SAWYER

1.

I slid my finger along the drawing, still smiling. Beautiful Kate sitting on some rocks next to the ocean, throwing me the finger. I wouldn’t expect anything less from her though. She had every right to be pissed at me. And hate me. And want to slap me across the face. But she knew damn well what she did too. And whatever we were doing to each other, it wasn’t over yet.

I closed the notebook and stood up. My little room was pretty much still empty. I’d have to get some posters and pictures and really start to make it my own. Believe me, I wasn’t crashing in St. Skin to take over anyone’s spot. Or bother Tate’s fancy office. This was about tattooing. This was about remembering the dream I created with Tate. And it was about finding that love with Kate that was still buried under the ashes of all we burned.

When I opened the door, Prick and Zayne were standing there.

“Hey,” I said.

“Sawyer,” Zayne said.

“Asshole,” Prick said.

“There’s the love I’ve been looking for,” I said.

Maddox and Zayne had come around a little. Me and Maddox went back way too far for him to not understand what really happened. And Zayne was new enough to just see me as another guy inking up people.

But Prick was tough.

I didn’t mind it.

“You’re still here, huh?” Prick asked.

“Until my name isn’t on the sign anymore,” I said.

“We can arrange that.”

“We?”

“Me and Tate,” Prick said. “Rebrand this place. Really step things up.”

“Oh, sure,” I said. “It’s that simple, huh?”

“With the business I bring in here, it’s as easy as anything. Just like when I get a beautiful woman in the chair. And she’s nervous about getting her nipples pierced. And I stand there and talk to her, tell her how pretty she is, gently holding her perfect tits. Bringing her to the edge of a pain she never knew only to make it feel so fucking good.”

“Jesus, this guy is turning me on a little,” I said to Zayne.

Zayne laughed and slapped a hand to Prick’s shoulder. “He got you on that one, man.” Zayne looked at me. “Have a good night.”

“See you later, Z.”

“Z?” Prick asked. “Man, you think you can just settle right in here, huh?”

“That’s the plan,” I said. I stepped at Prick and went eye to eye with him. “Hate me all you want, brother, but this is my shop. I did all of this. What you bring in here is amazing. People like you. The guys trust you. I appreciate that. But don’t take your broken past and shove it on me.”

“Fuck you, man,” Prick said.

“I get it, Prick. What it’s like to be broken. To lose everything. To have nothing. You’ve been down a darker hole than I have, so I respect you for that. Have a good night.”

Prick didn’t say a word. His nostrils flared as anger spread across his face.

He walked away without saying a word.

I thought for a second I was alone.

But then I saw Tate.

Standing at the end of the hall.

I looked over my shoulder at the back door. Then forward to Tate. I nodded.

“We gonna do this?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Tate said.

It was time to finish our fight.

* * *

2.

I put a hand flat against the back of St. Skin and touched my jaw. I swore it was broken. Tate had gotten me good a few times. I stretched my jaw, heard a loud popping sound, but at least it wasn’t broken.

A second later I felt a crunching fire against my ribs. A hand grabbed the top of my shirt and pulled me away from the wall. I smiled, knowing damn well Tate planned on smashing my face against the back of the building.

I quickly threw an elbow, hitting him in the stomach hard enough that he lost his breath. I turned, watching him stumble back, and I made fists again. With a hooking right, I caught Tate under his eye, knowing it would bleed and swell for days. I followed that up with a left to his jaw, to match the punch he landed on my damn jaw.

He backed up and I stepped forward. “You done yet?”

“Why the fuck did you leave?” he said, sounding like he was blubbering, but it was just spit and blood in his mouth.

“What choice did I fucking have, brother?” I asked.

I put my hands to his shirt and shook him two times before throwing him back.

He stumbled again but didn’t fall. Tate was a tough son of a bitch to take down. This wasn’t our first fight and I wasn’t sure if it was going to be our last one either.

