Chapter 21
Body blow ~ Phoebe
Gray was as good as his word after his initial faux pas with his apartment keys, but I knew him well enough to believe he wasn’t being presumptuous I’d just accept them as a token gesture, and a way of picking up where we left off. Once CraVed were in the UK they had all stuck to their guns and insisted they spend some time in their home city. Five medium-sized gigs were arranged with haste, and a few late-night chat show interviews kept their management happy they were being productive outside of the US.
Word traveled fast and so did the invitations for parties when some of the bands they’d toured with before they went to Miami, heard they were home. Initially, I wondered where I’d fit into his plan, and how often. But I was surprised when he invited me to every event he went to. I was even more pleased he consulted me on whether I thought we should attend. I must have looked shocked when he did that because he frowned and pulled me close to him before murmuring in my ear, “We could always stay home,” in a low seductive tone.
Gray continued to look relaxed and a month after Glastonbury we had settled back into life alongside each other. It made me very happy.
Every morning I woke up wrapped with Gray’s strong, taut arms secured tightly around me. He held me close like I’d disappear if he didn’t. The combination of his hot, even breaths and manly scent surrounded me with feelings of togetherness. Each morning began with the same routine. He’d open his eyes, smile softly, and say the same thing. “Morning, beautiful.” He may as well have been reciting romantic poetry for the way my heart skipped a beat in reaction.
All of our days were wonderfully lazy while our sleepless nights were full on. Those nights usually ended the same, with Gray whispering dirty words of what he wanted from me and bone-melting kisses that devoured me. Kisses like he was thirsty for me after many months apart. They were insatiable and devouring, passionate and full of wanton desire. Gray lavished his precious time and undivided attention on me in and out of the bedroom, and I was in heaven.
Eventually, after five long weeks of socializing and networking, Gray and Brody made some downtime just to hang with each other. Brody and Dana invited us to a low-key night at their new apartment. Dana had made a fabulous dinner, and the smell crept out to the hallway into the corridor leading to their door. It took my craving for a home cooked meal to a new level after weeks of restaurant food.
After taking our jackets, Dana excitedly showed off the artwork she insisted she got for a steal but the incredulous stare Brody threw her way, told a completely different story about his opinion on that.
Remaining silent, Brody pulled out his empty wallet in mock contradiction. Gray joined in teasing Dana, but she took it all in good spirit. Once we had settled down at the table with drinks, Dana went off to plate up the food. She was a fabulous cook but a god-awful baker and dessert maker. We had all kept our thoughts to ourselves when she used a nine-inch meat blade to carve us a slice of what loosely resembled chocolate fudge cake after our main meal. Gray’s eyes were flicking between Brody’s and mine as he bit back a grin when he saw what she was using.
Brody made an adorable husband, and actor, groaning like the taste of her latest effort was orgasmic while both Gray and I had only managed to share one piece between us while drinking a gallon of water to ease the cake’s path down our food pipes.
Everyone exaggerated their pleasure by patting our stomachs pretending to be stuffed full, in lieu of being offered seconds. By way of a distraction, Brody stood, insisting that he and Gray tidied the dishes from the table while he praised Dana for working so hard. The couple shared a loving stare that was way too long in front of us. Gray cleared his throat, lifted his wine glass, and chuckled into it before draining the contents. Brody and Dana broke their stare and Brody launched into conversation again.
“God, we’ve got that time change to deal with again next week. What time are we leaving on Sunday?” Brody asked Gray innocently as he picked up the plates and stacked them on top of one another. My eyes flicked alarmingly between them both and I caught Gray freeze then wince at the question because he hadn’t mentioned he was going anywhere to me.
Because both men were close, the kind of close where they had this silent communication between them, Brody shifted the conversation away from his previous question in one steady heartbeat while mine stuttered fearfully in my chest.
