Once again, Sidewinder was sitting around a table in a bar, but this time they were enjoying rounds of anything but alcohol. Zane was relieved. He’d been holding steady with tea. Coffee. Water. Soda. Some of the best onion rings he’d ever eaten. But being around a bunch of men drinking each night had sorely tested him, and he was happy to see an array of waters and sodas at the table tonight.
They had two more envelopes to open. It had been a harrowing week, and Zane couldn’t decide if he loved Elias Sanchez or hated the bastard. Only a man who knew he’d be dead when all this was going on would make the demands he’d made. They’d covered so many miles and had so many heart-to-hearts. Zane was exhausted, he couldn’t imagine how the others felt.
Ty held the second to last envelope up, offering to let anyone else open it. When no one asked for it, Ty slid his fingers under the seal and ripped it open. He cleared his throat before beginning to read.
“The team has always been something we all held sacred,” he read, Eli’s words filtering to them from the past. “Almost to a fault, we’ve been honest with each other, brutally and maliciously sometimes. But whenever I told Doc he was a fucking slob and to make his bed, it was out of love.”
Ty smiled sadly and cocked his head. At the other end of the table, Kelly lowered his head, sniffing. Nick slid a hand across the table, grasping Kelly’s fingers.
“We did something else out of love, something we had to back then. But now, so many years later, it’s time to . . . it’s time to let go, boys.” Ty’s words hitched and he had to pause, rubbing a finger over his lips.
“Want me to read it?” Zane offered quietly.
Ty’s eyes were welling, and he nodded and handed the letter over, looked away and ran his hand through his hair.
“Anyone object?” Zane asked the others as he held the paper up almost reverently. He hadn’t realized it before, but the letters were handwritten, Eli’s sweeping words coming to life in all their glory, with some crossed out and some misspelled and others squeezed onto the ends of the line to make them fit. Zane smiled fondly. He hadn’t known Eli, but after this trip, he felt like he did. The others all gave him the go-ahead to read the letter for them, and he scanned to find where Ty had left off.
“But now, so many years later, it’s time to let go, boys,” he read, glancing up at the others. “We all kept secrets, things close to our hearts that we couldn’t tell each other for so many reasons. Secrets that hurt us to keep. Secrets that kept us up at night. It’s time to take that weight off our shoulders, and share something with each other that we’ve kept to ourselves all these years. So your penultimate task is to tell the others something they’ve never known about you. I’ll go first.”
Zane paused and looked at each man in turn. They were all trying to be stoic, lips pressed tightly, eyes either glistening or closed. Nick and Kelly clutched each other’s hands, their heads bowed like they were praying.
“Y’all want me to keep going?” Zane asked.
Owen and Digger both nodded. Ty had given up on being stoic, and his eyes were welling. He swiped at one and smiled at Zane. “Go for it.”
Zane found his place again, almost as nervous as he imagined Eli had been when he’d penned this letter. He cleared his throat. “From the day I met Ty and Nick, I kept something from them. And the rest of you, when I met you. So many times I almost confessed this. When we’d go out drinking and Digger would get sad about his lost love from high school, I wanted to share it with him. When Rico and I were on patrol in the middle of the night and he talked about his dad, I wanted to confess this. You see, I told myself it wasn’t really my secret to share. But it was. I was just scared. A coward. And now, since you’re all reading this and I’m dead and buried, I know I died a coward. It will forever be my biggest failure and shame.”
From the opposite end of the table, Zane caught movement. He looked up to find that Nick had covered his face with both hands. Ty had his hand on Nick’s shoulder.
Zane pushed on, trying not to draw out the pain. “I had a son.”
There were gasps and murmurs from the others, but Zane kept reading.
