Josh stood on the balcony, watching her. He could see her standing and staring out at the ocean. A man was walking down the beach, but Josh hadn’t seen if he’d stopped to talk to Kayla. Not that he would blame the dude. He would hit on her, too, if she wasn’t already his.
Oddly, the idea of men hitting on her didn’t bother him the way it probably should. Not as long as they were respectful and took her no with politeness.
Because she would tell them all no. She was his. His girlfriend. His sub. He got that now.
She didn’t watch the man as he walked away from her. Her eyes were out on the ocean. She loved it here as much as he did.
They could build a life here if he was brave enough to. She’d heard his story. She wasn’t leaving him.
All the things Tyler Williams had said came back and made his stomach churn. He couldn’t risk her. Oh, he knew damn well he was in for a fight, but he couldn’t make the choice to put her in danger. He pulled his phone out and texted her. Complete with a heart emoji. Jeez, he was turning soft. Going all kinds of soft for a girl.
It was kind of cool.
He watched as she pulled her phone out and that smile on her face was fucking everything. She didn’t wait. She turned immediately and started coming home.
Because she wanted to be here with him. Because him asking her to come home was meaningful to her.
He smiled as she picked up the pace.
“Her dads are awesome, man,” a familiar voice said. “I hate that you missed brunch this morning. How did it go with your expert?”
He glanced over and Jared was lying on a lounger on his balcony, soaking up some sun. “He was a smart man. You know I like to listen to the experts.” Kay was still a couple of minutes away. She would have to wash off her feet at the base of the house. “I kind of got the feeling the dads didn’t approve of actors.”
He couldn’t necessarily blame them. If he had a daughter as smart and funny and capable as Kayla, he wouldn’t want some dumbass actor who showed off his abs to the world coming and whisking his baby girl away.
What would Kay’s daughter look like? Would she come out of the womb with ninja skills?
Why didn’t the idea of potentially, someday in the future, maybe having a kid with her scare the holy crap out of him? Why did it kind of make him happy?
Because he was going so fucking soft.
“They totally warmed up to me,” Jared replied with a grin. “Papa Fred was absolutely impressed with how many pull-ups I can do.”
Yeah, Josh bet he was. He was going to have to make a better impression on those two men if he wanted his family life to run properly. It would be weird to have parents around—even if they weren’t his own. He hadn’t really known his own. Nothing except his father’s fists. “Well, I expect they’ll be around a lot.”
“Do you think the other dude will be around, too? Is he like an adoptive brother or something?”
“What? Who are you talking about?”
Jared stood up and waved a hand down the beach. “The dude who talks to Kay a lot. I’ve seen her with him probably three times over the last couple of weeks. At first I thought he was hitting on her, but they seem friendly. Not like friendly friendly, but like family friendly. She rolls her eyes at him the same way my brother does with me. You know, the dumbass look.”
“Who are you talking about?”
Jared pointed. “The guy who just walked by. Like I said, at first I thought he was a new neighbor or something, but according to a realtor I know, no one’s sold recently. They tend to meet down by the big rocks. Okay, I know I suck, but I’ve got some binoculars up here and I’ve watched them. They’re def not hooking up on the down low. I think she finds him annoying most of the time.”
Something nasty rolled in his gut, but he shoved that shit down. He wasn’t doing this to her again. “I’m sure there’s an explanation. Kay wouldn’t cheat on me.”
“I didn’t think she was.” Jared winced. “Shit. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“It’s cool. I’ll ask her about it.” Reasonably. Calmly.
Before Jared could say another word, he turned and found himself walking out of the house, going down the stairs to find her. She was at the base of the stairs, washing her feet off in the faucet he had there.
“You know even your feet are gorgeous,” he said, sitting down on one of the stairs.
Her lips curled up in the sweetest smile. “I try. I know you love a pretty foot, weirdo.”
