Chapter 10
Elle
His rugged, handsome face was tense, his mouth turned down in a frown. He looked... sad, and terrified still.
"I don't mean to impose or anything, I was just worried. I didn't know you would react so poorly to being surprised. I don't think any of us did."
Wiping his face with his hand, he motioned for her to follow him into the room. "I hide it well, but I guess I shouldn't." His square jaw tensed visibly as he sat on the bed.
Elle sat next to him, looking into his pale face. Roman sat next to his master, watching her and protecting Troy. It hurt that the dog saw her as a threat to him. She nearly burst out crying again. "What do you hide? Is this about your time in the army?"
He nodded. "Yeah." He looked like he didn't know what to say.
"What happened?"
"A woman. A suicide bomber. She caught us by surprise. When I came home, it took a long time to be even kind of okay around women. You were the first..." He trailed off, a pained look on his face.
"The first what?"
"The first woman I've met that didn't completely shut me down. I was scared, still, at first, but the fear faded."
She reached out, touching his face. "I'm glad," she said. "I'm glad that I don't scare you. I'm so sorry to have destroyed that trust. Please, let me make it up to you somehow."
"There is no way this is your fault, Elle. You can't blame yourself. I should have told you. I should have filled my medication sooner. It just makes me drowsy, and I was doing so good. I like feeling human around you, even though you pissed me off as much as you made me happy."
I make him happy? She smiled as he let himself enjoy her touch on his face. Stubble was coming in on his chin, so that it was rough against her fingers.
“So, how can I help? How can I make things easier on you, Troy?”
“Just...” He thought. “No more surprises.” He smiled, but still looked like he was in pain. His phone buzzed.
“Who's that?” She asked.
“A friend. I paid for a gym membership a while ago. I was supposed to go spend the day with him, to avoid my birthday.”
He hit a few buttons, then put the phone down. “There. He knows I'm okay. So, I'll explain to you what my doctor says, and hopefully that will help you understand better.”
The explanation was long, and kind of confusing, but what Elle got from it was this: Don't scare him. Don't surprise him. Don't hide from him. Don't touch him when he's having a flashback.
“Are they bad?” She asked. “The flashbacks. Are they all like before, where you reenact what happened to you?”
“No. The one before that, it felt like… a dream. I slept it off. They're just panic attacks, usually, or a shaking hand.”
“Oh, I know all about that.”
“The anxiety, huh?”
She nodded. “It sucks. So I'll do my best so that I never make you feel like that again.”
Nodding, Troy's eyes stared off into space.
“You okay?”
He nodded, then shook his head. “I just don't know what to do from here. Where to go. I don't want to bother you. Do you think I should see if Sam has a room I can stay in? I know that this marriage thing isn't working out for you, and with me being kind of a mess...”
“No, I don't want you to leave. Please stay, with me. I've been thinking, and you were right.” She took a deep breath, held it for a second, then let it go. “I've been awful to you. A real bitch, and you don't deserve it.”
“You haven't been that bad.”
“You don't have to lie to me. I know how I get. And I think… I think I understand it a little bit better, now.”
“What's that mean?” He asked.
Elle took his hand, holding it with a squeeze. “It means that my problem was actually that I was starting to like you. More than I expected to. And I was worried you would treat me badly, like when I was in high school.”
He gasped and scooted closer to her. She could feel the heat from his body. “Of course I wouldn't.”
“I know that now. Troy, I think I want to give this, us, a real try.” She paused, watching his face. She didn't want to force a decision on him right after a meltdown. The only intention of her words was to get her own feelings out there. He just looked confused. “Will you move into my room?”
“Elle, no. I'm broken. I don't want to risk losing you...” He broke off, surprised at his own words. “I guess I have to admit that I started to like you, too.” She grinned, and planted her lips right on his. The kiss took him by surprise, but he didn't fight it.
“You're not broken. You are fully formed, and stronger than you know.”
“You should be scared of me. I was violent when I first got back...”
“But you aren't now. And I trust that you would leave the situation if it were going to come to that.”
He didn't look sure. “Please,” she said. “Come stay with me.”
She stood up and held out her hand. He watched her, his emotions playing out on his face. Finally, he took her arm and let her lead him to her bedroom, Roman following behind.
Laying on the bed first, she pulled Troy down with her and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her close, his breath slowing, until finally they both drifted off to sleep.
Troy
“Hey,” Troy said, chewing the bacon that Elle made for him. “I was thinking.”
“Oh dear,” she replied with a sly smile. She was wearing nothing but a t-shirt and panties as she cooked eggs and more bacon for him.
He made a rude noise with his mouth. “Don't be a jerk. I just wanted to say that I think we should take things slowly. No sex, until you're ready again. We went too fast and pushed things too far.”
“It was our wedding night,” she reasoned with a shrug. “Things happen. Plus, I don't regret it. I didn't even regret it when we weren't getting along.”
“I'm glad. I still think we should take things slow.”
Elle put a plate of bacon on the table, offering an especially chewy strip to Roman. “Thanks. I think you're right.” Reaching across the table, she patted his hand. Just her touch was enough to warm up his whole body, though the Arizona heat did that on its own as well.
“So I still don't know your schedule very well. What are your plans for the day?” He asked.
She sighed. “I just have class. Computer science from 2 to 5.”
“Cool. Do we have dinner plans?”
“I could make up some burgers. I've been craving one hardcore lately.”
“Perfect.” He grinned.
She finished her eggs and bacon and ran upstairs. When she came down, her hair was up in a messy bun and she was fully dressed, holding her purse. “Hey, where do you think you're going? I thought we could watch some of that murder show before you went to class.”
