Karmen
Ugh.
I rolled over and reached for Nickel but found his side of the bed empty.
Double ugh.
Not only was I hungover, but Nickel was gone, and I wasn’t up to doing more than rolling over and going back to sleep.
“Scale of one to ten, how miserable do you feel?”
Nickel was sitting on a recliner in the corner, holding a coffee cup in one hand. “I’d be way better if you let me have your cup of coffee.”
“Something wrong with the one I have sitting next to you?”
I looked toward the nightstand and smiled. “You’re a god,” I mumbled. I reached out, and half sat up, leaned against the headboard, and took a hesitant sip. I felt like ass, but not to the point of puking. Thankfully, after I had passed out, I slept the whole night and didn’t toss my rum and cookies.
“I figured Captain Karmen would need her coffee this morning.”
Gah. “I’m never going to live that down, am I?” Most of last night was a blur, but I did remember trying to be a pirate.
Nickel chuckled and shook his head. “Doubtful. Pipe and Boink asked me how the Captain was doing when I got your coffee.”
“Jesus.” Yup, never going to hear the end of this. “I bet all you did was laugh and didn’t even defend my honor.”
“Baby girl, your honor wasn’t on the line. You somehow managed to get a road name without even being in the club.” He held up his cup to me. “You just became the first ol’ lady of the Weston Chapter, Captain.”
“Does this mean I get a tiara?” I could so rock a tiara. Or I would even settle for a sash.
Nickel stood up and walked over to the bed. He gazed down and me with a sexy smirk on his face. Would I ever get used to the way this man looked?
“I don’t think a tiara would stay on when you’re riding my bike.”
“I’ll settle for a sash. I’d like it to be pink and say ‘Badass Ol’ Lady.’”
“How about a cut that says, ‘Property of Nickel’ on the back.”
I gulped. “Uh, that’s kind of a big deal, isn’t it?”
“It means you’re mine.”
Oh shit. “Um, can I get back to you on that when I’m not hungover?”
A smile spread across his lips. “Okay, Captain, but we both know it’s a forgone conclusion.”
Ha, maybe to him it was. I didn’t know how I was going to fit into his life when he was wild and reckless while I wanted to stay in my own quiet, little world.
“We need to talk. You wanna do that in bed, or do you want to get dressed?”
Err, I didn’t want to do either, because I knew we were going to talk about what happened last, and I really didn’t want to hear what my father had done to warrant me to have to quickly leave my apartment and stay at the clubhouse.
“Um, can you take me home and then we can talk?”
“Not happening, at least not yet.”
Double crap. “Shower, breakfast, and then we talk?” I was going to push this off as long as I could.
“Shower and then we talk.”
“I really think I’m going to need to eat. Help soak up the leftover rum.”
Nickel grabbed my cup from my hand and set in on the nightstand. “You have thirty seconds to get your ass out of bed, or I’m joining you in there, and you won’t be out of it all day.”
Hmm, that really didn’t sound all that bad. I could distract him and avoid the talk altogether. “Does that mean we won’t talk?”
“Oh, there will be talking, Captain, but there will also be communicating in other ways.”
I scrambled out of bed and glared at Nickel. “You seriously don’t play fair, Outlaw. Do you have no sympathy for someone hungover?”
He shook his head and pointed behind me. “Bathroom there, and I put all of your clothes in the closet and dresser. I’ll be back in half an hour with breakfast, and then we talk.” Nickel walked out of the room without a glance at me and shut the door.
Alrightythen. Nickel had put my clothes away. Commence freaking out in five…four…three…
A knock sounded at the door, and I figured Nickel had come back to freak me out even more.
I wrenched open the door, and my sassy retort died in my throat when I saw a tall, slender, redhead standing where I thought Nickel would be. “Uh, hi,” I mumbled. Whoever this was, she was gorgeous. It was like a model had walked out of the pages of a fashion magazine, and they had come knocking at Nickel’s door. This was the type of woman who should be with Nickel.
“Hey, I’m Cora.”
Oh hell. This was Cora? Sweet Jesus. I looked down my body, realizing I didn’t have any pants on. Damn Nickel. “Uh, hey?”
