Marcus
I was going to make my sweet boy crazy, but it was time.
We’d been tiptoeing around it and part of that was my fault. I hadn’t wanted to make him uncomfortable, but putting it off wasn’t going to help him. Eric had only been officially living in the house for several days, but the change in him was dramatic.
He was thriving under the more rigid schedule we were starting to introduce. Being immersed in an environment where he was comfortable and surrounded by things that supported his needs seemed to help his confidence grow. Asking for his binkie was a common occurrence, and play time in the nursery was something he looked forward to after a long day on the phones.
Having time to unwind together, doing simple things, was helping both of our stress levels. It was also making the decision to put in my retirement packet much easier. It hadn’t been a surprise to anyone at work when I’d finalized the necessary papers. They were all supportive, but my mind hadn’t been at work lately, so they’d known it was only a matter of time before I left.
Eric had even found several places for me to volunteer so I wouldn’t be home all day. He constantly made me smile. Within twenty-four hours of moving in, he’d put a list together of different organizations that needed help, everything from the LGBT Youth Center downtown to a program that checked on elderly people in the area that didn’t have family close by.
With my last day of work in two weeks, I was starting to make appointments to go visit the different options to see which ones would feel right. As much as I told myself I was taking care of him, he was doing his best to take care of me.
Watching him color at the table in his animal pajamas, I couldn’t resist going over and kissing his forehead. He looked up, questions in his eyes. “Yes, Daddy?”
I ran my hands through his hair. “You finish your picture, and we’ll go get you ready for the day.”
He smiled and nodded. “I’m almost done.” Before he went back to his coloring, he gave me a teasing look. “Bubbles?”
Laughing, I gave him a noncommittal shrug. “We’ll see.”
Eric had stayed in his pajamas while I’d made breakfast, so we needed to get him a bath and some new clothes. Most Saturdays, he stayed little and we had a quiet day. Sometimes in the evenings, he’d go out with his friends, although that hadn’t happened much lately with Allie’s insanity over Gabriel, or we’d go out together.
The plan for the evening was slightly different, though. We were going over to his aunt’s house for dinner. We were faking our excitement extremely well, but it was easy to see we were both incredibly nervous, just for different reasons.
Eric desperately didn’t want her to ask any uncomfortable questions about our relationship. Not that I blamed him. Some relatives and friends assumed that just because they loved you meant they got to know too much about your personal life. His aunt sounded like she fit in that category. I wasn’t worried so much about the questions.
I just wanted her to like me.
She was the only real family that Eric spoke with, and while her opinion wouldn’t change his love for me, it would make holidays awkward to say the least. I wanted to be able to give Eric the kinds of special dinners other families had. With his parents being such dicks, his aunt was the only family member he had to invite.
Not that I was much better. My parents had both been only children and had passed away in a home fire not long after I’d joined the force. I’d always pictured having holidays filled with family but with his situation, that wasn’t likely to happen.
I knew family wasn’t just who you were related to, but for Eric, I knew family was an emotional topic. After basically being thrown out as a teenager, he needed her. And I was going to do my best to give him everything he needed.
When Eric finished coloring the elephant, we started putting the crayons and book away. He usually colored while I cleaned up the kitchen, but he helped clean up his toys after he was done playing. When everything was put away in the cabinet and straightened, we headed into the bedroom.
I gave him another quick kiss and sent him into the bathroom. “I’ll be right there. I’m just going to get your clothes ready.”
And a few other things that I’d show him after his bath.
“Yes, Daddy.” He went into the bathroom quickly to take care of any personal business while I headed into the nursery.
I picked out blue shorts with an elastic waistband and a red shirt with Superman on it. He’d change clothes before we went over to his aunt’s house, but for the time being, his little clothes would work. Before I left the nursery, I also grabbed a diaper and the basket with the wipes and lotion in it.
Setting them by the bed, I laid the rest of his clothes out, with the diaper right beside them. As I headed into the bathroom, I pushed aside any worries. I was making the right decision, I knew that. Eric need to confront his fear. He was stronger and more confident than he’d been when I’d first met him, and it was something he needed.
