19
Sadie hung on to her son’s hand as Dawson signed in to see his sister. They’d barely spoken on the long drive. She’d read to Jayden and tried to keep him occupied until he’d fallen asleep, and then the movement of the vehicle had put her to sleep, as well. But she felt it was better to keep some emotional distance between them. She’d let herself get too close to Dawson last night. As much as she’d enjoyed his touch—as much as she’d needed those few precious hours—she had to maintain some emotional distance. She couldn’t allow herself to get too involved with him, to care a great deal, or it would be that much harder to leave Silver Springs. And she had to leave. For her own sanity and safety. For the sake of her son. Sly held too much power here, and he wasn’t to be trusted. If not for Pete, he would’ve struck her this morning, and maybe he would’ve continued to strike until she was seriously injured. He’d been that angry, that scary.
Even worse, he claimed he was going to take Jayden away from her.
She wouldn’t allow that to happen. Jayden wasn’t happy with his father, and because his father had no idea how damaging he was to those around him—or didn’t care if he did—it wasn’t as if she could expect him to change. After the incident at the restaurant, she was no longer willing to give Sly the benefit of the doubt where the fire was concerned, either. Chief Thomas had made some sense to her. But he didn’t understand that logic only worked with stable people, and Sly was not stable. Her ex’s behavior had grown progressively worse since the day she married him, and most especially after Jayden was born. He’d felt replaced by their son, jealous of the love she felt for their child, and the more she retreated from him, the more tyrannical he became.
Once Dawson had signed in, he led her and Jayden into a sterile-looking waiting room, the kind one might find in any hospital.
“You’ve been here before?” Sadie murmured.
“Yeah. A couple times,” he said.
“That’s nice of you.”
He didn’t respond. When he picked up a magazine, effectively ending the conversation, she wondered if he was mad at her. She hated the thought of that. But there wasn’t a lot she could do to fix the situation. She could only keep her eye on the one path that would lead her out of the mess her life had become.
One step at a time. The first step was to save the money she would need to start over somewhere else. That was why she needed the job Dawson provided and couldn’t do anything to put it in jeopardy.
They’d waited only a few minutes before a young woman with long brown hair pulled into a ponytail came out to get them. “She’s been waiting for you,” she told Dawson with a smile that suggested his sister was somewhat of a handful. “She’s packed her bags again, thinks you’re taking her home with you tonight.”
He shook his head. “Don’t let her fool you. She knows better. She’s being stubborn, trying to force the issue.”
The woman looked a little surprised when Sadie and Jayden came forward, too, making it apparent they were with Dawson. “You’ve brought some friends, I see.”
All business now, Dawson introduced Sadie as Angela’s new caregiver. He’d seemed surprised—maybe even slightly hurt—by her withdrawal earlier. The eagerness of the smile he’d been wearing when she first greeted him at the farm had been replaced with a certain wariness, as if he wasn’t so sure she could be trusted anymore. But since she’d reestablished their roles as employer/employee, he’d respected those boundaries. Although she’d sat right next to him in the truck—thanks to where they had to put Jayden’s safety seat—he hadn’t tried to touch her.
“This is Megan, the woman who takes care of Angela in the evenings,” he said, finishing up the introductions.
“Looks like you’re getting ready to bring her home, all right,” Megan said, referring to the fact that he’d already hired a caregiver.
“I have a meeting with the state on Wednesday. Everything hinges on that,” he told her.
“I responded to the letter they sent here, put in a good word for you.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem. I’ve seen how you are with her,” she said in a tone that left no question as to how much she believed in Dawson. “She adores you.”
Megan punched in a code that allowed them access to a special wing. Sadie heard the door swing closed behind them, the echo of their own footsteps and the TVs playing in several of the rooms they passed. Angela lived at the end and had decorated her door like that of a kindergarten class. Sadie took a moment to examine the toilet-paper flowers and hand-drawn pictures taped up there. The picture in the middle nearly broke her heart. It showed what could only be Angela with her parents and Dawson—her “baby” brother. The four of them were holding hands.
Dawson saw it, too. Sadie noticed how, when he paused to look, a muscle moved in his cheek, and she couldn’t help touching him. As much as she told herself it wasn’t wise, he’d done so much for her, and she could tell the sight evoked a poignant emotion.
When he felt her hand on his arm, he looked over in surprise. A confused expression drew his eyebrows together before the moment was lost and Angela realized he’d arrived.