“I don’t mean to bother you, and I was kind of waiting for Nickel to leave.”
She didn’t want to talk to Nickel? I figured most women under the age of one hundred wanted to talk to Nickel and just be in his presence. “Oh, well, he’s gone.” Duh, Karmen.
“I left a couple of things in here before I moved out last night, and I was wondering if I could just grab them quick.”
I stood there staring at her, wondering how Nickel had managed to take one look at her and think that he wanted to be with me. She was wearing tight, ripped blue jeans, knee-high black boots, and a purple, flowy top. She was biker chic. Her red hair flowed around her shoulders, and I wondered if it was as soft as it looked. I shook my head and ran my fingers through my rat’s nest hair.
Again, I was never getting pirate drunk again.
“Is it okay?”
I pushed open the door and swept my arm. “Yeah, of course. Sorry, I’m a bit out of it. Pipe and Boink tried to make me a pirate last night.”
Cora smiled and walked in the room. “I’ve met Pipe, but not Boink. Lord knows how he got that name.”
I nervously giggled and stood back as she walked over to a pile of books in the corner. I’m sure if I had been sober last night when I came in the room, I would have noticed right away that a pile of books didn’t belong in Nickel’s room. “You like to read?”
Cora crouched down by the books and smiled at me over her shoulder. “Yeah, it’s my escape.”
I could understand that. When I was growing up, I always had my nose in a book. When I had gone to college, the romance novels I normally read turned into textbooks, and now, I couldn’t remember the last time I had read a book for pleasure. “Um, are you okay with where they moved you?” I was the first ol’ lady of the Weston chapter. I needed to make sure Cora was being treated right.
She laughed and gathered the books in her arms. “Yeah, basically the same set up no matter what clubhouse you’re in. Once the door shuts, it feels like I’m back in River Valley.”
I didn’t know anything about Cora. Hell, basically all I knew was her name. “You were in a different chapter?” I had no idea women were allowed to be member. I figured it was one big boy's club.
Cora scoffed and stood up. “That would be a big, fat no. My brother is the president of the River Valley chapter. I had to come to Weston because he said so.”
“He didn’t tell you why?” Jesus, it sounded like her brother and Nickel would get along real well.
“Yeah, you’ll get used to that. Especially if you’re with Nickel or any of the guys. They have the best of intentions, but it would be awesome if they could share those intentions sometimes.”
This woman was preaching to the choir. Although, Nickel was trying to talk to me about what happened last night, and I was avoiding it like the plague. “I’m right there with you, sister.”
“I’m sorry I was staying in Nickel’s room. I was kind of thrown at him. He didn’t stay with me in the room at all. He just followed behind Pipe and me, and then he was gone,” Cora explained. “I can guarantee you that I am not here to catch me a Fallen Lord from the Weston chapter. If I had it my way, I would have run away to Hawaii and waited out whatever shit Jenkins had stirred up.”
“Jenkins is your brother?”
She nodded her head, juggled her books into one arm, and held out the other to me. “Cora Jenkins,” she said with a smile as she shook my hand.
“Karmen Handel. I wasn’t expecting your last name to be the same as your brother’s.” Of course, they had the same last name, Karmen. “I mean, I didn’t expect his road name to actually be his name.”
Cora laughed. “He has a road name, but he absolutely hates it. If anyone calls him it, he punches them in the face.”
“Well, he sounds lovely. I’d ask what his road name is, but with my luck, if I ever meet him, I’d probably call him that and then I would have a black eye.”
“Let’s just say it’s worse than Boink.”
And here I thought Boink was pretty embarrassing. Although, he seemed to carry the name well. “So, do you at least know how long you will be here?”
“No, but Jenkins had said in passing that I should think of it as a place to start my life over.”
Wow. Something bad must be happening for her brother to say that. “Are you looking for a job? Do you have to live here? Can you get your own place?” I had about ten other questions, but I didn’t want to bombard her.
“I’d like to get a job, but I have no idea if I can. I haven’t really talked to anyone here because I’m so mad at Jenkins. I know none of these guys have anything to do with me being here, but I can’t help but be a little bit salty towards them.”
