I try to keep Howard out of my mind, but I can’t help it.

I don’t know why just him showing up cast a shadow on what happened between me and Jason.

Before he showed up, things were perfect. I mean, running into those professors was awful, and Jason saying he’s going to bribe them wasn’t great, but everything after that…

I’ve never felt that good in my life. In bed with him, giving myself to him, I was comfortable. I don’t know how else to describe it. I was comfortable and spiraling into a place of pure and intense pleasure. I didn’t need to sleep, eat, breathe.

I just needed him.

Now, though, after Howard showed up…

Somehow, it’s tainted. That night, that amazing night, the best night of my life, is tainted. Howard knows Jason’s address, and that changes things for me.

I don’t know why. I don’t get why Jason would tell Howard where he lives. Maybe Howard is smarter than I am, better at all this. Maybe Jason is working closely with Howard, since apparently they’re sharing ideas.

It just changes things for me. It taints everything.

I don’t know why. Or maybe I do, and I don’t want to admit it.

I want Jason all to myself. I know Jason doesn’t like Howard the same way he likes me, that’s obvious, but I thought we had something. I mean, I thought he liked me for my mind as well as for everything else.

But maybe he needs Howard more, since apparently Howard has all these great ideas.

I don’t say anything to Jason. I can’t let him know that I’m just another petty, jealous girl. I don’t even want to admit that much to myself. I’d rather just pretend like I don’t feel anything at all.

But it keeps creeping into my mind.

The next morning, we have an internship session. I show up just on time, and the other guys are already there. They don’t say anything as I take my spot and Jason stands up in front of the room.

I try not to look at him. I don’t want to think about that night. Right now, he’s just my professor, my teacher, my employer. I want to pretend like things are normal, at least for a second.

Even if Howard is his star pupil, and I’m just the girl he’s fucking.

“Now that you’re all here, I have something to announce,” he says.

The guys quiet down. All eyes are glued on Jason.

“You’ve all been doing very well,” he says slowly. “You’ve exceeded my expectations, to be quite honest. I’m more than happy with all five of you.”

I glance at the guys. Alan looks particularly proud, like he didn’t expect any of this.

“But there’s an opportunity that I can only bring two of you for. It’s a VR conference. I’ll be giving a talk, and hopefully we can start making some contacts and start talking up what we’ve been doing.”

I stare at Jason. I can hardly believe what I’m hearing.

“The two I choose will likely become a part of the final team,” he says. “Not definitely, but likely. I haven’t chosen who I will be bringing, so please, work hard. If you want to be included, show me you deserve it.” He nods and sits down. “Get to work.”

The guys stare at each other, but I can’t stop looking at Jason.

I can’t believe him. He’s turning this internship into a competition. He’s going to pit us against each other, all in order to win a spot to this conference, and maybe even to become a real employee, not just some intern.

“Can you believe it?” Coop whispers. “Holy shit. I mean, this is amazing.”

“He’s not taking you,” Alan says.

“He’s not taking you, either,” Coop shoots back.

“He’ll take me,” Howard says confidently, and shoots me a sneer. “You’ll be staying home.”

I roll my eyes at him. What a fucking dick.

But he’s probably right. I’m sure Jason’s going to bring him.

Alan, Coop, and Parker are all mediocre. They’re not stupid, they’re just… slow. I finish twice the tasks they do, almost more than all three combined. The only person that gets anywhere close is Howard.

But none of them care about that. They just think I’m some stupid girl that doesn’t deserve to go.

I feel a fire light underneath me. I know this is exactly what Jason wants. He wants us to fight against each other, to compete, to work harder.

It pisses me off. I hate being manipulated like this. I hate having to compete when it’s not what I signed up for.

But I can’t help myself. I’m sick of these guys looking down on me.

I dive into my work. I double down.

I’ll show them how fucking wrong they are.

