Chapter Twenty-Six

At two o’clock, Abby gave up trying to sleep. She rolled out of bed, pulled on an old chenille robe, and padded to the kitchen in search of milk to warm. When she opened the refrigerator door, she realized milk couldn’t begin to quiet the questions tumbling in her head.

Without giving herself a chance to change her mind, she returned to her bedroom. Opening the closet door, she jerked a large bag from the top shelf. As the satchel only contained letters, it wasn’t overly heavy.

She took the bag into the living room and dumped the letters addressed to her onto the kitchen table.

Another woman might read the letters in random order. That wasn’t Abby’s nature. She poured herself a glass of wine and set about putting the envelopes in postmarked order.

By the time she finished, her wine glass was empty.

She poured herself another and slid the letter out of the first envelope. It was dated within a couple of weeks after the visit to the doctor’s office.

Dispassionately, she read Jonah’s letter—really more of a note—telling her how much he regretted putting her in this situation. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Her fingers tightened around the sheet of paper as the fear and anger from that time flooded back.

Stuffing the letter back into the envelope, Abby took a gulp of wine and moved on to the next.

By the time she reached the month before Eva Grace’s birth, Abby detected a difference in the letters. Guilt had set in. While he still tried to explain away his actions, she could see he had doubts.

Tossing the envelope aside, she forced herself to read the next, sent shortly after Eva Grace’s birth. In this one he spoke of wishing he could have been there when the baby was born. If he’d gotten her messages, it didn’t show.

Abby continued to read. When she found herself reaching for the bottle to pour a third glass, she stopped herself.

Taking a few calming breaths, she methodically made her way through the years. Guilt and regret practically jumped off the page.

Part of her rejoiced at his pain. The other part hurt, understanding that she wasn’t the only one who’d suffered.

When she reached the letters sent earlier this year, she discovered what he’d alluded to in their conversation.

“I’ve accepted that I can’t undo my past behavior,” he wrote. “It’s done. But I will tell you again just how sorry I am. If I could go back, I’d have stood up for you and my baby in the doctor’s office that day. I’d have made it clear to Veronica that if she pursued legal action against you, not only would she not have my support, I—and my family—would fight her every step of the way.”

Tears filled Abby’s eyes and spilled down her cheeks. She brushed them away with the back of her hand and continued to read.

“I have wronged you. I have wronged my daughter. I want to make it up to you. I want to make it up to her.”

Abby sat back, taking a moment to collect her thoughts. Was Jonah’s relationship with her and Eva Grace only about atonement? A sick feeling churned in her stomach.

The next letter informed her he’d applied for the chief of police position in Hazel Green. The one following that said he’d been granted an interview. The next informed her he’d been offered the position. And the last, sent shortly before his arrival, gave his starting date.

Dropping the letter to the table, Abby sat back in the chair and closed her eyes. Reading the notes had been a month-by-month review of the past five years.

She must have fallen asleep, because a knock at the door startled her awake. Her head rested on her arms and her eyes felt gritty.

A second knock had her glancing at the Felix clock. Seven thirty.

Abby stumbled to the door and opened it without checking the peep.

“I made it here in record time.” The smile on his face disappeared at the sight of her. “What’s wrong?”

Abby supposed she did look a mess. She’d taken the pins out of her elaborate coiffure of the night before but had done little else with her hair. Undoubtedly, she had a sleep crease on one cheek from the envelopes she’d slept on. And the pink pajamas with pigs and faded chenille robe wouldn’t win any couture awards.

“I’m fine. I fell asleep at the table.” Abby reached around him to shut the door. No need to scare any children who might be in the hall. She pushed back at her hair and gestured with one hand to the table. “I read your letters.”

Moving to the sofa, she dropped down on the cushion, regretting that second glass of wine. Her head felt thick and fuzzy. Although some of that may have been from crying.

Jonah glanced at the table, and a muscle in his jaw jumped. Instead of sitting beside her, he took a seat in a nearby chair. His gaze searched her face. “It appears we’ve both revisited the past. What did you discover?”

“You really didn’t know I called?” It was a piece of the puzzle she couldn’t reconcile.

His brows pulled together. “When?”

“Right before Eva Grace was born.” Abby rubbed the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. “In your letters you said you wished you could have been there. But you didn’t respond to my call or texts?”

“Ah, those messages.”

Disappointment flooded her. “You did get them.”

And obviously ignored them.

“Veronica brought them up during one of the sessions. She deleted them.” His gaze never wavered. “Apparently I’d left my phone at home.”

“You didn’t know before this weekend?”

Jonah shook his head. “For what it’s worth, she feels guilt over deleting the texts and voice message.”

“You did the right thing, going to Veronica.” Abby didn’t know what else to say, so she said nothing.

He finally broke the silence. “Did you learn anything else from the letters?”

“I discovered I wasn’t the only one suffering.” Abby expelled a shaky breath and steeled herself. “Is this thing between me and you some sort of atonement?”

“No.” He shook his head, said again more forcefully, “No. Absolutely not.”

The tight band around her heart released at his adamant reply. “I didn’t think so. I hoped not.”

Without her realizing how it happened, he was on the sofa beside her, her hands in his. “What’s happened between us is about friendship and love, not some way to make up for the past. Because that simply isn’t possible. If I learned anything this past few days, it’s that I need to accept the past and move on.”

“I agree. It’s time.”

A watchful wariness filled his beautiful blue eyes.

She looped her arms around his neck and kissed him lightly on his lips. “I’m ready to move forward. With you.”

Jonah placed his hands on her shoulders and held her at arm’s length, his gaze searching hers. “What are you saying, Abs?”

Abby had thought she’d be scared, but she wasn’t, maybe because she’d never been surer of anything in her life. “Your letters showed me you’re the kind of man I knew you to be. You made mistakes. So did I. The time has come to leave the past in the past.”

Hope flooded Jonah’s blue eyes.

“What I’m saying is yes. Yes to a life with you. Yes to children. Yes to everything.” Her lips trembled with emotion, and her voice grew thick. “I want it all, Jonah. I want it with you.”

Then she was in his arms, and she was kissing him with all the love in her heart.

The sun, which had been hiding behind clouds, came out to stream in through the window, promising one fine day.