I could understand how she felt that way. She didn’t want to be here, and she was being watched over by a bunch of guys she didn’t know. “Do you want to hang out later? I need to grab a shower, and then Nickel wants to have a talk, but after that, I’m free.” It was my day off, and Nickel was just going to have to deal with Cora and me getting to know each other. I could even see if Nikki wanted to come over. She would be in biker heaven if she came to the clubhouse.
“Sure,” she agreed. “That sounds like fun. Just knock on my door when you’re ready. I know what it means to have a talk with one of these guys. You could be talking for a while.” She winked at me and moved toward the door. “Thank you for being so nice. It’s always hard for me to make friends once people find out who my brother it. He’s not exactly the nicest guy, and his reputation always precedes him.”
“Well, I’m not afraid of him.” I’m sure if I were to actually meet the guy, I might think differently, but for now, I wasn’t scared. “Just give me a couple of hours, and then I’ll find you. Nickel still needs to give me a tour, so I don’t get lost.”
“Sounds good. It was nice to meet you,” Cora called as she walked out of the room.
I shut the door behind her and leaned against it. That was much less painful than I thought it was going to be. Cora definitely seemed like someone I could talk to and hang out with. And it was also a good thing that she wasn’t after Nickel. I was already doubtful enough about dating him, if I had to fight for him against Cora, I knew I would be out in no time.
The clock on the nightstand said it was already half past eleven, and I knew I didn’t have much time before Nickel came back with breakfast, and our talk would start. I doubted the man would let me eat breakfast before he started talking and telling me how things would go.
I entered the bathroom he had pointed out and immediately searched to see if there was a window big enough for me to jump out of. My hopes of an escape died when the only window I saw was a teeny tiny one above the sink that only one of my legs would fit through.
Just like the sparse bedroom, the bathroom wasn’t anything to write home about. A shower stall in one corner, a sink next to it, and then the toilet on the wall next to the sink. Minimal, but everything you needed. It definitely needed a woman’s touch to jazz it up a bit. Nickel was going to regret bringing me here once I started asking to decorate.
After I hopped in the shower and rinsed off my night of pirate antics, I stepped out and wrapped a towel around my head and one around my body.
“You just getting out of the shower?” Nickel called.
I opened the door and stepped into the bedroom to see Nickel set a plate piled high with eggs, bacon, and toast on the coffee table he had in front of the TV. “Um, Cora stopped by. I didn’t get to hop in the shower right away.” Plus, I hadn’t exactly been quick in the shower. I had spent the time lathering my hair to think about what other than my father Nickel and I had to talk about. I think I might have told him that I loved him last night, but I wasn’t sure. I was falling in love with him, but I didn’t want him to know that.
He wasn’t acting any differently, and you can bet your ass I wasn’t going to ask him if I had said it.
“Oh, how did that go?” He looked at me concerned that I was about to freak out.
I tightened the towel around my chest and moved to the dresser. “She seemed really nice. She came to get a stack of books that she had left in here. I told her we could hang out together later since we are both prisoners for the time being.”
Nickel chuckled and shook his head. “You are far from a prisoner, baby girl. I don’t know how many prisoners have access to all the rum they can drink, and a warm, comfy bed to sleep at night.”
“Good point,” I mumbled. “It’s more that we’re here and we might as well make the best of it and hang out. You think I can invite Nikki over? She would freak out if she got to see the clubhouse and the guys.”
“I don’t really care. I can have one of the guys pick her up after we talk.”
I tugged open the top drawer on the dresser and pulled out panties and a bra. I managed to shimmy the panties up my legs under the towel but had to drop the towel to hook my bra. “A ride on the back of a bike? Nikki will love me for life.”
Nickel’s eyes heated as he watched me hook the bra and pull the straps over my shoulders. “That was pointless to put on. I’m just going to take it off after our talk.”
“That’s what you think, Outlaw. Maybe our talk isn’t going to go the way you hope.” I snagged one of Nickel’s Fallen Lords shirts out of his drawer and pulled it over my head.
