Kayla stepped into the cool environs of the club. It was nothing less than stepping from sunlight into shadows, and she rather thought that was part of the theater of the place. Most clubs ran on drama—from the architecture and decorations of each room to the emotion of the scenes that played out. And then, of course, there was the pure human element to it. The Reef would have its share of gossip and it would run on its own rules.
The Reef wasn’t The Garden. It wasn’t Sanctum, either. It was much more like the dance clubs she’d been to in her younger days. Industrial. Dark. Moody and broody, as she would call it.
It was kind of awesome.
Not that she didn’t love The Garden and Sanctum, but there was something raw about The Reef that called to her. There was a devil’s head over the comfortable couches that marked the lounge area. The walls had been painted scarlet red and the darkest black, the floor left in its industrial concrete phase. Rock ‘n’ roll. It looked like a place where an old-school metal band would hang out.
And this was the place where she would play for the next few months.
She’d left Ezra and Levi behind at the apartment that would serve as their base of operations in West Hollywood. She wasn’t sure if it was Ezra’s or the Agency’s, but it was in a nice neighborhood with a dog park across the street. Clean and well kept, it reminded her of the home she’d grown up in, and she’d had to force a well of emotion back down. The only thing it had been missing was two men who slept together, an overactive poodle, and the sound of the ocean.
It was good to be here, good to remind herself that this was an op and nothing more. This club was the last thing that would remind her of her dads.
A couple of guys were hanging out in the big open-space lobby she’d walked into. They were lounging on comfy couches and shooting the shit. One of the men had a length of rope in his hand, working the knots as he talked about the Dodgers.
A man with a neatly kept goatee looked up and sighed. “You here for the position?”
All eyes were on her and it was obvious a couple of these guys did not approve. She didn’t take it personally. After all, most of these men took D/s seriously, and they would likely view their actor counterpart attempting to buy a sub as a little out of the ordinary. Or they would view any woman who would sell herself that way as someone to watch. It didn’t matter what they thought in the end.
She gave them a brilliant smile, but also lowered her head slightly to show respect. After all, she was a guest in their club. She wasn’t going to breeze through like she owned the place.
Years she’d spent perfecting this particular character. “Yes, Sir. My name is Kayla Summers. I’m here for a three o’clock appointment.”
“At least one of them knows how to behave,” someone grumbled.
That’s what she’d been counting on. It had been practically inevitable that some of her competition would overstate their lifestyle experience in order to win a job like this. They would come through thinking showy confidence would get them ahead. Maybe, had this been for a corporate job, but it wouldn’t work with these men.
“Thank you, Sir. You have a lovely club,” she said with a smile.
The big Dom in front of her held out a hand. “I’m what you would call the coordinator of this club. If there’s ever any real boss in a place like this. I was voted in because I was dumb enough to say yes. Angelo DeMaris. It’s nice to meet you.”
“I don’t know the complete rules of your club, Sir.” Some clubs would have every sub call the men or women with Master rights Master. Some had more lax rules. It was important to honor them. She held out her hand, allowing him to take it. There was no shake. He merely put both large hands over her small one and then the contact was over.
“How about you call me Angelo when we’re not on the dungeon floor and Sir when we are,” he offered. “If you ever actually play here. Jared and Josh are close friends of mine. Dumbasses, both of them, but they’re friends. Anyone they hire will be carefully vetted.”
“Of course. I would advise nothing less, though I suspect his bodyguards have already vetted me thoroughly. If the club would like some references from the other clubs I’ve held memberships in, I can certainly give you names and numbers.”
And Damon Knight and Ian Taggart would tell them what they wanted to hear.
Everything was carefully orchestrated to get her this job, to put her in this place. She had every advantage, and she intended to use them all.
“Kayla?” The door to the inner portions of the club came open and a familiar face stood there, clipboard in hand.
She nodded. In this case, she didn’t have to pretend. Her cover was that she’d worked for McKay-Taggart for years. She should know Shane Landon. “Hello, Shane.” She glanced back at the Doms. “Thank you for having me in your club.”