Dana chatted on, oblivious to the undercurrent that had swept through the dinner party. I stared at Gray with a lump in my throat. He avoided eye contact and continued to talk as if the question hadn’t been asked in the first place. I think maybe if I’d had any suspicions he was about to leave I’d have reacted one way or the other. Instead, because I’d been oblivious I sat paralyzed by the news in a stunned silence. I was too hurt to even think why he hadn’t mentioned it to me. Well, I didn’t have to think. I knew why. I wasn’t part of his plan.
Somehow, I got through coffee, only half-listening to Dana talking about the new dance studio she had joined, while Gray and Brody drank their way through three quarters of a bottle of five-star Cognac. When Brody suggested we move into the living room I made my excuses, and blinking back tears as soon as I was out of sight, I headed to the sanctuary of the bathroom.
Three things happened to me when I got there. Initially, I couldn’t think. Then the impact of his news hit me like a heavy blow to the head. I felt humiliated that he had planned to go back to New York without telling me first. If it had been me leaving, the first thing I would have done would have been to consider him. I inhaled deeply and patted a stray tear from under my eye, put some fresh lipstick on, and sucked up my distress. I knew it would be dealt with but not at that particular moment in time.
Unlike many women, I would never cause a scene in someone else’s home, nor would I make someone like Brody feel bad for asking an innocent question. It was plain he had no understanding of what was going on in Gray’s mind, and that made two of us.
My insides felt shredded, my heart devastated. I’d thought we were great together, even though Gray had never said he loved me, or made me any promises. I had clung to the way he had told me we had something, in hope I’d grow to be more. Clearly, his interpretation of something and mine weren’t even in the same ball park.
I always knew our relationship wasn’t ideal, and it was true we didn’t have the best start, but I had thought we were going somewhere. However, from his actions, as far as Gray was concerned, we weren’t really together.
Being someone who was pretty impulsive at the best of times, I was even more so in the worst of times. However, the way I dealt with the scene at the table wasn’t impulsive, it was reactive, and really the only option for my circumstances. As I stood shaking in the bathroom, I pulled out my phone and I called for a cab to pick me up. Afterwards I made my way back to the living room. It appeared after five weeks of being there for Gray constantly I’d outstayed my welcome. If he thought he could pick me up and discard me whenever the notion took him, no matter how much I loved him, we were never going to work.
An atmosphere had developed during the time I’d gone to freshen up, and when I walked back into the room I had the distinct feeling the unmentionable conversation from the table had been aired in my absence.
Uncomfortable, furtive glances passed between Brody and Dana with each step I took closer to them. My chest tightened with my anxiety to know what had been said, but Gray behaved like nothing had happened and patted the seat beside him.
“Come over here, sweetheart, this couch is amazing,” he said enthusiastically as he flashed me his megawatt, sexy smile. Normally, I was powerless to resist him when he did that, but that night, I hated it.
“Nah, relax and enjoy, I’m going to head off. All the wine has made me tired, so I’m just going to head home.” The smile dropped from Gray’s face immediately as a frown creased his normally smooth brow.
“Thought we were staying over?”
“No. You stay. I have a migraine brewing. I’m not much company once it gets started, so I’ll go home and crash out. We’ll catch up tomorrow.” Gray’s eyes studied my face, a look of concern in them. I ignored the worried look he gave me and turned to Dana. “Where did you put my jacket, hon?”
Dana rose off the chair and left the room. I followed her out to the hall as my phone vibrated.
“Who’s that, this late at night?”
“I called a cab,” I said, holding up my cell to her before answering. “I’ll be right out, thanks,” I informed the driver and closed the call out.
Dana pulled me in for a hug. “Listen, Phoebe,” she started to say, but I put my hand up.
“Stop, I know…please don’t fuss, just let me go home.”
Dana gave me a piercing look that asked if I was going to be okay, and I nodded. She knew not to persist with the conversation. “I’m fine. I’ll call you tomorrow. Thank you for dinner.”