“Now, that right there is sexy as hell.” Nickel reached out, tagged me around the waist and pulled me flush against his chest. “Never seen the Fallen Lords look sexier than they do right now.”
I smacked him on the chest. “We might need to get your eyes checked, Outlaw.” I pointed over his shoulder at the mound of food he brought in. “Is that for me?”
“That is for both of us, baby girl. We can eat while we talk.”
I pulled out of his arms and collapsed onto the couch he had along the wall opposite of the TV. “You sure are hell-bent on having this talk, aren’t you?”
Nickel grabbed the plate of food and sat down next to me. “You need to know what’s going on with your dad.” He scooped up a pile of eggs and held it to my lips.
My stomach growled. I was apparently over being hungover and was now needing sustenance. “We’re only going to talk about my dad?” Nickel stuck the fork into my mouth, and I moaned around the delicious tasting eggs. “Did you make this?”
Nickel shook his head. “Nah. Brinks was making breakfast, and I snagged his plate when he wasn’t looking.” Nickel shoveled in a pile of eggs into his mouth and smirked.
“So, we’re eating stolen breakfast? You really are an outlaw when it comes to everything, aren’t you?”
He shrugged and offered me a piece of bacon. “My woman needed to eat, and I’m shit in the kitchen. Brinks always makes too much anyway, so he’ll be fine.”
“Brinks is the one who sits in the corner and grumbles at everyone.”
“That would be him,” Nickel laughed.
“Charming,” I muttered. I nibbled on the piece of bacon and watched Nickel devour half of the eggs in four bites. He handed me the plate and grabbed both of our cups from the night stand. “Eat and listen.” He set my cup in front of me and sprawled out in the corner of the couch with his coffee cup in one hand.
Maybe I could just listen and not have to be active on our talk. At least, that was what I was hoping for.
“Pipe and Wrecker were able to get a man to your dad and find out what is going on. He got thrown into solitary by a crooked-ass guard.”
“But why?” Whoops, there went my plan of just listening.
“You know the last name of the people your dad smashed into?”
I had heard it when I was younger, but I couldn’t think of it now. “I know it starts with a ‘M’ but that’s all I remember.”
“Morski.”
Yup, that was it. But why would Nickel know that?
“The only survivor of the crash was Ryan Morski, and he’s got a hard-on for your dad to make him pay for what he did.”
“Oh, my God,” I gasped.
“Yeah. Apparently, that also includes you, too. He’s trying to take away everything from your dad, and he’s going to start with you. The night your dad called you, he was trying to warn you that you were in danger. The guard that was helping Morski found out and had your dad put in solitary so he couldn’t call you again.”
“But my dad doesn’t care about me. Why would he come after me?”
“He doesn’t know that, baby girl. And I think it’s more your dad cares about you but he’s fucked up so much that he just leaves you alone so he won’t fuck up your life anymore.”
“Did you talk to my dad?” I didn’t know how to feel about the fact that Nickel might have had contact with him. I had cut my dad off because nothing ever changed with him. He made promises that he was never able to keep, and I was sick of being let down all of the time.
“No, right now, I can’t get to him. With him being in solitary, he’s pretty safe. We did have a talk with the guard who put him there, though.”
“That’s where you went last night,” I whispered. Nickel had packed me up, moved me to the clubhouse, and then he had gone out to try and fix the problem before I even knew about it. I set the plate down on the coffee table; my appetite suddenly was gone. “I don’t want you to get hurt or in trouble dealing with my problems.”
Nickel scoffed and took a sip of his coffee. “If you have a problem, so do I.”
“That’s ridiculous. I can take care of this. Maybe if I had a chance to talk to this guy and let him know that I don’t have any connection to my father, he will leave me alone.” There had to be something that I could do.
“No, that is not happening. You will not have any contact with this psycho. He doesn’t care if you hate your dad or not. He’s after anyone with a connection to your father.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense, either. I wasn’t there when my dad ran into them.”
Nickel shook his head and pulled me into his lap. “He doesn’t care about that. He feels that your dad took away his family, so now he’s going to take away your dad’s family.”