She walked through the doors and into the club proper. The concrete here was painted a shiny black, her heels clicking along the floor. Not that she would make a sound if she didn’t want to, but she didn’t need to sneak up on anyone. They knew she was coming. And she liked the sound. In the larger spaces, the concrete would make sounds echo, a moan or groan reverberating through the room and making a symphony of BDSM.
Shane nodded toward a small room off the main hall and across from what appeared to be the changing rooms. She followed him in, hoping they would have a chance to talk. Shane had been working for Joshua Hunt for a few weeks now. Anything he could tell her about his demeanor and habits would be helpful. Shane and Declan Burke would attempt to sway Josh in her favor.
But it really was up to her.
Shane closed the door behind her and she found herself in an office. Declan Burke leaned against the desk. Even when the man was relaxing, he looked lean and predatory, coiled and ready to strike. Shane was more of the all-American guy, with a ready smile that belied his dangerous nature.
She was comfortable with these men because she understood them.
“We can talk in here. No bugs,” Dec said. “But keep it down. Sound reverberates. If someone comes in, we’re doing your initial interview. We’ve done it with all the candidates.”
“She did great with the Doms,” Shane said, crossing his arms over his massive chest. “Way better than a couple of the others. It’s obvious several of the women have no training whatsoever. I would even say one of them is a top herself. She simply doesn’t have enough knowledge to understand her place.”
“Any real contenders?”
“Well, the problem is putting the two sides of what he needs together,” Dec mused. “He needs someone with extensive bodyguard skills who also happens to have training in the lifestyle and identifies as a bottom.”
“And you haven’t seen that perfect combo yet?” The trouble was she couldn’t force Josh to choose her. If he wasn’t into Asian-American chicks with wicked-dark senses of humor, she might be shit out of luck.
“Not that I could tell,” Shane replied. “I think if he doesn’t pick you, he’ll go with the former Israeli Army guard. She’s the closest to what he’s looking for.”
“And what do you think he’s looking for?”
Shane glanced over at Declan. “He’s kind of hard to read. You get anything off him?”
Dec pushed off the desk and started pacing. “I would say there’s a lot of shit going on under his calm demeanor. He’s very controlled, but he wasn’t always.”
“Yeah, I got that, too,” Shane agreed. “I would bet a lot that he hasn’t always been as clean as he is now. Probably drugs or alcohol since he is careful about what he drinks. One Scotch is all he’ll do, and I don’t know how much he enjoys it.”
“He’s pretty cold,” Dec continued. “I don’t mean that in a bad way. I guess I kind of admire it. Not a lot seems to get to the guy. But I don’t know how much of that is front, you know what I mean? He’s polite, but cool to everyone around him. We haven’t seen him with a sub. I don’t think he’s had a regular sub for a long time.”
“But one of his girlfriends was a member?” Sometimes knowing how another person had fucked up led to the way in.
Shane grimaced. “Yes, and let me tell you these guys don’t like it when you try to go public with their business. She was immediately kicked out of the club, and from what I can tell, she left LA because she couldn’t find a job. They blackballed her. Not all the members here work in entertainment, but they’ve got enough power to screw with a person’s career.”
In an industry like this one, someone always knew someone who could help a brother out.
“Okay, so he enjoys his revenge when the time comes. I can get that. But he’s friends with Jared,” she began, trying to get a handle on this guy. “Jared is a piece of sunshine according to the subs who met him at Sanctum. Kai tells me his brother is nothing more than walking abs and a smile. Hardly sounds like besties material for Mr. Broody.”
“A guy’s personality can change when he’s actually topping a sub,” Dec pointed out. “Again, never seen him top a sub, but I’ve heard Jared is someone the other Doms look up to. Those hardcore guys out there like the hell out of him. Speaking of, Riley’s around somewhere. If you can get a word with him, it could help. We’ve had to stay away. I don’t even want text conversations between us in case the boss decides to do a phone check, and yes, that will be part of your contract. Be careful how you use that phone.”
