The last few days have been a blur. My life has consisted of working and Xavier, and it’s been perfect.
I finish applying my lip-gloss just as Quinn walks into our room. “Is Mr. Sexy coming to pick you up again tonight?”
A heated blush creeps into my cheeks. “Yes.”
“Damn. That man has it bad for you.” She slides in next to me and checks her hair. “That’s what—the fifth night in a row?”
“Sixth.” I giggle. “But who’s counting?”
She bumps her hip into mine. “You, obviously. Are you sure you aren’t having sex with him yet? It’s pretty hard to believe that one of the sexiest men on the planet picks you up from work everyday, just to take you to some crappy diner, without even getting desert, if you know what I mean.”
I shrug. “We’re friends. There’s nothing sexual going on between us.”
Quinn tilts her head. “It’s only a matter of time before that happens, Anna. X isn’t stupid. He knows a girl like you can’t be rushed. How many days until he’s off vacation?”
“Two.” My shoulders sag.
I haven’t dwelled on the idea of what it will be like around here once Xavier leaves. Since I arrived, we’ve been practically connected at the hip. My new life consists of working at Larry’s and spending my nights at the diner with Xavier. I’m not ready for him to go yet.
“Aww.” Quinn wraps her arm around my shoulder. “Don’t look so sad, Anna-Banana. When he leaves, I’ll take you out and we’ll go hottie hunting to take your mind off him.”
I frown. “What about Brock? Aren’t you two working things out?”
She rolls her eyes. “We are, but he’s an ass most of the time. I don’t know why I even bother with him. If his ass didn’t look so great in a pair of jeans, I’d be a lot less forgiving every time he pisses me off.”
I laugh. “I don’t know if I’ll ever understand your relationship with him. You guys fight way more than you are nice to one another. If I didn’t know you two had something going on, I would swear you were mortal enemies.”
Quinn snorts. “There’s a thin line between love and hate, Anna. Remember that.”
A few hours later I find myself immersed in loud chatter of the restaurant patrons, trying to keep up with the orders. The crowd at Larry’s tonight is insane. It’s Bike Nite, and who knew there were so many riders in Detroit? Andy says tonight’s revenue helps sustain the business throughout the month when it’s not as busy. There’s not even a spare moment to chat with Quinn or the guys back in the kitchen.
As I punch in my next order I glance down at the clock on the computer, calling to Quinn, “We close in two hours. Does this slow down soon?”
She props her tray on her hip. “Yeah, this should be the last of it. Once we get these customers served, things should begin to die down.” I slide over and allow her to punch her order in. “Speaking of dying, did you see how pissed Alice got when X came in and avoided the bar area, heading straight for your section? I thought her head was going to explode. Her face was as red as her hair. You would think after all the times he’s been in here and passed by her section, she would accept he’s not interested.”
I laugh. “She hates me.”
“Fuck her,” Quinn barks. “There’s a word for girls like her that starts with a ‘c’. That bitch is mean, and I think it’s funny X doesn’t give her the chance to shove her fake boobies in his face.”
I shake my head. “You’re too much.”
“Believe me, she deserves a little torture. Alice has had things go her way around here far too long.”
“Order up, Quinnie!” Brock calls from the kitchen. “You too, Anna.”
She sighs. “Duty calls.”
I load my orders on the tray and head out to deliver them on the floor. This is the most intimidating part of the job for me, carrying this heavy tray filled with food, but I’m becoming more comfortable with it.
I balance it carefully on the palm of my hand, praying I don’t spill it. The second I pass by the bar my foot gets caught on something, and I stumble, losing my balance.
Everything feels like it happens in slow motion. The momentum of the tray moving forward is unstoppable, along with my fumbling steps. A collective gasp fills my ears, and I watch helplessly as the contents of the tray hit the floor and the plates shatter before both of my knees hit the ground.
It takes everything in me not to cry. Even though I know accidents happen, I feel like a failure. The sight of the broken plates confirms my earlier speculation that maybe I’m not so cut out for the real world after all.
“What the hell happened?” I glance up at Andy, who is sizing up the mess with a furrowed brow. “Are you hurt?”