“I had a son with a girl I knew in San Diego when I was stationed there. We were both still teenagers, and I didn’t know about it until I’d been given new orders and moved away. When I tried to make it right, she told me he was better off not knowing who I was, what I was, that he was better off where she had family, and it wouldn’t be fair to me or her to get married when we didn’t love each other. And I let her think I agreed, that I thought my son was better off without me in his life. I was scared and relieved not to have that responsibility. I took the out she gave me and I ran from that baby boy. And I’ve regretted it ever since. I have a son out there, and I never met him. I hope one day, you boys can find him. And maybe you can tell him how sorry I am that his daddy was afraid.”
Zane pressed his lips together, looking over the top of the letter. The Sidewinders weren’t handling this well. Zane felt how shaken they must be. It was obviously a Sidewinder trait to be hard on themselves when they judged internally, because Eli’s letter wasn’t the first time Zane had heard one of them call himself a coward. “He’s wrong, you guys know that, right?”
Ty wiped his face with his sleeve, nodding. He’d snaked his arm around Nick’s shoulders and pulled him closer on the bench they shared. Nick was still hiding his face behind his hands, leaning against Ty like he was used to being cuddled when he was upset. Digger and Kelly were both staring at the tabletop, tears tracking silently down their faces.
“Does he leave any information about this kid?” Owen asked shakily. “His name, what year he was born so we can find him?”
Zane nodded, rubbing his thumb over the scrawled words in the bottom corner of the letter. “It’s here, yeah.”
Owen nodded. Whatever happened from here on out, Zane knew without a doubt that Owen was going to find Elias Sanchez’s son. He held his hand out for the letter, and Zane gave it to him with a nod.
Owen cleared his throat, scanning the paper before reading off the last lines with a tremor in his voice that seemed to give it so much more poignancy than Zane’s reading ever could have managed. “Now that I’ve confessed,” he said softly. “It’s time for each of you to let the rest of us help you carry that weight. We’re your brothers. And no matter what’s said tonight, we will always love you.”
Owen put the paper down and lowered his head, ending the last word on a sob. He took a moment to compose himself, then looked around the table at all of them. He took a deep, shuddering breath before speaking again. “I never should have left that night in the bar, when you came out to us,” he told Ty. “I never should have walked away. What I did . . . I’m so sorry, Six.”
Ty nodded, attempting to speak but unable to. He closed his eyes to try again. Owen got up and rounded the table behind Zane, sliding onto the bench next to Ty.
Ty raised his arm and pulled Owen into the huddle he was still sharing with Nick, then he sniffed and glanced at the others. “Well you all know what my secrets were. I should have trusted you with them earlier.” He met Zane’s eyes. “You too, Lone Star. So much earlier.”
“What’s past is past, right?” Zane tried.
Ty shook his head. “Past is past, but it can still hurt like an open wound. I never understood that before you. I . . .”
Zane realized he was fighting tightness in his throat, influenced by all the waterworks going around the table from normally unflappable men. He swallowed hard and nodded, hoping to keep his composure until the end of the session.
Digger reached for Owen’s glass of water and downed it, setting it down with a clank. “I can’t think of any secrets,” he admitted, sounding forlorn over the news. He lowered his head, twisting his fingers together like he was ashamed of not having a deep dark secret to share like the others did.
Kelly placed a hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently. “You like fire, bud. You just can’t hide it anymore,” he suggested, a gentle smile accompanying the tease. He and Digger chuckled, and Digger was nodding, a gleam in his eyes that was quite frankly terrifying.
“Wait,” Digger said suddenly, the gleam morphing into a light of understanding as he glanced around at everyone. “No, wait, I got something.”
Kelly leaned back, his hand still on Digger’s shoulder and his head cocked, probably so he could see Digger’s face better.
“I guess it ain’t really a secret ’cause I wasn’t keeping it on purpose. But still . . .” He frowned briefly, his focus on the tabletop now. He seemed more confused than nervous. “I don’t really like sex.”
Ty and Nick both tilted their heads in a perfectly timed motion that almost made Zane laugh. Digger glanced around, and for the first time in Zane’s memory, he seemed self-conscious.
“Are you asexual?” Kelly asked carefully.
