NINE

 

T H A N K S G I V I N G,  L A S T   Y E A R

 

THE THANKSGIVING HOMEgame is one of the biggest games of the year. With no school the next day, all the football players, and the whole rest of the school really, goes out to a party down by the lake afterwards.

My parents stayed in town for the holiday, but they're leaving tomorrow to do their turn with my grandmother for the weekend. Lacey called me a few days ago to invite me to stay with her family. I've never mentioned anything to Robin about staying at Cam's every other weekend, but I know Lacey knows, and I'm sure she told him. I also have a feeling Robin insisted she invite me there so I wouldn't stay at Cam's. He's been a little more jealous lately of how much time I spend with Cam. He hasn't come out and said anything really, just little things - like glaring at Cam when I show up at school with him, or insisting on taking me home after practice himself.

Cam acts like he doesn't mind, and maybe he doesn't, but it's weird. If my best friend was a girl, I wonder if Robin would still insist on these things. Maybe he just likes spending the time with me.

The thing is, we still haven't discussed our relationship. He takes me out every week, and he acts like I'm his girl, but I still don't know if we're exclusive. He's had wandering hands lately, and I've been shoving them away regularly. Part of me wonders why I'm not yet ready to move things along, but I know I'm not. I do like kissing him. It's nice. It really is. But when his hands start moving over my shirt, it's like a bucket of ice water, and I don't know why.

I offer to drive tonight, since I know Robin will drink, so I follow him while he drops off his car at his house and he and Lacey pile in.

It's still pretty mild out here, even in November, so we all sit around on downed logs and some of the larger rocks. Everyone is drinking from the keg, except me since I'm the designated driver. I've never been drunk, and I think I'd like to try it, but obviously not tonight.

I'm chatting over by Chip's truck with him and Cam when Lacey walks over and runs her finger down Cam's arm. He smirks crookedly at her and I wonder if I'll be dropping her off at his house later. For the first time, the idea bothers me. I look around for Robin and spy him standing off away from the crowds with Maddie. They're just talking, but something about the way they're standing is too intimate. Of course, I know they've been intimate before. I even know they've had sex. But I didn't think he'd entertain the prospect now. I watch, my heart sinking, as she touches his chest, laughing flirtatiously. He smiles, and doesn't push her hand away either. After another minute, he seems to excuse himself and I'm flooded with relief. He was just being polite.

I realize I need us to talk about our relationship. I need to find out what we're doing. If we're exclusive. I don't know why I've let things go on this long without talking about it.

Robin scours the crowds until his gaze finally lands on me. He narrows his eyes on Cam until he realizes it's his sister who seems to have his interest tonight, and saunters over.

Robin's arm possessively slings around my shoulders and he pulls me to his side.

"So, Foster, kinda funny that you threaten me about takin' out Rory, and yet you have no problem usin' my baby sister whenever it seems to suit you," Robin slurs.

I gasp, and all eyes turn to him, shocked that he would insult his own sister that way. He's not even trying to protect her, he's just trying to call out Cam.

Lacey would never question her big brother though, so she just excuses herself to go join the girls. Cam shakes his head and shoots Robin a disapproving scowl before walking away. Cam never pretended to be doing anything other than using Lacey when it suited him, but he wouldn't insult her by verbalizing it, especially in a crowd.

"Rob, that was mean," I whisper when we're alone.

"What was?" He really doesn't seem to think he said anything wrong.

I shake my head. He's drunk. There's no point in explaining it right now. I start to walk away so we can rejoin the party, but Robin roughly grabs arm roughly and yanks me back. "What was mean, Rory?" he demands, his voice deceptively low.

"You just called out Cam for usin' Lacey, but you basically called her a slut in the process." 

Robin shrugs, and I'm surprised he's not remorseful. "If she acts like a slut she should be prepared to be called out for it."

"Robin!" I hiss, horrified by the way he's talking about his own sister.

His grip tightens on my arm, making me wince. "So Foster can dictate to me about my life, but I can't call him out on his? Especially when he's usin' my own sister?" His tone is still so quiet and it's unnerving.

I know I should probably concede the argument, but I just can't. "But you're not worried about Lacey. You were just trying to be a jerk to them both." 