She barely managed to avoid rolling her eyes. She’d tricked China’s best operatives for years. She could handle her own cell phone. “I’ll try. I’m on a new line but most of my friends from work know how to get in contact with me. Tucker has it. He needs to text me spoilers on films and TV shows that have been out for twenty years. Are you worried Hunt won’t like me having contact with other men?”
She couldn’t leave Tucker high and dry. He would need to talk about what happened in The X-Files. When she’d left him, he’d been binging, and no one else would listen to his crazy theories.
Shane shrugged the anxiety off. “I think Hunt’s pretty dark. He could definitely be the possessive type, but he knows you work for McKay-Taggart. You can safely talk to coworkers. Speaking of, Hunt also knows you were raised out here. Have you thought about seeing your parents?”
“No.” Now she was the one who sounded a bit cold. She dismissed it all with what she hoped was a sunny smile. “I’m working. The last thing we want is my dads in here. Trust me. I’ll call and let them know I’m working. Otherwise…well, one dad will give the man a lecture on all the ways his films spit on science and history and the other will be planning a wedding, if you know what I mean.”
Shane held his hand up, obviously letting go of the fight. “I wanted to let you know that if you get some time to see them, you can take it. One of us will be on Hunt at all times. I know it’s been a while since you saw them.”
Seven months and three days, and they’d had to come out to her. She’d seen her fathers three times in the years since she’d left MSS, and every single time they’d come to find her. Why was she afraid of going home?
“Good to know.”
There was a brief knock on the door and Riley Blade strode through. Once a technical consultant here in Hollywood, he now worked for McKay-Taggart. He had a lean frame and a California chic vibe one only got when raised on the West Coast.
He closed the door behind him. “They’re ready for you. I’ll take you to Mr. Hunt. Kay, he’s deeper than he looks. It’s easy to see him as a superficial actor, but those still waters might be dangerous. I’ve been watching him for weeks and I think he’s looking for someone who can connect to him. He’s a little desperate for it, but he needs to be in control. He needs to think he can handle you. Does that make sense?”
He didn’t want to fight her for power. He wanted some peace.
She could do that. Cool. Calm. A motherfucking oasis of peace. That was her.
“And Kay,” Riley said, his hand on the door. “I know we’re here for the Agency, but this man has real trouble. I’ve read through some of the incidents that led him to hire round-the-clock bodyguards and these are credible threats.”
“How sure are we that the Agency didn’t make those incidents happen?” Not that Levi or Ezra would admit to it. It was possible they didn’t know. Sometimes the Agency’s left hand didn’t know who the right hand was stabbing.
“I hate the CIA shit,” Dec said with a shake of his head.
“It doesn’t matter,” Riley replied firmly. “He’s got three people following him I would call serious and present threats. I doubt the Agency is playing all three of them. We have to protect this man and that means taking the threats against him seriously. He’s trusting us with his life. I know you’ve got a job to do, but the three of us…we have to take care of our client.”
“Because we hate the Agency shit,” Dec reiterated. “And Big Tag’ll kill us if this turns into a FUBAR situation.”
“I won’t let anything happen to him.” She hated the fact that they didn’t trust her implicitly, but she understood why. She was the Agency’s tool in this case. She wasn’t one of the boys. “I’ll do my job, but I can keep him alive at the same time.”
“Let us know what you need. Show time.” Riley opened the door, his face going bland again. “Through here, Ms. Summers. Mr. Hunt will see you in the dungeon. Let me show you the way.”
She followed him out, ready to get to the job.
* * * *
Josh sat back, perfectly unimpressed with the women he’d seen. Yes, they were lovely, with perfect faces and bodies, and not one of them had moved him.
He might need to rethink his plan. He might have gotten to a point where he could no longer be moved.
The last time he’d felt anything at all had been the night he’d lost Tina.