“That mean I don’t really like having sex?” Digger asked, and Kelly shrugged and nodded. “Then I guess so.”
“But . . . all those women?” Owen said.
“Seemed like what I was supposed to do,” Digger answered, pursing his lips and then chewing on the inside of his cheek. “Sometimes I’d go home with a girl, and we’d watch a movie. Or play card games. I never really enjoyed it, thought there was something wrong with me.” He glanced at Kelly with a weak smile. “Never knew there was a word for it.”
Kelly scooted closer and hugged Digger, patting his back and murmuring to him under his breath. Zane could see the relief in Digger’s body language, and he understood. All those years of wondering if he was broken, faking it because he thought that was what he should be doing. Zane suddenly wished he’d spent more time trying to get to know Digger, rather than writing him off as batshit crazy. He’d work harder at it from now on, and that went for every member of Sidewinder.
Kelly finally kissed Digger’s forehead and squeezed him one more time, then he straightened and took a deep breath, wincing as looked at Nick. “Whenever we went out, when we were all rooming together, and I saw Ty picking up a girl? I’d wingman Eli so he’d hook up with someone and kick me out of my room, and then cockblock Nick so he’d end up alone that night and either have to share the couch with me, or offer to let me bunk with him.”
Nick finally looked up over his fingers, still covering the lower part of his face with his hands. He stared at Kelly for a long time before he began to laugh. The chuckles infected the others, and Zane grinned across the table.
“How did you two not fuck ten years before?” he finally asked them.
Kelly shook his head. “I just didn’t understand what I was feeling. I knew it felt right being with him, but I didn’t really register the difference between friendship that was comfortable and right, and something more.” He bit his lip, pushing a coaster across the table and giving Nick a sideways glance. Nick smiled gently at him, and Kelly returned it.
“It wasn’t until Ty and Nick both started talking about being bi that I started thinking that there were different . . . I don’t know. I started self-analyzing a little. And after you all were sent back, after I asked Nick to kiss me that first time and realized it felt right, I started looking around for some answers, trying to understand. There’s a term called demisexual that . . . it means you’re only sexually attracted to someone you have a deep emotional connection with, and I think maybe that sounds a little like me. I mean, it doesn’t fit entirely, but it’s a start. And I think maybe that’s one of the reasons I sucked at being married.” He stopped and blinked hard at Nick, a blush coming over him as the silence caught up to him. His thumb was pushing furiously at the ring on his finger, spinning it around and around. “Married to the wrong person, anyway.”
Zane wasn’t the only one who noticed Kelly fiddling with that claddagh ring on his finger. “Are you two engaged?” Ty blurted.
Kelly didn’t take his eyes off Nick, but he was grinning when he ran his teeth over his bottom lip and nodded.
Zane found himself grinning widely as the others all reacted. Ty tightened his grip around Owen’s and Nick’s necks, pulling them both closer to him to hug them. Possibly against their will, considering the way they both struggled for air. And Digger got a hold of Kelly’s shoulders and shook him happily.
“Why the hell didn’t you say so earlier?” Owen asked once he freed himself of Ty’s grasp.
“We didn’t want to overshadow Eli’s finale with anything,” Kelly answered, practically beaming. “We were going to tell you guys after the last letter.”
“Congratulations,” Zane told them both, looking from Kelly’s smiling face to Nick. Nick’s smile was melancholy at best, though, and he was still looking devotedly at the table. Kelly leaned closer to him, whispering in his ear and then kissing his forehead before relaxing back in his chair.
The group grew silent, and Zane could feel the awkwardness settling in. He wasn’t sure if it was coming from the public display of affection that was still sort of new to Sidewinder, or from the silent wait for the last secret.
Nick sat up straighter, shaking off Ty’s arm around his shoulders and putting both hands on the table. He seemed to be bracing himself, and his nerves made even Zane edgy. He glanced around the table, looking unsteady and sort of ill. “I have . . . a couple things I kept from everyone. You all know the one, now. But . . .” His eyes went distant, and he lowered his head again, speaking quietly. “The other is not completely mine to tell.”