It was the wrong thing to say. I know that immediately. Robin's eyes narrow and I try to step back, but he holds firm. He leans in close to my ear. "You do not tell me what I can or can't say. And you don't question me, and you definitely will watch what you fuckin' call me. You got that, Rory?" His tone is calm and deathly quiet. I'd prefer he yell. Robin pulls back just far enough to meet my eyes. His face is red, and I don’t know if it's with drink or anger, but he raises his eyebrows expectantly.

I swallow nervously and nod. I know I shouldn't have called him a jerk. He's never called me a name. I wait to see what he'll do or say next. I half expect him to tell me he's done with me. He watches me, as if to see if he accepts my agreement to his demands.

Finally he nods. He releases my arm, which throbs painfully, but I don't move. Robin brings his hand to my face and brushes my cheek with his knuckles, and just like that, he's gentle again.

"You know I care about you, right?" he asks.

I nod again. I want to ask him what that means, but now's not the time. "I'm sorry, Rob. I shouldn't have said-"

He shakes his head. "No, sweetheart. That's all sorted out. Let's get back to our friends," he decides, lacing our fingers together. He picks up our joined hands and kisses my knuckles, our squabble forgotten. I hope.

****

 

"Hey Sleepin' Beauty," Robin whispers.

I don't know what time it is, but it's late. We got home almost an hour ago, and I'm back in the upstairs guest room after changing into my pajamas and washing up. Robin already kissed me goodnight before I came upstairs. I didn't even hear him come in.

I sit up in bed. "Hey, what are you doin'?"

His mouth makes a beeline for my neck. "I missed you, sweetheart." His lips find mine and he kisses me sloppily. He sure drank enough tonight. "Real bad." He grins wickedly.

I laugh. "I missed you, too," I whisper.

We kiss for a while, and he leans me back on the bed, climbing over me. It makes me nervous, but he's still just kissing me, so I go with it.

When his hand starts inching toward my chest, I push it back to my waist, as usual. But he's more persistent than he normally is, and suddenly, he grips both of my wrists in one hand and pins them above my head.

"Robin-"

He silences me with a kiss, and his free hand takes full advantage, fondling my chest as I squirm beneath him, trying buck him off. But Robin mistakes my squirming for something else. He groans. I turn away from his kiss, but he just scrapes his lips down my neck to the bit of cleavage that shows above my neckline.

"Robin!"

"You're so fuckin' hot, sweetheart," he murmurs against my skin.

"Please stop," I beg.

"Mmmm..."

He's not listening to me. I try to talk to him - to beg him to slow down, to stop. He doesn't listen. Instead, he swallows my pleas with another kiss. Robin's hand starts pushing its way under my shorts, and my stomach rolls with dread. He's not stopping! I panic.

I bite him.

"You wanna get rough, sweetheart?" he growls, and starts kissing me so hard I can barely breathe. I scream for him to stop, but it just comes out a muffled mumble. I know he can't make out my words with his tongue gagging me.

He forces his hand between my legs and I try to squeeze them shut, but it traps his hand where I definitely don't want it, and he just keeps on rubbing.

My eyes water, tears spilling down my cheeks in torrents. He's not stopping! He's never not stopped before.

Finally he relaxes his grip on my wrists, and the moment my hands are free, I rally all of my strength and shove him off of me. Robin flinches, startled. He lifts his weight from me, settling it onto his hands and knees instead, and I sit up beneath him.

"What the fuck?" he barks as I scoot back against the headboard, clamping my knees tightly together. "Are you... are you crying?"

I'm still gasping for air, utterly incapable of words, and I can't quell the tears that stream from my eyes.

Robin sits back on his heels and rakes his hand through his hair in bewildered frustration. He looks me over again like he's just seeing me for the first time. I'm completely frozen, trapped in a cage fused of shock and betrayal.

"Fuck, Rory, I'm sorry. I thought you were into it," he murmurs.

One broken sob escapes my lips before I snap my jaw shut and shake my head fervently. No I was not fucking into it!

Robin looks stricken- horrified. He leans forward and I automatically flinch, which startles him all over again.

"No, sweetheart..." His brow furrows in distress, his mouth gaping open. "Fuck. I'm sorry!" He wipes the tears from my cheeks with his knuckles and draws me into his arms. I'm dead weight. I can't think straight, and I let him comfort me while I calm down.

After a few minutes, he pulls me away from him to meet my gaze. "You need to forgive me, sweetheart. Don't be mad at me, okay? I really thought you were into it. You know I'd never pressure you, right?"

