Chapter Nine

 

“If Rick weren’t six years older than your boyfriend, I think he’d try to adopt him,” Royal says as we watch the two of them having an animated conversation at a table in the hotel lounge.

“Shut up.” He’s my brother. I don’t have to expand on that.

He’s not wrong. Rick and Carter are getting along as if they’ve known each other all their lives. The absentminded professor and the drill instructor. I can see it. They both spent their careers shaping young minds. They’re both interested in history. Too interested. By the time we’d wandered from the restaurant to the lounge, they were having an in-depth discussion on historical battle strategies.

I can’t contribute, but I won’t try to put a stop to it either. It means they aren’t talking about me.

Royal managed to escape to the bar to flirt with the bartender. He’s only talking to me now because I’m ordering another round of drinks.

“Why did you call Joey?” I ask him after giving her our order.

Royal leans his elbows on the bar and shrugs. “He deals with kids all the time, and you were acting like one. It made sense.”

I whack his arm and try not to flinch when it hurts my hand. He gives me his signature cocky grin. “See what I mean?” I wait him out with a blank expression. “Fine. I called him because I was worried about you, and he’s the only one you ever talked to about your problems.”

I frown. “That’s not true. He was always too busy working to talk to me.” That and Joey is only serious when it’s business related. In his personal life, he’s like a giant kid. Luckily, he can afford the best toys.

I guess that’s another thing Joey, Royal and I all have in common. We aren’t big fans of adulting.

“Then who did you talk to? I know it wasn’t me.”

I sigh. “You seem to be forgetting how weird and socially awkward I was. I avoided talking to all of you equally. About my problems anyway. You, however, are the only brother on my emergency contact list.”

He smiles and pats my back. “Good point. You were pretty weird. But useful. My little human lie detector.”

That nickname brings back memories. “I still wish you hadn’t come all this way for nothing. Or that you’d called me before abducting Fiona so I could tell you where I was.”

“That’s another thing.” Royal’s big shoulders bunch when he reaches for a bowl of stale pretzels on the counter, popping a handful into his mouth. “What’s going on with that? You meet this guy, and a few hours later you’re staying at his house while he nurses you back to health. And you seem good with it. Hell, you’re glowing.” He points at me. “You. The guy who wouldn’t ask for a ride in a thunderstorm. The guy who is so picky about men we have six months of reading material on you not getting to first base. Is Mr. Dry Spell suddenly Mr. Relationship?”

I grit my teeth as heat fills my cheeks. “Are you reading my diary?”

He snorts again. “It’s online, genius. Don’t kid yourself. We’re all reading it.”

Logically, I know that. But I try not to think about what that means when it comes to my family. “I wouldn’t say Carter nursed me back to health. I told you already, it wasn’t that bad. All he did was help me out when—”

“You’re into him. Admit it.”

“I’m admitting nothing.”

“You don’t have to.” Royal tapped a finger to his temple. “I don’t need your skills to figure this one out. I know you. And you are totally getting some of that kinky, older man action.”

He’s smiling so broadly I almost have to tell him, even if he is a giant pain in the ass. “I won’t say you’re right. But you’re not wrong.”

“I knew it. Man. Never thought I’d see the day JD Green fell in love.”

The bartender smiles as she brings me our drink tray and I lower my voice. “Did I say that, Royal? I didn’t and I’m not going to because that would be crazy. I’ve only known him for a couple of days. He’s only known me when my life is a total disaster.”

Royal is ignoring me in favor of eyeing the bartender. “Some people only need forty-five minutes to know for sure. Isn’t that right, Alicia?”

Her eyes sparkle as she takes in Royal’s broad shoulders. Everything about her body language says she agrees. “I’ll let you know. We still have five minutes left.”

“I’ll leave you to it.” I try not to roll my eyes as I balance the tray.

Royal puts his hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry if we crossed the line by showing up uninvited. And however you feel about him, I’m glad you at least think he’s someone you can trust.”

“You didn’t cross any line, Royal. We’re family. I was surprised, that’s all.”

Surprised and guilty, because Royal had been worried enough to call in backup. The last thing I wanted was anyone worrying over me.

We’ve only spoken a handful of times in the last few years, but he’s still looking out for me. In between his teasing, I know he always tried to. I’m just… me. Bad at asking for help, apparently. That seems to be the running theme for tonight. As subtle as a hammer.

JD is a stubborn ass.

Yes, but an ass that isn’t in love with a guy he just met last weekend…in a bar.

Stubborn. Ass.

I’m talking to myself. Great.

“There you are!” Rick sounds jovial, his cheeks are flushed and his smile is wider than usual. He and Matilda aren’t big drinkers. “I was trying to pry information out of Carter, but I ended up telling him about the rest of your brothers instead.”

“He doesn’t like to talk about himself. It took me an hour just to find out his name.”

“Not a whole hour.” Carter accepts his drink, reaching for my hand to tug me into the booth beside him. “And Rick’s ten sons are way more interesting. I’m trying to keep up in case there’s a test later.”

“There might be.”