“You don’t have to tell us, Irish,” Ty whispered. “You’ve been through enough this year.”
Nick shook his head and looked up at Kelly, licking his lips. “I need to. I’m sorry. I can’t . . .” He lowered his head again, closing his eyes.
Kelly moved, sliding his chair closer to Nick’s so he could put his hand on Nick’s back. “Let us help.”
Nick turned a little in his chair, facing Kelly. They stared at each other, silent, still, neither man even appearing to breathe. Zane tore his eyes away from them to meet Ty’s. He was scowling, giving Zane a concerned glance before he returned his attention to Nick, sitting alone in a sea of turmoil like the craggy seashore Zane associated with him, like an embattled lighthouse in a hurricane. Zane got the impression that whatever this secret was, it wouldn’t end in a hug or a laugh like the others.
Nick picked up a stirring stick from the table, and he seemed to be unconsciously fiddling with it as he glanced around at the others. Then he looked back at Kelly, and the fear in Nick’s expression damn near broke Zane’s heart. After all Nick and Kelly had been through, did Nick really think anything he could say to Kelly would make the man think less of him?
“Should we leave?” Zane whispered.
No one answered him, so he stayed put.
“Okay,” Nick finally said with a nod. Zane had no idea what he’d seen in Kelly’s eyes as he’d searched for an answer. He had no idea what was going on.
Nick turned to square up to the table again, straightening his spine, taking a deep breath. “You all know about my dad,” he said in a rush that made it seem like he was relieved to be speaking. “How he knocked me around. What he did.”
Owen and Digger shared an uneasy, confused glance. Kelly and Ty were both still watching Nick avidly, waiting for him to continue.
Nick had his fingers clasped together, eyes down. “I found out when I was a teenager that he wasn’t my biological father.”
No one at the table moved. Ty and Kelly were still staring at Nick, like they were overcompensating and trying desperately not to react. Owen finally eased back on the bench and slumped against the wall, huffing.
“But,” Zane found himself saying. “You donated a piece of your liver to him.”
Nick nodded, pursing his lips and narrowing his eyes. “I’m a universal donor. I wasn’t an exact match, but my height and weight and blood type, they said I was close enough to be viable.” His voice was so low and cold when he answered that it gave even Zane the shivers. “Turns out they were wrong.”
“So . . . did he know?” Kelly asked. “That you weren’t . . .”
“I can only assume,” Nick answered as he reached for Ty’s water and took a gulp of it.
“That rat bastard,” Ty muttered, and he stood up and took a step away. He put a hand on Nick’s shoulder, squeezing it as he stood behind him, obviously trying to get control of his temper. “I’m fucking glad he’s dead, fuck him.”
“Ty,” Zane said in shock.
Ty shrugged as he met Zane’s eyes. Nick didn’t seem to mind Ty’s anger. In fact, Zane thought he saw a smile flit over Nick’s lips as Ty squeezed his shoulder tighter.
“So . . . I’m confused,” Kelly said. “Why were you so afraid to tell us this?”
Nick shook his head, running his hand over his face. His shoved his hand into his hair, his fingers tangling in his curls as he closed his eyes. He wouldn’t look at any of them as he spoke. “You remember Paddy Whelan?”
Kelly’s brow knitted further. “Guy we met with last summer?”
“Paddy Whelan?” Owen blurted.
Nick nodded silently.
Ty was frowning so hard he struck Zane as a confused puppy trying to follow a laser pointer light. “Who’s Paddy Whelan? Why does that name sound familiar?”
“The Boston mob boss?” Owen cried, and the others shushed him before his voice could carry. No one in the restaurant was paying them any attention, though.
Nick brought up his other hand, covering his face with both palms.
“This guy your real dad, Irish?” Digger asked quietly.
Nick raised his head, sighing as he tried to smile at Digger. “Yeah. Yeah he is.”
“The . . . the mob boss?” Ty stuttered.