She’d been the only person in his life he’d been able to count on and he’d disappointed her. He’d gotten so involved in being Josh Hunt that he hadn’t seen the signs that she was sick, hadn’t forced her to get treatment. Hadn’t treated her like the odd mom/boss she’d become to him.
And yet she’d held his hand as she was dying. Don’t let the past screw up your future, my Josh. The past is a burden you can let go of.
God, he hadn’t let go yet. He likely never would. And he’d never told Tina his secrets.
But someone knew.
“She was hot.” Jared watched as the door closed and they were left alone again.
The redhead was hot, and yet she somehow left him utterly cold. Then again, Jared thought every woman was hot in her own way. He should have known Jared wouldn’t be much help. Despite his recent trouble, the man was endlessly optimistic, and sometimes Josh wondered if Jared could see the darker side at all. “She doesn’t have as much experience as she says she does.”
Jared frowned. “I don’t know. Her form was perfect. She didn’t get stuck on the idea of a contract.”
“I wasn’t talking about her being submissive. I’m sure she’s been in the lifestyle, but the vetting notes from McKay-Taggart questioned her job experience. They can prove she was employed by a bodyguard firm, but no one would confirm her field experience. I asked her about a specific weapon and how easy she thought the safety was to use.”
“Yeah, I remember that.”
“That pistol has no safety,” Josh returned. “She doesn’t know firearms.”
If she didn’t know firearms, then she likely hadn’t spent much time in the field. She would likely be excellent in bed, but how long would he enjoy her before they all got murdered?
He was going to have to give up his house on the beach. Tina had left it to him. He was going to be forced to move into the canyon, far away from the one fucking place that made him feel like he might make it through another day.
Unfortunately for him, all California beaches were public beaches. He couldn’t keep people away. If he had proper security, he could stay. That meant sleeping with a weapon in his house, and he wasn’t talking about a Glock.
“Damn.” Jared sat back. “That’s not fair.”
Life wasn’t fair, but then he’d figured that out a long time ago. “Maybe we should cancel the whole thing.”
How much time did he get to spend here anyway? In a few months he’d be back on a set somewhere working his ass off and living in a trailer. Wasn’t hard to guard a trailer no matter how big it was. He would shove his needs down. He didn’t want vanilla sex. He could get that anywhere. All he had to do to get a woman in LA to drop her panties for him was to smile her way.
He wanted something more.
Click clack. Click clack. He sighed at the sound. Another one was coming, her heels making that sound on the floor that should get his blood pumping. Should. Didn’t.
“Come on.” Jared stood up. “We have to try harder. Not everyone lies. I get it. Some of the women weren’t as forthcoming as they should have been, but we can still find someone. You know no one ever tells the whole truth.”
A lovely woman with pitch black hair stepped through into the room, and Joshua couldn’t help but give her his full attention. She was in a black sheath dress that molded to her every curve. He tended to prefer taller women, but she was perfectly formed. Her long raven-black hair came down to her waist, showing shades of navy blue. Everything about her was perfect and pristine, like nothing had ever touched her in a negative fashion.
He was both deeply attracted and utterly revolted. She disturbed him on a basic level.
But that was feeling, too, so he sat up straighter and gave her his full attention.
Her dark eyes met his briefly and then she lowered them in a perfectly submissive fashion that led him to believe she knew something about the lifestyle. “Hello, Sir. If you would prefer another nomenclature, please let me know.”
This told him two things. She knew how to greet him before she knew what to call him and she considered herself a submissive who required a name. She’d asked him what to call him and told him what to call her. Not “this one” or “creature” but “me.” She played but kept her identity.
It was good to know. The rest hadn’t been as forward.
“Sir is fine for now. I’ll be honest, I prefer Joshua to Master, but there’s time enough to go into it.” He liked his name. He’d spent far too long without it. There was power in claiming his own name.
“As you wish, Sir,” she replied.
She stood in the middle of the dungeon, paying no attention to the chair that had been set up for her. She stood, her body relaxed.
