Chapter 34

Lover.

Friend.

Laughter.

Mate.

—Unknown poet (circa 1763)

KAIA FELT THE punch of Bowen’s kiss right down to the bone. She’d been tempted to lie about Hugo—she could fight her compulsion to go to Bowen if he was keeping a cold distance from her. It wasn’t as if her clanmates wouldn’t support her; half the station and the city thought she and Hugo were a meant-to-be pair.

But Kaia wasn’t a liar.

And Hugo would only ever be a friend she thought of in the same breath as Mal and Edison and Armand and the others. A brother, even if they were unrelated by blood. He’d never terrified her as Bowen terrified her, never come close to smashing through the defenses she’d erected desperately as a young girl who’d watched her parents’ chests rise and fall accompanied by the hush, hush of the machines.

It was as if Bowen had a key to her psyche he could use at will.

He had the key to her body, too. It had gone tight and hot the instant she walked into the room, and then she’d touched him, indulged herself in the living steel of him. Her breasts ached, threatening to overflow the confines of her peach lace bra, hunger a dark, glowing heat in the pit of her stomach.

Still furious with him, she bit down hard on his lower lip. He hissed out a breath but didn’t pull away, giving her the pound of flesh she damn well deserved. Kaia dug her nails into his chest even as she laved her tongue over the hurt she’d caused.

With him, she had no reason, no logic, no walls.

When he grabbed the plas jar she held between them and threw it on the bed, she didn’t resist. She swiveled with him when he backed her into the wall and sank his body against her own. Moving her hands up his chest, she luxuriated in his lean strength, her heart thumping in time with his.

Except . . . his heart wasn’t like her own. It was mechanical. And it was inside him because he’d been shot. But that didn’t matter, wasn’t important. His heart would outlast hers. His brain, however, hung on a knife edge.

The being inside her cried in remembered sorrow.

Ripping away her lips, she deliberately didn’t look at Bowen. He saw too deep, caught too much of her with those penetrating eyes. “Off.” She pushed hard at his chest. “I don’t have time to play tongue hockey with you.”

“How about no tongue and all naked?” Bowen’s voice was rough, his body a wall of luscious heat.

Kaia’s toes curled. The other part of her, sad but as compelled by him as the human side of her, nudged at the inside of her skin, wanting to swim with this strong, intriguing man in deep water. It liked him. But it was hurt, too, so when Kaia pushed again then slid away from Bowen, she didn’t have to fight it for control.

“Kaia.”

She paused at the door, glanced back. A red flush kissed his cheekbones, his eyes glittering. “I’m supposed to put the gel on again tonight,” he said with a slow smile that hit her right in the crazy “bad boy” gene.

The other side of her being laughed, delighted with him.

“The shower brush should be in the bathroom,” she said, the fight for control very much real now. “Or you can use the toilet brush.”

Deep and warm, his laughter followed her out the door.

Kaia braced herself with one hand against the corridor wall a second after the door closed; she hadn’t been prepared for Atalina to step out of her lab and catch her. Nudging her head, the white-streaked black of her hair gleaming in the simulated sunlight, Attie stepped back inside the lab.

Kaia followed, shutting the door behind herself. “Don’t ask.”

Of course, the cousin who was a big sister to her didn’t bother to listen. “You appear thoroughly kissed.” A pointed look. “In fact, I’ve never seen you so mussed.”

Kaia had never felt so mussed. Or so deeply scared. “Why do you look happy about that?” she asked, her heart yet racing and her palms damp.

“Because, Cookie”—Atalina cupped her face with warm and slender hands—“I see that he reaches you where no one else can.”

Kaia’s throat was dry; she couldn’t breathe. “He’ll leave me.” It came out a broken keen.

Immediately cradling her close, Attie rocked her. “I know you’re afraid. But I’m happy you’ve tasted this depth of joy.” A kiss on her temple. “Whatever happens, you know now what awaits on the other side.”

Attie didn’t understand.

She thought this was a passionate love affair, the loss of which would hurt but not permanently damage. But Kaia was feeling things that reached through her human skin to her wild heart. This wasn’t as simple as passion or attraction or even love. It held the whisper of a visceral bond that only came along once in a changeling lifetime.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Kaia locked herself in Attie’s embrace and tried to drown out her own mind, her own heart.