(The Past)

Cambridge, Massachusetts

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I DIDN’T HAVE A SMOOTH transition out of foster care, not that I was complaining. One moment I was sitting in the middle of the living room while my foster parents yelled at me about not doing my fair share, and the next I was on a plane to spend the remainder of my high school years with Jonathan.

He hugged me tightly when he saw me at the airport, apologized for “taking so long,” but I told him that was unnecessary. He’d kept his promise, and that was all that mattered.

Within weeks, he enrolled me in high school and helped me shop for all the things I needed for my new life in Cambridge. Done with Harvard, he was creating a new computer with his former professor, and Corey had moved in with him as well.

We didn’t talk as much as we once did, since he and my brother were always holed up in the living room—working all hours of the night, but I still considered him to be my friend.

“I need your help.” I paced his bedroom floor as he stared at his computer screen. “It’s an emergency.”

I waited for him to look up at me, but he never did. He continued staring at the codes on the screen, not paying me any attention.

“Corey,” I said, my voice firm. “I said it’s an emergency.”

“It better be.” He spun around in his chair and glared at me. “What is it?”

“I got invited to the senior prom. I’m probably one of the only sophomores that’ll be there.”

He gave me a blank stare.

“Senior prom. Me. This is serious.”

“Could you kindly pick up that dictionary to your right and look up the word, emergency?” He rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe you interrupted my coding session for that.”

“What if he expects a kiss from me at the end of the night?

Another blank stare. Then a long sigh.

“He probably will expect a kiss, Hales,” he said. “So, surprise. You’ll just kiss him.”

“I don’t know how.” The words rushed out of my mouth before I could think them through.

“What do you mean?” He crossed his arms.

“Kissing,” I said. “I’ve never kissed anyone, so I’ll probably make a fool out of myself.”

“Probably, but everyone has to learn some way or another.” He shrugged. “Is that all? Or do you need me to help you pick out a dress, too?”

“You know,” I said, shaking my head, “I’m well aware that you’re busy trying to hack systems and get into all types of super important stuff, but could you pretend to be my friend for like five minutes? I promise I’ll leave you alone after that and I won’t bother you for the rest of the month.”

“No, don’t.” He turned off his computer, and his expression shifted from annoyed to concerned. “You’re not bothering me. Congratulations on your first real date.”

“Thank you.” I stopped pacing the floor. “Do you think I’ll make a fool out of myself?”

“Not at all. Kissing is easy, and I’m sure he might be just as nervous as you.”

“How? He’s a senior.”

“He’s also on the chess team.” He smiled. “I doubt he has that much more experience than you.”

I tried not to laugh, but I couldn’t help it. “Okay, okay, fine. Maybe I’m blowing this out of proportion.”

“Just a bit.” He smiled again. “Did you tell Jonathan about the prom yet?”

I gave him a “You’ve got to be shitting me” look, and he laughed.

“Stupid question.” He held up his hands in a playful surrender. “You’ll be fine, though. Trust me.”

“Can you show me how?”

“What?”

“You heard me.” I looked right into his eyes. “Can you show me how to kiss?”

“Absolutely not. Jonathan would have me murdered.”

“Jonathan isn’t here right now.” I walked over to his door and locked it, watching his eyes widen as I stepped closer to him. “You said I could always ask you for anything, no matter what. You promised.”

“I should’ve added fine print.” He stood up from his chair and started to walk away from me, but then he sighed. “Okay, fine, but this never happened. Are we clear?”

I nodded.

He remained silent for a little while longer, and then he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

“The first thing you’re supposed to do is shut your eyes.”

“If I shut my eyes, you’ll leave the room.”

“I honestly wish I’d thought of that first.” He smiled. “I won’t, though. Close your eyes, Hales.”

I squinted, not trusting him.

“All the way,” he said, waiting for me to oblige.

“Okay.” He placed his hands on my waist and pressed his forehead against mine. “He’ll probably pull you close like this. And then he’ll try to position your head, so it lines up with his.”

