KATE

1.

It had been an exhausting day at the diner. And of course that was the night Jason decided to have double the normal energy. Dinner was a chore and a fight. Getting him a bath ended up with me getting more soaked than he was. Bedtime took two drawings, three stories, and didn’t finally end until I had to threaten to punish him. He told me I was mean to him and he pulled the covers over his head.

When I left the bedroom, I was tired and my heart was a little broken.

But that was being a parent, right? Not everything was like they showed in TV shows. There was no happy music playing in the background as everyone apologized and moved on. Some days and nights were just shit.

Except I now could make the night a little less shitty.

With one text message, as I bit my lip, knowing I was stepping even more off the edge with Sawyer.

The crazy part was that he showed up.

Twenty minutes later, he was at the door, holding a six pack of beer in his hand.

“You look like you need a drink,” he said.

“I need a hug,” I blurted out.

Sawyer came into the apartment, put the beer on the table, and grabbed me for a hug. I took a deep breath and melted into him. I could have fallen asleep right then and there, standing up.

“Rough day?” he asked.

“Yeah. Just long and annoying.”

“I know that feeling.”

“How hard could the tattoo life be?” I asked playfully as I looked up at him.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” he said. “But I did talk to Tate and thanked him for what he did for you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. And he and I are talking about expanding the business. He found some locations for me to check out. He’s going to set up some meetings with his lawyer and banker or whatever.”

“Wow,” I said. “So you two are…”

“We can talk without throwing punches,” Sawyer said.

“Baby steps.”

“More like crawling,” he said. “But I’ll take it for now.”

“That’s good to hear.”

Sawyer looked around and asked, “How’s Jason?”

“He was fired up tonight. He went to bed mad at me. I had to yell at him. I hate that feeling.”

“I’m sorry, darling. I’m sure he’s going to love you in the morning.”

“I know. Sometimes I just… it’s stupid.”

“What?”

“I feel like if I waste a good night with him… I’m letting him down. Or what happens if he remembers it and tells a judge and I lose him?”

“Oh, Kate,” Sawyer said.

He opened his mouth and I wasn’t in the mood to be told how to think or feel.

“I love you,” he whispered. “I love your heart. I love your thoughts. I love your mind. Everything about you. I’m sorry but I have to say it. The way you care is just… I don’t feel worthy to even be standing here with you.”

“I agree,” I said. “You’re not worthy. But you’re here. And you look sexy in that shirt. And I kind of like the scruff on your face. And there’s no way I’m drinking six beers alone on a weeknight.”

“So, I’m sexy and convenient.”

“Exactly.”

“I’ll take it. Baby steps.”

“More like crawling,” I said, teasing him.

I backed away but Sawyer slipped a hand to my back and pulled me close again.

And he kissed me. I wasn't exactly sure we were at the point where he could just randomly kiss me and it was okay, but I couldn’t stop him. That kiss was exactly what I needed. It pushed the entire day away and I felt a sense of peace run through me. Which was odd because the words peace and Sawyer did not go together at all.

When he broke the kiss, he let out a sigh. “You don’t get what that does to me.”

“I think I have an idea,” I whispered.

“How about a beer, darling?”

“Sure.”

The second we got into the living room, Sawyer sat on the couch and grabbed the sketchbook on the table. He flipped it right open and instantly smiled.

“You draw all of these?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Pretty good stuff. I mean, dinosaurs. Snakes. A scorpion. Is this…” He held the page out and nodded. “Is this a shark eating an anaconda?”

“Yeah,” I said. “It’s sort of a routine I have with Jason.”

“Oh?”

“I know it looks crazy, but he loves when I draw him pictures. He’ll describe it and I’ll draw it.”

“Really?”

“We draw and I read him a bedtime story.”

“You never fail to amaze me,” Sawyer said. “And you think you can’t tattoo people.”

“Don’t start with that again,” I said. “I already told you I’m not a charity.”