As much as he wanted to use the diapers, if I left it up to him, he might never use them. It was time for Daddy to step in and help him. Eric had to know it was coming. The last couple of times he’d worn his diapers, he’d started looking at them differently. There was still some of the same hesitation, but the fear wasn’t there and in its place was a curiosity that I hadn’t seen before.
My boy was ready. He just couldn’t ask for it.
“Can I have bubbles?” His infectious smile was back.
“Yes, bubbles for my boy.” Reaching under the counter, I grabbed the container of soap mix and went over to start the water. Pouring in a capful, I let the tub start to fill and focused on Eric. “Stand up. Let’s get you ready.”
He hopped up from where he’d been sitting on the edge of the tub and grinned. As I stripped him out of his clothes, he didn’t even blink when I eased his briefs over his erection. Some things were still difficult, but he was starting to understand that enjoying our time together wasn’t wrong.
As he climbed into the water, his cock bouncing half-hidden in the bubbles, I brought his toys over to the tub. If we ever had the bathroom redone, I wanted more storage around the tub for his toys. They were either constantly everywhere, or under the sink, too far away from the tub.
“After your bath, you can play in your room for a while. How does that sound?” Earlier, he’d talked about playing with his blocks, so I thought having some time in the nursery would be fun.
“Yes. I’m going to build a tower.” He ran the boats around the tub and piled up bubbles, but I could see there was something on his mind. Considering the fact that he didn’t know about my plans with his diaper yet, I wasn’t sure what it could be.
As he played, we talked about buying some new toys for the nursery and getting some new clothes. It wasn’t a conversation about if but more when we would purchase some new things. I knew he was going to have some questions for me eventually but for now, he just enjoyed the discussion. We also needed to iron out some details about having a set schedule for the times he was little. Especially once I retired.
It still seemed odd to think about it, but with Eric and I living together, I wanted to be home with him more, and the idea of something happening to me wasn’t something I was going to risk. I knew I could get hit by a bus walking down the street, but the chance of an incident was a lot higher when I was on the force and I wasn’t going to put him through that.
When the bubbles faded, we started taking the toys out so we could get him cleaned up. As I soaped up a cloth and started rubbing over his arms and legs, he looked up at me, then back down to the water.
Eric was clearly working his nerve up to say something, so I just waited quietly while he figured whatever it was out. I brought my hands up to his chest and started scrubbing him, but before I could work my way down to the areas that would make him squirm, he finally started talking.
“Do you think Robbie would like to come over and see my toys next weekend?” He pushed the last remaining bubbles around the tub, and I stopped cleaning him for a moment. Leaning back to sit on my heels, I thought about his question.
“I think he’d like that. You got to see some of his toys, so showing him yours could be fun. I think he’d like to help you make a zoo, or we can buy your new toys this week and you can show him those.” The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. He needed to get used to being around other people in his littler persona, and having them over would be a good next step.
Couples participated in the lifestyle in a variety of ways. I knew there were a lot of people who were only little in private. However, if that’d really been what Eric had wanted, he would have never come to the club to begin with. The way he watched the other members made it clear that he didn’t just want to enjoy the club as an adult; he wanted to be little there as well. We just needed to work up to it.
And we weren’t going to wait any longer to start.
“I’ll call his daddy tomorrow and invite them over for dinner next weekend. If they come over early enough, you boys can watch cartoons and play toys too.” Eric nodded at my suggestion. His shoulders relaxed, and it looked like a weight had been lifted off him.
I knew letting people in was hard, but I loved the way he didn’t let his fears stop him. Sometimes he just needed a little help. “Are we going to the store to buy your new presents? If we buy them online, they might not get here in time.”
Even I didn’t buy that line of crap. Eric’s lips fought to curl into a smile, but he just nodded like I’d said the smartest thing ever. I wasn’t sure whether to kiss him or spank him. It could go either way.
“Yes, Daddy.” Once he said the words he didn’t look quite as confident, but he kept going. “I want to make sure we have them before he comes over.”
My sweet boy.
“I think that’s a good idea.” We were going out tomorrow to shop, and I was going to call Marshall later. I wasn’t going to let Eric change his mind. I would make it as easy and stress-free as possible, but even picking out toys in public was going to be a big step for him. “Come on. The water’s cold and I want to get you dressed before you freeze.”