“My brother! That’s my brother. He told me he’d come. Here he is.” She spoke overly loud and nearly knocked into Megan in her attempt to reach Dawson. Then she clung to him as if he were a lifeline, and, wearing an affectionate smile, he let her squeeze him tight.
She might’ve hung on to him for the duration of the visit if she hadn’t spotted Sadie. At that point, she let go, but before he could even introduce them, she saw Jayden. Then everything changed. With a gasp of absolute joy, she burst into tears. “Dawson!” she cried. “You brought me a little boy? You know I always wanted one! You were too big. I never got to carry you around. I couldn’t lift you even once. But I loved you anyway,” she was quick to add. “You’re a good brother. I’m just so happy to have a little one.”
With that she scooped a surprised Jayden into her arms and swung him around, laughing and crying at the same time. “I can’t believe it,” she said. “You brought me a little boy. I knew you’d bring me something good, but...this,” she said, as if a child was the fulfillment of all her dreams.
Fortunately, Jayden didn’t object. He tried to push away so he could see into her face, but she was hugging him too fiercely. “I’m going to play with you and sing to you and push you on the tire swing,” she told him. “And I won’t let you get near the pond. The pond’s not safe.” For a moment, her voice took on the qualities of an adult voice, an echo of what she’d probably been told so many times herself. “I just love you,” she added.
When she squeezed him even harder, Jayden looked to Sadie as if to say, “Get me out of here.” But Dawson tossed aside the present he had bought her—a child’s camera—and moved first.
“He’s going to be staying with us for a while, but you don’t get to keep him,” he told his sister. “And you have to stop hugging him so tight, or he won’t want you to touch him. Remember the puppy? How I taught you to hold the puppy?”
“Oh, yeah. I’ll be careful, Dawson. I just forgot. That’s all.” Although she ducked away from her brother so that he couldn’t take Jayden away from her, she did loosen her grip. “I won’t never hurt you,” she told Jayden. “I’ll be so careful, just like the puppy. I never hurt the puppy. My mom was allergic, that’s all. So the puppy had to live with someone else.”
“Angela.”
She was so engrossed in Jayden that Dawson had to say her name twice before he could get her to look up.
“Don’t you want to know who this is?” Dawson indicated Sadie.
“The lady who’s going to let me come home?” Angela guessed.
“You mean from the state? No. Robin Strauss is coming to check the house on Wednesday. This is Jayden’s mother, Sadie. She’s going to be staying with us and helping to take care of you—the way Megan does here.”
“Oh. No.” She shook her head. “I don’t need her, Dawson. Megan’s coming home with me. She’ll take care of me, and I’ll take care of Jayden.”
“Angela, I have to stay here,” Megan said, trying to keep the humor from her voice. “I have other people to care for, remember? What about Scotty, down the hall? And Mary? What would they do without me? You now have Sadie. She’ll love you just as much as I do.”
“And if she can’t stay, neither can Jayden,” Dawson pointed out.
That seemed to get through. “Oh, I didn’t mean she couldn’t stay,” Angela said, quickly retrenching. “You can stay, Sadie, and I’ll help you take care of your little boy.”
“I appreciate that,” Sadie said. “We can all help each other.”
“So you’re not mad at me?” Angela peered closely at her.
Sadie smiled to reassure her. “No. Of course not.”
They gave Angela her camera, which she liked, but she was too preoccupied with Jayden to visit with them for long. Even her beloved brother couldn’t distract her. She took picture after picture of Jayden. Then she “read” him a book she’d obviously memorized and helped him make a bracelet with her bead set.
After about ten minutes, Megan had to leave to see to other responsibilities, which left Sadie alone with Dawson while Angela and Jayden played.
“What do you think?” he asked when the door closed softly behind Megan.
“About...” Sadie responded.
“Angela. Will you be able to cope with her?”
“We should be fine. She seems sweet.”
“She can be a little...determined.”
“She must not be too difficult. Megan seems fond of her.”
“Fortunately, to know her is to love her, but, like anyone, she has her moments.”
“So does Jayden. Everything will be okay.” Sadie averted her gaze, hoping there’d be something to distract them, but Angela and Jayden were still happily engaged in the jewelry-making endeavor—and when she glanced back, Dawson was still watching her.
“I’m sorry if you regret last night,” he said.
The memories she’d been trying to forget, or at least force into the back of her mind, flooded over her with just that simple statement. “Let’s not talk about it. I was the one who started everything, and I’m embarrassed I came on so strong.”
