SOMETHING UNPLEASANT SAT heavily in my stomach as I stood in front of hotel room seventeen, my fingers clenched tightly around the handle of the bag dangling from my hands. Five minutes. Five minutes I had been standing there trying to work up enough courage to knock on his door, but the thought of him standing before me, and what might or might not tumble out of my mouth, made it impossible to move. Tuesday evening, and more specifically, the look on Owen’s face right before he had walked away from me, had kept me from being able to focus over the last thirty-odd hours, and I was desperate to make things right between us once again.
Swallowing the swishing and swirling of my nerves, I tapped my knuckles against the wood and waited. I waited for what felt like an eternity before it slowly creaked open, a fully dressed Owen standing in the small space between the door and its frame.
Relief mingled with fear as we both stood there, silent, every part of our bodies visibly tense and rigid. My fingers curled tighter around the handle of the bag, my courage waning as he stared at me with those impenetrably dark green eyes. Neither of us spoke—not right away—and that only added to the awkwardness thickening the already thick air.
I hated it.
I hated that the easiness of being around him was gone, like a treasured memory faded far too fast.
Knowing someone needed to speak first and that it wasn't going to be him, I glanced around, as if to delay the conversation for a tiny bit longer.
Just talk to him, Elle. That's why you're here. You owe him an explanation or, at the very least, an apology.
Sucking in a deep breath, I hooked my thumbs through the belt loops on my jeans, and as the air floated out of my chest in one heavy exhale, I rolled onto the sides of my flats. “Hey.”
Owen pressed his forearm to the doorframe, his fingers making slow sweeps over the creases on his forehead. “Hey.”
My shoulders slumped at his greeting. I hoped he would have given me more than that. I guess I didn't really deserve anything more, though, did I?
“Can we...” I stuttered in his presence, like I knew I would. “Can we talk?”
His brows furrowed as he contemplated my request, and pinching his lips together, he slowly pushed the door the rest of the way open, allowing me to enter.
I smiled tightly as I squeezed past him, and when I stepped into the center of the small room—noticing his suitcase packed and waiting by the door—his next words caused my heart to plummet to my stomach.
“We’ll have to keep it short, my flight leaves in a little less than two hours.”
Two hours? Why two hours?
It was only Thursday evening. We weren't due to fly out until Sunday night.
Whipping around to face him, I stared at him in confusion all the while fighting a frown. “You're leaving?”
Owen nodded, the ball in his throat moving on what looked like a nervous swallow. “Yeah. I, um…” He hesitated, reaching up to scratch the back of his head before gripping the nape of his neck. “I've talked to Liam. It took a hell of a lot of convincing, but he's agreed to postpone our conference calls until you return next week, which means I'm no longer needed here. I'm going back to New York.”
For being the middle of July, the room felt entirely too cold. The hairs on my arms rose and goose bumps formed on my skin from the icy shiver that raced down my spine. “This is because of the other night at the restaurant, isn't it? You're leaving because of me.” The last part wasn't a question. It was a statement. A fact. I had done this. Realization punched right through my chest, stealing my breath.
“No.” He shook his head quickly, his eyes giving me everything and nothing at all. “I'm leaving because I don't belong here, Elle.” He sighed. “Look, I'd be lying if I said that I came on this trip strictly for business because it's not true. A large part of me wanted to be here with you. I wanted to make things right with you after everything that had happened in L.A., but I've realized that sometimes things happen for a reason. We need to stop dancing around whatever this is we're doing because this”—he waved his finger between us—“this can't happen.”
“And what exactly is it that we’re doing?”
“I don’t know, but I do know that it’s better if we stop.”
My lower lip trembled and I dragged it between my teeth in a bid to steady it. “Better for who? Better for me or for you?”
Silence.
More gut-wrenching silence.
Tears itched the back of my throat, and I glanced down at the bag still clenched between my fingers. “Wow, um…” I didn't know what to say. I suddenly felt like a fool for showing up there. My only thought was that I needed to leave. “I guess, I'll, uh…see you next week then.”