Nick straightened again, putting both hands on his knees as he looked up at the ceiling.
Ty had a hand on the top of his head, staring at Zane. “I finally get it,” he whispered.
“What?” Owen asked him.
“Irish was always talking about evil running in his family, and I never fucking understood until just now.”
Nick cleared his throat, nodding.
“When did you figure this out?” Kelly asked Nick, voice still gentle even though Zane could tell he was distraught.
“When I was sixteen. He took me in like I was his own. It’s because I was. Took me a few months to get up the nerve to ask him, but when I did he told me the truth. Said I deserved to know why my dad hated me.”
Kelly scowled and looked down at the ring he was wearing on his left hand.
“You said he gave this ring to you when you were sixteen. You wore it every day of your life; I’ve only seen you take this thing off a couple times.”
Nick was watching him, eyes darting to the ring and then back to Kelly’s face. “Yeah. It was . . . it was a family heirloom. Only thing I have of it, I don’t even have his name.”
Kelly nodded, frowning harder.
Zane pushed his chair back and stood, drawing everyone’s attention. He shrugged unapologetically. “I can’t hear,” he said as he edged around the table and plopped himself in Ty’s vacated seat between Owen and Nick.
“Okay,” Owen grunted, and he slapped his hand against the table. “This is a surprise. But it’s not awful. Hell, I’d rather Paddy Whelan be your real father than the asshole you grew up with, dude. At least Whelan cared enough about you to do something for you.”
Nick snorted, and he almost smiled. But he still looked sick and worried, and Zane knew they’d only heard half of the story.
“Irish?” Ty asked softly, and he sat on the end of the bench seat, his back pressed to Zane’s side. “What does he have you doing for him?”
“Nothing,” Nick answered immediately. “Nothing . . . active.”
Zane felt Ty tense against him.
“That’s . . .” Ty wasn’t able to finish whatever he’d been trying to say. He just nodded like he understood, lowering his head to scowl at his hands.
“Are you saying you’re on the payroll of the Irish mob in Boston?” Zane asked, trying to keep his voice as even as possible.
“Yeah,” Nick whispered.
“When did this start?” Ty asked quietly.
“As soon as I got home to Boston. After I left you and Eli on your way to Quantico,” Nick said. He winced away from them, turning his gaze to Kelly instead. Kelly hadn’t taken his eyes off Nick, though, and they sat staring at each other for a few long moments.
“You’ve been getting paid under the table by an Irish mob family in Boston for the last ten years,” Kelly said.
Nick gave a sharp nod.
“Your Irish mob family,” Kelly clarified, speaking slowly like he was dazed by the words.
Nick either wasn’t willing or wasn’t able to answer. His lips were parted like he wanted to, but the words seemed to have struck him dumb.
“You’re the only living son of a Boston mob boss,” Kelly said. He lowered his head, and he nodded as if he was talking to himself internally. “Okay. Well, that won’t get you killed, will it?” he asked softly, then he stood before Nick could respond and walked away.
Nick sat in the dark, coat wrapped around him to ward off the chill, staring sightlessly off into the lights of the city. He’d come to the roof of the hotel partly because the sea was calling to him and he was tired of being cooped up inside, but also because he didn’t feel like getting a pep talk from Ty, and only the direst of pep talks could lure Ty onto the roof of a high-rise.
He just needed the silence. The peace that would come from the distant sounds of the city below.
He tore his eyes away from the sky, where he’d been seeking the stars, when he heard faint footfalls behind him. He knew without turning around that it was Kelly, and just the thought of the man made his chest ache and his heart pound a little faster.
How the hell could he love someone so much, and yet still keep fucking up like this?
Kelly didn’t say a word as he shuffled up to the roof’s edge and sank down beside Nick. He settled on the cold concrete, then scooted closer, pressing his shoulder to Nick’s. A moment later he wrapped a blanket around both of them, and Nick shivered violently. He hadn’t realized how cold he’d been until the warmth surrounded him.