He laughs. “Then let’s review. I’ve met Royal. Craig’s given you grandchildren. Then there’s Grant the lawyer and Chris the piano teacher. You won’t tell me what Dickie and Manwich do for—”

“Hah!” Rick sets his drink down and slaps the table. “Manwich.”

I can’t help but smile. “No one knows what those two are up to. Well, maybe Royal. But that’s a secret he can keep.”

Carter slips his arm around my shoulders and I lean into his heat gratefully. “Who’s left? Stewart is into camping. And Isaac, right? I think Rick told me he lives on an island.”

“The surfing ambassador,” I offer under my breath.

“And Joey is the babysitter. That’s nine.”

“He’s the most successful child you have, his company is worth millions, and you still introduce him as the babysitter.”

“Well he used to be one, and now his company is full of them.”

“His. Company,” I emphasize.

“Of people trained to look after children. Also known as babysitters,” Rick volleys back, his blue eyes sparkling.

“And ten is the barbecue sauce loving, textbook-collecting advice columnist,” Carter finishes smoothly, smiling at both of us. “Quite a list. You and your wife must be proud.”

I take a large gulp of my rum and coke, unwilling to experience this evening on the hotel’s shitty beer. “You’ve done it now,” I whisper loudly.

Rick is already shaking his head. “Matilda and I never believed in taking ownership of their success. Are we impressed? Absolutely. Pride implies we had something to do with it.”

“Didn’t you? You gave them shelter. Compassion. Education. Authority figures to teach them about life and keep them on the right path.”

“You’ve described most federal institutions. Prisons, for example. Though I think their cooking would be an improvement over mine.” He chuckles to himself. “It’s the individual that chooses to succeed or fail within the institution, not the institution itself.”

I put my hand on Carter’s leg and squeeze. “I can’t argue with that, Rick. You’re one of the most brilliant men I know, but you should never attempt food preparation of any kind.”

“Says the boy who set the kitchen on fire.”

“Only once.”

We laugh but when his eyes meet mine, his smile slowly disappears. “You should have told us what happened, Jimmy.”

“I’m sorry.” I reach across the table and impulsively take his hand. “I am. But it was only a scuffle, Rick. A black eye. It was more embarrassing than anything. I’m fine, I promise.”

“We always enjoyed your independent streak. Maybe too much. I think we should have given you more rules.”

“We’ll have to disagree on that,” I say, trying to tease another smile out of him. “And I’d bet all the guys would be on my side.”

“Parents make rules to protect their children,” he says stubbornly, looking down at his drink. “Statistically, a child raised in a structured environment feels more secure.”

I glance over at Carter in apology. “Does Matilda know you’re reading childrearing books again? Or is there something you wanted to tell me? I thought we’d decided you two weren’t bringing anymore kids into the house.”

Rick finishes his drink and meets my gaze. “I was trying to understand why you don’t feel like you can talk to us about your problems.”

Help. “What problems?”

“I saw your apartment. I had no idea you were living like that.”

“Now you sound like a snob.” I really don’t want to have this conversation in front of Carter. “My apartment is perfectly fine. Can we talk about something else? Please?”

“We had the money to send you to college. Everyone else took us up on it, but you wanted to do it on your own. That money is still yours. You could use it on an apartment that’s harder to break into and bigger than a closet, and in four years you’ll have—” He cuts himself off and shakes his head. “You keep saying you’re fine. You know I hate that. Your father said the same thing the day before he died. We believed him and then... I’m fine,” he chokes. “Worst two words in the English language.”

“Okay.” I signal to Royal to wrap it up with the bartender and pat Rick’s hand. “I think it might be time to call it a night.”

Carter is a quiet presence beside me, and I’m thankful for it, though I wish he wasn’t seeing this.

“Hey, Papa Smurf.” Royal easily lifts Rick to his feet. “Look at you. Would you mind if I take a video for the rest of the family? You haven’t been this toasty since we all turned sixteen.”

“Hard year.” Rick’s chuckle is watery, and he still looks too sad. Luckily, their room is an elevator away.

Royal looks at me in question and I shake my head. “What time are you two heading out?”

“Early.”

I push the button to call their ride. Rick sways and reaches for my shirt. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“You made sure of it,” I tell him firmly. “And I have friends taking care of me now, so you don’t have to worry. I’m not alone.”

“I’ll still worry.” He cups the back of my head and presses our foreheads together. “I think we did it wrong, Jimmy. You were young but we should have told you about—”

“Rick, I’m happy.” You’re breaking my heart. “I promise, you didn’t do anything wrong. Not for any of us. And Royal is here now. You go with him and he’ll get you to your room, okay?”

I’m hoping he understands that we’re not alone so he doesn’t say something he’ll regret in the morning.

The doors open and I kiss his forehead, handing our silent foster father over to my worried brother. “He’s fine,” I tell him softly. “He’s thinking about my parents.”

I’m still staring at the elevator when Carter takes my hand. “Are you going to tell me a story on the way home, JD?”

I look down at our entwined fingers and nod.

“Then let’s go.”

 

“What happened with Rick?” Carter asks after we’ve been on the road for several minutes and I still haven’t said a word. “Talk to me.”

