A yawn escapes me, and my ear has turned red from being on the phone with Suzanne for the last forty minutes.

“Am I boring you?” she whines.

“I just get tired easily now and I need a drink,” I placate on an exhale while using my free hand to rub over my growing stomach.

“You should get one of those gorgeous boys to bring you a drink,” she moans dreamily.

“You’re a perv.” I roll my eyes, but she can’t see me anyway. She’s right, however. All those Pearson boys have their father’s beautiful looks.

“Anyone would be a perv for those Pearson brothers.”

“Suz,” I groan.

“I know, I know. They’re off limits,” she scoffs. “Ever heard of sharing is caring?” She snickers.

“Bye, Suzanne.”

* * *

Hayden is making a sandwich when I come down for some water. The stairs are still a little tricky for me. Despite my injury being old, my hipbone aches and I sometimes end up walking with a limp.

I debate just turning around and going back upstairs, but the effort getting down here was too much to turn around now. Things are strained between Hayden and me. It’s like there’s this cloud following us around and it never breaks—never just rains down, clearing the air.

He’s been dumped into the deep end over at Four Father’s Freight. I want to tell him his dad wouldn’t expect him to take on so much so soon, but I fear the response I’ll get from him.

His eyes track mine, and his hand stops moving from slavering butter on his bread.

“Hey.” He frowns, looking down at my growing stomach. I feel like I’m going to burst and still have a couple months to go.

His brow is furrowed so tight, I swear there will be a crease left there for days.

“Hey.” I smile tightly. “I just came down for some water.”

Pulling open the fridge he grabs a bottle.

“I thought Nixon put one of those mini fridges in your room?”

A real smile curls my lips this time. “He did, but Camden steals the drinks when he’s engrossed in his video games and doesn’t refill it.”

Hayden raises his brow. “Nix will kick his ass if he knows.”

I take the bottle he offers and laugh. “That’s why I haven’t told him.”

“Thoughtful of you. I hope that doesn’t mean you’re finally moving on to Cam. A little young, don’t you think?”

A gasp of wind leaves my lungs. I drop the bottle and step back when it bounces on the tile floor, missing my feet by an inch.

His head isn’t screwed on right at the moment and there are things I will let slide, but this? To ever insinuate I’m making my way through them like they’re desserts on a menu is cruel.

“That’s a low blow.” I snap my eyes up to his. He’s staring so deep into me, I can’t breathe. My lungs constrict, causing an ache there.

“You’ve toyed with us all, Rowan. Don’t act innocent,” he scoffs.

“I didn’t toy with you,” I gasp. “You didn’t want anything to do with me until you thought your brother had me, and then you just didn’t like him having what you thought you owned. You didn’t want me,” I growl.

He always told me I was too young, and then when Brock asked me to be his girlfriend, Hayden made a pass at me. It was everything I’d wanted, but I wasn’t stupid. I’d been around long enough to know exactly what he was thinking and how he used girls like they were there for his amusement. My heart couldn’t handle that then—and definitely not now.

He rounds the island, closing the space between us.

“That’s not true and you know it.” He flexes his jaw, and those glassy, intoxicated eyes narrow.

“Hayden.” I push against his chest. “I’m pregnant with your father’s baby.”

He closes his eyes like he can’t even look at me.

“Because I didn’t want you?”

Wow, he’s so full of himself.

“No,” I step back. “That’s not fair.”

His eyes spring open, and there’s a burning in them that makes me want to cry.

“I should never have let him have you. It just happened so fast… We failed you, Ro. We fucking failed you with him.”

No. No. No.

“Stop it,” I beg.

“It should have been me.” He leans forward, taking my cheeks in his palms and pushing his lips to mine. My eyes expand to the size of saucers and it feels like my feet have sunken into the ground. I can’t move. Shock holds me hostage and it takes me a couple seconds to realize what the hell is even happening.

I push against his chest, and he stumbles back. Pointing my finger into him, I shake my head. “Don’t ever do that again.”

Liquor burns my lips from his touch.

“What’s going on?” Nixon asks from the doorway, his shoulders rigid and features pulled taut.

