ELEVEN

 

C H R I S T M A S   B R E A K,  L A S T   Y E A R

 

INEVER CONFRONTEDRobin about the perfume, and I'm not sure why. The thing is, he never told me we were exclusive, and I still haven't found the courage to ask. I think I'm afraid of what he might say.

On one hand, it feels like a ridiculous question. We've been seeing each other nearly four months, and now that Christmas is over and my parents have gone down to care for my grandmother again, I'm staying at the Forbes' for four days. Lacey invited me, but my dad is the one who told me I'd be staying there. He said it wasn't right for me to sleep  at another man's house when I'm seeing Robin - not that either of us has ever referred to my best freaking friend in the world as "another man" before. But it's stuff like that that makes it seem obvious that Robin's my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll just laugh if I ask him if he is. I have no experience with this, and I definitely don't want him to laugh at me.

Or he could say we're not exclusive. That we're just dating - not boyfriend and girlfriend. And I think I'm more afraid of that. And what right do I have to accuse him of stepping out on me when he's never even said he was mine?

I never told Cam what happened that night in the guest room. He'd have completely lost it, I have no doubt, and the absolute last thing I need is a fight between my best friend and my... whatever Robin is. But thankfully, it hasn't happened again.

But Robin has done other things.

He's been more subtle about pressuring me for the most part. Only when he's been drinking is he on the more aggressive side. Now that football season is over, we both have more time on our hands, and we've been spending a lot of it together. It also means he's been drinking more. We're not alone much, except in one of our cars, and he did get especially handsy last week when I drove him home after a party. He made me cry again, but he spent the rest of the week making it up to me. I didn't tell Cam about that either.

Now we're all at yet another party down by the lake. The December night air is mildly chilled, and I've already had two beers - the most I've ever had. I'm feeling a little buzzed, I guess, but I'm not sure I really like it and I'm ready to get to bed. Lacey's driving so I do a quick scan to find her, but neither she nor Robin are anywhere in sight. I make my way back toward the dirt lot where everyone is parked, and though I still don't see anyone, I hear voices so I follow them. But I pause when I hear my name.

"Fuckin' Rory is lookin' so hot tonight, Forbes. You're lucky as hell," Robin's friend Mark slurs.  

I hear a familiar chuckle from his other friend, Tommy. "He ain't lucky. He's cursed. That girl's got the face of an angel, the body of a temptress, and the attitude of a fuckin' nun! He ain't even gettin' any! Lucky, my ass!" More laughter.

"Temptress? Kinda a grown-up word for you, Tommy, in't it?" Mark cajoles his buddy.

Embarrassment and shame paint my cheeks in a blush and tears prick behind my eyes.

"That's enough!" Robin roars.  

My jaw drops so hard it practically bounces. He's defending me to his best friends. Holy. Shit.  

"You motherfuckers don't look at her body. That's fuckin' mine. And she ain't no nun. She's just a good girl. Not like all your bitches who open their legs on the first fuckin' date. Ya'll think I didn't know what I was gettin' myself into with her? I don't mind puttin' my damn time in. She's the kinda girl you marry."

Silence.

"You serious, Forbes?" Mark asks tentatively.  

There's no verbal response, but Robin must make some expression or gesture because Mark whistles dramatically.

I'm about to reveal myself and act like I've only just found them when Robin speaks again, but softly. "Anyway, just cause I ain't gettin' any from her yet don't mean I ain't gettin' any."

There's a chorus of howling laughter and guffaws of reverential male approval.

It doesn't mean he isn't getting any? My heart stops beating and I freeze in place. God, I'm so fucking stupid! The pain of Robin's duplicity lances though my chest, and it's only now, as I stand here doubly affronted by his betrayal and his remorselessness, that I realize just how deep my feelings for him have managed to take root. How much I really care for him. Cared. Care. Shit! 

I'm flooded with wave after wave of shame and outrage. And worst of all - hurt.

No, Robin never said we were exclusive, but this is a betrayal. I take a few inexorable steps back, and then break into a run away from my aggrieved indignity, and the man who apparently doesn't hesitate to dishonor the girl he claimed to "care about".

I hurry away, desperate to put as much distance as possible between me and the stupid fucking party, and into the trees that surround the lake.