“Are you kidding?” Alice snickers. “Her ass is fat enough to cushion her landing.”
“Watch it, Alice,” Quinn barks as she helps me up and asks, “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine.” I dust off my knees and pause when I see the scarlet liquid on my fingertips.
Xavier pushes past my cousin and scans me from head to toe.
“You’re bleeding.” He scoops me up into his massive arms and shifts his gaze to Andy. “Where’s your first aid kit?”
“On the wall in my office, through the kitchen,” Andy replies, and Xavier takes off in that direction.
My eyes trace Xavier’s concerned face. “I can walk, you know.”
He shakes his head. “There could be glass in that cut. No walking until I look at it.”
“I didn’t know you were a doctor too,” I tease.
He smirks. “Don’t be a smartass. I just know a lot about fixing wounds.”
Xavier sets me on Andy’s desk and grabs the kit off the wall. Without any hint of hesitation he rifles through the box, searching for the correct supplies to treat my leg. His last words ring in my ears, reminding me there’s so much about him I don’t know about.
He brings over a bottle of peroxide and gauze and sets the open box next to me. He pours a capful of solution and opens one of the sterile bandages. “This won’t hurt. I just need to clean it up.” After I nod, he holds the gauze below the small cut on my knee and pours the peroxide into the wound. It bubbles and fizzes—flushing the germs out before he dumps another capful into it. His eyes inspect the cut, and I know the logical reaction would be for me to be worried about the pain, but all I can focus on are his large hands on my body. The tenderness of his touch causes my stomach to flip. “You don’t appear to have any glass in there—looks like just a bad scrape.”
He dabs some triple antibiotic ointment on a clean wad of gauze and applies it to the cut before covering it with a bandage. His skill amazes me. My father would never have been able to do that. Injuries like this were always handled by my mother, which makes me wonder why Xavier is so good at it. “Where did you learn how to do all this?”
He shrugs. “Just something I learned over time. I’ve always had to take care of myself, you know.”
One corner of my mouth pulls down into a small frown. “Did your mom teach you?” I know the question is prying, and he’s told me he doesn’t talk about his family, but I can’t help wondering what happened to him when he was a little boy.
Xavier blows a rush of air through his nostrils. “My mom died when I was a kid.”
I gasp and instantly wish I could take back my nosy question. “I’m so sorry. That’s terrible. How old were you?”
He swallows hard and tosses the open packages in the trash. “Eight.”
My heart instantly crushes in my chest. I can’t imagine losing someone as important as your mother at such an early age.
I place my hand on his, attempting to comfort him, but he jerks away and shakes his head. “This is exactly why I don’t talk about my family. I hate pity. Don’t feel sorry for me.”
I flinch at the sudden change in tone. “I’m sorry, I just…I want you to know I’m here for you…if you ever want to talk about her.”
He closes the box and latches it shut. “I’ve done just fine not talking about her for this long, and I’d prefer to keep it that way. She’s dead. I’m over it.”
I can tell by the pained expression on his face that’s far from the truth. “It’s okay to miss her—”
“Enough!” he snaps. “Damn it. Are you always this nosy?”
“Are you always this evasive?” I fire back, unable to stop myself.
He directs his stern blue eyes to me in what I’m sure is a look that’s meant to get me to back off, but it doesn’t scare me. Not one bit.
“I just think that if you talked about her—”
“That what? I’ll suddenly be a better person. News flash, beautiful, that’s not how shit works in the real world. Dragging up things from the past only fucks with people’s heads more. It doesn’t magically heal them. People don’t talk about certain things for a reason, and believe me, I have mine.”
“It’s still not healthy. If you would just—”
“Why don’t you follow your own advice, huh? I saw the bruises on your arm that first day. Why don’t you tell me what made you really run away from home? What was so bad? Did your boyfriend beat you? Your father? Who?” The air whooshes from my lungs and he takes in my panicked expression. “It’s not so easy to talk about something you don’t want to, is it?”
Memories of the day I left home flood my mind. Thoughts of what I went through just to make it out of there cause a sob to rip out of me. Damn him for making me feel this way—for making me remember the hellish life I left behind.