“So taking a job makes you a charity?”

I raised an eyebrow. I wasn’t in the mood for this.

“All I’m saying,” Sawyer continued, “is that the quality of this work is better than half the tattoo artists I’ve worked with. You’re working at that diner for what reason?”

“It’s a job I found. I got on my own. And I like working there.”

“Okay,” Sawyer said. “Subject dropped.” He closed the sketchbook. “Those drawings are amazing. Does Jason show any interest in it?”

“A little. But what four-year-old doesn’t?”

“I wouldn’t know. I have no experience with this situation.”

“Situation?” I asked. “You really need to work on your words, Sawyer.”

“You know what I mean.”

I smiled. “I know. I just like messing with you.”

I sat with my back to the arm of the couch and slowly put my legs across Sawyer’s legs as he sat upright. We both had a bottle of beer. The TV was turned way down. It was just us hanging out. It almost had the feel of how things were a long time ago. But that was deadly temptation because it wasn’t years ago. It was right now. A different time and we were two different people.

But one thing that didn’t change - I still loved him.

* * *

2.

Sawyer twisted the caps off our third beers each and handed me one. We tapped bottles together and he winked at me.

All these years later and that wink did something to my heart and body that was impossible to explain.

“Sawyer,” I said. “You were right.”

“Right about what?”

“What you said about before. What happened when you left. My part in that.”

“What?”

“What I did. I hurt you. I purposely hurt you. Things between us got out of control. I wanted to attack you and I knew how to do it. I knew that making you jealous would get your attention.”

“Oh, darling, don’t worry about that now,” he said. “I’m trying to sort through all that shit and let it go. Trying to be here in this moment, you know? I mean, Tate and I have to figure out how to survive together. There’s a lot of people that rely on the shop to stay open and stay busy. And then there’s you, Kate. I’m not going to step in and become some protector and provider. But I want to be here with you. For you. Next to you. I want all of you.”

I smiled. I sat up, my legs still across his. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his shoulder.

“What I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry,” I said. I put my chin on his shoulder. “Anyone I was near though back then, nothing happened. I mean… you know…”

“Darling, why are you telling me this?”

“I don’t know. I just feel like I should own up to my part in everything too. I loved you with all my heart. And I couldn’t save you. I couldn’t save myself. Then it all exploded. You were just gone. And it wasn’t just one day or two days. It was… forever.”

“It wasn’t forever,” Sawyer said.

“It felt like it. Then my sister called and said she was pregnant. That sort of took the edge away, if that makes sense. She was already six months pregnant when she told me. She hadn’t gone to any doctor’s appointments. No checkups. Nothing. She went by the fact that the baby kicked. I shifted mindsets and… I guess what I’m saying is that Jason sort of saved me in all of this. Tate was there. But Jason saved me.”

Sawyer nodded. “I hate that. I hate that you needed to be saved from me. I thought I was leaving to put everyone in a better situation. Stupidity.”

“Brains were never your strong suit, Sawyer.”

He looked at me and curled his lip. “Thanks for that.”

“But you’re really sexy and good in bed.”

He laughed. “Good in bed, huh? It’s been a long time, darling.”

“I know,” I whispered.

I swallowed hard and bit my bottom lip.

I could have totally blamed the beer. Two and a half beers… in a short period of time…

Screw it - I wanted and needed Sawyer right now.

* * *

3.

I pulled at his shirt and tried to kiss him. We were at an awkward angle so I ended up almost trying to make out with his cheek. Before I could totally embarrass myself, Sawyer took charge and pulled at my waist, sliding me on top of him.

I straddled him with a sigh and put my hands to the back of the couch. I looked down at him, his eyes burning and my body on fire. His hands slowly began to cut under my shirt, touching my bare skin. Those long fingers against my waist and curling around to the small of my back made me tingle. He pulled at me, driving my hips down, making sure I could feel him.

