Mariska

The noise of Scout’s hoof beats mixes with the roar of the wind as we ride in a full gallop across the prairie. Overnight packs are strapped to our saddles, and Stuart is on Freckles, letting her stretch her legs and work out her nerves.

Cold air races us across the open prairie, bringing frigid temperatures and the last chance we’ll have to camp out in the cabin before the heavy snows start. I’ve been in school at the University of Great Falls one month, and I love my classes.

It’s amazing to think I might never have found my new course of study if we hadn’t come here. I’ve always been interested in healing and art, but I never considered combining the two. I’m completely consumed by my work, and Stuart is in heaven being back on the ranch. We’ve reached a place of contentment and deep satisfaction in our life together.

I don’t like thinking about the days we were apart. I was so lost and alone, even more so because of how close we’d been. Still, like a bone, we’re so much stronger because of our break. I’m distracted, considering all these things, when I see Stuart pulling Freckles to a halt. I tighten my stomach muscles and do the same, and following his gaze, my heart stops when I see her.

The little grey horse—Jessie is standing near a clump of trees watching us, not moving. I would recognize her anywhere with her shadow-black muzzle and the little moon in the center of her forehead.

My eyes fly to Stuart’s, and he glances at me. Freckles shakes her head and nickers, and she seems to recognize her runaway foal as well. My heart beats so fast it hurts, and I’m surprised by how much I want her back. I don’t want to do anything to scare her away. My insides pull to this little horse, and I remember crying to Sylvia in the hospital, It wasn’t her fault. She was so afraid.

I don’t want her to be out here wild and running, an easy target for a predator or worse, falling and being injured, suffering alone until she dies.

I watch Stuart as he watches Jessie, and I can’t help remembering how he tried to kill her. “What can we do?” I whisper.

“I don’t have any rope or anything to use as a lasso. We’re going to have to let her go and see if we can find her later or see if she comes back around.”

“Do you think she will?” I’m so happy he understands without me having to explain how much this means to me.

I’m desperate to do anything to catch her, yet at the same time, I remember how new she was to us. She had only just started coming around when the accident occurred. First I fainted, falling off the gate and causing Stuart to panic, which startled her. Then Amy and I scared her in the barn, and finally the gunshot. It would be a miracle if she ever came back at all.

“I don’t know.” Stuart looks at the reins he’s holding. “Winter’s coming. It’s not good for her to be out here alone.”

The little horse stays at the tree line watching us, and we continue on to the cabin, keeping her in sight. By the time we reach our destination, she’s gone, and we can only unpack and go inside.

Sliding down from Scout, I pause a moment, holding the Palomino’s saddle. My head is light, and I feel suddenly weak.

“You okay?” Stuart is at my side.

I nod and smile reassuringly. “Too much excitement, I guess.”

“I’ll get the fire going.”

We brought kindling for a campfire, an Indian blanket, and suits for swimming. I unpack the dinner Winona prepared for us and think about how kind she’s been since we arrived. I’d worried she might resent Stuart and me coming in because of our age or because we’re not Bill. I worried she might not like the change. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

She has embraced us like a grandmother, and I guess she feels that way toward Stuart, since he’s been coming here since he was a teenager. I learned she’s Chippewa-Cree, and I can’t wait to get to know her better, see if we share any gifts.

When I went back to Bayville, my faith was shaken. I had lost my baby, my family, and I lost my ability to believe. Now I’ve gotten almost all of those things back again, and as we were packing, Stuart found a letter to me from my Yaya.

I’ll never forget his beautiful face, cautiously bringing it to me. “This was in your grandmother’s journal,” he’d said, handing me a yellowed envelope with my name handwritten on the front.

I opened it, and inside was a letter…

I held the letter close to my chest for so long, allowing the healing words to soak into my heart. It restored my faith in everything that had happened, in everything that brought Stuart and me together.

If I hadn’t dreamed of him lost and dying in the desert, I’d never have run after him. At least that’s what he says, and I let him believe it. He hasn’t seen his sexy backside. I’d probably have followed him even without the dreams.

Tonight as we sit under the stars, I remember that night so long ago when we held each other, sharing everything. Why he became a Marine, why I was alone. I made a wish on a shooting star to have exactly what I have now. Two arms that will never let me go, even when life gets dark, even when I lose faith. Two strong arms to carry me back.

“What are you thinking about?” Stuart’s lips press against the side of my neck sending chills across my skin. We’re wrapped together in the warm blanket, my back to his chest.

“How I’ve almost gotten back everything.”

His brow lines, and he cups the side of my face. “We’ll get there.”

“No—I don’t mean it that way. I’m so happy. And then we saw Jessie.”

“I want you to have everything you’ve lost.”

Thinking about that, I lower my voice. “We can’t have everything.”

Sadness flickers in his eyes, but I reach forward to kiss his lips. “Don’t—I don’t want to be sad.” My lip catches in my teeth, and I tell him. “I haven’t gone back on the pill since I lost Jessica. Who knows what might happen.”

His arms tighten around me, and he pulls me close against his chest. “I’ll take whatever comes as long as I have you.”

It’s another of the million reasons I love this man. Struggling to break his grip, I move into a straddle on his lap, kissing his mouth. Our lips chase each other’s until we consume, tongues uniting. My fingers thread in the back of his hair as his hands slide up my thighs, under my skirt.

He touches me, teasing the soft flesh under my panties, and I moan, rocking my hips over his growing erection. It isn’t long before his pants are down and we’re together, riding out the waves of passion under a big sky brilliant with stars.

Our love has always been a leap of faith, and our connection since those first days so long ago was mysterious and risky. It’s the most certain thing I’ve ever known.

We’re here, we’re together, and together, we’re home.