“I'm going to run to the grocery store and pick up some meat. I know you need some for Roman's dinner, anyway. Set up Netflix, and when I get back we can watch an episode or two.”
With that, she left the house. Troy watched her from the window as she stepped up to her car. It was exceptionally old and dirty from the Arizona sand. He heard the car try to turn over, but it failed. She tried a few more times, then watched her silently swear, resting her head on the steering wheel.
“Well, shit,” Troy said. “Let's go see if she needs some help, boy.”
Troy and Roman both went outside, slowly. He didn't want Elle to blow up at him if she didn't want help. “You okay out here?”
She wouldn't meet his eyes as she got out of the car. “Piece of shit won't start. It sounded pretty pathetic last time I drove it, too.”
“Hmm. Pop the hood?”
She did, letting him take a look inside. “It sounded really rough when you tried to turn it on, but I can't see anything that would be an easy fix. Your fluids are all low, but that wouldn't cause that awful clunking. I think it's time to call a mechanic.”
“Fuck. How am I going to get to class?”
Troy was already on his phone, searching for a mechanic nearby. “I can take you.”
“On your motorcycle? I don't know.” She said.
He looked at her, and seeing how frazzled she was, he took her by the shoulders. “Listen. Money isn't a problem. We can take care of this, whether that means fixing the thing or getting a new car. The only problem is how you'll get around, which I can fix.”
“But aren't motorcycles unsafe?”
“They can be, but I'm safe on it. I used to be a daredevil on the damn thing, but nearly got hit once. I don't want to die, especially not now. Plus, I definitely don't want to get you killed.” He smiled. “It'll be fine. Just for a week or two, in the worst case. Best case, a mechanic will be able to fix this easily.”
“Okay,” she said, her voice meek. Troy called the mechanic, and then a tow truck to come pick up the car. Meanwhile, Elle went upstairs to take a pill and a shower.
Troy wondered at the situation. He wouldn't be able to take Roman with him if she was on the bike. That scared the shit out of him, being away from his dog too often. Well, if I don't have to deal with anyone else, it should be fine, he thought. I'm just the driver. Nothing more than that.
In the time that Elle was in the shower, the tow truck came and her car went. Troy turned on Netflix, and they watched some TV while they waited for when she had to leave.
“You ready?” He asked when they went outside. His motorcycle was a matte black, and looked more powerful than it really was. Which was saying a lot, since it was an amazing bike.
“Not really,” she said.
He chuckled, mounting the bike and handing her a helmet. “Get on behind me, and put this on. Hold on to me tight, somewhere on my chest. If you can lace your fingers together around me, that would be best.”
“Okay,” she said. When she got on, she took deep breaths and wrapped her arms around him. He realized with a laugh that she spent a moment feeling his abs with her trembling fingers. Then she clasped her hands together around him and he turned on his bike, sitting to allow her to get used to the rumble of the engine.
“Ready?” He asked.
“No, but we should go anyway.”
Slowly, they descended the slight slope of her driveway and went into the street. She gasped when he went faster, holding onto him even tighter.
Over the course of the ride, though, she loosened up and her fingers trembled less. By the time they finished the short drive, she seemed much more sure of herself and the motorcycle, leaning when he leaned for turns.
“Have a good day,” he said as she dismounted the bike. She leaned in for a kiss. He pulled her in for a deeper kiss than she expected as she laughed into his mouth.
“Jerk.”
“Hey, I gotta show off and let everyone watching know that I've got a claim on you.”
He laughed when she rolled her eyes. “I'll see you at 5, okay?”
“I'll be here early to wait for you,” he replied, shielding his eyes from the sun. She left him as he watched her ass in those tight jeans of hers. How she had managed to remain a virgin her whole life, he had no clue.
His phone buzzed with a call from the mechanic. “Hello, Troy speaking.”
“Hey. So, I have some bad news. I'm gonna just rip the bandage off, here. You've got a blown head gasket and some electrical problems in this car. I could fix all of that, but it'll cost twice whatever you bought the car for.”
He wondered what she had bought it for. “Alright. I'll talk to my wife and we'll let you know by tomorrow.”
“Sounds good, man. Sorry about this.”
“You didn't do it,” he said. They hung up just as there was a knock on the door.
“Grandma! What are you and Rosa doing here?” He asked as he opened the door.
Grandma Ina and Rosa beamed up at him. “We were in the neighborhood, and thought we would stop by here to discuss something with you. Something about Elle. And you. And… the future.”
“Elle didn't like the idea, but I think you should both talk about it.”
“Yes! So, listen. Oh, happy belated birthday, by the way!”
He winced. “Thanks. What did you want to talk about?” They were acting like a chaotic whirlwind again, swooping in no doubt with the intention of making things harder on him and Elle.
“Well, we told her that we hoped you two would have children soon,” Ina said.
Rosa nodded. “She looked scared out of her wits. But don't you two want children? What else is marriage for?”
“I'm pretty sure it's for a lot of things, like true love. But I'm guessing you're going to force this decision on us with another change of the will.”
“Goodness, no!” Ina cried. “We just thought you should both know we expect great-grandbabies at some point.”
“We aren't getting any younger,” Rosa reminded.
“Exactly. Now, Rosa and I both have to get to quilting. You two talk about this, though, okay?”
They left, leaving the sort of numb, silent ringing in the ears that an earthquake might. They really were a whirlwind of chaos when they were together.
He always wanted children, before the army. He wasn't so sure he would make a great dad, anymore. Not with all of his problems.
The idea of Elle as a mother, though, filled him with many warm emotions. Conflicting emotions.
He wasn't sure what to do, but he was sure neither of them were ready to even discuss children.