He lunged at me again, swinging. I leaned back and felt the swoosh of air from his fist. That’s when I got a good punch to his gut, dropping him down to one knee. He was at a perfect angle if I wanted to throw a knee and knock his ass out. But I didn’t want to do that. Not to Tate.

On one knee, he looked up at me. There was one light above the St. Skin shop out back and it cast itself against Tate’s battered face. I couldn’t brag too much though because my face felt the way his looked. All in all, it had been a pretty damn fair fight.

We stared at each other for a few seconds.

Finally, I put my hand out for him to take.

He did and I pulled him to his feet.

There was a moment between us where I could feel we both wanted to keep throwing punches. Christ, there were so many years between us. Digging through those layers would take all night, easily. I thought about it for a second. Imaging the guys showing up tomorrow morning to find me and Tate out back beating the hell out of each other.

Welcome to St. Skin, brother.

Tate started to nod his head. I did the same.

Then we came together in a hug. Squeezing each other, trying to prove our strength over the other.

“Need a beer?” Tate asked.

“Yeah, I could drink a beer with you.”

Tate broke away and walked to the back door and opened it.

“Hey, Tate,” I said.

“Yeah?”

I touched the corner of my mouth. “You have a little blood right here. You bleed too easily, brother.”

Tate smirked. “Fuck you, Saint.”

* * *

3.

I sat on the table surrounded by leather couches. Tate leaned against the glass case up front. It was a little strange being in St. Skin when it was dark and quiet. The sounds of music and the buzzing of the tattoo needles were all ghosts now.

“How do we do this?” Tate asked.

“Nothing to do, brother,” I said. “I own half of this.”

“You keep reminding me of that,” Tate said.

“It’s the truth. And if you need to know about me, I opened a shop right near the beach. Sold it for a ton of fucking money and now I’m here.”

“So you got paid from here and somewhere else. While I sat in the fucking office, day after day, trying to make sure I could keep the lights on for these guys.”

I laughed. “Save the pity act, Tate. This place is booming.”

“Because of me. Because of the guys.”

“I have no doubt. It’s a great team here.”

“You don’t know shit about them, Sawyer. Don’t play that card.”

“Look, I didn’t show up and ask anyone to be my friend. I didn’t ask anyone to not want to punch me in the face. I don’t give a shit to be honest. I trust what’s inside my heart and that’s all that matters to me.”

“So you’re a hero in your own mind. You just come and go as you please and think the world should kiss your ass.”

“That’s one way to put it,” I said with a grin.

“You’re a real fucking jerk, brother,” Tate said. “You took off. You left this place stranded. You were the blood of St. Skin, man. I hope you get that. And you left it. On top of that, you left Kate behind. I had to face her every single day. Tears in her goddamn eyes as she waited for me to say you got in touch with me. There were times where I considered lying to her just so she could have a good day. She shut down, Sawyer. She stopped drawing. I offered her a job here so many times but now she’s a waitress. Barely keeping shit together. Because of you.”

I slowly stood up. “Because of me. Right. The night I left wasn’t just about that night. It was years, Tate. Years.”

“Years,” Tate said, shaking his head. “The fire got hot and you got scared.”

I stepped forward. “You know, the one thing I remember about that night? We were both outside, Tate. You and me. And when she came outside, she went to you. She touched your jaw. If I didn’t leave in that moment, I would have done something really stupid.”

“Like, what?” Tate asked. “Learned the truth?”

“The truth about what?”

“She didn’t come to me, Sawyer. She was looking for you. I didn’t know where you were. I went outside to catch my breath. I had Maddox and River up my ass about you hitting me. Pecker was losing his mind, saying he was going to call the cops. And you know what, brother? Kate needed me. I needed her. Because you were off the fucking deep end by then. I don’t know what the hell happened between you two, because I knew nothing of it. She touched my jaw? Because it looked like I got hit with a fucking baseball bat. You jealous prick.”

I put my beer bottle down. I envisioned a fight right here in St. Skin. Shit, if that happened, we’d destroy the entire shop.