“You been up here a long time,” Kelly said, keeping his voice neutral.
“I’m . . . I needed time to . . .”
“You’re scared to come inside because then you’ll have to look me in the eye,” Kelly stated. “And you’re afraid of what you’ll see. Right?”
Nick jerked and glanced at him, but Kelly was gazing out into the sea of humanity, his expression serene, his body relaxed. He slowly turned his head to meet Nick’s eyes, and his fingers snaked over Nick’s thigh to take hold of Nick’s hand. He squeezed it, pulling it out of Nick’s lap and into his, his thumb running over Nick’s knuckles.
Nick couldn’t catch his breath as he stared into Kelly’s eyes, no matter how many shuddering gasps he attempted.
“You walked away,” Nick found himself saying. “I didn’t think you’d want to talk.”
Kelly lowered his head. “I know. I’m not going to say I’m sorry, because I’m not.”
Nick winced and had to tear his eyes away from Kelly, concentrating on the moonlight instead. He swallowed hard, wondering if he had the strength to weather yet another storm the size of this heartache. He didn’t think he could.
Kelly sighed loudly. “I’ve found out that my temper sometimes gets away from me. Especially when it’s you. When it’s us.” He stopped, and Nick had to glance at him again to see what the heavy silence contained. Kelly was looking at him again, his brow furrowed, his mouth turned down in frustration. “We don’t fight much. We don’t even disagree much. But the few times we have and I’ve gotten angry, I do and say things I regret. I hit you when you came clean last time.”
Nick had to swallow again to fight the tightness in his throat. He merely nodded, staring into Kelly’s eyes.
Kelly leaned closer to him, his expression still grim. “That’s the kind of thing I can’t take back. It’s the kind of thing you remember, even if it’s not . . . I know our friendship was a physical one, and we both threw a few punches over the years. But it’s different now. And I don’t want to ever do that to you again.”
“Kels—”
“Don’t,” Kelly grunted. “Don’t tell me you don’t care, because even if you don’t, you should. We both know my temper. We both know I act first and think later. And because it’s the way we’ve always communicated, it’s the way I go first. And it’s bad. And I’m breaking myself of it. But that means I need to walk away sometimes before I say or . . . do something I’ll regret.”
Nick scowled. It sounded like Kelly had been thinking about this for a long time, that he’d been working through it on his own without mentioning it. That was such a foreign concept to Nick that he wasn’t even sure he could name another internal conflict of Kelly’s that he hadn’t been privy to from beginning to end.
“So,” Kelly said, and he rested his elbow against Nick’s hip, looking back out over the city. “What now?”
“Kelly . . .”
“I get why you kept it from us. From me. You’re the fucking long-lost prince of a Boston mob family. That’s something that literally could get you killed if the wrong person found out. I know you hate secrets and you think keeping them is some horrible sin, but . . . some secrets are kept for a reason. I sure as hell chalk this one up to that category.”
“And being on his payroll? That doesn’t bother you?”
Kelly shrugged. “Honestly? No. That’s your biological dad taking care of his son. Hell, makes me like the man a little more. And fuck it, you know what? If you want to go work for him and then take over the family business? I’m in. Just take me with you so I can watch your back.”
“Jesus, Kels.”
“What?” Kelly snapped. “I do not care. You’re a hell of a better person than I am for actually giving a damn, because if it makes me happy and it only hurts the people who deserve it? I’m in. Paddy Whelan wants you to take over for him and we have to run the underbelly of Boston together? I’m in. Fuck it. Maybe we could even do some good in Boston. Can you imagine the kind of impact a man like you, with morals, could have in that position? I’m in. I am one thousand percent in. I’m tired of you torturing yourself trying to live up to this standard of human that just does not fucking exist.”
“Trying to not become a mob boss is a pretty low standard, all things considered.”
“Fuck you, dude, you know what I’m trying to say.”
Nick huffed. He took in a deep breath and shook his head. “Okay. Will you answer me honestly if I ask you a hard question?”