This was what he loved about them. Them. She teased him in a way no one else would, in a way he likely wouldn’t tolerate from anyone else. He was self-aware enough to get that. He hoped they could joke their way through the next couple of minutes. They definitely needed to do this alone. He glanced behind him and sure enough, Shane was standing at the top of the staircase. “Could we have a couple of minutes, Shane?”
Kay grinned the bodyguard’s way. “I can protect him. There’s also a seal out here I cut a deal with. The two of us will take down any sea gull that tries to nest in that hair of his.”
He laughed because he could actually see her trying that. Shane nodded and left them alone. Josh turned to Kay, getting serious. “Who’s the guy you were talking to?”
She didn’t miss a beat. There was no fluctuation on her face, no shock. “The one I was talking to just now?”
He nodded. “Jared says he’s seen you talking to him a couple of times. Is he bugging you?”
See reasonable. Logical. She deserved that. She’d done not a damn thing to make him think she would cheat on him. She wasn’t other women. She was Kay. She was his.
“Not at all. He’s staying at an Airbnb somewhere down the beach with his boyfriend. The boyfriend isn’t very nature oriented. Honestly, I don’t think that relationship is going to work out. Do you want to meet him? He’s nice.”
He held a hand out. When she took it, he pulled her onto his lap and sighed with pleasure. “No. Sorry, baby. Jared mentioned it. I thought I would ask.”
She settled against him. “It’s okay. I’m an open book. How was your lunch?”
Shit. He didn’t want to mess this up, but he had to. Williams had made sense. “It was enlightening. I’m not smart when it comes to reading people. I think I am. I guess everyone does, but this afternoon proved to me that I’m an idiot.”
She shifted so she could look him in the eyes. “Why would you say that?”
He hated admitting how stupid he’d been. “According to the DEA guy, my friend Hector is the head of a cartel. Like a big one. I’ve been to dinner with the guy and he’s murdered hundreds of people.”
Her eyes widened. “Are you serious?”
“Have you ever heard of the Jalisco Cartel? According to Williams, he’s the head of the cartel. I have to believe him. He’s former DEA. If he doesn’t know, who would?”
“What was his name again?”
“Tyler Williams. Seems like a good man. Definitely knows his stuff.”
“Wow. I didn’t expect that.”
He kissed her cheek. “Neither did I. That’s why I’ve decided to completely cut ties with the man. I won’t be seeing him while I’m on the shoot in Mexico.”
“Are you sure this guy is right about this?” Kay asked. Her body had gone still. “Maybe I should try to look into it. It wouldn’t be the first time someone got accused of some crime he didn’t commit. Up until now he’s been perfectly good to you, right?”
Suspicion played along his spine. Something wasn’t right here. “I saw pictures.”
“Pictures can be doctored.” She wiggled off his lap. “I’ll get my team on it. I would hate for you to lose that contribution because some ex-DEA agent has a thing against a businessman. You know some of them are totally paranoid. I should know. I could tell you stories about crazy damn CIA agents. They spend so much time dealing with conspiracies that they start to see them everywhere.”
He was surprised at her reaction. “The charity can handle it. I’ll do another fundraiser and more than make up for it. I think the cautious thing to do is to believe the man who put his life on the line and stay away from Morales. I’m going to explain that my schedule has changed and I can’t make it out to his place this time. I’ll ignore his calls from now on and it will be fine.”
One brow rose over her eyes. “You’re going to ghost a drug lord?”
“I thought you weren’t sure he was a drug lord.” This was starting to feel like an argument, but not the one he’d expected.
“I don’t know,” she shot back. “That’s the point. You’re listening to some guy I’ve never even met. You’re allowing him to manipulate you.”
“Manipulate? I’m allowing him to make me rethink two days of my life. I’m rethinking going to a party. I don’t think that’s some grand manipulation. Why is this important to you?”
“I don’t like someone playing you.”
He shook his head. This was insane. “Baby, it’s not a big deal. Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m heading down to the set in two days. I’m going to get my work done as quickly as possible and I’ll be home with you before you know it. You can stay here or go have a nice visit with your dads. Hell, invite them back here. I won’t be gone more than a week.”