Shit. I guess that did make sense, if you were whacked in the head. “So what happened when you talked to the guard last night? You didn’t kill him, did you?” Sweet hell, I didn’t know what to do if he answered yes. I held my breath waiting while Nickel took another sip of coffee then leaned forward with me in his lap, and grabbed a piece of bacon off the plate. “Gah! Would you answer my question, man?” I smacked his chest and curled my lips.
A smile spread across his lips, and he shook his head. “No.” The butthead had just been playing with me. “Clash and the guys had a little fun roughing him up, but I promise, he was still breathing when they left.”
Well, that was one thing that wasn’t going to weigh down on my conscience. “So, what happens now?”
“Now we find Morski and have a little chat with him.”
I quirked my eyebrow. “Something tells me your kind of chat is way different than the kind of chat I would have with him.”
“Yeah, we tend to like to chat with our fists.”
I wound my arms around his neck and moved to straddle his lap. “I’d much rather you not use your fists because I don’t want you getting into trouble.”
“I’m not going to get into trouble.”
“I bet every person who is in prison has said the same thing before. Hell, my dad always used to brag about how he never got into trouble, and now look at where he is.” It was karma that had finally caught up with my dad. I firmly believed that you could only cheat fate so many times before you got what was coming to you ten-fold.
“And every person in prison did something bad.”
“Um, Nickel, excuse me if I’m wrong, but you killing Morski is wrong.”
He brushed my hair off my shoulder and pressed his warm lips to the bare skin. A chill ran through my body, and I was amazed at the fact that I was talking about Nickel possibly killing someone yet he touched me and I was turned on.
“My bad isn’t bad because I’m doing it for the right reason.”
I rolled my eyes. “I believe you’re splitting hairs to make things go in your favor.”
“You gonna finish eating while we talk, baby girl?”
And now he was avoiding even talking about it. I didn’t think I would ever see this the same way Nickel would. “Our talk made me not so hungry.”
“Sorry, but you needed to know.”
I tilted my head. “But you didn’t think I needed to know about Cora until I was on the brink of meeting her?”
“I told you that was club business.”
“Not sure I’m going to like this whole club business thing, Nickel. I’m already way out of my element being with you then you throw at me the fact there are going to be times where I’m going to ask a question, and you won’t tell me the answer because it’s club business. I think that’s kind of bullshit.” I thought it was complete bullshit, but I didn’t want to come off as a full bitch. I was treading the line of half bitch at the moment.
“Just think of it as my job. I don’t know everything that goes on with you at the nursing home.”
Ha! The man was crazy if he thought that he could compare the club to me working at a nursing home. “I don’t know whether to stop or to let you go on making a fool of yourself.”
“What?” he smirked.
“Nickel, you just compared a nursing home filled with people over the age of eighty to your club of outlaws.”
He was back to the smirk and rumble. “Baby girl, just know if it’s something you need to know, you will know.”
Ugh. That wasn’t enough for me. “How about if I ask, then you tell me.”
He shook his head. “You ask questions all the time. That really isn’t fair to me.”
“Fine. I promise I’ll only ask if it’s really bothering me. I don’t need to know everything, but I would like to know before you’re about to go do something dangerous.”
“Why? So you can try to talk me out of it?”
I pressed my hands to his chest and shook my head. “No. Well maybe, but also so I know. Just me knowing will help me not be such a neurotic bundle of nerves.”
“I didn’t tell you where I was going last night and you were anything but a bundle of nerves. You became Captain of the clubhouse and made friends with Boink and Pipe.”
“That only happened because I was mad at you about Cora because you didn’t tell me about her. You had your friends tell me about her, and I couldn’t be a bitch about it in front of them because, well, I didn’t want to look like a bitch.”
“I thought you are going to hang out with Cora this afternoon? Now you’re mad about it?”
I poked him in the chest. “No, I’m not mad at her, I’m mad at you for thinking that you couldn’t tell me about her.”
“Karmen, I barely had you. Hell, I still feel like I barely have you. I’m afraid you’ll get scared, or something is going to spook, and you’ll be gone before I even have a chance to blink.”