I was right about the perfume. Of course I was. I knew it then, and I know it now. I'm just a foolish girl who clung to denial like so many before me. Robin went out, did God knows what to God knows who - probably Maddie - and then came upstairs to make out with me. And he's just broadcasted it to all his friends.

My feelings for Robin - just hours ago a beautiful tree, slowly but surely blooming and growing, is losing its leaves like in autumn. Is it hibernating for winter, or dead? In my mind I try to rip it out like a weed, but those damned roots, they're too deep, too strong, and the harder I pull, the more I just tear apart the heart they've dug their brambles into.

I can't remember the last time I cried like this. I feel like such a fool. My phone buzzes, but I'm immobile. I sit next to a tree and hug my knees despite my dress, unable to quite can't catch my breath. I've never felt like this before. I feel humiliated, pathetic, betrayed. I am a joke to them. I am a joke to him..

It's a long time before I calm down enough to look at my phone. They're texting me. All of them. I ignore Lacey and Robin and hastily scroll through Cam's concerned texts. I hate that I've worried him, and he is the only one I bother replying to.

I direct him to where I am and ask that he please come get me and take me home.

Less than five minutes pass before I hear his footsteps crunching on the leaves and sticks of the forest floor.

"Ror?" Cam asks as he cautiously approaches me. I keep my face buried against my arms. "Rory girl, what happened?" He's horrified. I know seeing me upset hurts him deeply, and I've had some time now, so I rally to pull myself together and stand.

"Please take me home, Cam," I murmur. He steps forward and flings his arms around me, hauling me tightly to his chest.

"What happened, Ror? You need to tell me," he whispers into my hair.

I shake my head. "Please, please, just take me home."

"Aren't you stayin' with the Forbes?" he asks, confused.

I shake my head again. "Could I stay with you instead?"

"Of course, Rory girl." Cam takes a deep breath and releases me. "He do somethin' to hurt you?" he asks carefully, his voice deathly quiet.  

I can't lie to him, but I can't have him going after Robin right now either. "Not in the way you think, Cam," I assure him.

"I'll fuckin' kill him," he growls.  

I step up to him and clutch his tee shirt tightly, drawing from his strength. "I just really need you to take me home right now and stay with me. Could you do that? Please?" I look up at him through my lashes and his conflicted eyes undo me.

I don't deserve to have a friend like him. His arms wrap around me again and it occurs to me that he's probably stronger than Robin. They'd be closely matched, but my money would be on Cam in a fight. He's probably an inch or so taller, and his muscles are lean but built, and something about him is just stronger I think. Maybe it's just the safety I find in his arms. Cam would never, ever hurt me. In fact, he'd kill for me. I know that inherently. I can't let him get into a fight. That would be awful.

"Yeah, Ror, let's go." Cam leads me out of the trees and to his truck. When I texted him where I was he must have driven to a closer access point to the woods. I'm so grateful I don't have to go back to that lot.

I take a deep breath and pull out my phone again. I need to text them to let them know I'm going home and I have a ride. I don't mention I'm going to Cam's, but if either of them know me at all, they'll know it anyway.

Cam stays quiet as he drives us home and leads me to his room. He knows better than to push me to talk. He knows me better than anyone in the world.

I lie down on his bed in my sundress since I don't have pajamas here and I don't feel like walking next door to get them. Cam offers to run over, but I don't want him to leave me right now. He's waiting for me to be ready to tell him what happened, but his jaw is clenched, his fists so tight they're turning white.

"He didn't touch me, Cam," I murmur, because I know that's what he's thinking. Not this time anyway. Cam exhales, like he'd been holding his breath, and comes to sit beside me on the bed and I turn to him. He strokes my hair.

"What. Did. He. Do." he grates.

I shake my head. Now that I've had some time to think it through, I'm not sure he did anything at all.

"Ror."

Reluctantly I meet Cam's gaze. He sighs and lies down beside me, and I roll onto my back so we're side by side staring at the ceiling. We've had countless heart to hearts just like this. "I think I overreacted," I admit.

"Ror, I found you huddled in the middle of the damn woods, cryin' hysterically. There's a million thoughts going through my head right now. Please just tell me what happened," he pleads.