When he glanced at Kelly, he got a nod in answer. He turned a little more, his grip on Kelly’s hand tightening.
“Since that first kiss, have you spent more time being happy? Or more time being sad, angry, and worried?”
Kelly ran his teeth over his bottom lip, his fingers fidgeting with Nick’s as his eyes searched Nick’s face. When he spoke, the sadness in his voice made Nick want to pull him closer and just hold him. Just hold on to him. “Why do I get the feeling you’re about to make a decision based on the answer I give you?”
“You said you’d answer honestly,” Nick managed to respond.
Kelly rolled his eyes and looked away. He shook his head, his jaw jumping and his body growing tense. “You know what, fuck you, Irish,” he snarled, glancing back at Nick. His eyes sparked in the moonlight. “If we had never kissed that night, if you had laughed it off and gone on your way, the last three years would still have been hard! I still would have spent six months agonizing over the fact that my brothers were off fighting while I was stuck at home. I still would have been worried sick and pissed off that you and Liam Bell were working together without ever asking one of us for our help! And I still would have been a fucking wreck at your bedside in Miami waiting for you to fucking wake up! Yeah, maybe I wouldn’t have spent so many nights in bed, lonely, waiting until I could be with you again, but you know what? At least I fucking had you to look forward to! Without you, without what we have, life would have been the same old stupid nothing, just day in and day out, and at least now I know what it’s like to have someone I want a future with. That sure as shit offsets anything you could possibly tell me is wrong with us.”
Nick was struggling to keep his eyes on Kelly as he ranted. He was so goddamn beautiful when he got worked up, he was like a storm on the horizon, filled with lightning and thunder and whitecaps and threatening to take your vessel down with him when he swept onto your decks.
Kelly began to fight with the blanket around his shoulders, still spitting out words as he tried to get the material off him. “You want to fucking push me away because you think you’re hurting me, you go ahead and do it. See how fucking much better it makes you feel when you go off trying to be a fucking island on your own. But know one thing. If you do that, if you send me away to save me, then you will be my life’s biggest heartbreak. You won’t be saving me from anything. Just saving yourself.”
He finally managed to get the blanket off, and he rolled back and away from Nick, going over one shoulder to get to his knees. He knelt there, eyes flashing, teeth gritted as he stared.
Nick reached for him and snagged him by his shirt collar. Kelly tried to push his hand away, but Nick tightened his grip and gave Kelly a tug instead.
“What?” Kelly shouted.
“Don’t go,” Nick breathed. “I don’t want to be your heartbreak.”
Kelly studied him for a few seconds, and slowly his body relaxed, his eyes softening. He got to his hands and knees and crawled closer to Nick, and Nick pulled harder at his shirt to urge him the last few inches. Kelly’s lips met his a little more violently than he’d expected, and his balance wavered. Kelly grabbed him by both arms and dragged him backward.
Nick didn’t struggle, just let Kelly pull him away and lay him out on the wet concrete and sparse gravel when they got far enough away from the edge to be safe. Kelly snagged the blanket and threw it around his shoulders like a cape, then stretched out over Nick and kissed him again. The blanket fluttered to the rooftop as Nick clutched at Kelly and returned the kiss with everything he had to give to it.
“This is the last time we have this conversation,” Kelly growled.
Nick recognized his tone of voice, and it sent a shiver down his spine. He nodded jerkily, his breath stuttering. “As long as you don’t walk away from me again.”
Kelly cocked his head, looking like he was about to argue.
Nick dug his fingers into Kelly’s ribs. “I’d rather you lose your temper and get it out the same way we always have than watch you walk away. It hurts too fucking much,” he admitted. “We’ve had our language too many years to change it now.”
“Okay,” Kelly whispered.
“Promise me.”
Kelly pulled the blanket up over their heads and kissed him again. “I promise,” he murmured between kisses, and Nick wrapped his arms around him, finally feeling his heart unclench.
If another storm came through, at least Nick had Kelly to weather it with him.