“What? You’re going there by yourself?”
Now this was the fight he’d expected. He’d prepared for this fight. The whole time he’d been driving home, he’d come up with a plan to make her feel better about it. “Not at all. I’ll take Shane and Dec with me. If you think I need someone else, I’ll hire a third guard so I’m never without two. I have no intention of doing something foolish. I have you to think about now. I want to come home whole, believe me.”
She shook her head, her eyes clouded with disbelief. “You can’t leave me behind. We’ve planned for this trip. Why would you ditch me?”
“No. I am absolutely not ditching you. I’m worried about you.” He reached out for her hands, holding them between his own. “Baby, have you thought about what a man like Morales would do to you if he even caught a hint of your background? I can’t risk you. Come on. Let’s go upstairs and we can talk some more. I know you’re freaked out that you’re not going with me, but let’s bring Shane and Dec in on the discussion and make some…what do you call those…protocols for me to follow. I’ll do everything by the book. I don’t want you worrying.”
She seemed to lose color, her shoulders slumping as though something terrible went through her head. “We can’t go inside and talk.”
“Why? I think we’ll be way happier in the kitchen than bringing those two bruisers out here. I don’t even think Dec can fit on the stairs. He’s a big dude.” He tugged her close. “It’s going to be all right. I’m not going anywhere until you’re comfortable with this.”
“Why? Why do you have to be reasonable now?” She pulled her hands out of his, the first sign that something was seriously wrong with this scenario.
Kay always touched him. It was one of the things he loved about her. She was so touchy-feely and he’d never realized how starved for affection he was until she’d given him some. Now he craved it, craved her hands on him even when it wasn’t particularly sexual. He would have said he was a solitary being. After everything he’d gone through, he didn’t like to be touched, but it was different with her. Everything was different with her. It was like she’d walked in and flipped a switch he hadn’t known he had—the one where he was a good boyfriend, one where he was capable of giving and receiving affection and yes, where he was capable of love.
“I thought you wanted me reasonable.” What the hell was going on? There was a little voice in the back of his head saying stop. Don’t go any further. This is where it all falls apart. It was time to distance and save himself. He wasn’t going to listen to that voice. “I’m trying to be a better Dom for you. That’s stupid. We’ve gone far beyond the D/s boundaries. We both know I mean boyfriend looking for something more. Kay, I’m insanely crazy about you.”
She bit her bottom lip and looked so forlorn, he wanted to draw her back in, cuddle her until she smiled for him again. “And I’m crazy about you, but I don’t know if you’re going to believe me five minutes from now. Do you know what I want to do, Joshua?”
“What?” He would do almost anything. He simply couldn’t willingly put her in the line of fire.
“I want to start the day again and this time I won’t let you go. I’ll keep you in bed with me and everything and everyone else can go straight to hell.” She turned and looked at him. “Will you get in a car with me and run away? We don’t need anything. We can start driving and not look back.”
Now she was scaring him. “What are you talking about? There’s a hundred-million-dollar movie relying on me right now. Also, we wouldn’t get far. No matter where we go someone will recognize me. You want to tell me what’s going on and why you went pale? Let’s go upstairs and get a drink.”
“We can’t go and talk in your house because it’s wired for sound and the Agency is listening to every word you’ve said inside there.” She spit the words out like she was worried if she didn’t she wouldn’t be able to say them at all.
He felt the world go still, everything slowing to a terrible stop as her words hit him. It was rather like watching an accident. He could see himself sitting there as though he was outside his body, watch as the words changed him. From here he looked calm, as though nothing had processed yet.
He shook his head, utterly dumbstruck. “Why would the Agency listen to me?”
“Because Hector Morales has one of their operatives and they need your access to his home in order to find out what happened to him. Or rather they need me to use your access to his home to find out what happened to him.” All the words were said calmly, each one making perfect sense, and yet that wasn’t what he heard.