“Believe me, I didn’t mind.”
She felt her cheeks grow warm at the inflection of his voice. The way he’d said that meant more than the words conveyed.
“Still, you have no reason to apologize for anything.”
He lowered his voice even though Angela and Jayden weren’t paying any attention. “But you do regret it. Is that it? Is that what’s wrong? I hope not, because the fact that we chose to be together won’t change the way I treat you, whether or not you can live at the farm or whether or not you have a job. Sex isn’t a requirement. And I’m not like Sly. You can back away from me at any time, because I’m only interested in what you want to give. Nothing else holds any meaning for me. In case that’s the problem,” he added.
Now he was beginning to guess at what was going on in her head, and he was imagining all the wrong things. She knew he wasn’t like Sly. And she didn’t regret last night—not in the way he assumed. “It’s not that,” she said.
“Then what is it?”
Fear. She was beginning to feel something for him, and she couldn’t allow it. “I can’t afford to build a new relationship here, Dawson, can’t afford to let myself care about anyone or anything. Sly will never leave this place. He was born here. His mother lives here. He loves his job because it makes him feel like a big shot. That alone would be enough to keep him in Silver Springs. Which means I have to go.”
He rocked back. “Whoa! What are you talking about? You’re leaving?”
“I have no choice. I realized it when Sly almost pulled his gun on you. Something terrible is going to happen if I stay.”
Angela couldn’t get one of the beads on her thread and brought it to Dawson. He paused to help her before returning to their conversation. “But...where will you go?”
“Out of state,” she replied. “Maybe the east coast. As far away as I can. I can’t take him breathing down my neck anymore. He could’ve killed me and Jayden when he set that fire.”
“I agree he’s out of control, but...when are you planning to leave?”
She felt bad telling him this, since he’d been kind enough to help her, but she’d never dreamed Sly would set fire to her house when she accepted the job Dawson offered. “As soon as I can save enough to make it feasible.”
Dawson watched his sister play with Jayden, but Sadie could tell his mind wasn’t on what he was seeing. “So this is all about the fire? Nothing’s happened since then?” he asked at length. “Maybe when you went in to pick up your stuff at the station?”
She didn’t want to tell Dawson about the scene at the restaurant. She was afraid to draw him into her problems any further for fear he’d get hurt. “Not really.”
He gave her an “I’m not buying it” expression. “What happened?”
She began digging at her cuticles, something she often did when she was anxious or upset.
“Sadie...”
“Fine,” she responded with an exasperated sigh. “I’m sure you’ll hear about it anyway, since I filed a police report.”
He stiffened. “You filed a police report? Today?”
She nodded.
“Why?”
“I had no choice.” She’d tried so hard to get away from Sly peaceably, had turned herself inside out trying to respect his needs and wishes—had even given him sex long after she wanted to allow him that kind of intimacy. But none of that had done any good. He wouldn’t let her go. And since their relationship had deteriorated so far, she had nothing left to save, no reason not to go to the police. Maybe it wouldn’t help, but she had to try. “Sly came to the restaurant this morning. He was angry, knew that you’d bought me—” she checked to make sure neither Angela nor Jayden were cluing in to their conversation ”—some underwear.”
“Because you didn’t have any—thanks to him!”
“That’s not the direction his mind went, of course. He accused me of—” unable to maintain eye contact, she looked down at the damage she was causing her fingers “—of doing what we did last night.”
“And what did you say?”
“I told him he was right—and that I enjoyed it.”
Dawson laughed at her unexpected response. “Are you joking?”
“No.”
He sobered. “What did he do?”
“He went crazy, caused a scene. If Pete—his friend on the force—hadn’t been with him and interceded...” She let her voice trail off.
Dawson leaned closer. “What? Don’t tell me he would’ve hit you.”
“He wanted to. When he raised his fist, I could see the hatred in his eyes, knew he wasn’t in his right mind.”
Dawson’s muscles bunched. “That son of a bitch doesn’t know when to quit.”
“There’s something seriously wrong with him,” she agreed. “But the situation is what it is. I need to accept reality and do what I can to protect myself and my child.”
Dawson got up and began to pace the short distance between Angela’s bed and her walk-in closet.
“You can’t let it upset you,” she told him. “Like I said, it is what it is.”
He pivoted to face her. “Can I ask you something?”
The gravity in his voice made her uneasy. “That depends...”