"He never said we were exclusive. I never asked."

"He cheat on you?" Cam asks.  

I shake my head. "He can't cheat on me if he's not my boyfriend."

"You've been seeing him for months, of course he's your boyfriend!" Cam's getting upset on my behalf. I'd expect nothing less, but in this moment, it's just not helpful.

"Can you stop being my defender right now and be objective, please."

"I'll never stop being your defender, Ror, but I can also be objective, and whether you two have discussed it or not, you have the right to expect more from him." Cam shakes his head, incredulous. "He told you he's seein' someone else?"

"No."

"So why do you think he's steppin' out on you?"  

I take a deep breath. "Last month, when I stayed over, I'd hung out with the girls and he went out with his buddies. He got home real late, but he came upstairs to give me a goodnight kiss-"  

"Just a kiss?" Cam interrupts.

"Yeah, Cam, just a kiss," I confirm. That time. "I uh... I thought I smelled perfume on him."

"It coulda been Lacey's," Cam offers. "Or one of his boys coulda had a girl with him."

"That's what I thought," I say, though I didn't really. Even then, I knew what it had meant. "No, that's not true. I suspected something. I knew he wanted more and I just wasn't ready."

"Wanted more?"

"More than kissing."

Cam lets out a growl. "Dammit Ror! A man doesn't step out on his girl because she ain't ready to sleep with him!"

I don't reply. I'm not sure he's right.

"I was looking for them tonight. So we could go home. I overheard Robin talkin' with Marcus and their boys..." I trail off, remembering how Robin had said such sweet things... before saying that one horrible thing.

"And..." Cam prompts.

"Marcus said somethin' about me. How Robin ain't gettin' any because I'm like a nun. Robin defended me. He yelled at them not to even look at me because I was his. Basically that their girls were sluts, but I was the kinda girl he'd marry - pretty things, really..."

Cam rolls onto his side so he's looking down at me and I meet his gaze. There are tears in my eyes, I know, but they don't fall. "And then...?"  

My voice comes out a whisper. "And then he said that just because he ain't gettin' any from me, doesn't mean he isn't gettin' any."

Cam stares down at me for a few moments. He reaches down and brushes away the one tear that wouldn't just stay put before breathing, "The son of a bitch."

I look away, ashamed. This is the crux of the issue: I don't want to do anything but kiss. There's something wrong with me. Me, not Robin. How could I expect him to only want me when I'm giving him nothing? I'm just not enough. How could I be?

When I glance back at Cam, he's quietly seething, I can tell.

Cam suddenly jumps from the bed. "I'm gonna fuckin' kill him," he growls.

"No, Cam," I go after him.

"Yes, Ror. That threat? It wasn't a threat, it was a fuckin' promise. I warned him not to hurt you. He fuckin' knew better!"

"It's not his fault!" I shout, the words flying from my mouth before I can even process them. Cam glares at me. "It’s... not." I shake my head. "He's been waitin' on me for months. I just wasn't ready. I can't expect him to... and I never asked him to either. I never told him I didn't want him seein' anyone else, never even brought it up. He didn't hurt me. It's... it's my fault," I murmur, defeated.

Cam takes two giant steps until he's right in front of me, and I'm once again struck by how inherently male he is. So handsome, so big and strong. And so damn good to me.

He reaches up to swipe at my tears, then holds up his damp thumb for me to see. "See these? These tears, from these innocent brown eyes? These are because of him." His fingers whisper down my neck and land on my sternum, safely above the humble swell of my breasts. "This here? This is the sweetest, most beautiful heart in the goddamn world. And it's hurting. And that's because of him, too. He is the luckiest bastard on fuckin' earth, havin' a chance with my best friend in the world. And instead of cherishing that, he's goin' out with you, and messin' around on the side with some slut who couldn't hold a candle to you, Ror."

I say nothing. I just stare up at Cam, mesmerized.  

"I warned him, Ror. He fuckin' deserves it," he murmurs before turning to his bedroom door. It takes me a moment to realize he means to go after Robin.