“Did you ever stop to think why I might react that way? I’ve never had anything good in my life before, Nickel. My mom left when I was a baby, my dad left because he was too selfish to think about anything but himself, and my grandma was just a straight up bitch who wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. Before you took off with me on the back of your bike, the only person I had in my life who hadn’t screwed me over yet was Nikki. So you need to realize it’s going to take me a bit to actually not think you’re going to leave me. I mean, have you seen Cora?”
He chuckled and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Yeah, baby girl, I saw her and knew in your mind you were going to think that you weren’t as good as her.”
I wasn’t sure how I felt about him noticing how gorgeous Cora was. I mean, I had asked him the question if he had actually looked at her, but I wasn’t prepared for him to say that he actually did notice her. Stupid, Karmen. I wiggled in his lap, wishing he would let me go. I was retreating hardcore because I had managed to spook myself when I was straddling the man’s crotch.
“Where are you going?” he muttered. His arms wrapped tight around me, and I knew that there wasn’t any escaping.
I glanced over my shoulder at my plate of abandoned food. “I’m hungry.”
“Bullshit,” he growled.
“Hey, that is not bullshit.” Total bullshit. The man knew me too well.
“I’m gonna lay this shit out for you right now, and I’m not going to beat around the bush or assume you know what I’m talking about.”
I shook my head and pushed against his chest. “I change my mind. You don’t have to tell me anything. Even if it has everything to do with me. I take it all back.” I didn’t think I was ready for Nickel to lay all his shit bare.
He stood up, my body instinctively wrapping around him, and he fell into to bed with me on top. “We’re doing this right here, right now.” He rolled us over, so he was on top, and I had no way to escape. “I’m here.”
I blinked slow. “Yes, you’re here.”
He shook his head. “No, that’s not what I fucking mean.” He put a finger to my chest. “I mean, I’m here.”
I gulped and felt all the blood rush from my face. “Oh hell,” I whispered.
“Last night, you were drunk off your ass, and you told me you were falling in love with me. Now, you can say ‘til you’re blue in the face that you were drunk and didn’t mean it, but I’m never going to believe it.”
I closed my eyes and wished I could disappear. Dammit all. Why did I have to be so chatty when I drank? “I’m never drinking again.” Yup, that was all I had to say about the fact that I was falling in love with Nickel. Hell, it was more like I was actually in love with Nickel, but no amount of rum was going to make me admit that.
“Doubtful,” Nickel mumbled.
My lips pressed together.
“You also told me you were terrified to be part of my world. Why? What’s so wrong with my life that scares you?”
My eyes bugged out. “Nickel, your world is all wild, bikes, and flying by the seat of your pants. Those are three things I have never had in my life. I saw what being wild and doing whatever you want gets you. My mother couldn’t be bothered to stay with me because she was more concerned about where she was going and how much fun it was going to be.”
“Karmen.”
I rolled my eyes. “Nickel.”
“I said I was going to lay all this shit out, right?”
“Yes, but I wish you wouldn’t.”
He ignored my request and plowed right on. “Never met your mom, and I can tell you right now, if I ever do, she’ll be the first woman I ever hit. She screwed with your head so early on that there wasn’t any hope for anyone else in your life. Then your father fucking up so bad that you wound up in your grandmother’s lap, Jesus, talk about fucked up.”
“You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know.” My life was fucked up. Thanks for saying it out loud.
“But you’re here, baby girl. You have a good fucking job, a friend that will do anything for you, and a man that will die before anything happens to you. All that bad shit that happened to you growing up left room for when you got older to know what you wanted, and you weren’t afraid to take it.”
“Did you forget the part where I said I’m terrified of you?”
He brushed my hair off my forehead and shook his head. “No. You’re not terrified of me. What you’re afraid of is giving me some of that control you’ve had over the past few years of your life. You think as long as you’re in control, nobody can fuck you over. The difference between me and anyone else in this world is that I will die before anything bad touches you. I’m not your mother, not your father, and definitely not your grandmother. They all had the chance to be in your life, and they all blew it. I’m not going to fuck it up.”