There was plenty to feel and it was getting more and more by the second.

I made an o shape with my lips and exhaled slowly.

It had been such a long time.

His hands moved around my body to the front. My back arched and I thrust my chest at him. My teeth chattered and I put my head back, shutting my eyes, telling myself it was fucking okay to lose myself in this moment. This wasn’t a forever moment. This was me getting something I desperately needed for myself. All my responsibilities were done for the day. I paid my bills. I put food on the table. I made sure everything that needed to be done was done.

Now I wanted something for me.

Sawyer’s hands eased up the front of my body and over my breasts. He used his fingertips to trace lines along the bottom of my bra and with a quick flick of his wrist, my bra popped open. I almost forgot how quick he could do that.

His hands came back around and touched my bare breasts. Sliding over my full chest, cupping under me, lifting just enough to bring me relief. My hands moved from the couch to his shoulders, squeezing first, but then clawing allowed his thumbs to move in unison, flicking across my nipples. I jumped and groaned, shivering, feeling them tighten as they stiffened.

I slid my fingers down the sleeves of his t-shirt until I felt the familiar muscle of his arms. I hurried to grab the bottom of my shirt and lift it up over my head. I tossed it over my shoulder as Sawyer moved just as fast to pull my bra down my arms, letting it fall right between us. I lowered my arms to my sides and sat there on him, topless, looking down at him as he looked up at me. Meeting my eyes.

A little smile crept across his face. I hated when he made that smile because it made me feel beautiful.

He touched my arms and ever-so-slightly slid his fingers up to my shoulders and to my neck. I put my head back again, offering him my chest again, wanting to feel his kisses all over me.

But Sawyer surprised me.

His hands took full control of my head as he forced me to look down at him again. He pulled at me, bringing me down to him, wanting to kiss me.

The moment our lips touched, I felt an explosion inside my body. And a bigger one between my legs. I caught myself thrusting against him, feeling his bulging thickness against me. Separated by layers of clothing yet it still made me shiver with a burning need, knowing damn well how beautifully thick it really was and how it felt as it swelled inside me.

Sawyer kissed me so slow, my lips started to quiver. He had never in my life kissed me like this before. Seconds burning between us but he didn’t give a shit. He just held me there, slowly, gently kissing me. Memorizing my lips and tongue with his tongue. Never allowing me to take control. If I tried to speed up he would masterfully swirl his tongue to keep control. It made me breathe heavily with frustration. It was a good frustration though.

He moved one hand to the back of my head and ripped out my hair tie. My hair fell forward, the way he always liked it. It was so much that it covered both of us. The sweet fruity smell of my cheap shampoo flooded us. Something about it though made this entire thing even hotter.

I slowed my attempt at speeding up the kiss just as Sawyer broke the kiss again. His hands slid down me and around to my back, pulling my chest toward him. My hands grabbed for my own legs as I felt his hot breath against my bare chest.

I groaned and shut my eyes.

His lips kissed just above my left breast. He slowly moved down, letting his lips flirt with my nipple. He kissed and moved to my other breast. His left hand came up and cupped my right breast as he opened his mouth and took it into his mouth. He sucked hard, his tongue suddenly darting in all directions against my nipple. The faster and harder he kissed my chest, the more I drove my hips against him. I could no longer hold back. And I wasn’t going to hold back. With his hands spread wide across my back, he fully had me, but I wanted more of him.

I brought my hands between us and inched up a little on my knees.

Sawyer broke his kiss to my chest and growled, going back for more. I forced my hand between his legs and squeezed, feeling the definition I craved for comfort and pleasure.

That’s when Sawyer pushed forward and stood up.

I gasped and wrapped my legs around him. He held me tight, putting me at eye level with him. There were a few silent seconds between us, knowing the dangerous road we were about to go down again.

This time I kissed him. And the only reason I broke the kiss was to tell him one thing. One word.

“Now…”