"No, please, Cam!" I latch onto his arm, and he turns back to me. I take advantage of his hesitation, stepping into his chest and banding my arms tightly around his waist. My ear is pressed up against his heart, which beats in double time with his outrage. I wait for him to calm, and he does, his breathing slowly returning to normal. His arms envelop me in safety and a lifetime of unconditional friendship.

"I'm so tired. I don't want to think any more tonight. Do you think we could just go to bed?" I plead with him.

Cam considers me and sighs. "Sure, Ror, but this ain't over. You go on and get into bed."  

I obey immediately, utterly exhausted. Cam goes to the top shelf of his closet to retrieve his sleeping bag. I scoot over to what was my side of the bed when we were kids and flip open the covers. "Cam?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you can handle sleepin' in the bed with me?" My voice is small. I know it's not a normal request, but I just really need him right now.

Cam stares at me, conflicted. "You need me to hold you?"

I nod.

Cam blows out a long-winded sigh, and drops the sleeping bag to the floor. He pulls off his jeans and scoots in behind me, under the covers. He slides a strong arm under my neck and slings the other over my waist like it's the most natural thing in the world.

And the truth is, it feels like it is. I feel safe. I feel loved. Cam's warm breath kisses the back of my neck, and I breathe in the sweet, clean, masculine scent that is only him, and it comforts me in a way only he ever could. I cuddle back against him. He presses his lips to my hair.

"Night, Ror," he whispers.

"Night, Cam. I love you."

I can both hear and feel his sharp intake of breath. "Me too, Ror."

****

 

I awaken still in Cam's arms, but we're facing each other instead of spooning. He's already awake and watching me. It should be awkward, but it's not, it’s... home.

"Mornin'," I croak, and Cam smiles wistfully.

"Mornin' Rory girl. You sleep good?" he asks.

I nod. I really did.

The muffled sound of loud knocking echoes from the front door and we both jump. "Your mom forget her key or somethin'?" I ask. Cam's mom is a doctor and works at the hospital doing a lot of overnight shifts. His dad died when we were kids.

He shakes his head. "Nah, she's not due home 'til this afternoon."

The knocking sounds again, louder this time. Cam looks at me meaningfully before tucking my sleep mussed hair behind my ear. "Stay here."

He stands and jogs out of the room, still in his boxers and tee shirt from last night. I follow him to the landing, but hang back as he makes his way through the front hall. The door is hammered again and I jump. Cam shoves his hand through his hair and looks back at me up on the landing.

"Damn it, Ror! Get back in my room!"

I swallow anxiously, but shake my head. I'm not leaving him.

Bang bang!

"Stop that already! Who's there?" Cam shouts.

"Let me in, Foster! I need to talk to her!"

Holy shit, it's Robin.

He called and texted me a hundred times last night, but instead of answering I shut off my phone, and haven't yet turned it back on.

"Go away, Forbes!" Cam calls back.

"I know she's in there! You have to let me talk to her!"

I was afraid he'd be angry after I ditched him last night, but there's no anger in his voice. He's upset, yes, but he sounds distressed, almost... desperate.

Cam glances back at me again before opening the door, stepping out onto his front porch, and closing it quickly behind him. I hurry downstairs but stay inside, watching through the window from behind the curtains.

"Calm the fuck down, Forbes. You need to go home. Now." Cam folds his arms over his chest in challenge, blocking the door like a sentinel.

Robin's backed away from the door, but he doesn't back down. "I ain't leavin' 'til she talks to me," he replies. He turns his gaze to the door. "Come on, sweetheart! Talk to me! Why'd you run off on me?"

Cam takes a step toward him in warning. "You leave her the hell alone! You fuckin' bastard! Don't you even dare address her!"

Robin blinks back at him, momentarily stunned. "She ain't yours, Foster. You know that, right? I know you want her - you've always wanted her. But she. Ain't. Yours," he says carefully.

Cam takes another step forward, his arms unfolding from his chest to fist at his sides. "And yet it was my arms she slept in last night."

Robin's eyes widen and his nostrils flare, and he starts to move toward Cam. And suddenly I have wings. I fly outside and rush between them before they can come to blows.

God, I wish Cam hadn't said that. Robin will take it the wrong way, Cam had to know that. Idly I wonder if that's why he said it. But he doesn't know Robin, I do. It's not going to get Robin to back off, it's just going to make him angry. And maybe that's what Cam wants - a fight.