I felt him tilting my chin up with his fingertips.

“Then he’ll press his lips against yours, and depending on how good of a kisser he is...” His voice trailed off and the next thing I knew, his mouth was pressed against mine, and he was kissing me.

And I didn’t want him to stop.

He tightened his grip on my waist and slid his tongue against mine, silently directing me to follow his lead. I wasn’t sure why my heart was racing uncontrollably, but I kept my eyes shut as he kissed me even harder.

Just when I thought I was getting the hang of it, there was a knock at the door.

“Corey? Hayley?” It was Jonathan.

We immediately tore away from each other.

“Yeah?” Corey walked over to the door and opened it. “What’s up?”

“The door was locked,” Jonathan said, holding up a fork. “I ordered Chinese. Want any?”

“Be right there.”

“Hayley?” Jonathan looked over at me. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” I smiled, immediately changing the subject. “Did you get Chinese for me, too?”

“You don’t like Chinese, so I got you a salad.” He smiled back. “Are you sure you’re okay? Your cheeks are red as hell.”

“I’m more than okay. I promise.”

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A FEW WEEKS LATER, I stood on my doorstep and kissed Bryan Landon, wishing like hell we’d just ended this night after the dance. It was the rotten cherry on top of a sour night, and the last thing I wanted to do was kiss him, but I stood there under the moonlight, keeping my eyes shut as his mouth moved lazily over mine.

“Are you going to invite me inside?” he whispered.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“This is my brother’s place...” And you’ve been an asshole to me tonight.

“So?” He smiled. “We can be quiet.”

“I don’t think so.” I forced a smile. “Thank you for a good night. I had a good time.”

“Well, how about we make it a great night, and you come back to my place?”

I tried not to roll my eyes. “No, that’s okay.”

“Ugh. Really?” He stepped back. “What a waste of time. I should’ve known better than to take a sophomore to prom.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I expected something in return for allowing you to go the prom before your time.” He had the audacity to look like he was hurt. “You should at least suck my cock to show you’re grateful.”

I didn’t bother responding to that. I walked into the house and slammed the door, heading straight to my suite, halfway hoping Jonathan had broken his promise not to wait up for me.

He didn’t.

He never knocked on my door.

I collapsed onto my bed, still in my bright purple dress, wiping away tears every few seconds.

I should’ve known. Why didn’t I see this before?

Rolling over on my side, I pulled out my phone and noticed Bryan had sent me two texts.

Bryan: Was that a no to showing me you’re grateful?

Bryan: How much longer do I need to sit in the limo and wait for you?

I sighed and started to type a response, but a text from Corey appeared on my screen.

Corey: How was your date?

I saved my “You’re such an asshole” text to Bryan as a draft and texted Corey instead.

Me: Awful.

Corey: I don’t believe that. Tell me the truth.

Me: It. Was. Awful. (That’s the honest truth.)

Corey: What went wrong?

Me: Everything...Too much to text.

Corey: Then open your door.

I stared at the words on my screen for a few seconds before letting them register in my mind. Then I slid out of bed and looked at myself in the mirror before cracking open the door.

Corey was standing in the hallway with a cupcake in his hand, holding it out for me. “Jonathan told me to wait up for you since you made him promise not to. He’s downtown waiting for me to tell him you made it home okay.”

“You can tell him I’m okay.” I opened the door, and he came in, taking a seat at my desk.

He took out his phone and sent Jonathan a short text. Then he looked up at me. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No...” I wiped a few stray tears away as I climbed into bed again. “Not really.”

“Okay. We won’t talk about it.”

He started to ask me about other things, and before I knew it I was laughing, and he ended up in bed next to me. I thought he was going to kiss me again, but he pulled the covers over me and told me goodnight.

Still, his kiss from weeks before had already stamped itself into my memories for years to come. I'd promised myself I would hold him a little tighter, kiss his lips a little harder, if he ever wanted to kiss me again, but he never let himself get that close to me after that.