He’s shirtless, sweat coats his skin, and his damp hair is tousled, hanging down his forehead. His gym shorts hang dangerously low, and I can’t help but admire the ridges of his defined abs.

No one would believe he was still in his teens. His tall, broad frame is dominating, and the atmosphere is thick as he keeps his gaze on Hayden.

“I dropped my bottle. Hayden was just picking it up for me. I’m afraid I’ll fall if I bend over,” I chortle to calm the air.

“Pick it up then.” Nixon gestures toward the bottle still lying by my feet with his head. Hayden’s jaw ticks, his eyes never leaving me. Reluctantly, he picks it up and shoves it into my chest. “Drink up, Ro. You look thirsty.”

Bastard.

* * *

“You haven’t eaten much,” Lucy points out. They say time heals all wounds, but I don’t believe that to be true. It’s been months, and it’s still hard to breathe.

They haven’t located my dad, which has the boys angry and looking for him themselves. The thought of them finding him terrifies me. Hayden is so angry, he swears he’ll kill him, but all scenarios lead to nowhere good.

I don’t know what I want. Justice for the boys, for Eric, but what justice, prison? Death? My stomach rolls as the thoughts swirl around my mind, tormenting me.

“Rowan, you need to keep your strength up. You’re eating for two,” she points out the obvious, like the massive lump attached to my front isn’t a constant reminder of that fact.

I appreciate the time she gives me, and we have become close since…Eric was murdered.

Trevor tries to be there as much as possible for the boys, so in turn, Lucy is there for us all too. She’s fun to be around. She doesn’t feel older than me, but that might be because I don’t feel my eighteen years. I feel tired and worn down by life.

“Hayden kissed me last night.” I vomit out the words, and she chokes on her drink. A crimson flush races up her cheeks as she coughs and sputters.

“Are you okay, ma’am?” a waiter guy asks, checking out her tits as they lift up and down with her coughing fit.

She waves a hand at him. “I’m fine. Thank you.”

He walks off, and she widens her eyes at me. “What?”

I shrug. “There’s always been this unspoken thing between us, but things are complicated.”

She nods her head too fast, looking like one of those hula girls she has stuck on her dash. “What about Nixon?” she breathes, completely dumbfounded.

I frown. “What do you mean?”

Nixon has been incredible, he’s my best friend, but he doesn’t see me in a romantic way.

“I thought you and him were…” she trails off.

Me and Nixon?

“Were what?” I ask, taking a sip of my drink while trying to ignore the images of him dripping with sweat last night.

“You realize he’s in love with you, right?”

Now it’s my turn to almost choke. She’s crazy. Nixon isn’t in love with me.

He’s my best friend. He’s too good for a girl like me.

“You’re wrong.” I shake my head. He’s protective, but that’s just because he’s always been that way. It’s his nature. Right?

“Rowan,” she almost whispers.

My heart thumps in my ears. Thoughts of Nixon and I swirl guiltily in my mind. “No. He doesn’t see me that way,” and I’ve never allowed that possibility to ever enter my thoughts until right now. My stomach ignites with butterflies, and I can’t stop it. No. No. No.

“He doesn’t,” I assure her, shaking the thoughts from my skull. I can’t entertain those possibilities. Because if I’m honest with myself, the idea is just too appealing.

Damn it, why did she have to implant those ideas in my head?

“Just be careful. Those boys have been through enough. They don’t need to be fighting over your affection.”

Acid pours into my muscles, tightening them. “I’m not playing them,” I almost shout.

The words from Hayden last night are still raw. Is that what they think? Is that what Nixon believes? Is that what everyone believes? God, am I causing friction between them? I should move out. Oh God, I can’t leave them.

“I know,” she placates. “It’s just an unusual situation and everyone is vulnerable. It would be natural for feelings to develop and get confusing.”

“I’m not confused.” I cross my arms over my chest and narrow my eyes on her.

I hate that tears are forming. My turbulent contemplations are making me tired.

“What did you do when Hayden kissed you?” She bites her fingernail, a sneaky grin pulling up her lips, like we’re just two girlfriends sharing gossip. I wish life were that easy.