“Yes, Daddy.” His arms came up, and he waited for me to grab the towel.
After I helped him out of the tub and dried him off, I pulled him into my arms, winding the towel around him. “I’m very proud of you, Baby.”
At some point, he was going to get tired of me telling him that, but he just blushed and ducked his head against my shoulder. “Thank you, Daddy.”
Giving him a peck on the forehead and one last hug, I stepped back a little. “Let’s get you dressed.”
“Then toys?” Eric bobbed up and down on his toes excitedly.
Smiling, I nodded and started walking him into the bedroom. “Yes, Baby, because you’ve got blocks to play with.”
As we walked toward the bed, I wrapped my arm around him, running my hand over his back. There was the slightest hitch in his step when he saw the diaper but not enough for me to be worried. He wore them sometimes, but usually it was when he was getting ready for bed or for a nap.
His mind had to be turning, but he didn’t question me. Eric simply hopped up on the bed as I helped him and laid down like it was any other morning. Taking off his towel, I started getting him ready. I kept up a running stream of mostly one-sided conversation as his mind whirled.
He was at that point where he wanted to know what was up—but he didn’t really want to know.
Since having the information wouldn’t make him happier, I ignored it. He did too. “There are a few good places to buy toys. Once we have an idea of what you’re looking for, then we’ll have to pick out a few places. If you’re good tomorrow, maybe we’ll even get McDonald's.”
His eyes perked up, and the distraction worked. We’d been eating fairly healthy during the week lately, with our only junk meal being his Saturday morning waffles or pancakes. I wasn’t going to let myself go like I’d seen happen to a lot of guys after they left the force.
By the time he was dressed in his diaper and clothes, he seemed to have pushed his worries to the back of his mind. His gait was a little off with the diaper widening his stance, but overall, he didn’t seem to mind. Hopefully, he’d still feel that way in a few hours.
I was worrying over nothing.
We both knew it was time to push his boundaries a little. It was what he needed me to do. Daddies helped their littles when the pressure was too much. Eric had reached what he could do on his own, and I just had to keep reminding myself that he wanted me to step in.
Spankings were so much easier.
They were clear-cut and I could predict how he would respond to the pleasure and the pain. With his diaper, not so much. Just because he knew it was time to tackle something didn’t mean it was going to be easy for him—and upsetting my boy was the last thing I wanted to do.
In the nursery, we got out the blocks, and he sat down on the floor and started building and stacking. The fullness from his diaper made the shorts fit differently, but to me, it only made him cuter. He would fidget and wiggle occasionally, and sometimes he’d squeeze his thighs together so the diaper would rub against his erection.
The soft lining of the diaper, combined with the fact that he hadn’t gotten to orgasm that morning, meant he was easily aroused. However, by the time he was finished playing with his blocks, his fidgeting was starting to look less fun and more worried. Two big glasses of milk at breakfast would make anyone start to fidget.
“While you pick up the toys, I’m going to go get you a drink of juice. I’ll be right back.” He just watched me with wide, conflicted eyes as I walked out of the nursery, nodding absentmindedly.
Eric had several cups, but there was only one option right then. His bottle. I thought apple juice was entirely too sweet, but Eric liked it when he was in his role. So I filled up the bottle and took it back into the nursery. He’d picked up the toys and was sitting on the carpet, tracing the animals with his fingers.
“Would you like to drink your bottle here in the big chair with Daddy, or on the bed watching cartoons?” I wasn’t going to give him a choice about drinking it, but I wanted us to be in the location that made him feel safest.
He glanced around the room, taking entirely too long to make the decision. Eventually, he glanced up at me through his long lashes. “In the big chair but with cartoons too?”
“I can do that.” Setting the bottle on the side table, I moved the chair over a few inches so he could see the TV from it and went into the bedroom to turn on the superhero episodes that he liked. When his show was playing, I went back in and sat down in the chair. “Come here, Baby.”