“Damn it.” Xavier closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before opening them and reaching out to embrace me. “I’m sorry, Anna. I shouldn’t have…fuck.”
I shake my head as guilt washes over me, finally understanding why he didn’t want to talk about his past. The pain of my own past is hard to bear, and I can only imagine what he must feel like if his was worse than mine.
“I’m sorry too.” I bury my face in his chest and continue to cry softly.
We stay like that for a few minutes—both quiet and unmoving. For a moment it feels like whatever wall Xavier has built around himself comes down a bit, allowing me to see inside, if only for a brief moment. The memories that haunt him aren’t something he obviously wants to discuss, so I’ll respect that, but I hope one day he’ll trust me enough to let me in all the way.
Quinn clears her throat. “Everything all right in here?”
Xavier pushes away from me and takes in my tear-stained face. He grimaces, like the sight of me causes him physical pain, before stepping back. “I’ve got to go.”
Panic fills me. He’s pulling away just as I thought we were getting somewhere, and it scares me. I don’t know him well enough to know whether I’ll ever see him again, if he walks out this door right now. “Xavier…wait. Please.”
He shakes his head. “I can’t.”
I swallow hard as he zips past Quinn in the doorway and possibly out of my life forever.
I bite down on my lip and try to force the tears of abandonment away. It’s crazy to feel this way about him, but I can’t help it. There’s so much more to him than the tough persona he presents to the world. He’s hurting, and I just wish I knew how to help him.
“What was all that about?” Quinn asks the moment Xavier is out of earshot. “You sure you two aren’t sleeping together, because that felt fucking intense.”
I sniff and grab a tissue from Andy’s desk. “I think I just pushed him away.”
She tilts her head. “How did you do that?”
“He told me that he doesn’t talk about his family, and I couldn’t stop myself from prying. He got upset. We both said some things…then apologized, and now I’m not sure where we stand.” I wipe under my eyes, the black mascara staining the tissue. “I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again after this.”
Admitting out loud that I might not see him again causes another sob to rip through me. My cousin is instantly at my side, hugging me.
I wrap my arms around her, and she sighs. “Oh shit. This is worse than I thought. You have feelings for him already, don’t you?”
While it must be obvious that I do, saying it out loud makes it real, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that. But I have to give her something. Quinn won’t stop pushing me for details unless I do.
I close my eyes, and tear rolls down my cheek. “I don’t know what’s going on between us. All I know is the idea of never seeing him again…it scares me.”
She nods. “I completely understand. Things are still new between the two of you, and it’s hard to dig into heavy issues at this stage, but you can’t let him leave Detroit with this weight hanging between the two of you. You have to let him know you’re here for him.”
“What if he doesn’t want to see me again?”
Quinn smiles. “He does. Trust me. You should go after him.”
“Now?” I shake my head. “I can’t. What would Andy say if I just left in the middle of my shift?”
She waves me off. “I’ll tell him your leg hurt, and you needed to go home and rest. He’ll be so worried over the worker’s comp claim he won’t bat an eye about you leaving. Here,”—she digs in her pocket—”take my car.”
I furrow my brow. “Do you want me to come back and pick you up?”
“No.” She grins. “Brock will give me a ride.”
I raise my eyebrows. “I take it you two are getting along now?”
Her grin widens, and she licks her lips. “You could say that. We’ve been working on it the past two nights in the parking lot after work in the backseat of his car.”
I laugh and hop off the desk with only a minor stinging pain on my knee. “You guys are too much. Call me if you need a ride, and I’ll come back for you.”
“Will do. Speaking of calling…” Quinn pauses for a beat. “Did you call Uncle Simon yet?”
“No,” I whisper. “I’m still not ready to talk to him yet.”
Quinn frowns. “Okay, but you should consider doing that soon. Ma says he’s worried sick and been talking about flying out here so you’ll talk to him. It’s been a week, Anna. I don’t know how much longer Ma can stall him.”
I sigh. “I’ll do it tomorrow.”
That answer seems to satisfy her because she nods. “Good plan. Two overly emotional men in one night might be too much for you.”
I roll my eyes. “Goodnight, cuz.”