I lied to you.
I used you.
I let the wolves into the only place you’ve ever felt safe.
He stayed still because he wasn’t sure what would happen when he put himself in motion again.
Why had he thought she was different? Oh, he could look back and see why. She was fabulous at getting under his skin. She’d read him like a book. If she’d come in and played the perfect sub, he would have held her at arm’s length, but she’d been weird and quirky and so entertaining he couldn’t resist her. She’d been light to his never-ending darkness, and that had been the most brilliant play of all.
The funny thing was she’d told him who she was. She’d told him time and time again that she was a spy and an assassin, and he’d thought because she’d made the stories humorous that he was somehow exempt.
And the Oscar goes to…
“Josh?” She was standing in front of him, her gorgeous face tense. “I know this is a shock, but I need you to understand that it doesn’t change anything between the two of us. Nothing.”
Oh, but it changed everything. “Did you wire the place yourself?”
“What?”
“Did you do the wiring or did someone else do it? Who came into my home and turned it into an audio drama for bored agents to listen in to?”
She was quiet for a moment before she answered. “Riley did it.”
That made sense. Maybe he wasn’t such a bad judge of character. He’d never trusted Riley Blade. His mind worked the problem even as he ignored the howling in the pit of his gut. He wasn’t going to give in to that. He would hurt her if he did. If he examined that wound for one second, he would lose control, and that couldn’t happen now. Better to let it bleed without acknowledgement. He’d bled before and been forced to deal with the wound at a later date, when he was alone and safe again.
“Riley was in on it.” Which brought up another point. “I suppose you tagged my phone, too. That was how you followed me last night. I knew I didn’t fuck up. That plan should have worked perfectly. That’s good to know.”
“Let’s take a walk and talk about this,” she said, reaching for his hand.
He pulled it away before she could touch him. “Don’t do that.”
Now the tears showed up. He was sure she’d been saving them. “Please. I didn’t know you when I took this assignment. I only knew that somewhere out there another agent is in trouble, maybe even dead, and I was the one who could help him. I didn’t plan on falling in love with you.”
Sure she didn’t, but then it had been a handy way to manipulate him.
Now he could easily see every move she’d made had been to get him to a point where he would place her in the best possible position to do her job. In some ways, he even admired her for it. He could understand. Hell, his job was all he’d had until he’d met…his job was all he had, too.
“They listen to me in the playroom?”
“I’m not sure,” she replied. “It’s very likely.”
So they would know about his proclivities. They would have heard him topping her, saying things that could be taken in the nastiest of contexts. They wouldn’t be able to see his expression or how she responded. Without the aid of sight, the words themselves would be harsh, the commands of a man merely using a woman for sex. Since they’d talked openly about the club and its members, he would have to deal with that as well.
But that wasn’t his only problem.
“They listen in my bedroom. Don’t they? They would have heard us talking last night after your dads went to bed. Are they really your dads? They were surprisingly effective. They could be actors.”
She swallowed once and then again. “Yes. Yes, they are. And I wasn’t thinking about that last night. Josh, those tapes won’t ever go anywhere. No one outside this operation will ever hear them.”
He’d whispered his story to her because she’d been the only one on the planet he wanted to share it with. In doing so, he’d spilled his secrets to a group who dealt in them, who fed off them. His words would go into a file for the Agency higher-ups to read and they would decide what to do with the information. His sad-sack life, his blood, spread out for everyone.
He’d paid blackmail for years, but love had been the thing to bring him low.
“Please say something,” she begged.
“You wouldn’t like what I have to say.” His heart actually ached. It thudded in his chest, squeezing and unclenching, and every beat hurt.
“I love you.”
He closed his eyes because he couldn’t stand to look at her. “Don’t say those words. They’re meaningless coming from your lips.”