And I lose myself in it. The session flies by and everyone leaves, except I linger. I stay logged in, I do some more work. Jason stands near my terminal, watching me type away.

“You don’t have to stick around,” he says finally.

I look back at him. “You want us to compete. So I’m competing.”

He sighs. “I don’t mean…”

“You don’t? That’s not what you want?”

He hesitates. “Okay. Maybe it is. Maybe I do want you all to work harder, or at least to try and elevate the work you’re already doing.”

I shrug a little. “I get it.”

He frowns. “You’re angry.”

“Maybe.”

“Why?”

I don’t want to tell him. I’m pissed, pissed about Howard, pissed at how they treat me, pissed that he’s not just bringing me when he knows that I’m better than they are.

I’m just pissed.

“Nothing,” I say finally, feeling like a petulant child.

He sighs and sits next to me. “Clara, listen.”

I don’t look at him.

“Clara.” He puts his hand on mine. I stop typing. “Listen.”

I look at him, into his pretty eyes. I hate myself, but it always makes me melt, just a little.

“Howard, the others, they’re… they need this. They need motivation.” He cocks his head. “I know you don’t.”

I bite my lip. “So why lump me in with them?”

“I can’t treat you differently. You know that.”

I sigh. “I know.”

“But that’s not what’s upsetting you.”

I turn away. “No, not really.”

“Tell me.”

It’s a command, a compulsion.

And I know I can’t resist him. As angry as I am, as confused as I am, I can’t help it.

“How did Howard know where you lived?”

He arches an eyebrow. I feel so stupid. I’m jealous of Howard, like a moron.

“He hacked the university’s payroll.”

I stare at Jason for a second. I feel like a shot jolts up my spine. “What?”

He laughs softly. “Seriously. I know.”

“That’s insane.”

“That’s what I said.”

“He could go to jail.”

“I know.”

“All for what?”

“His idea was good.” He shrugs and laughs. “Not game changing or anything, but smart. We might use it, I’m not sure.”

I bite my lip. “He risked jail… for a bad idea?”

“Not a bad one,” he corrects. “Just a decent one. And yeah. He’s a little…”

“Stupid?”

“I was thinking overeager, but yeah, stupid.”

I laugh. “Wow.”

“What did you think? That I gave him my address?”

I look away, feeling stupid. “I thought maybe… he was your favorite.”

Jason tips my chin toward him. “Clearly that isn’t the case.”

“Just because you’re sleeping with me…”

“Clara,” he says seriously. “You’re my favorite. You’re by far the brightest of the group. You have to know that.”

“Maybe…”

“Clara.” He sighs, kisses me. “They pale in comparison to you. Every one of those hairy morons.”

I smile a little. “You just like me because I’m pretty.”

“That’s part of it. But you do twice as much as they do with half the effort. And your code is elegant. I mean, seriously, it’s beautiful.”

I sigh a little. These words…. They’re what I’ve been hoping for. What I’ve been dreaming of.

I want to be taken seriously, not for my body, or for the sex we have, but for my mind. Because he’s interested in who I am as a person.

“Thanks,” I say, feeling a little silly.

“Listen, keep doing what you’re doing. Okay? Don’t let Howard or the others get in your head.”

“And?” she asks softly.

“And you’ll be coming on this trip.” He grins, leans forward, kisses me. “Now get out of here. Seriously, go have a life.”

“I’d rather sit in here with you.”

“I bet you would.” He kisses me again. “But I have office hours.” I watch him walk over and gather his stuff. “Don’t spend all day in here, okay?”

“Okay.”

I watch him leave, and once he’s gone, I smile to myself.

Telling me that my code is beautiful is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. I know it’s silly, but it’s the truth.

I want him to want me, physically and mentally.

I need it, actually. More than I knew.

Now, though, I feel like something clicked into place. I feel like there’s a chance that what’s happening with Jason is real, not some fantasy, not some lust-fueled intoxication.

But real, a real thing, a deep thing.

Something that’s going to last.