Haven
When I opened my eyes to the sunlight, the first thing I thought was that I’d broken my promise to Jake. I had begged him to stop—I had begged him never to stop. I had implored him to go harder, faster, deeper. I felt the consequence of every plea across my body as my tight muscles stopped me from sitting up. I felt shadows of him across my skin—bite marks, fingertip bruises, his scent.
“Morning,” Jake said.
“Hey,” I replied.
“We slept, finally. I didn’t think I’d ever want to.” His words floated over me like feathers. I’d never felt physically needed by someone before. It was grounding, compelling.
“You passed out on top of me, mid thrust,” I said smiling up at him.
“I did not. You fell asleep when I was in the bathroom for like a minute and a half.”
I grinned at him. It sounded about right.
“We should go if we’re going to get you home for your family thing.”
I wanted Ash and Luke to meet Jake properly, but I also wanted to stay. To watch him, still sleepy and caught in the sunlight pushing in through the slits in the curtains. I reached for my phone. It was gone ten. I’d hoped that we’d see a bit more of the city today. I wanted to pretend that we were still in Paris the first time; that I hadn’t wasted the time since filming. That I hadn’t pushed him away.
“We can come back anytime,” he said, reading my thoughts.
“Promise?”
“Of course. Wanna come to Palo Alto with me?”
I scowled at him as I sat up. “I have work. I have to sort out this shit with this article. I hope Louis doesn’t make it difficult.”
Punctuated by long and short kisses, we showered and dressed so we could be back in London in time for Sunday dinner. Before we left, I pulled out my phone. “I should ring Ash to tell her I’ll be a bit late,” I said. “Normally I’d go round soon after lunch to help her.”
He nodded. “I’ll call Beth. Shit! Those real estate viewings.”
“You still want to come to dinner? I mean, it’s nothing fancy. It’s just the three of us.”
“I want to come, Haven. Never doubt me.”
I reached to stroke his beautiful face. “You don’t think this is some kind of spell that is cast on us in Paris?” I asked.
Jake looked at me. “What are you talking about?”
“Oh, you know, we’ll get back to London and this,” I said, swirling my fingers at us, “Will just . . . you know . . . disappear.”
“You’re crazy. I’m not disappearing and you’re not going anywhere. I’ve told you this.”
I nodded, but something gnawed away in the pit of my stomach. I’d had the same feeling the last time we took this train back to London. There was a reason I wasn’t close to many people.
We arrived at Ash’s flat a little before three so there would still be time before Luke got there.
“Are you ready?” I asked Jake as my finger hovered over the intercom.
“Ready for what? You’re not planning to serve me for dinner, are you?” He reached across and pressed the buzzer, then landed a kiss on the top of my head.
A second later, Ash threw the door open and grinned the widest grin I’d ever seen.
“Knock it off, Ash,” I said as I pushed past her into the hallway. “You’ve met, I believe.”
“We have. I’m delighted to see you, together,” she said and I rolled my eyes.
“Nice to see you again, Ash,” Jake said from behind me.
I headed straight to the fridge to find something to take the edge off. I was either going to be teased mercilessly, or everything was going to be awkward. I wasn’t sure which was more nerve wracking—that he would fit into our little group or that he wouldn’t.
“You’re sure Emma’s not coming?” Ash asked me.
“I’m sure. Otherwise we’d be doing this at my house.”
“Who’s Emma?” Jake asked.
“Luke’s girlfriend,” I said. “We don’t have Sunday dinner at Ash’s if Emma is joining us.”
The door buzzer went again and Ash headed off to answer it.
“You want some wine?” I asked him.
“Not as much as you do, apparently, but I’ll have a glass,” he responded. It was nice having him standing in Ash’s kitchen as though it was the most normal thing in the world. Good, but weird.
“Hey Luke,” Jake said, extending his hand as Luke and Ash piled into the kitchen.
Luke took Jake’s hand, but wasn’t overly friendly. I watched as the cold rolled off Luke. It wasn’t like him. He was everyone’s friend. But he was worried for me. He didn’t need to be. Jake was a protector, just as Luke was. “I’m glad we’re meeting under better circumstances this time,” Jake said.
Luke nodded stiffly and pushed his hands through his hair as Ash punched him on the arm.
“Come on, cheer up, you misery. Your little sister’s getting laid, you should be delighted!” Ash said.
A mixture of “Jesus”, “fucking hell” and “Ash” filled the room, but Ash just grinned.
“You see, the ice is officially broken,” she said. “We are an equal-opportunity employer here, Jake, so don’t think you’re going to be able to watch sports while we cook. Strap on an apron and get chopping.”
I hopped up on a stool and fiddled with my wine glass while Jake tied an apron around his waist. I knew better than to start anything without express and detailed instructions from Ash.
“I’m going to do everything I can to make your sister happy,” Jake told Luke. “I don’t think she’ll ever find anyone to deserve her, but I’m going to do my best to be that man.” My heart swelled. I sounded so precious when he spoke about me like that.
Luke nodded. “And if you don’t, I’ll kill you.”
“Sounds fair,” Jake said, nodding as Luke smiled.
“So, what car do you drive?” Luke asked Jake. Before he had a chance to answer, Ash interrupted.
“What car do you drive? I’m not going to marry you if you keep this up, dork face. You must have better small talk than that,” said Ash.
“I like them, and I like you with them,” Jake said as we climbed into a cab after leaving Ash’s. “Can we go to Little Venice and then Earls Court?” he said to the driver. Jake’s easy confidence meant he fit fine into our group and I wasn’t as freaked out by that as I’d expected.
“You can stay at mine if you want,” I said.
He pulled me onto his lap and kissed my neck, driving me crazy. My skin heated as soon as he touched me, as if it was waiting for him to come alive. “I want to. I really, really want to. It’s driven me insane not being able to touch you for the past few hours.”
“I sense a but.” I pushed my hands through his hair as he continued his exploration of my neck.
“I should get home to Beth. She’s . . . it’s—”
“You don’t need to explain. It’s fine.”
“I’m going to have to work a few things out,” he said. I hoped that the spell of Paris was not beginning to weaken. “I need you to trust me. I’m away next week and she needs me at the moment.”
Jake followed me out of the cab when it pulled up outside my building, and for a moment, I thought he’d changed his mind.
He took my face in his hands and brushed his lips against me—brushing then pressing, pressing then pushing my lips open, his tongue crashing against mine. He kissed me as though it was our last moment together. I groaned into his mouth and he pulled away.
“Those sounds you make drive me crazy,” he said, our foreheads resting together. “If we don’t stop now, I’ll never leave.”
Stay, I thought, but I didn’t say anything. Stay or the spell will be broken.
“Can I see you tomorrow? I fly out on Tuesday morning. We could go out to dinner. Or stay in?” he suggested.
I didn’t want him to feel obligated. “I understand if you need to prep or—”
“Haven, I want to spend the evening with you. You need to stop doubting.”
He’d pinpointed exactly what I was thinking. “I told you I was terrible at relationships.” My heartbeat began to quicken.
“I’m going to stay. Let me speak to Beth,” he said as he reached into his pocket.
“No!” I put my hand on his. “You can’t. That will make it worse. I’ll feel selfish and high maintenance and I am those things, but I don’t need to be reminded of it.”
“You’re not running from me, Haven, and I won’t have you push me away. You have to talk to me and tell me what you need.”
I nodded.
“You’re my girl and we just need to figure this out. We’ll get there.”
He walked me up the steps to my building and closed the door behind me. I watched through the glass as he climbed back into the cab.
I exhaled. Maybe he was right.