Chapter Two

Kevin

The ferry was packed with commuters returning to Bremerton. The chatter of a thousand people searching for seats and the thick rumble of the engines were both hidden in the background. The smell of diesel, the calling of gulls, none of it really registered. I was lost in my own mind as I thought back to seeing Mattie again.

Finding a seat where I could stretch out my leg without being in the way, I positioned my damn cane so people could see it. One of the corpsmen had told me about the trick. Saying I need to give people a warning to stay away.

You’d think the scowl on my face would be enough.

Closing my eyes, I tried to get lost again as I drifted back to thinking about Mattie. God, she was as beautiful as ever. That same saucy look that could turn my guts into solid stone. Long brown hair as smooth as Chinese silk. Her face as angelic as a Madonna. That mix of girl next door with just a hint of wild. And that body…

I took a long breath as I remembered that body. She had not changed a bit. Still the perfect curves, still the enticing eyes that had burned their way into my soul in ninth grade. Still that soft scent of jasmine. The same one she’d used years ago. The one the crept into my brain and turned it to mush.

No, she hadn’t changed at all. Still the girl I had loved. She was still the Mattie James I had thought about all those long lonely nights on the wall.

Sighing, I grimaced and tried to think of something else. I was a washed-up Marine on his way out of the Corps. No prospects. No future. Just another grunt with nothing left to offer anyone. The last thing a girl like Mattie James needed was someone like me.

She didn’t hate me though, that was something. The way she had smiled. It was almost as if she had forgiven me.

The memory of that day long ago hit me like a train engine at full speed. Every detail was still as clear as a mountain morning in the Hindu Kush.

We were walking down the hall, hand in hand. Mattie and Kevin, the one couple who had made it through the trials and tribulations of high school. The one couple everyone just knew was too good to be true. But lately, things between us had been rough for the first time.

I had taken a deep breath and told her about visiting a recruiter in Omaha.

She slammed to a halt and pulled me around so she could stare up at me. “What do you mean?” she asked as if I’d told her I was an alien from a distant planet.

“We talked about this,” I said.

“No, you talked about this. But you didn’t listen to me. You went to a recruiter without telling me first?” The hurt in her eyes was fighting with a rising anger. My guts hitched, an angry Mattie James was never a good thing.

It was at this point I knew things were not going to go well. Kids were looking at us. Staring at something they had never seen before. A Mattie and Keven fight. Right there in the middle of the hall.

“I’m telling you now.”

Mattie rolled her eyes and let go of my hand so she could put both of hers on her hips and stare me down.

“You never listen,” she said. “You want to go galivanting around the world. Get yourself killed. Off doing macho stuff while you expect me to sit at home waiting.”

Kids were slowing down to catch the drama.

“No. It’s not like that,” I stammered although in some ways it sort of was. “It’s just something I have to do. I don’t even know all the details yet. I was just asking questions.”

She frowned at me, “I thought I was the most important thing in your life. I obviously thought wrong.”

The pain in her eyes tore at my soul. Stop this, I told myself. Before it gets out of hand. But how? I wondered as a feeling of confusion washed through me. How could I make her understand?

“This isn’t going to work,” she said, as a sad look crossed behind her eyes. “I’m going to college. You’re going to anywhere but here.”

“What isn’t working?” I asked as my heart hammered in my chest.

“Us,” she said as she took a step back. It was almost like she couldn’t stand the idea of being anywhere near me.

My racing heart skidded to an instant stop. This was for real.

“You can’t be serious.” I managed to get out.

“Don’t tell me what I can and cannot be,” she said, still staring daggers at me.

I stared back at her, unable to believe what I was hearing. This was Mattie. My Mattie. The one person who understood me. The one person who I could trust. How could she do this to me?

We continued to stare at each other, neither willing to back down. This was too important. One of those life shifting moments. I wanted one thing, she wanted another, and there was no compromise. Somethings can’t be fixed.

She swallowed hard as a tear formed in the corner of her eye. A tear that tore me in two.

“I guess you’re not the person I thought you were,” she said with a husky cry of pain.

A rusty screwdriver to the heart wouldn’t have hurt as much as her words tore into me.

How could she say that? Who had stood with her and her brother Scott against the school bullies? Who had worked his butt off to get average grades just so she wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen with me? Who had taken on two jobs over the summer just to make sure I could take her places. Treat her like she deserved?

She continued to stare at me then said, “It’s over,” before turning and walking away, her back straight, her head up. The crowd parted for her, then swerved in to fill the vacuum left in her wake. And just like that, she became lost in the throng. Became lost to me.

I stood there. My world in rubble. Unable, to believe what had just happened. How dare she say that to me. How dare she rip out my heart and walk away as if it didn’t matter.

Slowly, an anger began to build inside of me. A hot, relentless anger. The kind of anger I had held in check for all of my life. The screwed up parents who wouldn’t know how to care if you handed them instructions. This stupid town, full of superior pricks, richer, smarter. A bastard for an older brother constantly reminding me that I would never be enough. All of it had been held back because I thought Mattie loved me.

But now. That world was gone.

People could see the anger in my eyes and wisely chose to give me room. They instinctively knew that I was within a hair’s breadth of blowing up. A bomb that could go off with just the slightest touch.

Stepping back, they looked at me, afraid, terrified of igniting a disaster.

Turning, I stormed to the councilors office. He confirmed what I already knew. I had enough credits to graduate early. Thanks to Mattie no less. Her constant pushing had forced me to take more classes. in fact, the cutoff point was in two weeks.

The longest two weeks of my life. As soon as I could confirm I would pass the classes regardless, I stopped coming to school.

Two days after the end of the semester, I was on a plane bound for Parris Island and boot camp.