"Stop it!" I shout at the both of them.

Robin takes a step back, his gaze softening at my presence.

Cam, on the other hand, glares at me. "Get back inside, Ror. I got this."

"No, Cam, I got this," I reply, and turn to face Robin. I'm taken aback by his expression. He looks... hurt.

He nods toward Cam, but he's looking at me. "You sleep with him?" he asks.

I shake my head, because I think he's asking if I had sex with Cam. "Not like that. Just sleep," I assure him.

"You don't owe him shit, Ror. Don't explain anything to that son-of-a-bitch," Cam growls.

"You think it's okay to sleep with another man when you're my girl?" Robin asks quietly.

His girl? Now I get angry. Moisture pricks at my eyes and I hate that I can't just be mad without crying. I suck in a deep breath. "You think it's okay to fuck other girls when I'm your girl?" My voice is shaky and I wish I was stronger. Cam stands completely still behind me and Robin freezes, ostensibly stunned. Maybe at my gall? Maybe because he's never heard me curse before.

Robin takes a step toward me and reaches up for a hold of my arm, but in a flash Cam is a wall between us.

"Don't you fuckin' touch her!" Cam snarls.

Robin ignores him and starts pacing. "Where'd you hear that?" he asks.

What? Is he going to try and deny it? "What does that matter?" I shout back at him. Cam remains a shield in front of me as Robin stops pacing and meets my gaze.

"It ain't true, sweetheart. But we never said we were..." he trails off and rakes his fingers through his hair. "Can I talk to you in private?" he asks, pummeling Cam with his glare.

"No," Cam spits.

"I ain't askin' you, Foster." Robin tosses back. "I'm askin' my girl."

"So now she's your girl, huh? When you want to run around behind her back, it's cool because you never said you wouldn't, but now she's your girl, is she?" Cam voices my exact thoughts.

Robin resumes his pacing until his gaze lands on mine, ignoring Cam's vigilant presence between us. "Five minutes, Rory. Please. Let me explain. You owe me that much."

"She don't owe you shit," Cam grits out through his clenched jaw.

"Please, sweetheart," Robin begs.

I squeeze Cam's bicep and he turns to face me. He knows what I'm asking without my having to say a word, and he doesn't like it. He shakes his head.

"Cam, please. I'll be okay. You'll be right inside," I offer.

Cam takes care to block my view of anything other than himself. "You don't owe him anything. You hear me, Ror? You don't gotta talk to him if you don't want to."

"I do want to."

That throws him. I don't want to upset Cam, always my protector, but I want to hear Robin out. Even if we're just going to end it, I want to have the conversation, one way or another, and be done with it. Cam glares at me, frustration radiating from his every pore. But he won't stand in my way, I know that, and with reluctant acceptance, he turns back to Robin.

"I will be right on the other side of that door." Cam points behind me. "If you so much as raise your voice to her, I swear to God, Forbes, I don't care if I get kicked off the team, expelled... I don't care if I end up in fuckin' jail. You got me?"

Robin doesn't respond. It's not like him to just let something like that just go, and I know he's holding back for my benefit. Fortunately Cam turns his attention back to me.

"Cam, really that wasn't-"

"It's the truth, Ror," he interrupts. "You deserve better." He takes a deep breath and roughly runs his fingers through his still-sleep-mussed hair. "Stay on the porch, alright?"

I nod, and Cam turns back to Robin to shoot him one last death glare before heading inside and closing the door lightly behind him.

Robin takes a step toward me, but I hold out my palm to stop him.

"Sweetheart-"

"Just don't, Rob," I sound as defeated as I feel, and I cross my arms protectively around my middle. Robin's hazel eyes are almost green today, but they're shadowed by dark circles as if he hasn't slept. Even though I know it's irrational, I'm struck with a vague sense of guilt over how securely I slept myself, and why. Robin's wheat-colored hair, almost always perfectly coiffed, is disheveled as well. But he's still so damn good looking, and I worry that if he says some pretty things, I could lose my resolve.

My resolve for what, though? I'm not even sure what I want anymore. I'm not sure I ever really did.