“You were stepping in waters where you didn’t belong.”

“I would never do anything to abandon your trust,” Tate said. “At least not until you left.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

Tate pushed from the counter and walked right to me. We were nose to nose.

“You came back to town, Sawyer,” he said. “You showed up and started inking people like nothing happened. Hey, I can live with that. It's good for business. You being here is good for business. Shit, we can throw some pictures of you up on social media and turn this into something. Maybe something like The Saint Returns…”

“You’re a fucking hustler, Tate,” I said.

“It’s what I do,” Tate said. “But I wasn’t done talking.” Tate put a finger to my chest. “You came back for two things, you said. You’re here, Sawyer. The shop is here. You can do anything you want with it. Except change what I’ve built. But you wanted to get Kate back.”

“I’ve already seen her. A bunch of times.”

“At the diner.”

“Yeah. So?”

“You really think it’s that easy? You think time just stood still when you left?”

“What does that mean? Were you the comforting best friend, Tate? Huh? You get yourself a little pity fuck here and there? Is that what this is?”

Tate smirked again. “I’m not giving you the satisfaction of answering that question. But you should go talk to her. Outside the diner. I can tell you where she lives.”

“Right,” I said. “For the record, the plans for expansion are smart and should be moving forward faster with each day. We can scout the best talent in the country and bring them in. I don’t care if we have a shop of guys and women that float in and out. Bring in the best, pay them a shit ton of cash, and watch the people flock.”

“Already there, Sawyer.”

“But the reality television shit… no way.”

“It’s good money.”

“So is being the last person to sell your building to a builder willing to pay whatever you want. Whatever money you need to make this happen, I can pay.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Tate said. “You’re putting up cash to buy your way back?”

“Tate,” I said, grabbing his shoulder. “I’m fucking back. Cash or no cash. This is my business. My name is on the neon lights. And from the day this idea hit, I brought you in and we wanted to run with it. I don’t need to buy my way into anything. I’m just being real. Which is what I’ve always been. Yeah, maybe taking off wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done. But I needed to do it. And I’ll face whatever consequences that wait for me.”

“You do that, Sawyer.” He shook my hand away. “Hey, where are you staying?”

“Motel,” I said.

“That shit hole outside of town used for sex?”

“Yeah. It’s a little noisy at night.”

“Christ. Get your shit and crash at my place.”

I laughed. “Are we friends again, Tate?”

“Fuck off, Sawyer. Go see Kate and see where that shakes out. And feel free to crash at my place if you don’t want to catch some kind of disease over at that motel.”

“I’m going to find a place soon,” I said. “I’m here to stay, brother.”

“Right,” Tate said.

I watched the look on his face. Cocky prick knew something I didn’t and figured I was going to take off again.

It would take something really crazy to make me leave town again.

* * *

4.

When I realized where I was going, my heart sank a little. Back in the day, this area was called the dump. It’s where all the druggies and burnouts hung out and lived together, got high together, and died together. The cops did their best to clean shit up though. Developers tried to come in and buy up the area to put in fancy apartments but it never went through. So it was always a give and take relationship in this part of town. I fucking hated the idea of Kate living here. Whether it was cleaned up or not, she deserved better than this. She deserved a nice house with a yard on a quiet street. Where neighbors knew each other, talked, helped, and planned out stupid shit like yard sales and summer picnics and Christmas cookie exchanges and all that grown up life shit.

I pulled into the apartment complex and shook my head. The exterior of the building looked like shit. But that was every building down here. At least it was quiet though. Back in the day you’d come down here and there would be groups of people everywhere. Dealers on the corners, whistling notes and offering deals to see and taste the stars. Women walking around half naked, looking for a night of comfort in exchange for a few bucks.

It was different now. Everything was different.

I climbed off my motorcycle and went into the building. It smelled like wet dust. The stone walls were cracked, the paint peeling off in chunks. I went up to the second floor and stopped outside the door that Tate said to. Maybe he was setting me up to get my ass kicked by someone else who wanted to get back at me.