“Last night, when you told me you were on the pill...”
Apparently, the oddness of her response in that moment hadn’t slipped past him, after all.
She put up a hand. “No. Don’t ask.”
He stopped in front of her. “It’s because you’ve still been sleeping with him, right?”
Damn it. He’d asked anyway. And she couldn’t blame him. If she were him, she would’ve guessed the same, would also have wondered why. “No! I mean...not recently and not like you probably assume. It’s just...since I left him, he’s come by the house a lot, insisting we have some family time with Jayden—for Jayden’s sake so that we keep things as normal as possible.”
“And then he’d turn it into something more.”
“Yes. After I put Jayden to bed. Whenever I’d refuse, it would start a fight. So there were a few times—three, to be exact—when...when I gave in to avoid the upset and abuse I’d get otherwise. I was looking for a way to get rid of him without having my son wake up to another blistering argument.” She rubbed her face. “Sometimes I think I’d do anything to avoid another fight. At least I thought that until the last time. He came over just before Thanksgiving, drunk and belligerent, and he wouldn’t leave until...well, until, and that was such an awful experience I knew I could never do it again, not even to stave off a fight.” She closed her eyes as she remembered how rough and demanding he’d been.
“And yet you stayed on the pill.”
She forced herself to look at him again. “In case...”
“In case he were to force you,” Dawson guessed, spelling it out.
She hesitated to go that far. Sly hadn’t ever raped her, exactly. It was more that he made her feel cornered, as if giving him what he wanted was the only way out—or the best way out. “Maybe, in the back of my mind, I fear it’s a possibility. Because I’ve been absolutely religious about taking that pill. It’s an act of defiance, in a way. He’d love it if I were to get pregnant again. Then I’d have to come back to him. It was during my last pregnancy that he became so controlling, because he knew he had me at even more of a disadvantage.”
Dawson shook his head. “You have no idea what I’d like to do to that man.”
She got off the bed, too. “See? That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. There’s nothing you can do about Sly, nothing that won’t get you hurt or in trouble. Our hands are tied. The only answer is for me to leave town—and to make sure he can never find me.”
“That’s not the only option,” he argued. “You should be able to live where you want. He’s a police officer, for God’s sake. I’m going to pay him a visit and let him know that he’d better not ever touch you again.”
She grabbed hold of his arm. “No! You have to promise me you’ll stay clear of him. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you or anyone else.”
“Are you mad, Sadie?” The emergency in Sadie’s voice had finally drawn Angela’s attention. “Dawson, did you make Sadie mad?”
He cleared his throat. “No, I’m mad at someone else.”
“Who?” she asked.
“A bad guy,” he responded.
“What bad guy?” she asked.
“You don’t know him, honey. And you don’t have to worry about it. I’ve got everything under control.”
Too interested in what she was doing to bother asking any more about some generic “bad guy,” she returned to making jewelry with Jayden.
“Dawson, please,” Sadie whispered. “I’ve got enough to worry about. You can’t get involved.”
“Someone has to stop him,” he said.
“The police will do that. Like I told you, I filed a complaint against him today, and I applied for a restraining order.”
He shoved his hands into his pockets. “And how was that received?”
She could hear the skepticism in his tone. “Chief Thomas was a little patronizing,” she admitted. “He suggested I might be exaggerating, especially after he called Pete, and Pete said he’d seen what happened and it wasn’t that big of a deal. But Chief Thomas promised me he’d talk to Lolita, too. She could tell the threat was real. She’ll back me up.”
“Even if she does, he didn’t actually strike you, so they’ll minimize it and sweep it under the rug. You realize that, don’t you? In their minds, he hasn’t done anything to be suspended over, and they can’t have an officer on active duty walking around with a restraining order against him.”
Again, it came back to the fact that she had nowhere to turn. But she couldn’t expect Dawson to do any more than he already had. “Even if Thomas only threatens him to stay away from me, it should help. I only need to buy a few months.”
“Maybe it’s time to go on the offensive.”
“Offensive how?”
“Sly believes he’s got his boot on your neck. That’s why he had the nerve to set the fire in the first place.”
“He does have his boot on my neck,” she pointed out with a humorless chuckle.
“It’s time for the power paradigm to shift,” he mumbled as if he wasn’t really talking to her.
“What’d you say?” she asked.
“Nothing,” he replied. Angela had decided she wanted more of Dawson’s attention and asked him to come over and make her a necklace. “We’ll talk about it later.”