CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Emma
“All I'm saying is that you should consider it, Emma,” Claire says. “This could unlock all kinds of doors for your career. Think about it. Forget about the fact that you'll be spending every day with a handsome, famous fitness model that makes you weak in the knees every time he looks at you. This is what you've wanted for as long as I've known you. Don't let an opportunity like this pass you by. You'll regret it forever if you do.”
“It's so crazy, though!” I reply. “Chad and I have only gone on a few dates. And now he wants to spend every day for six months with me? You don't think that's moving a little too fast?”
“Didn't you sleep with him on your first date?”
“I... I did, but... What are you trying to...”
“I'm not trying to say anything, sweetie. My point is, Chad moves fast. I know you're not the type of girl to fuck on the first date. Not usually, anyway. But Chad swept you off your feet and made you feel comfortable right away so you went with it. There's nothing wrong with that. Chad's the type of guy that, once he knows what he wants, he goes for it right away. And based on everything you've told me, what he wants more than anything is you.”
“What about my job? My clients?”
“Fit World isn't going anywhere, Em. I'm sure they'll understand.”
“But what about...”
“You're looking for reasons not to go. And so far, I haven't heard a single good reason not to. Let's focus on the positive. What are the reasons that you want to go.”
“Those are all obvious, aren't they?”
“Yes, they are. But I wanna hear you say them.”
“Okay, fine. If Chad's publisher friend is able to get my book published, going on an international tour to promote it would do wonders for me and my book.”
“What else?”
“It would give me a chance to travel the world, something I've wanted to do since I was a little girl.”
“Good. What else?”
“I don't know.”
“Yes you do. You're just afraid to say it, so I'll say it for you. You want to go on this trip with Chad because he makes you melt inside. He makes you feel the way you've always dreamed about, probably since you were a little girl. You think about him all the time and want to be around him as much as possible. This trip is the perfect opportunity to get to know him better, spend tons of time with him, and take what you guys have to the next level. Sound about right?”
“It bothers me that you're more in touch with my feelings than I am.”
“So you admit, I'm right?”
“Yes, Claire. You're right. You're right about everything, as always. So you think I should do it?”
“I think this is an opportunity that comes around once in a lifetime – if you're really lucky. Most women never meet the man of their dreams. And rarer still, one that offers to help launch their dream career and take them around the world. If I was in your shoes, Emma, I'd jump on this opportunity so fast it would give me whiplash. But I can't answer for you. It's something that you have to figure out for yourself.”
I envy Claire. She's always been more open to new experiences than me. I overthink things to the point where I'm crippled by self-doubt. Claire barely seems to think at all: she just acts. I'm not her, though, and I need to mull things over.
“Once again, you're right. I do need to figure this out for myself. But you've given me a lot to think about, Claire. Thank you for giving me a little perspective.”
“You're always welcome, sweetie. Just know that whatever you decide, you're gonna make the right choice. You've basically got two questions to answer. One, should you go? And two, do you want to go? If both questions have the same answer, then it shouldn't be a question at all.”
I retreat into my room and flop down on the bed, face planting right into my pillow. I've never been good at making decisions like this. The last thing Claire said is stuck in my mind. Should I go? And do I want to go? I think the answer to the first question is pretty straight forward. Of course I should go. If everything turns out the way Chad says it will, this could do wonders for my career. How many first-time authors have the chance to promote their work on an international tour?
The second question, though, isn't so simple. Do I wanna go? On the surface, yes, I do. I really do, actually. Like, really, really do. Chad's amazing and he makes me feel like the most beautiful, interesting woman on the planet. Every time we're together, I feel like I'm floating on air. But it's only been a few dates. What if Chad stops liking me? What if he reverts back to his old ways and starts hooking up with other women halfway through the tour? What if...
What if I don't go? I know what'll happen then. I'll regret it forever. If I don't go, I'll never know what could've been with me and Chad. I'll always wonder. That's the last thing I want weighing on me for the rest of my life. I don't know if I could live with myself knowing that I turned my back on both an amazing career opportunity and the possibility of forming something real with the most incredible and handsome guy I've ever met. I can't let my anxiety and insecurity get the better of me here. My head and my heart are both telling me the same thing. But still, I'm afraid of getting hurt. It's a very real possibility and I can't ignore it. If things don't work out, it could be devastating.
After hours of anguish, weighing the pros and cons over and over again, I make my decision. I don't know if it's the right decision, but I suppose there's no way to know right now. Only time will tell.
I resist the urge to contact Chad right away after making up my mind. Just to be sure I'm doing the right thing, I give myself a few days to keep mulling it over. The more I think about it, the more confident I become in my decision.
It's Sunday afternoon and I'm hanging around our apartment, chilling with Claire. We're not really doing much of anything, just watching Game Of Thrones and chatting a bit. She brings up Chad and asks if I've given him my answer yet. When I tell her that I haven't, she talks me into texting him.
Hey Chad. I've made my decision. When you're free, let's get together.
A couple minutes go by and he texts me back.
I'm actually kinda close to your apartment. Are you home right now?
Yes, I message back.
I'm coming over, Chad immediately replies.
My heart rate doubles. I wasn't expecting Chad to be available right away. He said he was close, but I don't know how much time I have until he gets here. Claire sees my reaction and wants to know what's going on.
“Chad said he's nearby and is on his way over right now. What should I do? Should I get changed? I don't want him to see me in this outfit. Sweatpants and a tee shirt make it look like...”
Claire cuts me off and says, “It makes it look like you're chillin' at home with you girlfriend on a Sunday afternoon. You look fine, sweetie. Take a deep breath and relax. He's gonna be relieved to finally get an answer. And I'm thrilled that I'm finally gonna get to meet your handsome Greek statue of a boyfriend.”
“He's not my boyfriend, Claire.”
“Maybe not officially, but he's been treating you like he is. Chad went two months without fucking anyone else. He sees you as his girlfriend.”
The next few minutes are torturous. I'm a nervous wreck. I don't know how Chad's gonna react to my answer. Claire knows me well enough to sense that I'm freaking out on the inside. She does her best to keep the conversation flowing, trying to calm me down. As much as I appreciate the effort, it does little to quell my anxiety. After what feels like hours of waiting, Chad shows up downstairs and I buzz him up. In reality, it's only been a few minutes. It's funny how being anxious can warp your sense of time.
“I can't wait to meet him!” Claire says.
“I know. I want you to meet him. But after a few minutes, disappear, would you?”
“Of course! I'm not gonna lie: I might be eavesdropping from my bedroom, but you won't be able to see me.”
We laugh and it feels good. A minute later, there's a knock at the door. It's time to tell Chad what I've decided.