I meant what I said when I told Tate I was back to reclaim my shop and Kate’s heart. I wasn’t going to let love slip through my fingers again. Not that I ever stopped loving her. There was nobody else like Kate. From the day I met her up that moment when I knocked on the door.

She was the only one that got to me. She was the only one who could hurt my heart. She was the only one that made my heart race the way it did as I stood there, waiting for her to open the door.

When the door opened, the look on her face was priceless.

Her eyes wide with surprise and her mouth slowly falling open.

“Hey, darling,” I whispered. “Sorry to show up like this.”

Her mouth hung open.

I reached forward and gently put two fingers under her chin and closed her mouth.

“There, darling,” I said. “You okay?”

“What happened to your face?” she asked.

I forgot about my fight with Tate. That’s another thing Kate did to me. She made me forget about pain… unless she was the one causing it.

“Oh, nothing,” I said.

“Nothing? You’re bleeding.”

I touched my lip. “Shit. Yeah, I am.”

“What happened?”

“Tate,” I said. “We had… uh… a business meeting.”

“Jesus, another business meeting?” Kate asked. She swallowed hard. “It’s like stepping back in time.”

“No, darling, it’s not like that at all,” I said. “It’s today. Tonight. Right here. Right now.”

“Fucking Tate,” she said. “I’m going to kill him.”

“No you’re not. I came back for two things, Kate. My shop. And you.”

I reached for her and she shot her hand out and put it to my chest. “No. It doesn’t work that way, Sawyer.”

“Then how does it work? Because I’m not going anywhere. We can talk about today. Years ago. Whatever you want, darling. That’s why I’m here.”

“Sawyer, this isn’t a good time,” she said. “Seriously. You have no idea…”

I looked beyond her and into the small apartment. “What is it? You have a guy in bed?”

“Seriously?”

“What? You have a boyfriend? You and Tate together? What?”

“Stop it,” she said. “I’m not doing this right now.”

“At least talk to me for a minute, Kate. Give me a minute to talk to you. Not at the fucking diner. Not while you’re running around. Just you and me. For a minute.”

“Fine,” she said.

She stepped toward me, exiting the apartment.

Her perfect body was just inches from mine. Wearing pajama bottoms and a too big t-shirt, yet I could see all the right curves in the all the right places showing through. She was dressed for bed and it was driving me fucking crazy.

“You still keep your hair pulled back, huh?” I asked.

“What?” Kate asked, reaching for her hair. “That’s what you want to talk about?”

I smiled. “You know I loved it when you would let your hair down.”

“Sawyer…”

“Right. Sorry. I’m not here to talk about how beautiful you look. How you actually look prettier than I remembered.”

Kate turned her head and sighed. She could play it off but I saw the way her cheeks turned red.

I smiled. “Look. I don’t know where anything is supposed to go here, Kate. We let so much stuff build up between us that I can’t even figure out what drove us apart. I can stand here and apologize to you for hours if you want. We hurt each other, darling. The night I left, everything just exploded at once. Tate wanted to move the business in a different direction. He was talking to people behind my back. He was making deals and shit. I felt cut out.”

“You cut yourself out, Sawyer. From the business. Tate. Me.”

“I know that,” I said.

“All you did was drink and pick fights.”

I inched closer to her. I could smell her sweet skin. The smell of her soap and shampoo tempting me.

“To be fair, darling, you did the same thing to me.”

She swallowed hard and looked at me, nodding. “I know I did. All we did was hurt each other, Sawyer. We took cheap shots. I goaded you into beating people up. I messed with your head. You messed with mine.”

“Remember the night we went on a double date… well… you went out with that loser from the auto shop. What was his name? Wrenchy?”

“Ronnie,” Kate whispered.

“Yeah. I took out that stripper.”

“Snowflake?” Kate asked.