“Josh, I do love you. We have to talk. I know you don’t want to, but I can see you’re angry with me. It’s okay. I would be pissed off, too. I’ve lied to you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It doesn’t mean that I intended to leave you. I prayed we would get to Hector’s and save the operative and you wouldn’t have to know. I was going to stay with you.”
He opened his eyes and looked at her. Really looked at her. She was wearing chic clothes that had designer labels all over them, her hair still shiny from the blow-out she’d had earlier. Of course she was staying. She had a taste for his lifestyle now. “I’d like you out my house in the next hour. Tell Shane and Declan they’re fired as well. I think I’ll stay at Jared’s until I can find somewhere else.”
“What?”
He stood up. It was time to put an end to whatever this was. And maybe he wouldn’t go to Jared’s. It was time to end that, too. He’d been better off without friends. Jared was the one who’d talked him into… Of course. What a complete idiot he was. “Jared’s in on this. His brother works for you people. Naturally.”
She shook her head. “No. No. Jared has no idea what’s going on. He’s your friend and he thought he was helping you. He wouldn’t do this to you. I promise. You can trust him. But Josh, you can’t kick us out. You can’t fire us. I know this is all going to hell, but we need to talk.”
“Talk about what?”
“Talk about why you’re so cold right now.”
“I’m cold because this is who I am.” He was cold because if he let even the slightest hint of heat in, he would have a hand around her throat. He was cold because it was important that he stayed nice and numb. If he let a sliver of emotion in, he would hate her every bit as much as he’d ever loved her. He put a hand up. Perhaps there was another way to end this. “Look, you’re making a lot of something you probably shouldn’t.”
She sighed, her eyes soft as though she pitied him. “Don’t try to tell me this wasn’t real. I won’t believe you.”
He had to make the attempt. Maybe if he said the words, he could believe them. “I got emotional last night. I’m sure a shrink would tell me I carried that secret around for too long and it got to me. I mistook good sex for real affection. Rookie move, but I’ll get over it. You were excellent in bed and genuinely amusing. The funny girl thing works for me. I’ll make a note of that when I find the next one of you.”
There wouldn’t be a next one. Not ever again. He’d been burned so often, but it would be this woman who finally taught him the lesson.
Again that nauseating sympathy lit her gaze. “I don’t buy that for a second. I can see you creating dialogue in your head. You think I haven’t learned you inside and out? I know that when the emotional shit gets too real, you go deep and find some character to play so you don’t have to deal with it.”
Excellent. Then she wouldn’t mind if he played the massive asshole. “And when you come up against a problem, sweetheart, you spread your legs and make a whore of yourself.”
He prepped for a bitch slap and was surprised when she merely took a deep breath and sighed.
“Okay, I can handle that. I can even see the point. I don’t like the word, but you’re feeling mean right now, and given what I took from you, I’ll allow it.”
“Allow it?” Did she honestly believe she was in control here? Well, he supposed that was his fault since up until now she’d happily led him around by his stupid cock.
“Yeah, call me names, babe,” she encouraged. “Whore, bitch, cunt. I can handle them all as long as we keep on talking because at the end of this conversation, we’re going to be okay.”
“There is no we. There never was a we. There was an idiot me who let his dick do the thinking and there was a manipulative, ruthless bitch who saw an easy mark and took it.” Despite his best of intentions, he was starting to heat up. “And of course you would stay, darling. What whore leaves a john who can buy her anything she wants? All you have to do is fuck me and hope I never find out all the other shit you’ve lied about. Who was the man on the beach, Kayla?”
Because it occurred to him that she’d been lying about everything today. Every fucking thing.
Her jaw firmed. “He’s another agent.”
He bet that’s who he was. From the way Jared explained it, the two had been cozy. “Does he like you fucking the targets? Is that why he took off the way he did? Did you tell him he was going to lose you at the end of this op? How many of us have there been?”
“More than I like to admit,” she replied quietly.
“Hey, it’s cool. I was a whore, too, but then you know that and now all your buddies know it, too.” They would use it against him. Something like that didn’t get hidden away somewhere.