“You barely know me,” I whispered. How long had I been with Nickel? A week? Two? I couldn’t keep track.
“Karmen, I’ve known you for over a year. I saw you take care of my grandmother like she was your own. I saw you laughing in the hallways with your girl thinking no one was looking. I fucking saw you, Karmen. I saw you, and I knew that I didn’t deserve you, but I didn’t care. You were going to be the quiet to my wild, the simple to my complicated. You were mine from day one, but you didn’t even know it. Hell, even with me saying it word for word right now, I can still see that you don’t get it.”
“I don’t get it,” I whispered. I wasn’t anything he had said. I mean, I was, but all the things he said weren’t good enough to fall in love with someone. Everyone does the things he said.
“Jesus, woman.” He shook his head and rolled us back over so I was laying on top of him.
I braced my hands on either side of his head and looked down at him. “I’m sorry, but the things you saw are nothing. All of the nurses take good care of your grandma, Nikki laughs all of the time, more than I do. I’m not anything special.”
“Let’s try this from a different angle.”
I blinked. “Um, okay.” What other angle was there?
“Tell me what you like about me.”
“Uh…um…what?”
Nickel jack-knifed up and sat. “Don’t think too hard about it. Just tell me why you’re here right now with me.”
I looked around his barren room and racked my brain. “Well, I think you’re handsome.”
“Thank you.”
“Uh, I like the close you are to your friends.”
“They’re my brothers. I would do anything for them, and they would do the same for you and me.”
I don’t know why he included me in that, but I ignored it. “I like being on your bike.”
“I like having you wrapped around me.”
“Um, that’s all I can think of right now.”
He rubbed my back. “You see how I didn’t argue with when you told me about all of the reasons why you liked me?”
“Well, that’s because all of the things I said were true.”
“And all of the things I said about you were true too, baby girl. I could have argued with everything you said, but instead, I took it for what you said and didn’t try to convince you otherwise.”
I bit my lip and glared at him. “Stop making sense.” He was right. I wanted to convince him that he didn’t like me every time he told me something he did like. “I just don’t see what you see.”
“And I don’t see what you see when you look at me, either. I’m an asshole who loves to drive my bike, and I really don’t care who likes me or not. My club has always come first, but for the first time in my life, I’ve found something that’s more important than the Fallen Lords.”
“What?” I gasped. “You can’t give up your MC for me.”
He chuckled and shook his head. “I’m not giving up the Fallen Lords. I’m just saying if it ever came down to you or the club, I know that I would always choose you. Doesn’t mean I don’t care about the club, it just means I know at the end of the day, having you in my bed is better than being by myself.”
“Why do you have to make so much sense?”
“Because, deep down, you know everything I’m saying in the truth.”
He was right, and I hated him for that. “So what happens now?”
“Right now, you stay here with me at the clubhouse until I find Morski, and then after that, we just take it day by day.”
That didn’t sound very secure to me. Flying by the seat of my pants terrified me. “Um, isn’t there a little bit of a plan in there?” I could give up some of the control, but there was no way I would ever be able to just go whichever way the wind blew and not lose my mind.
“You need more, huh?”
I nodded. I needed way more than what he had just said.
“I get Morski. You move back to your apartment. I come over every night. I get you pregnant and move in with you. We’re probably going to have to move because, as nice as your apartment is, it’s not big enough for a baby and us. I figure we’ll get at least a three bedroom because I want two kids, possible three. Then we’ll ge—”
I pressed my finger to his lips and shook my head. “Stop, stop, stop. Way too much. I’m sorry I even asked.” Jesus. Next, he was going to tell me what our kids’ names were going to be. All I wanted was for him to tell me that he was going stick around even after the whole Morski situation was figured out.
“For telling me you needed more, you sure didn’t like to hear what that more was.”
“I think the talk about the more that you are referring to should be left to be handled when I’m not hungover. Please.” I buried my face in his neck and prayed to God that we were done with this whole conversation.
Nickel wanted to be with me, and I was going to try my damnedest not to push him away.
Try. I was at least going to try.
**********