Ten years later

“I can’t believe how quickly he’s learning to walk!” Osana squealed, clapping gently as Jules staggered across the rug, his chubby little legs like two sausages beneath him. I couldn’t help but smile as he made it over to Mikey, his father, who lifted him into his arms and kissed him on the stomach, but at the same time, I felt a pang in my heart.

Don’t do that, I told myself, straightening up in my chair. Do not let their happiness cause you sadness.

But that was much easier said than done. Mikey and Jet were blissfully happy, and their newborn son, Jules, was the light of their life. They’d been through a lot together, and had fought to become a family. While it made me smile to see their joy, it also reminded me of how much my life was missing.

“He’s going to be a big strong alpha like his dad,” Mikey grinned, blowing on Jules’ belly which made him shriek with laughter. Cradling him in his arms, Mikey absolutely glowed with delight.

Jet, his alpha, wrapped his arm around his mate, kissed him on the head and stared down with loving eyes at his son.

Mikey had come to us from Los Angeles and met Jet last summer. They were both staying with us in our cabin on Scarlet Mountain Peak. We were just up the road from the lodge of wolves we shared the mountain with. Osana was our healer and doctor, and had been with me for a long time. As I let out a small sigh, I felt her eyes on me. Nothing got past Osana, especially when it came to me. I’d met her years ago when I first came to Maine, and we’d been together ever since. We’d been like a family – her, Ethan, Kitchi and I. But we’d lost Ethan along the way…

Kitchi had his own family now too. He’d found a mate, Toby, and they had a child named John and were planning another. It seemed like everyone had a family going now except me and Osana, but as far as I could tell, she didn’t seem particularly interested in one. She was the mother to everyone here. With so many men in one house, it never hurt to have some feminine energy.

Love was in the air in the cabin. Everyone was happy – everyone but me. I stood up and stepped through the kitchen and out the back door into the chilly winter air. It was February, and we’d had a warm spell that had melted some of the snow, but the season had come back with a vengeance and dumped another ten inches on us two nights ago. It lay on the back yard mostly undisturbed, aside from the small path that led to the woodpile.

“So many years…” I muttered to myself, leaning against the post of the back porch.

“So many years since what?” I jumped and turned around to see Osana standing behind me.

“You scared me,” I frowned.

“Didn’t your alpha nose pick up my scent?” she teased, closing the door gently behind her.

“I am used to you all by now,” I explained, turning back to the snow. It was quite cold, but I didn’t mind. In fact, I welcomed it. When I found myself feeling down, it was better when the weather matched my mood.

“Penny for your thoughts, Red?” she asked, slipping an arm over my shoulder. I didn’t answer right away. I had a decision to make – to tell her or not to tell her.

As long as we’d known each other, I still hadn’t told Osana about him…about Casper…about my past. I maintained a sense of mystery among my pack. It helped me lead and was one of the reasons we’d come so far. Things hadn’t always been comfortable like they were at the cabin.

After Casper had vanished from Mrs. Brown’s, I’d dropped out and gone off on my own. I simply couldn’t be there after that. Walking through the halls, seeing the gazebo, passing his room – it was all too much for me.

I’d actually searched for him for months, spending much of my time in fox form, hunting for food and stealing when I needed money. I felt bad about that now, but I was sixteen and in love.

I’d scoured the entire upstate New York area for him, but that sweet blueberry scent had eluded me. After a while I started to wonder if he was dead and gave up looking. It had taken years for me to accept the fact that I would never see him again, and what had happened to him would remain a mystery.

I started working landscaping jobs, moving from crew to crew across New England, never staying in the same place for too long. In the winter I moved snow and did carpentry work and made a decent enough living to support myself, but I felt like I was living a life where I was half awake and half dreaming.

“Don’t be so stupid,” I remember telling myself one hot summer day in Connecticut while I was working on a driveway for a wealthy family. Their son, a gorgeous omega, had been eyeing me all day from the house, giving me every sign that he was into me. I had tried to work up the courage to go talk to him, but I just wasn’t able to do it. Not because I was afraid of him, but because I was still loyal to Casper.

“There’s something I’ve never told you about me, Osana,” I said finally, still keeping my eyes on the fallen snow.

“I would think there’s a lot you haven’t told me, Red,” Osana replied. I could hear the smile in her voice.

“That’s true,” I agreed. “But there is one thing now that has been giving me pause – ever since Mikey and Jet’s child came.”

“What is it?”

“I – I met my fated mate…and I lost him.”

Osana paused, and for a woman who always seemed to have the answers to everything, that was a surprise. I turned my eyes to her and saw the look of sympathy on her face and felt immediately ashamed.

“I’m sorry,” I stammered. “I should not have burdened you with this.”

“Wait!” Osana cried out, slipping her arm into mine and pulling me back to face her. “Red, don’t do that. You don’t have to be strong all the time. Talk to me!”

I saw the concern in her eyes, and although everything inside me was telling me to suck it up and be strong, for one moment, I gave in and allowed myself to actually acknowledge what was going on inside me.

“I’m an orphan,” I told her. “I lived at an orphanage until I was sixteen. That’s where I met him. Casper…”

“Did you know right away?”

“Yes,” I nodded, smiling slightly as I recalled the day I first laid eyes on him. He was gorgeous, vulnerable and completely hypnotizing. “I knew the moment I smelled his scent. Blueberries…I invited him to the gazebo and we talked, kissed, and professed our love for each other.”

“And what happened?”

“He disappeared,” I replied bitterly, feeling the old sadness rise up inside me like a toxic wave. “The next day he was just…gone. I searched and searched for months and never saw him again.”

“Do you – do you have any idea where he went?”

I scowled and turned back to the snow, feeling my fox stirring inside me. “No. No idea.”

“Red…I’m so sorry,” she told me. “Is that why I’ve never seen you with anyone else?”

“Yes,” I replied. “My heart belongs to another. And until I know what has happened to him, I could not give it to anyone else.”

It was all I could bear. I felt my fox stir and quickly turned to Osana and placed my hand on her shoulder.

“I need a few days,” I told her. “A few days to get my mind right. Everyone should be fine in my absence. Tell Kitchi he is in charge, and look after the children for me.”

“Of course, I will,” she said quickly. “But, Red—”

I didn’t let her finish. I shifted, bursting out of my clothes, and leapt into the high snow. I needed to run, to move, to get away from all the joy that was being denied to me, reminding me of what I had lost.

I ran and ran and ran until my lungs were sore, and then I ran some more.

Casper, I thought as the snow parted against my fur. Come back to me…come back…