“I pushed him away,” I answer honestly, wiping the condensation off my glass with the tip of my finger. My skin feels sensitive and the flesh there tingles from the cold.

Lucy nods her head again and forks a spoonful of food into her mouth.

“There was stuff left unfinished with us I suppose, unspoken emotions that were never discussed. I don’t think he meant to kiss me. I think he feels guilty about things,” I offer with a shrug.

She makes an “hmmm” sound, but doesn’t say anything else.

“Nothing is happening between us,” I state, getting agitated.

She nods again, and I want to place my hand on top of her head to stop her from doing it every two seconds. “I mean it, Lucy. I can’t.”

“I know.” She reaches over and rubs her palm over my arm. I relax a little, but my internal thoughts are a huge box of pandemonium.

There has always been this thing between Hayden and I, but Nixon has never pursued me romantically—and he’s so different from normal boys our age. I never looked at him as someone who could be more than my best friend. I’m not blind to his appearance or the calming peace I feel when in his company, but being anything more…

No.

We can’t.

And Hayden is the destroyer of young hearts. He left a blood trail of them all through school, and now he’s taken over Eric’s shares of the company, opening up a whole new field for him to play in. I can’t let my heart be placed in such crushable hands.

“Let’s go, Rowan. School’s out and we both know Nix will be worried if you’re not there when he gets in.” She winks at me, then pushes her plate away and rummages through her purse for money.

“He’s not in love with me,” I growl, but more to tell me than her. I don’t mention that he’s already texted me and I’ve told him I’m out with her.

* * *

Music blasts all over the house when I open the front door. Lucy dropped me off and offered to come inside, but when she saw Nixon’s truck in the driveway, a stupid smile took over her face. I told her to go get laid. The last thing I needed was her causing an uncomfortable atmosphere between us all.

There’s no one downstairs, so I turn down the music and freeze when grunts sound from the corridor.

My heart thunders in my chest as I move toward the noise.

Has Nixon brought a girl home with him? Does he have a girlfriend now? He hasn’t mentioned a girl, and the last time he had a girlfriend, Hayden seduced her, and Nixon just shrugged it off like she didn’t mean anything to him anyway.

I swallow and ignore the jealous rampage taking over my mind.

I hate Lucy for implanting this crap in my head about him.

I don’t need to think of Nixon in that way. I need him too much to ruin our friendship with stupid inappropriate feelings.

The grunts turn to moans, and I almost throw up. I know he’s no angel, and I could never ask him to be, but if he has a girl in here, it’s still going to hurt—which is insane. I have no rights to him, nor do I even know why it would hurt. Oh God, what the hell is going on with me? My hand hovers over the doorknob to the room the noises are coming from, then I startle and almost pee myself when Nixon appears down the hallway in only a towel. My eyes go between him and the door where the moans have gained enthusiasm.

“Ro,” Nix warns, shaking his head. My eyes trace the water beading down his skin. Every muscle on his torso flexes in response, and a longing I haven’t felt since Eric pools in my gut and throbs between my legs.

No. No. No. I can’t look at him like this.

“Hayden,” a familiar voice chants, and my mouth drops open as my stomach clenches.

Nix starts forward, but I’ve already pushed down the handle and let the door swing open.

Red hair covers my best friend’s face as Hayden plows into her from behind. He ruts on Suzanne, bending her over an old chair—a chair dumped in here because it’s trash. This whole room is used as a dumping ground, and here’s my best friend being used as just that too.

Hayden has always made fun of her and never shown any interest, and she knows he was my first crush. She knows everything, and she’s allowing him to use her. He looks over at me with pure contempt, pain and disgust pulling his features taut. I don’t know if it’s aimed at me, or just how he feels about what he’s doing to get a rise out of me. He slaps her ass, and she gasps, then he pulls out of her and drags his shorts up his legs. He didn’t even take them off, and her bikini bottoms are tugged to the side, like he couldn’t even be bothered to undress her first.

She looks back at him over her shoulder, completely consumed by the moment and not even noticing me standing here.

“Did you finish?” she asks, confusion lacing her tone.

“Get out,” he snaps at her.

I watch in trepidation as her shoulders deflate. Shame and embarrassment coat her in a red flush. This will haunt her. She was a damn virgin.