“Night. Don’t do anything that I’d do.” She winks.
“Isn’t the saying don’t do anything that I wouldn’t do?”
“That’s exactly my point. If you were like me, you’d fuck that man into submission. Your ‘friends first’ tactic seems to be working, so don’t be like me,” she teases before she struts by the two cooks, smacking Brock’s ass as she passes by on her way to the dining room.
Brock stares after her and says to no one in particular in a dreamy voice, “I love to watch that girl go.”
Sooner or later I’m going to have to get the scoop on those two.
The moment I lock myself into Quinn’s Honda, I scroll through my phone to find Xavier’s number. If he’s on his bike he’s not going to answer, so it’s pointless calling right now. There’s only one place that I know he likes to go, so I crank the engine alive and head in the direction of the diner.
Nerves jitter through me as I drive through the city. What in the hell am I suppose to say to him? Am I supposed to tell him that I’m sorry again, or do we drop it and move on? What if he sees me and walks away, angry that I didn’t get the hint the first time?
I sigh and keep driving, because I have to at least try. I don’t want our friendship to get crushed because I couldn’t take a hint and back off a touchy subject.
I pull into the parking lot, and there’s no sign of Xavier’s bike. My shoulders sag as it occurs to me that I have no clue where he lives. We’ve only ever met in public places, so I don’t even know how to attempt to find him. I pull out my cell and dial his number but it instantly connects to his voice mail. “It’s Anna. Call me, please.”
I drum my fingers on the wheel and debate my next move until I spot Nettie through the window, serving tables.
She’ll know where I can find him.
I hop out of the car and shove my phone in my back pocket as I make my way toward the diner’s entrance. It’s then, in the distance, I hear a motorcycle rumble. I stop in my tracks and wrap my arms around myself as I stare in the direction of the sound.
Xavier pulls into view, and my eyes glue to him. His dark hair blows back while the dark sunglasses he’s wearing hide his eyes from me. The material of his black t-shirt strains against the defined muscles in his chest and arms, and his jeans hug his powerful thighs perfectly. He’s sexiness personified, and I can’t tear my eyes away.
He parks next to me but because of his glasses I can’t get a good read on his expression. Xavier flicks down the kickstand and swings his leg off the bike. “What are you doing here, Anna?”
I hug myself tighter. “I didn’t like how we left things.”
He leans back against his bike and crosses his arms over his chest, still hiding his eyes behind the dark plastic. “Don’t sweat it. It’s over. Let’s not rehash the bullshit.”
There’s no doubt the small crack I broke through has now been bricked shut, and I’ve learned pushing him doesn’t always end with the result that I want.
I readjust my arms and nod. “You’re right. No need to discuss things we’ve dealt with.”
His lips pull into a tight line. “Then why are you here?”
I take a step toward him, feeling the pull that connects us drawing me to him. “I wanted to make sure we’re still all right.”
“We’re still friends. Nothing will change that.” Coldness rings through his voice and it scares me. I don’t want him to push me away.
I take another step, unable to stop myself from getting closer to him. He raises his eyebrows as I straddle one of his legs and place my hands on his sides. “Nothing?”
Xavier shakes his head. “No.”
An overwhelming need to taste his lips flows through me, and I can no longer fight against it.
“Then I’m breaking rule number two of our friendship clause.”
And with no clue what in the hell I’m doing, I lean in and press my lips to his.
His entire body tenses for a moment—muscles contracting beneath my touch before relaxing as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me against his hard chest. His tongue flicks across my lips, begging to be let in. The instant he thrusts his tongue into my mouth, he emits a low growl from the back of his throat. My sex clenches as I find myself more turned on by him than ever.
A wave of pure, unadulterated lust washes over me, and I curl my fingers into the fabric of his shirt, wanting to hold him next to me forever. Large fingers slide over my collarbone and up my neck before finally cradling my cheek, locking me in place. There’s no going back now. I have most definitely crossed a line, but I don’t care. I want this.
I want him.
He pulls away and leans his forehead against mine. “Spend the night with me.”
I swallow hard and hope to God that I’m ready for this, and that I can handle the outcome of what all this will mean for me. What it will mean for us.