Her body. She was petite, graceful. Her hair was brushed back, falling off her shoulder and revealing the pretty line of her neck. Even her hands were small. He looked at her and the word that came to mind was delicate. Exquisite. Peaceful.
Far too good to be true.
Because there was something simmering under her surface. Something dark and nasty. Maybe it was his imagination, but her stillness didn’t feel like peace to him. Her stillness almost felt like that of a predator waiting to attack.
And yeah, that did something for him, too.
“You’re a bodyguard?” He wanted to push her. Despite the darkness he sensed, it was still hard to believe that tiny thing could protect anyone. It was definitely hard to believe she could take what he would want to give her.
Her lips curled slightly. “Yes, Sir. I believe I detailed my experience in my résumé, but I’m more than willing to go over it all with you. The last few years I’ve been employed by McKay-Taggart and Knight in London.”
“As a bodyguard,” he prompted.
“I handled many aspects of the business for my bosses. Besides working corporate security, I also did close cover work. I was on a long-term detail for Mia Lawless. She’s one of my references.”
“Yes, the sister of Drew Lawless.” He looked down at her résumé. It was impressive. It could also be total fiction. She really looked more like a reporter than a bodyguard. The connection to Mia Lawless worried him. The only Lawless sister was a reporter, and wouldn’t this make a great story? Undercover—literally. Under his covers. Reporting from close proximity of his penis to tell all the nasty, dirty stories about him everyone had only thought were rumors.
Still, she’d come from the same company as Shane and Declan and they were working out. He leaned over and whispered to Jared, who immediately nodded and walked out of the dungeon to do his bidding.
She didn’t move from her spot.
It was obvious she was waiting for him to offer her a seat, but he rather liked having her stand. A little discomfort was good for the soul.
“Tell me how you got into the lifestyle.”
“When I started my job in London, a membership at The Garden was one of the perks of the job. I discovered I liked it and I play a few nights a week. I find it relaxing.”
The words rolled smoothly off her tongue and he didn’t believe a single one. Either she was lying to him about how she found the lifestyle or about finding it relaxing. He wasn’t sure which, but something about the easy way she spoke about it made him uneasy. He knew “dialogue” when he heard it. Well-rehearsed dialogue.
It disappointed him immensely because of all the women he’d seen this afternoon, only this one moved him in any way.
Even if it was mostly his dick moving. Hell, he was happy the thing wanted to play at all, but he wasn’t about to let it lead him astray again. Especially when it was likely she was lying about far more than how much she truly enjoyed submitting sexually.
“Before you came on at McKay-Taggart, you claim to have worked with the Central Intelligence Agency.”
“Yes, though most of my work there is classified.” She didn’t react at all to the taunts in his words.
Of course it was. “You’re young for an agent. Especially a retired one.”
“I’m thirty-two. I became an agent at the age of nineteen by necessity. I didn’t have a typical Agency career, and I’ve found you either get out young or die there. I chose the former. Tennessee Smith is my reference for my CIA work, though again, he can only speak about me in general terms. I had another mentor while I was there, but he wasn’t as lucky as me.”
How could she sound so charming talking about death? She could be talking about a lovely garden for all the warmth in her tone. Again. It felt like she was playing a part. She was doing it well. If he hadn’t spent much of his life trying to figure out who was being true and who was lying, he would buy her story hook, line, and sinker. He was sure Jared would. The minute she walked out, Jared would be all over him, telling him how amazing she was, how good she would be for the job.
Jared was far too much an optimist.
Footsteps fell, warning him that someone was coming. One of the things he liked about the dungeon was the concrete floors and the echoing sounds. No one could sneak up on him. He could hear them coming. Except he only heard one set of footsteps.
And yet three men strode into the dungeon.
Yeah. He needed to get Shane and Dec to teach him how they did that. It might never come up in a movie, but he was a man who liked to learn. It was how he knew about firearms. His brain was a veritable pool of somewhat useless knowledge.