“Hay,” she pleads.

“Get the fuck out. You’re not doing it for me,” he barks, dismissing her with a pointed finger toward right where I’m standing just by the door.

I close my eyes, my soul shrinking for her—for me. I know this is because I refused his advances last night. This is my punishment. An “I’ll show you.”

Well done, Hayden, you’ve really shown me. We haven’t seen this side of Hayden in a while.

Nixon grabs my wrist, drawing my attention to him. His hair is wet and sticking to the side of his face. His green eyes bore into mine, making my heart skip.

“Rowan,” Suzanne gasps, and I look over at my best friend with sadness.

“I…erm…I…” She tumbles over her words, righting herself and pushing her locks behind her ears. Her brows draw in, and tears build in her eyes. Without saying anything else, she rushes out of the room, past Nixon and me.

I want to call out to her, reassure her, but she’s gone before I can fathom what to say.

“You’re an asshole,” I spit at Hayden, who’s staring at me like he’s waiting for me to explode. I won’t give him that.

“That’s nothing new,” he states. “Does it hurt?” he asks when I drop my eyes to the floor.

Nixon stiffens next to me.

“No,” I tell him honestly. It doesn’t hurt; it just enforces what I already knew: Hayden would break me if I gave him the chance. Hell would have to freeze over before I ever let that happen.

“Why are you denying you have feelings for me?” he growls, marching toward me. Nixon hasn’t removed his hand from my wrist, and it tightens a fraction every time Hayden speaks.

“I had a crush years ago. Get over it.”

Laughter, rich from his chest, vibrates the tension in the air. “That’s bullshit and you know it.”

I shake my head, a laugh of my own bubbling to the surface. He’s so full of himself. “You’re so arrogant.”

He smirks. “Remind you of my daddy?”

A wheeze pushes from my lungs.

Nixon’s hand drops from my wrist, and he bows his head, like those words hurt him just as badly as they do me.

“You finished?” I ask him.

“Why? Is your lapdog going to attack in a minute?” He nudges his glance to the shadow of Nixon’s form standing just out of sight.

“Why her?” I ask, shaking my head in disappointment.

“Why do you care?”

“Because she’s my best friend and you treated her like shit just now.”

He swaggers over to me and stands so close, I can feel his breath as he exhales.

They’re too much together, this close, I need some room to breathe to keep my focus.

I step away from him, but he advances until my back hits the wall.

“Why do you really care?” he demands. My eyes drift to Nixon, and my heart hammers in my ribcage. There’s this look in his eyes I’ve never seen before. I can’t look away from him. Fire, passion, rage?

“I don’t have feelings for you.” I harden my features and turn my gaze to his, ignoring the chaotic thoughts about Nixon racing through my mind. “And you fucking her just solidified that.”

He screws his face into a grimace. “I was barely inside her. It doesn’t even count.”

Bastard.

“I wouldn’t want you anyway,” he seethes when he realizes I’m not going to give in to him or admit there could be anything between us.

He leans in, his lips spraying spittle over my face as he tries to finish me off. “You’re damaged goods.”

Alcohol comes off him in waves, and I flinch from his cruel words, but within seconds, he is shoved away from me. Nixon rears his arm back and hits him with a closed fist, a sickening thud ringing out as it connects with his jaw and sends him to the floor in a heap. Shock washes over Hayden’s face, igniting his eyes and widening them. He starts to get up, but he’s wobbly, totally taken off guard by his younger brother.

“You fucking little bastard!” he roars, but Nixon kicks out with his foot, landing a blow to Hayden’s chin, making his head crash back and rebound off the tile floor with a clunk, stealing his consciousness, knocking him out cold.

“Sleep it off,” Nixon tells him, his tone so calm, it’s like he just laid him on a couch with a blanket and a night nurse.

He turns to me, the towel almost slipping from his narrow hips. They’ve all been in the pool.

“He’s been in the sun too long and had too much to drink. Ignore what he said.”

My mouth hangs open, and my tongue struggles to form words. There’s no saliva left. I need a drink.

“Is he going to be okay?” I breathe eventually, pointing down at where his brother lays out cold.