Now, sitting here on the ferry, my stomach churned with doubt and pain. Over four years and it was as if it all happened yesterday.

“Maddison James,” I mumbled to myself. “You are going to break my heart again and I can’t think of any way around it.”

.o0o.

Mattie

I was helping my sister-in-law Katie slice tomatoes for the party before I got the courage to tell her about Kevin. I knew she would be okay with him coming. I just didn’t want the thousand questions and the knowing looks.

“Listen, Katie,” I began hesitantly. “I ran into Kevin Hays the other day and invited him to the party.”

Katie stopped, mid-slice and stared at me as if I’d just grown another head.

“What?”

Taking a deep breath I began again, “I ran into…”

“I know what you said. When? Where? How is he?”

“Who is Kevin Hays,” my friend Casey asked as she opened the refrigerator to grab a beer.

“Mattie’s ex-boyfriend,” Katie said, still staring at me as if trying to figure out who I was and what I was doing in her kitchen.

“Ooooh. And you invited him to the party,” My other friend and former roommate Haley said as she sat down on a stool at the kitchen counter.

Katie held up a hand to stop the girls peppering me with a dozen questions. Instead, she raised an eyebrow silently demanding I divulge everything immediately.

Taking a deep breath, I told her everything. About running into Kevin on the campus. Our catching up. Kevin’s obvious injuries. Everything. Better to get it all out now.

She looked at me, her brow creasing as she tried to work out the truth. I kept quiet, no reason to fill her in on how I had reacted inside. There was no need for her to know how I’d spent the last two days thinking constantly about him.

“Don’t tell Ryan I said this,” Hailey said, looking over her shoulder at her tall boyfriend standing next to Scott and Casey’s boyfriend, Austin, at the grill. “But there is something about a man in uniform. Right?”

“Especially a Marine’s uniform,” Casey said with a smile.

“Why didn’t he tell us?” Katie asked, obviously hurt to find out he was in town and hadn’t contacted them.

I shrugged my shoulders. I’d let Kevin answer that one himself. Knowing Katie, she would give him a hard time about it.

“Hey,” Casey said. “Is this the guy you told us was your boyfriend in Freshman year? The Marine?”

“I said, ex-boyfriend. You guys didn’t hear the ex-part.”

Both Hailey and Casey rolled their eyes. It was one of those stories that had gotten all mixed up and somehow it took me six months to correct their misunderstanding.

“And, yes, this is the same guy,” I added.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Katie asked with a concerned look. She knew our history. She knew about the pain I had gone through. I could tell she was worried about opening old wounds.

“Yes,” I said with more confidence than I felt.

She stared at me, her eyes filled with doubt. But, kindly, she chose not to push the issue. My friends, on the other hand, were not so nice.

“So tell us about him,” Haley asked as she took a grape from the platter.

Katie laughed. “It’s simple. Kevin Hays is the only boy who ever made Mattie nervous.”

“Mattie nervous, over a boy?” Casey said. “I don’t believe it. She’s never thought boys were important enough to get nervous about.”

Katie laughed and shook her head as she started slicing again. “I’ll never forget the first time he kissed her. Right there in front of me and Scott. She was shocked to her very soul. But the secret smile behind her eyes told us just how much she enjoyed it.”

“Eww, getting kissed in front of your brother,” Hailey said with a shudder. “Your first kiss. Ewww”

My stomach fluttered with the memory.

“Wasn’t he afraid of Scott. I mean, the man is half-giant,” Casey asked.

“Kevin was never afraid of Scott,” I said with a little pride. “The only boy in our school who wasn’t.”

Katie smiled and said, “He was terrified of Scott. He just thought you were worth the risk.”

Kevin and Katie had always had a special bond, I remembered. The two non-James members of our group. Both of them outsiders in their own way. What had they talked about when Scott or I weren’t around?

“So, a hot guy walks back into your life …” Hailey began.

“In uniform,” Casey added.

“And you’re just now telling us about it?” Hailey finished.

This was what I had been afraid of, I thought as my stomach clenched up. My friends jumping to the wrong conclusion. “It’s not like that,” I said. “Kevin is an old friend. Just as much Scott’s and Katie’s friend. I knew they would want to see him.”

The two young women looked at me, neither of them believing a word I said.

Thankfully I was saved by my nephew, Brian who rushed into the room as only an excited three year old could do and said, “Mattie, up, up,” as he raised his arms, demanded to be lifted.

I scooped him up and gave him my famous aunt hug, the one that made him giggle and filled me with pure joy as he wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged me back.

“You excited about getting presents?” I asked, determined to shift the subject away from Kevin Hays.

Brian smiled at me, his eyes three times bigger than normal, “and cake.”

Katie laughed. “He is his father’s son. Food first, then everything else.”

“I heard that,” Scott said as he gently pushed Casey out of the way so he could get beers for him and the other two guys.

Katie smiled and said, “Your sister has just informed me that she’s invited Kevin Hays to the party.”

Scott quickly glanced at me, his forehead all crinkled, a look of concern in his eyes. He studied me for a moment as I desperately tried to hide the nervousness I was feeling. Scott continued to study me, then nodded.

“Good,” he said as he closed the refrigerator door and returned to deliver the beers.

Katie’s hung her head and chuckled. “The man has the emotional awareness of a toadstool.”

I laughed, that was my brother. Emotional issues were ignored as long as possible.             

“So…” Casey began, obviously getting ready to dive back into the subject of Kevin.

The chime of the front doorbell interrupted her, sending my heart into overdrive. He was here. Why was I so nervous? This was just Kevin.

But, deep down, I think I was secretly hoping it would become much more.