“I will get that tape. I’ll make sure it doesn’t exist. I swear it.”
“Your lies mean nothing. Get your shit and get out. Take the assholes with you. If I ever see your lying, whore face again…”
“Hey,” a deep voice said from above. “What the fuck is going on? You don’t talk to her like that.”
“Declan, this is between Josh and me,” Kay said quickly.
Ah, finally someone he could turn a little rage on. Despite everything she’d done to him, he couldn’t start a real fight with her, couldn’t wrap his hands around her throat and squeeze. And she couldn’t give him the physical pain he needed. But this asshole could. “Nah, this is a fucking family affair, man. You in on this? Does she fuck all of us? Is that how she keeps you two in line? I’m going to tell you, sweetheart, whatever Kegels you’re doing, they’re fantastic because somehow after all that cock, you’re still tight as a drum. Although maybe Dec’s a little light in that department.”
Instead of punching him in the face, Dec looked back at Kayla. “Shit. He knows. What the fuck? I thought we were going to get through this without telling him and have a goddamn happily ever after. You knew that shit was going to fuck his brain over.”
Kay put her hands on her hips. “Well, it wasn’t my idea to tell him. I was planning on going to my damn grave with that one. I didn’t want to hurt him that way.”
“Fucking Agency,” Dec spat. “They can’t do anything right. Who screwed up? I’ll take them out. I hate these jobs. Josh, you gotta understand that me, Shane, and Kay, we were all for knocking on your door and asking for your help. This undercover shit is not how we do business. I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” That wasn’t what he wanted to hear. Not even close. “I don’t give a damn about your apologies. You can take it and shove it up your ass. I want you and Shane out of here, and take the whore with you.”
Dec’s eyes flared, but Kay got between them.
“Don’t. It’s his affectionate name for me now,” she told the big bodyguard. “He’s using it to get to you because he can’t hurt me the way he wants to. He’s in bad shape and I don’t know how to fix it.”
“You can fix it by leaving my house.” And then he would sell the place because it was tainted now. He wouldn’t be able to trust it. He would move again. This time he would find a place far outside of town and be alone. Someplace where no one could find him.
And maybe he had enough money. If he gave up his career, no one would give a crap that he’d been a child used and discarded again and again. The only reason anyone cared now was his status as a movie star. If he sacrificed that, they would leave him alone.
“We can’t go,” Kay was saying. “You still need protection. And we have to think about our operative. Morales is more dangerous than you know.”
“Do I have to call the police?”
“The Agency will override them, man,” Dec said with a long sigh.
“I’m not helping you or anyone. You can all go to hell as far as I’m concerned.”
“I can get it all back for you,” Kay said with a tremble to her voice. “I can promise you that tape will never see the light of day, will be utterly and completely erased, but you have to let us come with you to Mexico.”
He stared at her for a long moment. “Ah, there’s what I expected. A little blackmail of your own.”
She shook her head. “You won’t let me protect you any other way. I have to do this job and I have to make sure you’re alive at the end of it. Morales wants something from you and he won’t allow you to brush him off with excuses. When you don’t show up, he’ll know something’s gone wrong, and I think he’s going to come after you.”
“Why?” He didn’t understand any of this.
Her jaw tensed. “I don’t know.”
“You’re lying.”
She moved into his space. “It doesn’t matter now. I fucked up. I get that. You’re not going to come back from this and there’s no happy beach life for us at the end of this op. But you will be alive and I will handle all those problems I said I would. When this mission is over, you won’t worry about blackmailers again and Morales won’t darken your doorstep.”
“You’re going to kill him?”
Her eyes had darkened and it took all he had to stand his ground. This was the Kayla he hadn’t seen, only heard about. This was the warrior goddess who enjoyed the kill, who lived for it. “Oh, yes, Joshua. I’ll have his head and bring down his entire organization if it’s the last thing I do on this earth.”