“Sarah,” I said with a grin. “We did everything to make each other jealous. Everything, darling. And then we ended up in the women’s bathroom, fucking each other senseless. Your hands clawing at my shirt as I pinned you against the stall. Unable to control ourselves.”

“I was there,” she said.

“And now I’m here.”

“And now you want to take me into a bathroom, Sawyer?”

“That’s one option,” I said.

Kate put a hand to my chest again and pushed. “Please. I don’t know who you think I am. I’m not that person anymore.”

“That’s okay. We have time, Kate.”

“Time for what?”

“To start over. To make everything right again. To figure out what the hell went wrong and never do that again.”

“Here’s a start. Don’t fucking leave.”

Her voice was stern yet broken.

Tears filled her eyes.

I hated when she cried.

“Darling, I’m not going to leave,” I said. “What happened before was wrong. I’ll take the brunt of that. Okay? But now…”

I realized what I was doing. The one thing I swore I’d never do or become.

Weak.

I swallowed the rest of the bullshit words and rubbed my jaw.

I looked down at Kate again.

Sometimes words mattered and sometimes words just got in the way.

I gently placed my hands to her hips and pushed her back until she hit the wall outside the apartment. Her hands reached up and touched my arms.

I saw the look on her face. Desperation. Fear. Exactly what I expected from her.

“Oh… shit…”

She whispered those two words as my lips closed in on hers.

I kissed her softly at first, savoring the taste of her lips. A familiar feeling and taste, my lips forever memorized her years ago. I pulled away for a second and kissed her again. And again. And again. Each time I kissed her, I breathed harder, kissed her harder, our mouths opening at the same time, our tongues tangling with all the words we could have said and should have said. My grip on her hips tightened as I pressed my body against hers. She dug her fingers into my arms, hesitating on whether to pull me closer or push me away for good.

My hands started to inch up, following the lines of her curves.

That’s when she made a fast move and grabbed my wrists.

She turned her head, groaning as she tried to catch her breath.

I didn’t stop though. My lips needed her. My tongue craved the taste of her skin. A lifelong addiction that had been quiet for years was now alive again.

I kissed her neck, the smoothness of her skin driving my hard body crazy.

“Sawyer… Saint… please…”

She was whispering with a moan that echoed in the hallway.

“Fuck,” I growled as I let my teeth scrape along her skin.

With my right hand I reached for the door and shoved it open. I pushed her with my left hand, putting her back in the doorway to her own apartment. I stepped toward her and had one foot in the apartment when she stopped me.

“Wait,” Kate said in a breathless voice. “Wait… please…”

I pulled back a little and gritted my teeth. “Kate. Whatever it is…”

“You don’t get it,” she whispered.

“What don’t I get?” I asked.

Instead of answering, she jumped at me to kiss me again.

Well… fuck…

I slipped my hands to the small of her back and stepped forward. I was inside her apartment now. Ready to scoop her up and find my way to her bedroom. Pick up where we left off, starting with the one thing we never fought about and the one thing that meant so much between us.

I felt Kate hesitating again, pushing at me.

The kiss broke with a loud sound.

I growled as she touched her lips.

“Sawyer… I’m…”

“Mommy?”

I heard the little voice and did a double take.

I stepped to the side and saw a young kid standing in the hallway next to the living room. He was rubbing his eyes, wearing dinosaur pajamas, holding a dinosaur toy.

When I looked at Kate again, a stray tear fell from her eye. “Sawyer…”

“You have a kid,” I said. “Holy shit, Kate. You have a kid.”

“I have to go,” she said. “You have to go.”

I stepped back as Kate shut the door and locked it.

I lifted my hand, ready to knock on the door. I wanted some damn answers about this. Before I could hit the door, I thought about the little kid’s face. Tired. Confused. Shuffling out of his room to see his mother with some guy.

“Shit,” I whispered.

Last thing I wanted to do was scare a little kid.

But something was obvious…

Me and Kate were far from being done hurting each other.