I hesitate, but nod, though that felt a hell of a lot like pressure to me. In fact, it felt like something decidedly worse.

"It's just... it's been three months, Rory. And you're not just some girl- you're you. You drive me crazy. You're so fuckin' hot, sweetheart. And I'm a man, you know?"

He's giving me some explanation, and though it's no excuse for what he just did, I do get what he's saying. And maybe I should be ready to do more, but I'm just not. "I'm just... I'm not ready." I say the words. I've said them before.

But Robin's right, it has been three months. I feel irrationally guilty. It's his senior year, and he's him. Surely gorgeous golden-boy Robin Forbes should be with Maddie, or any one of the many other girls who would be thrilled to do whatever it is he wants. Not wasting his time with me - an inexperienced kid who may never be ready to do those things. Not for the first time the year difference in age between us feels like a lifetime. I think he'll probably break up with me. I think he probably should. Only... I don't want him to.

I should ask him about our status, but again, the timing feels all wrong. And I still feel deeply unsettled over what just happened. Maybe I should break up with him.

Robin nods. "I'm sorry, okay? You need to forgive me," he says again. It's not even a question, but I do believe he's sorry. His remorse is palpable. "You know I care about you, right?"

That same question. I nod again.

Robin kisses me, but it's back to his sweet, gentle kiss. "Go to bed, Sleepin' Beauty. I'll take you to lunch tomorrow to make it up to you." He kisses my forehead and leaves, closing my door softly behind him.

It's forever before I can fall asleep. My mind reels with the memory of feeling so powerless. I can't understand why he didn't stop when I asked. I get that he must not have heard me, that he thought I was kissing him back, but I can't get over that feeling. Feeling out of control of my own body, and the person who was in control - who had taken control - just wasn't listening to me.

I've never been touched there before. I've never even touched myself there. I didn't like it, and I wonder if it's just because I was so caught up in my fear or if there really is something wrong with me. Why am I still not ready to do anything more than kiss?

****

 

There's no mention of last night's incident the next day. In fact, the day is so perfect it's easy to forget it even happened. Or maybe I just want to forget.

I eat a late breakfast with the whole Forbes family, then it's off to manicures with Lacey. Afterwards, she drops me off at Cal's Coffee Shop to have lunch with Robin.

He's a perfect gentleman - opening doors and pulling out chairs. He's even more affectionate than usual, holding my hand and repeatedly kissing my knuckles. He says pretty things, and last night is all but erased.

Tonight I'm going to a movie with the girls while Robin has plans with his buddies. Cam has called no fewer than four times since last night to "check" on me. It's the first weekend I've spent anywhere but at his place while my parents were out of town since- well, ever. And it's weird for both of us. It's also the first time I've spent the night at the Forbes' since I started seeing Robin. Cam was concerned when I told him I'd be sleeping over, but I brushed it off. Now I get his concern.

Robin's still out when we get home from the movies. I change and climb into bed, but can't seem to fall asleep. I'm still apprehensive from last night.

My door swings open sometime after midnight, and my breath gets trapped somewhere in my throat.

"You up, Sleepin' Beauty?" Robin drawls, but there's something about his tone that's almost apprehensive.

I don't move. I keep my eyes shut tight, unsure of what to do. My bed dips when he sits down next to me. My skin breaks out in goosebumps as his finger sweeps the hair from my face, his warm breath caressing my cheek as he presses a soft kiss to my forehead.

Robin doesn't leave. Instead, he curls into bed with me, but over the covers, and spoons behind me. It feels kind of nice, but I'm still anxious. I wish last night never happened.

His lips brush my cheek. "Please don't still be mad at me, sweetheart," he whispers, and he sounds so earnest that I open my eyes.

Robin doesn't notice. He sits up, but before he can leave, I stop him.

"Hey," I whisper.

He turns to me with an uncertain smile. "Didn't mean to wake you." 

I sit up. "You come to say goodnight?" 

His smile shifts into a grin and he nods. When I don't say anything more, Robin leans in and kisses me. It's soft and sweet, and as his tongue slides tentatively into my mouth, I welcome it. I don't smell any liquor on him, and it's a relief. His scent is different than I'm used to, though. His fingers thread into my hair and he holds my mouth to his, but his hands don't roam even a little.

Robin ends the kiss and pulls away. "'Night, sweetheart."

He stands and leaves, and only as I'm starting to fall asleep do I realize that the strange scent that clung to him was a woman's perfume.