He noticed that Ms. Summers hadn’t turned. Merely kept her eyes on him. Most people would instinctively look back, calling it curiosity. Josh knew it was something deeper. It was the lizard part of the brain, always watching its back. Kayla Summers wasn’t worried about hers.
“You asked for us, Mr. Hunt?” Shane’s deep voice rumbled through the room.
“Yes, I wanted to know if you have any experience with Ms. Summers since you all work for the same company.”
“We work in different offices,” Shane explained. “I’m in Dallas. She’s been in London since she hired on. We’ve met before, but I haven’t worked formally with her. Hey, Kay.”
Kayla turned her head and gave Shane and Declan a friendly nod. “It’s nice to see you both.”
Dec’s mouth quirked up in a smirk, though Josh rather thought that was simply how the man smiled. Anything that seemed to amuse the big fucker brought that arrogant smirk out. “I think he’s wondering about Kay’s experience, Shane. I believe the boss here wants to know if she’s padding her résumé with some skills she doesn’t have.”
Though her face didn’t change at all, he practically felt the chill roll off her.
That woman was pissed. Was she pissed because he was about to call her bluff?
Shane’s brows rose. “Oh. Shit. Uhm, she’s really good at her job, Mr. Hunt. I might not have worked with her, but I’ve read her file and heard plenty of stories. I would not fuck with her. Not at all.”
“She weighs maybe a hundred pounds soaking wet,” he pointed out.
Though she had curves in all the right places. Still, he had to know. His life was on the line. Hers, too. He couldn’t pick a bodyguard because he wanted her in bed.
Hell, he wasn’t going to pick her anyway. Any connection he’d felt had been cut by her answer about how she’d gotten involved in the lifestyle. He wanted, no, required someone who needed to submit. Not for relaxation. Not for kinky fun.
Yet he found himself drawing out the interview, wanting to see how right he was about the calm oasis of a woman in front of him. So self-possessed. Every hair perfectly in place. He wanted to muss her up a bit. The need was there, a nasty kernel rolling around in his gut.
“Ms. Summers, could I have a demonstration of your skills?”
“Of course. Who would you like me to spar with?” She was still holding that Louis Vuitton bag of hers, looking as petite and feminine a woman as he’d ever seen. A good four inches of her height came from those brilliant red Louboutins she would have to take off in order to fight.
Dec put his hands up. “Hard pass. I like my face the way it is.”
Shane shook his head. “I’m telling you, man. She is everything she says she is and I don’t want to fuck with her. I’m a bodyguard. I was a cop once. She was a CIA agent, and not the kind who didn’t get her hands dirty.”
But her hands were so fucking perfect.
“Jared?”
Jared stood up, a smile on his face. “Sure thing.” He walked up to Kayla Summers. “Don’t worry. I’ll go easy on…”
Before Jared could get another word out, his air seemed to be cut off. How had she gotten the strap of that Louis Vuitton bag around his throat that fast? How had she gotten it around his thick neck at all? Even in the heels, Jared had a good foot on her. Before Josh could stand up, Jared was on his knees beside her, his handsome face turning a nice shade of purple.
“I don’t spar with civilians,” Kayla explained quietly. She held the designer garrote in one hand, the rest of her body relaxed as though she took out two-hundred-pound men on a daily basis. “It’s dangerous for them. Should I let him go or was this all an elaborate ruse to take out the competition? Are you two up for the same role or something? You can think about it. He’s got maybe another thirty seconds before he loses consciousness, and another forty or so after that before he dies. Maybe a little longer. He’s in good shape.”
For Jared’s part, he managed a semi smile, as though being praised was something he liked even as he was fucking dying.
“Let him go.”
With a flick of her hand, Jared was free, sucking in air as fast as he could.
“I told you,” Shane said under his breath.
Kayla reached out a hand to help Jared up. The dumbass took it and practically hopped up.
“That was awesome,” Jared croaked. “Can you teach me that? Although I’ll have to start carrying a handbag for it to work. I think I can make it masculine.”