“Okay.”
Xavier kisses me one last time before he orders, “Follow me.”
The moment we pull apart, I shiver while my body craves the return of his warmth. I turn away, clenching my hands into fists as I head toward Quinn’s car, and when I hear Xavier’s bike fire up behind me, the gravity of what I just agreed to hits me. On one hand I can’t believe I’m doing this, but on the other I’m so excited and turned on I can’t stand it. This is soon. I know that—the little voice in my head that keeps repeating it over and over is pretty loud right now—and promiscuity isn’t exactly something my conscience condones, but that voice needs to just shut up and allow my body to have its moment. It’s been tortured by Xavier’s close proximity long enough.
I follow Xavier on his bike, running through in my mind how I think this is going to go down. Do we sit in his living room and have drinks first like they do in the movies, or do we just get right to it the moment the door is shut?
I tap my thumb on the steering wheel as we come to a red light. I wish Quinn was here right now. She’d be able to give me some pretty solid advice since this is all new territory for me.
The moment the light turns green Xavier takes off again, but quickly slows down and pulls into a hotel parking lot.
Apparently he can’t wait either.
After I park beside him, I kill the engine and take a deep breath, removing my seat belt in the process.
I can do this. He’s not a stranger anymore, and I trust him. But my pep talk doesn’t do much to settle my nerves. This is a huge step and will change everything.
Suddenly the door opens, and I gasp and clutch my chest. Xavier rests his arm on the top of the car and leans down so he can see my face. “You all right?”
“Yeah—yes. I’m good. I’m ready to do this,” I say with confidence.
Xavier smirks. “You sound like you’re trying to psyche yourself up. Is being alone with me really that scary?”
I swallow hard as I stare into the deep-blue pools of his irises. “I’m not afraid of you.”
His eyes roam over my face, like he’s searching for answers to some unspoken question that he has in his mind. “You know, just because we broke rule number two, it doesn’t mean we have to go after number one next.”
My mind suddenly goes blank. “Remind me what that one is again?”
Xavier’s plump lips pull up into a devilish smile. “You—naked in my bed.”
My eyes widen. “I, um…”
Oh my God. This man has me completely flabbergasted. If I can’t even respond to him talking dirty now, how can I believe I’m ready to move on to the next level with him? Maybe he’s right. Maybe I am rushing things.
I stare up at him, unsure of what to say.
He smiles and nods, like he understands my plight. “It’s okay, beautiful. You don’t have to explain, and you’ve always got the right to change your mind. How about we watch a movie at my place instead?”
Relief floods me, and instantly I’m thankful that he’s not making a big deal about this. Most men would be pissed. “A movie sounds nice.”
Xavier holds out his hand. “Come on.”
I take his hand, and he leads me toward the hotel entrance. I furrow my brow as we walk through the door and right past the front desk. “When you asked me to come over to your place for a movie, a hotel isn’t exactly what I had in mind,” I tell him honestly, still a little confused as he presses the button for the elevator.
We step inside and Xavier presses the button for the twentieth floor. A number of things flow through my mind. If this city is his permanent place of residence, him staying in a hotel doesn’t jive.
When we step onto our designated floor I can’t stop myself from asking, “I thought you said you’re from here.”
He leads me down the hall. “I am from here.”
“But you don’t live in Detroit permanently?” I try to clarify.
“I do. I have a permanent address here,” he answers.
I twist my lips as we stop at the last door. “Then how come you’re staying in a hotel, instead of your own place?”
He sighs as he fishes his room key from his wallet and slips it into the slot. “The property I own is my family home, but it’s not really a place I feel comfortable to actually stay in.”
So many questions stem from his one simple statement. I want to know what about the place makes him feel that way, but I know from my experience that sometimes home isn’t always a good place to be. I opt for a simpler approach. “Do you still have family living there?”
He holds the door open and motions for me to go inside. “Let’s not talk about my family. Please?”
I tense instantly and wish I could take back being so nosy. We’ve fought about my prying enough for one night.