"You gotta talk to me, darlin'. Let me explain-"

"What do you need to explain, Robin? That you can fuck whoever you want, but I can't sleep over with my best friend like I've been doin' my whole life?" I find my voice, still shaky, but at least I can make my point.

"I swear to God I haven't slept with anyone since I started seein' you."

Now that throws me. I didn't expect him to outright deny it.

"You wanna sit down?" He gestures to the two porch steps.

I shake my head, holding my ground.

Robin sighs. "Well I'm gonna sit, if you don't mind."

I shrug and he sits sideways, one leg outstretched, his elbow resting on his knee.

"I know you're lyin'," I hedge, but he shakes his head in further denial.

"Look Rory, I've made mistakes. I won't lie to you, okay? I haven't been perfect, but I haven't fucked anyone since last summer, I swear it."

I blink down at him, completely befuddled.

"If Foster said otherwise, it's because he's jealous, sweetheart. I know you don't wanna see it, but he wants you."

I shake my head again. "You're wrong. You're so damn wrong, Robin. But the fact is, I didn't hear it from Cam. All he did was comfort his friend when she was upset. I heard it from you," I say carefully.

It takes him a moment to recompose his shock. "Look darlin', I realize I was drunk last night, but I know I didn't do anything as crazy as tell my girl I'm baggin' someone else. Especially when it ain't even true," he drawls.

Does he think this is funny? I'm about to tell him what I overheard, when I register something he just said. "What do you mean you've made mistakes?"

Robin rubs his face with his palms. "Please sit down?"

I don't move.

"Please?"

I sigh and relent, sitting on the opposite end of his step. "I've done other things. Not sex. Just... other things. We never talked about, you know, our expectations, you and me." He presses his eyes shut, like it hurts him to even say it out loud, though I'm pretty certain I'm the one who's hurting. "I know that sounds like a cop-out, Rory. I hear the words comin' outta my mouth and they sounded so reasonable in my head." He mutters a curse to himself. "I didn't want to pressure you, sweetheart. And I want you so damn bad, all the fuckin' time. It's all I can think about most days. I don't want anyone else. But I'm a man, and..."

"And you took care of things elsewhere," I finish for him.

He shakes his head in self-reproach, but his words don't match his expression. "It's been four months, Rory. I figured when you were ready to... move things along..." He takes another deep breath. "This whole thing is just crazy, because you're the only one I wanna touch. The only one I want touchin' me. I only thought of you, sweetheart, even when I- Fuck, this sounds so bad." Robin rubs his temples with his thumb and middle finger.

"Yeah, it does," I agree.

Robin pulls his leg in and scoots closer, leaning forward to stares intently down at me. "You tell me you want it to be just us, and it's done. You hear me? I won't even look at another girl," he swears.

But as much as I want that to make it all better, I shake my head. "You knew better, Rob. I'm not stupid, okay? I know I'm not what you're used to. I know I'm makin' you wait, and I know you want more. But you knew who I was when you first asked me out, and you know who I wasn't. And... it just kills me that you went around with other girls when we were..." I trail off pathetically. When we were what? Going on dates? Just kissing?

Because Robin's definitely wrong here, but he's right, too. We never talked about being exclusive, I've known this all along. And as much as the thought of it hurts, the thought of losing him hurts more. But then, I never even really had him.

Robin grabs my hand unexpectedly. "Don't say that, sweetheart. My heart can't take it. It hurts me so bad that you're hurtin'." His plead desperately, and I'm lost. I wasn't expecting him to care so much, or the sincerity of his emotions.

"How can you get angry with me for sleeping over at Cam's when you're seein' other girls? Even if I did hook up with him, which I didn't. It just doesn't make any sense, Robin."  I think in the back of my mind I hope against hope he comes up with some unfathomable explanation that warrants forgiveness, but if it exists, I can't see it.

"Rory, you know I want more. You know I've been waitin' on you. If you suddenly decided you were ready to do more, and you did it with someone else? Yeah, I'd have a problem with that." He inches closer to me.

"Doesn't sound like you've been doin' much waitin'," I mutter under my breath.