God, she was glorious. Why did it have to be her? Why had she turned into such a liar? She could win back almost everything, but trust? That was gone and it wouldn’t come again.
“We can go to the room Shane and I are in and talk about this,” Dec said reasonably.
He wasn’t about to do that. He wasn’t going to listen to fucking reason. He stepped down a stair, coming up against Kayla. “Move out of my way.”
“If you want to take a break, I can understand,” she said. “But you have to take Declan.”
He reached for her, unable to contain it a second longer. She was right there and he still fucking wanted her. After everything she’d done, all the lies, all the brutal manipulations of his life, what he wanted to do was carry her upstairs, strap her down to the spanking bench, and not let her up until she was properly submissive to him. He’d played around with it, but she’d still truly been in charge. The primal male inside him knew he wouldn’t find another like her. That fucking caveman wanted to mark her, bind her, take her until she couldn’t lie to him ever again.
Until she couldn’t leave him.
His hands wound around her arms, shaking her a bit harder than he’d meant to, but then violence was bubbling up and she wouldn’t let him fucking go. “You do not give me orders. You do not have me on your goddamn leash.”
He felt a hard hand on the back of his neck and he was pulled away. Fuck that hurt and it lit something inside him. Declan had hold of him, the monster of a man easily hauling him off his feet.
“Go away, Kay. I need to deal with this. Send Shane down. He’s going to need more than one of us.” Declan eased him down.
Kay’s eyes widened. “No. No, you can’t hurt him.”
But fuck he wanted that hurt more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life. Maybe even more than he’d wanted her. That pain would be real and visceral, and it would release the agony he was in.
She’d been nothing but an illusion.
He struggled, but Declan strong-armed him down the stairs past Kay. He maneuvered Josh into the basement, away from prying eyes.
“No ears down here,” Declan said, letting him go.
He wheeled on the larger man and hit him with an uppercut to his gut. Declan didn’t move. Didn’t grunt. Didn’t show that he’d felt anything at all.
“That’s it, buddy. Take it out on me. I can handle it,” he said. “Hell, sometimes I fucking crave a good fight. A few rules though.”
“You can’t hit his face,” Kay said, looking vulnerable as she stood watching them. “Declan, please don’t hurt him.”
“He needs this,” Declan replied. “We can do it this way or he’ll find a way to hurt himself. I should know. I would do the same. He’s a pressure cooker waiting to explode and destroy everyone around him, but you and I are going to let off a little steam here.”
Declan pulled the T-shirt he was wearing over his head and tossed it to the side, but not before Josh saw that his back was covered with ink.
“Are those wings?”
Declan turned, a predatory look in his eyes. There was a smile on his face, but it was a feral thing. “Yeah, I’m a fucking guardian angel. Remember that over the next couple of minutes. And remember that you can take all this out on me, but you touch her and I’ll take your balls off.”
“Please don’t hurt him,” Kayla said.
“Fuck that,” Josh growled.
And went to town. That first punch he took had him seeing stars, but he was finally satisfied.
This…this was exactly what he deserved. Pain. Cleansing pain. Agony that would remind him that this was all the universe had to offer him.
* * * *
Kayla barely managed to make it up the stairs. She couldn’t watch that, couldn’t see what she’d done to him. Josh and Declan trading punches was nothing more than the outward symbol of how she’d just dealt him a damn death blow.
She’d watched the light die in his eyes. He’d been sitting there, holding her and being the warm, loving man she knew he was, and the next minute her words had shoved him right back into the darkness. He couldn’t do anything else. He’d tried to protect himself, tried not to show how badly she’d hurt him. Not for one second did she buy the whole “you meant nothing to me” routine. She had ears. He’d been trying to leave her behind out of pure terror for her safety.
He loved her.
Had loved her.
She’d killed that love.
She stumbled on the step because she could barely see from the tears that now poured down her cheeks. The world was blurry and the steps she’d come to know so well now seemed to shake under her feet.
Probably because it sounded like someone was being thrown against the side of the house.