The hotel suite is amazing. I’ve never been in one that looks more like a small apartment before. The sitting room has a couch and two formal armchairs pointing at the flat-screen mounted on the wall. A small, high-end kitchen with dark wood cabinets and stainless steal appliances flows into the sitting room. “This is really nice.”
He nods. “I stay here every time I’m in town.”
I turn back toward him. “How often is that?”
“Not often—every couple of years.”
My heart instantly sinks. “Who takes care of your house if you’re gone so often?”
He shrugs. “I pay someone to look after it.”
I sigh. “I can’t believe you’re leaving soon. Am I ever going to see you again?”
He leans against the wall and stares down at the floor. “It’s probably better if you don’t”
“Says who?”
His head jerks up, and he meets my stare. “Me.”
I shake my head and step toward him. “If we’re going to continue being friends, you have to stop with the self-loathing attitude. You aren’t a bad person. If you were, I wouldn’t be here right now.”
Xavier reaches out and grabs me by the waist, effectively pulling me to him. “You don’t know how badly I wish that where true.”
Intensity radiates off him and my heart pounds against my ribs as he leans in to kiss me. My hands press against his chest, and I close my eyes, allowing my mouth to drift open as I wait for lips to meet mine.
“Well, well…what do we have here?” A distinctly female voice purrs behind me. “Are you going to be done playing with her soon or will she be joining us this evening? I’m lonely back here.”
I turn just in time to spot Deena stride out from the bedroom, wearing a couple of red strings and pieces of fabric that I believe she considers to be lingerie. I can’t help but stare at her. She’s practically naked in front of me and seeing her undeniably killer body, I understand why she was unimpressed with me at the bar the other night. She belongs on a magazine cover.
How can I compete with that?
Xavier’s muscles tense beneath my fingers. “What are you doing here, Deena?”
She shrugs as she runs her finger along the back of the couch slowly. “I figured since we had so much fun together the other night that you’d want to do it again. I know I do.”
My stomach turns as the words the “other night” replay in my head. He slept with her after he’d spent the evening with me? I guess I’m nothing special to him after all. I shove away from him and shake my head.
“Anna…” He grabs for me, but I swat his hand away.
“Don’t!” I snap. “You don’t get to touch me while you still have her.”
He grimaces. “What happened with her…it didn’t mean anything.”
The conversation we had about his relationship with Deena flashes through my mind. “That’s right. The two of you have some weird sex arrangement that makes it okay to use her.” I shake my head, disgusted at how he could share his body with someone who means nothing to him. I feel so…used…and stupid. How could I be so naïve?
He scrubs his hand over his face. “It’s not like that. Damn it. I just…I can’t go without sex for that long, and I knew you—”
“Wouldn’t give it up, you little prude,” Deena fires at me, and her words feel like a punch to the gut. “I, on the other hand, was only too happy to give him what he needed.”
“Shut up, Deena!” His voice takes on a threatening tone and the smirk on her face immediately disappears as he glares at her.
It’s then that I know what Deena is saying is true, and Xavier is obviously not happy with her for telling me. My heart instantly crumbles. “Has the last week meant nothing to you?” Tears threaten to expose how betrayed I feel. The walls of the spacious hotel room begin to close in on me. I can’t stand here in the middle of this messed-up situation and pretend like I’m not hurting.
As I take a couple steps backward toward the door my feet falter, and I struggle to get my balance. Anger and embarrassment flow through my veins. I clutch my chest, wishing I could reach inside and hold my breaking heart together.
“Anna…” There’s an almost pleading tone to his voice, but I refuse to allow myself to get hurt any more.
I knew he was bad, that this wouldn’t end well, yet here I am—locked in his hotel room getting a huge reality check.
I lift my chin and feel grateful that we never became physical. That would’ve made walking away from him now that much harder.
“Thank you.” My gaze flicks from Xavier to Deena. “To both of you, for teaching me a very valuable lesson. Some people can’t be trusted, no matter how much you want to believe they can be.”
All the color drops from Xavier’s face, and he nods before shoving his hands in his pockets. “I warned you.”
I bat away a tear that’s rolling down my cheek. “You did. I just didn’t listen. Goodbye, X.”
He stands there, making no attempts to persuade me to stay, while I walk through the door and out of his life forever.