"I have with you, sweetheart. You're a female, you can't understand. But you're so damn hot. You get me all worked up, and then I can't do shit about it. I'm sorry I took care of it with someone else, but I swear, I always knew I'd stop when you were ready for more." 

I don't ask him why he couldn't just take care of himself... himself. I do understand what he means, but it still doesn't sound right.

"I never lied to you, sweetheart. If you asked me to, you know, for it to be just us, I wouldn't have touched anyone else. I won't touch anyone else, Rory. Just say the word."

"I haven't touched anyone else. I mean, I haven't kissed anyone else. Ever, in fact. I didn't need you to tell me you didn't want me to," I argue, but the fight in me is wavering. "I didn't know I had to articulate it. I've never dated anyone before, I don't know the rules." I stop before my words turn into sobs. My tears have returned and I hope my will is enough to keep them from falling.

"I'm glad to hear that, sweetheart. And I admit it, it woulda killed me if you had. I'm a hypocrite, Rory. I've known you were mine, and yet I wasn't yours in return. Not completely - not like you deserved. I'm a bastard, alright? I know it. But I'm a bastard who loves you, Rory. This is all new to me, too, ya know. I've dated 'a course, but there never were any rules, because I never cared.

"But I care with you, darlin', so damn much." Robin blows out a deep exhale. "It scares me how fuckin' much, sweetheart," he breathes.

My tears fall now, and my mouth gapes open. Robin just said he loves me. He's admitted he was wrong, that he was a hypocrite, and told me he loves me. I forcibly bury his transgressions deep in my broken heart as it begins to mend itself, completely evaded by entire vocabulary.

"You gotta give me another chance. I won't let you down again." He wipes my tears with his knuckles, and I lean into his touch. "Please forgive me?" It's a request, not a demand.

"Okay." The word falls from my lips strictly of its own accord. I'm still too stunned to properly form conversation.

"You hear me say that I love you, sweetheart?"

I nod, sniffling like a child as I try to quell my weeping.

"You love me too?" he asks, eyes wide and hopeful.

I nod again. I really think I do. All I know is that even when I was hurting because of him, I didn't want to let him go.

"Well damn!" Robin cheers like he's won the damned Orange Bowl, eliciting a small giggle out of me. He leans in and kisses me softly, and I let him. He holds my face and plants small kisses on my forehead, my cheeks, my nose, and my lips again.

Finally, he pulls away and stands, taking my hand. I follow him.

"Come on, let me take my girlfriend to breakfast." He enunciates the word "girlfriend". He's never said it before, and the sound of it exhilarates me.

"I need to tell Cam I'm leavin'." 

Robin's eyes narrow. "You won't be spendin' any more nights in anyone's arms but mine." It's a statement, and I suppose not an unreasonable one.

I nod my agreement.

I turn to go inside, but Cam's already emerging onto the porch. He must have been listening. Suddenly the thought of him overhearing all that unnerves me deeply, my gut rolling with doubt, and I don't understand it. I give him a hug despite knowing it'll bug Robin. Sleeping in his bed with him is one thing, but I won't stop hugging my best friend.

"Thanks Cam, for last night. For everything," I murmur as I pull away.

Cam is reluctant to release me. "You sure about this, Ror?" His voice low and hoarse.

I know he's upset by all of this - he doesn't trust Robin. But I didn't expect to see such turmoil in his eyes.

I squeeze his shoulder in consolation. "Yeah, Cam. It's fine. He's explained, and I've forgiven him. We talked about it, and, you know, now he's my boyfriend he's promised it won't happen again," I explain in a whisper, I don't want Robin to hear too much. It's awkward talking about him when he's only a few feet away, but Cam deserves an explanation.

"If that's what makes you happy," Cam murmurs. He's disappointed in me and it stings, but this is my decision, and I've made it.

"It is, Cam," I breathe, and then with a pat on his arm, I turn to leave with Robin. My stuff is already at his house since I'm supposed to stay with them for break anyway.

Robin opens the passenger door for me and as I'm climbing in, Cam calls out to me. "You call me if you need me, Ror. Whenever, I mean it!"

Robin closes my door before I can respond, but I nod to him through the windshield. I know I can always call him if I need him.

Cam stays on his porch until we've driven out of sight.