Her smile practically lit up the room and he wondered if that wasn’t the first real piece of Kayla Summers he’d seen the whole interview. She reached up and brushed back Jared’s hair. There was nothing sexual about the gesture. It was almost sisterly, as though she had a bunch of brothers and knew how to comfort them. “We can work something out, I’m sure.” She turned back to him, her smile dimming. “That is, if I have the job now that I’ve proven I’m not some secretary trying to sneak into Joshua Hunt’s bed.”
Oh, he liked this side of her very much. There was something running under her surface. Something dark and twisted that would fight like hell with that unbelievably sunny smile of hers. Something he would like to explore, but she’d lied to him.
Or she hadn’t, and that was even worse.
“I don’t think we’ll make a good match, Ms. Summers. Thank you for coming by.”
The room seemed to still as though everyone in it was shocked the words had come out of his mouth. As though not a one of them believed he would dismiss her because she was obviously perfect.
He didn’t trust perfect.
She settled her bag over her shoulder and held a hand out. “Thank you for taking the time, Sir.”
He didn’t want to touch her, didn’t want to know how silky her skin would be or how small her hand would feel in his. Social conventions were a bitch on a guy.
“Thank you for coming in.” He shook her hand as briefly as politeness allowed.
She turned and started walking out, her shoes making no sound on the floor this time. Like Shane and Declan. But the first time, she’d clicked and clacked her way in.
“Why did you make all that noise when you walked in?” He was curious.
She stopped, her brows rising over gorgeous dark eyes. “Excuse me?”
“When you walked in the first time, I heard every single step. But it’s obvious that’s not your nature. You made a choice to be loud when you can walk silently.”
“I don’t use my gifts against my friends. I consciously made noise so you would know I was coming. Yes, I could have been silent, and then I might have heard something I shouldn’t have or caught you in a moment that would have given me the upper hand, but I didn’t want to play that way.”
He nodded, her explanation making perfect sense to him.
She started to go again, but stopped. She didn’t look at him this time. “I said I wanted to play fair, but I lied to you, Sir. I lied about how I got into the lifestyle.”
Interesting that she would own up now. He thought briefly about telling her it didn’t matter, but he was curious. Or maybe he was simply a bit desperate to keep the conversation with her going. “Gentlemen, would you give us the room?”
Jared sent him a look, but Josh merely nodded, letting him know it was okay. He was sure he was in for a thorough grilling from his friend. He hoped the bodyguards would be cool with his decision, but hey, if they weren’t, they were replaceable, too. Everyone was.
No one stayed for long.
When they were alone, he turned back to her. “Why would you lie?”
“So I wouldn’t give you an advantage, but now I can see that was wrong of me. D/s is hard. It’s supposed to be. I’m not talking about the spanking or play. I’m talking about the emotional part. That part is difficult for me. I don’t like being vulnerable.”
He stood in front of her, well aware he was too close for social norms. “And yet you say you prefer to submit.”
Her eyes came up, catching his and giving him the open honesty he’d been looking for all afternoon. “I don’t prefer it. I need it. I was a double agent for most of my adult life. Some of the things I saw…some of the things I did…I can’t take them back and I can’t pretend they don’t play out in my head every single night. When I left the Agency, I was wired, completely incapable of living in a world where I wasn’t on guard twenty-four seven. I could smile and joke and laugh, and then I would round a corner and have a knife at my friend’s throat because some sound reminded me of a time I nearly died. There were many of those and my hearing is quite acute. And that was when Damon Knight told me I could do one of three things. I could see a therapist, leave the company, or try D/s. I don’t like talking about the past and I had nowhere else to go, so I took the class and I hated it.”
Now she was giving him some truth. It was there in her eyes and the way her skin flushed, as though she hated admitting any of this. “Did you fool your trainers?”
