten out your life, not make it worse.”

“I know, Mom,” I say wearily.

“Please tell me you’re not going to do this.”

If she’d asked me last night, I would have promised her I wouldn’t. Even when I first woke up, I wouldn’t have been tempted to agree to anything Lisa wants.

But now? After seeing her try to ruin Ethan’s reputation and expose him to the public when she knows just how private he is? That he purposely and legally changed his name so he wouldn’t have to be linked to his father ever again? I want to rush to his defense and protect him. The only way I can do that is if I speak on his behalf.

It’s risky and I’m scared of what Lisa could ask me, but I think . . . no, I know I have to do it.

“I’m not sure what I’m going to do, Mom,” I say, hoping she stays calm. “But what she’s doing, it’s not right.”

“So you’re going to what? Defend him? Don’t forget he lied to you. He tricked you, Katherine, so he could worm his way into your life and manipulate you. And it worked. You should hate him for what he’s done.”

Mom definitely hates him for what he’s done to me, but I can’t. Yes, I’m still hurt. I care about him too much, though, to hold on to the anger. “I can’t hate him. Not after I discovered who he really is.”

“You’re a fool, Katherine.” She spits the words out, almost as if it hurts to say them. I gasp, shocked that she would say such a thing to me. “I’ve tried to help you. I’ve stood by your side throughout the years and did my best to ensure you were safe. But if you want to put yourself into a perilous situation again and again, I can’t stop you. You’re an adult. So go ahead, spend time with the son of the man who almost killed you. Defend his lies. Stand by his side and make a fool of yourself on national television. Just know that if you support him, I can’t support you.”

She ends the call before I can say anything else.

I’m numb as I absently sweep up the mess in my kitchen, dumping the broken mug pieces into the trash. I haven’t even had a cup of coffee yet, so I pour myself one in a new mug, adding creamer before I take a much needed sip.

My mother is making me choose sides. She won’t stand by and let me support Ethan. If I do, I’m on my own.

I’m sure Brenna will rush to her side, too. She’s already let Ethan know exactly how she feels about him.

For this battle, I’ll be going it alone. No family support.

And the realization is terrifying.