“Do you care?” he scoffs, walking away toward the kitchen.

Dammit.

Just as we come into the kitchen, the front door opens, and Cam comes barreling through it like a tornado, followed by a stressed looking Trevor.

“Cam!” he shouts after him, who tosses his backpack on the floor and takes the stairs two at a time without looking back or replying.

Shaking his head, and placing his hands on his hips, Trevor exhales a defeated breath.

“What’s going on?” Nix demands. Trevor raises his brow, giving Nix’s apparel a once over.

“Should I be asking you that question?”

“Trev?” Nix ignores his assumptions.

“The school called me. Cam got into a fight with some other kids.”

What? No way. Cam is placid, and a caring kid. He hates violence.

“Cam?” Nix scoffs in disbelief.

Trevor runs a hand through his hair and comes to take a seat at the breakfast bar. I pull out a bottle of water for myself and a first aid kit. We can’t leave Hayden like that, no matter how much he deserved a right hook.

“Yes, those were my thoughts. Some jocks cornered him over a girl, if you can believe that. I thought Cam might have been into boys until this happened,” Trevor declares, almost making me spit out my water.

Nixon’s fist clenches and eyes narrow as the atmosphere thickens once again.

“Why the fuck would you say that?” The tone in his voice is deadly, making my skin heat.

Trevor holds his hands up in defense. “Calm down. I didn’t know you were a homophobe. Shit.”

“I don’t give a shit if people are gay, but insinuating Cam is just because he’s not dipping his dick in every female with a pulse is insulting to him and gay men.”

“How the hell are you seventeen?” Trevor shakes his head in disbelief.

“How the hell are you fifty with those shoes?” Nixon counters.

Trevor gets to his feet, his eyes twitching. “I’m not fifty, you little shit.”

“Whatever you say, Grandpa.”

Shaking his head, Trevor mutters, “I take it back, you are definitely seventeen.”

Just as he finishes his sentence, a drowsy looking Hayden joins us, holding one hand to his head and the other around his stomach like he’s about to vomit. I move away from everyone, not sure what’s about to go down.

“What the hell happened to you?” Trevor asks, studying him. There’s blood on his lips and a bruise already blossoming on his cheek.

“Nothing.” Hayden glowers over at Nixon.

The beat of my own heart pounds in my ears as my nerves fray.

“Well, you look like shit, and the school couldn’t get ahold of you today,” Trevor informs him. “You begged to be his guardian. Jumped through all the goddamn hoops. And when it mattered, you weren’t there.” When Hayden doesn’t reply, Trevor carries on. “You weren’t at the office today, why?”

He’s completely ignoring the fact that Hayden has clearly taken a beating.

“I had other things to do.”

Trevor gestures toward the front door. “Does this thing have anything to do with the redhead I saw storming out of here like her ass was on fire?”

Nixon snorts. “It’s not her ass that will be on fire if he keeps fucking everything that flashes their gash to him.”

Gash? Nice.

“Gross, Nix,” I reprimand.

“Yeah, gash? Seriously?” Hayden twists up his lip.

“Okay, I’m going,” Trevor announces, shaking his head. “Try not to kill each other, and make sure Rowan eats.”

“I’m right here,” I reveal, but he waves me off with a, “Yeah, yeah.”

Once he’s gone, Hayden points a finger to Nixon, who just offers him a smirk in return.

“You ever try that shit again, and I won’t be responsible for what I do,” he warns him.

“Not responsible for what? Going lights out like a bitch.” Nixon torments.

“You caught me off guard,” Hayden growls.

“Let’s go again then.” Nix squares his shoulders.

“Guys,” I bark, having enough of the testosterone for one day. Neither looks my way; they’re too busy staring each other down.

“If you’re going to act like uneducated morons, can you do it outside?” I open the fridge and pull out some fresh chicken.

“What’s she doing?” I hear Hayden ask.

“I have no clue, but I hope it’s not cooking because she sucks,” Nixon replies.

“I’m right here, guys.” I roll my eyes and push the chicken across the counter.

Nix’s brow quirks up, and I smile my sweetest grin. “Momma wants chicken.”