She nodded slowly. “Again, I’d learned how to read people and I gave the proper responses. I don’t know if Damon believed me or if he was merely trying to keep the peace. I’d done the group a large favor and firing me would have been difficult. I decided this was our trade-off.”
“He would keep you around and you would pretend D/s helped?”
“Yes. It wasn’t that I minded the pain. I can handle pain. It’s the questions, the needling a good Dom can do that bugged me. So I found the ones who did it because they thought topping a woman was sexy. Hey, when they got too close to me, I could have some nice, athletic sex and numb out.”
Was sex her drug of choice? It wouldn’t bother him if it was. Everyone had a drug of choice, whether it was alcohol or cocaine or spending way too much time at the gym. Or taking control. That was his. He’d given up the rest. “When did things turn around?”
“I faked my way through every session until one night a Dom named Clive wouldn’t let me play him. He knew I was hiding. He knew Damon was watching and I couldn’t walk away. And somehow, he knew what I needed. By the time he was done, I’d cried for the first time in ten years. For the first time in almost as long, I let a man hold me and comfort me, and it was about something other than the job I was working. I got into the lifestyle because I’m fucked up beyond all recognition, but sometimes when I’m playing I remember how far I’ve come that I can trust another human being with my body. It gives me hope for my soul.”
She turned, but he could move quickly, too. He stepped fully into her space, reaching for her hand.
They stood there for a moment as he studied her face, saw the glimmer of tears behind her eyes. She wasn’t going to shed them, but they were there—a gift to him that he couldn’t help but honor.
“My place tonight. Seven p.m. Bring your things and we’ll take a look at the contract. When you show up, you will wear your hair down. I want you in a skirt or a dress, no underwear and no bra. Make sure your grooming routine is taken care of.”
“I lasered my kitty a long time ago, Joshua. The grooming routine is quite easy,” she said with a smile that kind of kicked him straight in the groin. And the way she said his name—like it was a secret between them. “Are you sure? You didn’t seem to want me a minute ago.”
“I wanted you. I just changed my mind about letting myself have you.” He stepped back. “Don’t be late. We have a contract to go over and I would enjoy a session with you if at the end of the night you still want the job.”
“I’ll want the job.”
“We’ll see after you’ve read the contract and you understand what I need from you.” He reached out and put a hand on her face, unable to keep himself from touching her. Yes, she was every bit as silky smooth as he’d thought. “I will want sex. Quite a bit of it.”
“Good because it’s been a long dry spell for me and I’m looking forward to breaking it.”
“It doesn’t bother you that sex will be contractual between us?” He was used to most women wanting a romantic façade around what was essentially a biological function.
“It’s always contractual. Always. Most people merely don’t see it,” she replied. “I like the idea that it’s all on the table. It’s one of the things that attracts me to the lifestyle. You should understand that I haven’t dated the way other people my age did. I was a studious teen and then I was an operative. My brain doesn’t work the same way. I don’t need you to pamper me or boost my ego. We can make this work by being honest about what this relationship is.”
“And what is it?”
“You’re my boss and I protect you, and we fuck like rabbits when the time is right. Oh, you’ll probably spank me, too. Other than that, I hope we can find something that resembles friendship.”
Friendship. He wasn’t sure about that. He had few friends, but he rather thought this was a woman who made them easily. At least on the surface. She would use that guise of friendship to keep the emotional stuff at bay.
He stepped back even though his instinct was to lean over and let his mouth find hers. No. He wasn’t going to give in to that instinct. They weren’t going to be friends. He wouldn’t give her the safety of distance. Master and submissive.
He had a sudden and deep hunger to peel apart her layers and find the woman on the inside. It was a dangerous impulse, but one he couldn’t quite deny.
The key was to open her up to him while he held that essential piece of himself apart.
“Again, don’t be late,” he said solemnly. “You won’t like the punishment that will come.”
“I won’t be, Joshua.” She turned and walked out, her feet utterly silent against the concrete.
As though declaring her game. She would feint and hide. He would pursue and find.
For the first time in a long while, he was ready to play.