He was down there, taking a beating because he had no other way of letting the pain out. She’d done that to him and put the entire op in danger. What were they going to do if they couldn’t convince Josh to go along? It wasn’t like she could force him.
Although she’d practically blackmailed him to do it. That’s exactly how he’d seen it.
“What the hell is going on?” Shane stepped out of the house. “I can feel this place shaking. Are we having an earthquake? Hey, are you crying?”
She wiped away the useless tears. They wouldn’t bring him back. “Josh knows.”
Shane stilled. “How?” When she was silent he cursed under his breath. “Damn it, Kay. I know you care about the guy, but this is going to get you fired. I like the guy, but he’s unpredictable to say the least. Is Declan with him? Or did he take off on his own and we need to go find him?”
The stairs shook again and a low moan could be heard. That sound was all pain.
“Dec’s with him,” she admitted. “They are working things out the hard way. Dec asked me to get you.”
Shane started down the steps, stopping on the one below her. “I suspect he took it poorly.”
“I think I ruined his life, Shane. The way he looked at me…”
His head shook in the negative. “You were doing your job. You didn’t lie to him about your feelings. This is why I hate the spy shit. I’ll go down and make sure no one gets hurt. Well, seriously hurt. I take it Josh needed someone to take his anger out on and Dec volunteered?”
“I think Dec is giving as much as he’s getting. He thinks Josh needs an outlet. Pain and violence were their selections today.”
“I can see that. Though sometimes I think that big bastard enjoys the fight way too much. I’ll make sure they don’t kill each other.”
She had something she had to do as well. “Can I use your room? I don’t want to tip off the Agency until I’ve made the call.”
Shane put a hand on her arm. “Of course you can. You know this is still your op. If you want to wait and see if we can talk Josh into being quiet. Maybe if the three of us…”
“No. Absolutely not. This is my op and I’ve put us all in danger. I’m not making another dumb play. I wish I could, but it’s only right.” She moved up the stairs, not looking back even though her whole soul ached when she heard Josh’s pained shout.
He was letting his body be tortured because she’d shredded his soul.
What had he meant when he’d said he would stay at Jared’s until he could find another place? She stepped into the house she’d come to love. She’d even started sneaking some color into it. He hadn’t said a thing when she’d bought some blue and yellow pillows for the stark white couches. He’d merely used them while they laid on it together watching a movie. And he’d smiled as she’d hung the dachshund surfing picture she’d gotten at a local surf shop. The place was filled with peace for her and she knew what it meant to Josh.
But she’d invaded his sanctum. Would he leave it now because it would be forever tainted? Had she cost him his very home?
She forced herself to walk even though every step felt leaden. At least this would cost her, too. She was about to pay the bill for what she’d done to Josh and then she would be free to do what she needed to. After the op was over, she would hunt down Morales and anyone else who could hurt him and end all those threats with as much blood and pain as possible. She would find his blackmailer and give him back his peace.
If it was the last thing she did…
Kayla moved into the room they’d taken to calling security central. It was the one place where they could talk without the Agency listening in.
It was time to remember she was a professional and not merely some ridiculous girl in love.
Because she’d just killed that girl, too.
Joshua Hunt was the love of her life and that feeling wouldn’t come around again. She would live out the rest of her days hollow on the inside because that essential piece of her would always be missing.
She picked up the phone, her hands trembling because she was about to lose another essential piece of herself.
“This is Knight,” the familiar voice said.
If he was pissed she’d woken him, she couldn’t hear it in his voice. Damon was steady as a rock. Damon would never be in this position. He would have figured another way out. He would have made this call a critical twenty minutes earlier. “It’s Kay, Damon.”
There was a momentary pause as though he’d heard something in her voice, and then his own softened. “Tell me what’s happened.”
“I fucked everything up.” The tears began again as she started the story that would end her career.
It didn’t matter. She’d ended everything important to her when she’d killed the light in Josh’s eyes. There was only the op left now.
And after that revenge.