I look away from the oncoming headlights to study his profile. “I’m sorry about that. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen Rick drink. When he does, he can get sentimental, though he doesn’t usually lecture us on lifestyle choices.”

Randomly, I’m thinking I wish I’d had a chance to clean my apartment before he’d seen it today. 

“What did he mean about your father? What happened to him?”

I take a steadying breath. “He committed suicide.”

“Shit.” Carter bites off another curse and I watch his strained expression as he searches for a place to pull off and park. As soon as he shuts off the truck and unbuckles his seatbelt, he turns to take my hand. “Do you want to wait to talk about this until we get home?”

I don’t want to talk about it at all, and the attention is making me uncomfortable. “You didn’t need to pull over, Carter. It’s okay. My biological parents are strangers. I only know their names and what they looked like because Matilda made a photo album. But that’s all they are to me. Gary and Lauren Green. High school friends of the people who raised me.”

When I say that I feel like a bad person. “According to Matilda my mother was sweet and always smiling. And after I was born, every thought she had was about my future.”

Carter’s fingers tighten on mine. “And your father?”

“Gary was another story. He’d struggled with depression all his life. I know he loved my mother and his friends, but Rick said there were times he’d disappear or withdraw. Only for a few weeks and then he’d be back as if it never happened. Then his brother died, followed two years later by his wife getting sick. Five days after she was gone, and two weeks before my fourth birthday, he bought a gun.”

“Jesus,” Carter breathes, leaning his head against the seat beside him.

I’ve never said it out loud before. “In the note he left, he actually mentioned Kurt Cobain. After losing his wife, his brother and his hero, he said, there was nothing left to live for. No one left to live for. I only know about that because Rick still has it in a box in the back of his closet, and once I saw him crying over it.”

Carter looks so wrecked I feel bad for telling him. “Not as upbeat as my last story. Sorry about that. The afternoon sort of went to hell, didn’t it?”

“I’m glad you told me.” He cups my face in his hands, his thumbs caressing my cheeks. “I mean it, JD. Thank you.”

I lean into his touch instinctively. “My brothers don’t know. Not the details anyway.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t want to tell them.” I reach up and grip his wrists, needing to touch him. “They all had rough lives before they came to live with us. They deserved a fresh start in a good home.”

“Are you saying you didn’t?”

“No. But I never struggled like they did. Rick and Matilda took me in before I even went into the system. I was lucky but…”

“But what?”

“You saw Rick tonight. I’m a constant reminder of a painful memory. You know, they didn’t plan on having kids? Sometimes I think they felt so guilty for not noticing their friend was suicidal that they atoned the only way they knew how. By making sure I didn’t end up like him.”

His hands drop to my shoulders in a painful grip and gives me a little shake that startles me. “JD, that’s…” He fades off, incredulous. “It’s wrong. Completely wrong. I don’t claim to know what their initial reasons were, but that man’s actions today spoke loud and clear. He flew across the country to let you know he cared and wants to be more involved in your life. As far as he’s concerned, you’re his son.”

“I know it. And I know how lucky I am that Rick raised me. We all are. He’s a good man.”

“So are you.” Carter is massaging my shoulders, trying to work the tension away. “But for someone so skilled at observation, there are one or two things you refuse to see.”

“Like what?”

“How special you are.”

“Carter, I’m not—”

“I didn’t say perfect,” he interrupts. “But I’ve seen how you look at people, into people and know exactly what they need to hear, the way you did with Wyatt and Rick. I’ve seen the way you can find the humor in any situation, and how you share it to help other people find a little happiness in this world. That’s who you are. What you do. And if I can see it after a few days of being around you, I have no doubt your family already knows and loves that about you. You’re not an obligation, JD. You’re a gift.”

Before I can second guess myself I’m straddling his hips and kissing him like it’s been months instead of a few hours since I tasted his lips and tangled with his tongue.

I love his mouth. I love how his words make me feel. Admired. Seen.

I love the way he sees me.

Carter groans and digs his fingers into my hips, pulling me onto the erection already trying to tear its way through his jeans. “We can’t…not here…JD.”

Right here. I unbutton my pants and look through the windows at the dark lot outside, before twisting around to reach beneath my seat for the plastic bag I’d discovered earlier. “I saw this on the drive to the station. You must have had big plans for tonight, Zeus.”

A large box of condoms and two bottles of lube pour onto the passenger seat and Carter’s hands slide up to my waist. “You know I have plans. Let me get you home and show you, JD. Where I can take care of you. Where I have room to touch you. Make you come.”

“We were interrupted,” I tell him as I move to kneel beside him, pulling off my shirt and pushing my jeans and underwear impatiently down to my thighs. “We were having a great day, and then it all went downhill. I need to forget everything else and get back to that.”

I open one of the bottles and meet his gaze. “So take care of me.”

The thick liquid coats the tips of my fingers and I reach behind me, rubbing it into the skin I want him to touch. Then I take his hand, and guide it to the curve of my ass. “Touch me.”

When he starts to stroke and squeeze I bend over, open his belt and take his erection out with shaking fingers.

“Make me come.”