Convincing my feet to move, I started quickly toward the door, holding my breath as I brushed past him, my vision blurring when I realized we weren't quite done yet.
Stopping, I turned in his direction, finding it difficult to look up at him and his handsome face. “Here.” I pressed the bag to his chest, that same tremble controlling my lip now affecting my speech and traveling down my arm. “I purchased this in hopes you'd wear it on Saturday to the wedding, but seeing as you're leaving, then please, take it with you. I have no use for it.”
He freed the bag from my hands, and I hurried out of the door, a pain in my heart that spread throughout my entire chest as it pounded beneath my ribs.
Oh God. Why did this hurt so much?
I practically ran across the parking lot, my strides widening as Owen’s voice shouted from the room.
“Elle!”
I yanked open the car door and slid in behind the steering wheel, turning the key in the ignition.
“Elle, wait!”
I didn't wait. There was nothing to wait for. We were done before we’d even begun.
He was right. It was better this way.
Throwing the shifter into reverse, I backed out of my parking spot and drove off, the unbidden tears finally forming into wet drops as they skated free with each blink of my lashes.
I swiped at my eyes, keeping my attention on the road. “Stupid female emotions.”
Driving around until my composure was regained, I took the road that led back to my parents’ house. Everybody was at the church making the last-minute preparations for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, and I immediately headed into my bedroom, slipping beneath my blankets and curling them tightly around me as if they had the ability to protect me from all the hurt in the world.
“Elle.”
The soft voice pulled me from sleep, and I blinked against the darkness, my eyes still puffy and sore from the release of my emotions. I began to turn to sit myself up, but the mattress dipping beside me and the warm arm wrapping around my stomach kept me in place.
“We missed you at the church tonight. I thought you were going to be there.”
“I’m sorry. I know I’d said I’d come, but something came up, and needless to say, I didn’t think I’d be the best company.”
Being my sister, she had that sisterly power known as intuition. “Would this something have anything to do with Owen?”
My silence provided her answer.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head and cleared my throat, my voice still raspy from sleep. “There’s nothing to say.”
“I don’t know about that.” Kimmi moved closer, snuggling deeper and resting her head on my pillow. “Judging by what I saw Tuesday night, I beg to differ.” She paused, and I sensed it was because she was unsure how to give voice to her next thoughts, which was really unlike her because she always spoke her mind so freely. “Do you…are you romantically involved with your boss?”
My chest fell on a condescending laugh. God, when she put it like that it sounded absolutely ridiculous. Who in their right mind falls for one’s boss, especially when said boss is clearly emotionally unavailable?
Me. That was who.
“No.” I twisted around, pressing my palms together and tucking my hands beneath my cheek as I faced her. It was dark, but her blue eyes were bright and shining with the very emotion I didn’t want anyone to feel for me: pity. Blinking fast, I pulled in a shaky breath. “But it’s not because I don’t want to be.” My chest grew tight and uncomfortable with my admission, but I needed to stop lying to myself, and if there was anyone in this world I was comfortable telling, it was Kimmi. Growing up, we’d shared all our secrets with each other: first crushes, first kisses, and first loves. We’d shared our hopes and dreams and our fears. And I needed to get this off my chest before I suffocated beneath the weight of it. “I think I’m falling in love with him.”
Not looking at all surprised but a frown tugging at her brow, she licked her lips. “How did this happen?”
“I don’t know.” I knew how, but I couldn’t tell her, not without giving her every detail. Doing so would mean she’d discover every single lie I’d been feeding to not only her but to all of them the last five years, and right then, I needed her comfort and support, not her disappointment. “Would you do me a favor?”
Kimmi nodded, staring at me as if she was feeling completely helpless. “What’s that?”
“Can you not tell Mom and Dad? I’d rather they not know.”
“Yeah.” Her hold on me tightened as she dropped a kiss to my forehead. “Yeah I can do that.”