Pulling on the heavy, glass door, she placed a hand on my arm to stop me, my gaze fell to it. “Aren’t you going to say goodbye?”
Anger rose from my belly and my eyes darted up to meet hers. Even though I knew it wasn’t Dana’s fault I heard myself say, “You think he was going to when he was making his travel arrangements? It’s pretty clear he doesn’t care about me one way or the other.” I opened the door wider then hesitated to look over my shoulder at her. “Sorry, hon, I’m just…” I sighed not knowing what else to say. “Speak to you soon.”
Stepping over the threshold, I pulled the door closed then hurried to the cab like the apartment block was on fire. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Gray open the security door as I reached the car. I ignored him, turning away to give the cab driver my address and climbed quickly inside. As soon as I closed the door my tears fell.
“Are you all right?” Concerned eyes met mine in the cab driver’s rearview mirror.
“Yeah, just tired of selfish bastards is all.”
“He’s one heck of a stupid, selfish bastard if you ask me. You’re stunning, darlin’,” he offered. I gave him a watery smile through my tears as my chin quivered.
“Never been hit on while snot’s dripping from my nose before,” I muttered, trying to make light of the situation while half attempting a giggle at the stranger’s instant loyalty to me. I wiped my nose on my sleeve and mentally stuck two fingers up at my mother. She would have had a hissy fit if she’d seen me doing that.
“My looks seem to attract the wrong kind of man,” I said in a small voice which was almost directed to myself. I wasn’t all looks and an empty head. I was articulate, smart—strike that, if I’d been smart I’d never have taken up with Gray again.
As I drew up to my two-story townhouse, I dug into my purse and searched for the money to pay the driver, but he waved a dismissive hand. “No charge, this is my good deed for the day. I’m not taking money from a damsel in distress.” My eyes raked over him and noted his softened in sympathy. I hated his reaction, but I shook it off and thanked him for his chivalry toward me. When I stepped out of the cab I lowered my head and didn’t look back. I couldn’t wait to get into my own place and bolt the door.
Delving into my bag I found the single silver Yale lock key and inserted it. As I did this I felt my cell vibrate on my thigh through the soft leather of my bag. I knew instinctively it would be Gray. There was nothing to say to him. I felt foolish to think that we may have had a future together. How he reacted at Brody’s place made me feel dirt cheap. Cheaper than I ever had when I was making my own free-spirited choices hanging around other bands. I ignored the call.
Three glasses of wine and I felt sorry for myself. By the time I’d opened another bottle on top of what I’d had at Dana and Brody’s to make it five glasses my pity party was epic. I cried and wailed out loud like some banshee in self-pity. It was a wonder none of my neighbors banged on the door to see what was wrong. Eventually, I found my phone because I wanted to charge it, and saw a text from Gray. It made me incensed that he’d had the audacity to try to call me after his poor fucking performance.
Gray: Sorry, Pheebs. I didn’t want you to find out like that. I was going to tell you tomorrow.
Who the fuck does he think he is? I walked into my bedroom shaking my head in disbelief. To think the man I loved was plotting to toss me aside like some chocolate wrapper made me feel sick to my stomach. Well I’m not even letting him try to explain, that wouldn’t be for my benefit. It would just let him think he’d cleared his conscience. In a few days he’d be back overseas sticking his dick wherever he wanted.
My cell buzzed an alert for another message and I thought about switching it off. “Fuck you, Gray Dennison,” I huffed to myself, still sniffling as I awkwardly stripped the expensive designer dress over my head. I’d bought it especially to look good for him. Losing my balance, I fell onto the chair. “Fuck,” I cussed, feeling so desolate in my disappointment. Every cell in my body willed me to go back to that dinner party and wipe the floor with him in front of his friends.
When my cell vibrated for the third time in my hand I was so annoyed I switched it off. If Gray thought he could keep me in the dark, he was about to find out what the dark felt like from the other side. As much as I loved him, I was done.