He slowly crawled over to me, taking his time but not backing out. His full bottom was even rounder with the padding from the diaper. He looked so sweet I wanted to kiss him, but the lost look in his eyes made me want to hold him tight. “Baby, remember, this is something we both want. Isn’t it?”
Eric carefully climbed onto my lap, tucking his feet up and curling into me. “Yes, Daddy.”
His voice was a little shaky, but he was relaxed as he cuddled me, so I hoped that meant he wasn’t too worried. “We’re just going to sit here and watch cartoons while you drink your bottle.”
As I kept talking, I picked up the bottle and brought it to his mouth. He closed his eyes and started sucking. He looked like nothing else mattered right then, and I wasn’t sure what was going through his head. “You’re going to remember how much I love you and that you being little is something that we both enjoy. I like seeing you in your diaper and playing. I built this nursery for my sweet boy to have fun and play in. Somewhere you can relax and just enjoy being my boy.”
There was the slightest nod, and he relaxed against me even more, the last tension leaving his body while he slowly drank. “I love taking care of you, Baby. That’s not going to change, and nothing we do in here will make me love you less or make me walk away. Nothing we do could ever make me leave you. It would take a restraining order and shackles to keep me away. Remember, I’m the slightly controlling one with mild stalker tendencies.”
He gave a low giggle, flicking the nipple with his tongue before going back to sucking. Eric’s gaze moved over to the TV where the two rival factions were doing something I couldn’t follow, but Eric was mesmerized. He drank and cuddled, laughing at their antics and absently running his fingers over my arms.
I had him wrapped tightly in my embrace and the security seemed to make him feel better, so I didn’t relax my hold. Pressing him tightly to my chest, I could feel him start to wiggle as the show started to wind down. By the time the bad guy was on the run again, he was just playing with the mostly empty bottle and shifting on my lap. He was trying to be subtle, but it wasn’t working. The way his muscles clenched and the death grip he had on my arm let me know he was close.
As the next episode started, I began talking again, running my hands over his arms and legs, anywhere I could reach. He leaned into my touch, but couldn’t seem to relax the way he had when we’d first sat down. “I have a surprise for you, Baby.”
He wiggled again, an almost pained expression on his face, but looked up at me, curious. “I talked to the guy who built the furniture for the club, and he’s going to see if he can design a crib for you. He’s going to have some sketches and pictures for us soon.”
Eric nodded and glanced over to the empty spot in the nursery, but didn’t say anything. “Yes, it’s going there. I can’t wait to tuck you in for a nap. I’ll give you your binkie and a blanket, maybe even a stuffed animal to cuddle with, and you’ll be able to lay down in the nursery.”
The bottle he was absently playing with popped out of his mouth. “Binkie?”
I wasn’t sure if he was just too wrapped up in his own head to talk much or if he was worried what I might ask if he did start chatting. So I didn’t make him say anything else; I just reached over to the table and grabbed his binkie for him. “Here you go.”
Trading him the binkie for the bottle, I held him while he snuggled close, his hands resting on my chest. As he sucked away, pretending to watch his show, we waited. It didn’t take much longer. Between the milk he’d had at breakfast and the large bottle of juice, his body was ready—his mind just had to catch up.
Subtle wiggles gave way to clenched muscles and a tight grip on my shirt. I wasn’t sure if it was subconscious or if he wanted to make sure I was there with him, but either way, I wanted him to know he wasn’t alone. I started talking about the show and about our day so far, then I rambled on about the new toys he might get.
Before I had to find a new topic, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Holding him quietly, I just rocked the chair back and forth. In seconds, his eyes were open, and he was watching my reaction. There was a caution in his eyes that I hadn’t seen in a long while.
I didn’t like it.
“I love you, Baby.” Running my finger down his nose, I wiggled the binkie while he watched me. “I love watching you suck on your binkie.”
I traced around his mouth and down his neck. “I love watching you play and how excited you get.”
Caressing one arm, I played with his fingers. “I love watching you color.”
Heading back up his arm, I went down his shoulder to rub my hand over his chest. “I love dressing you up and picking out your clothes.”
As my fingers drew closer to his waist, he started getting stiffer in my arms. “I love giving you a bath and dressing you. Why would this be any different?” I leaned in and gave him a kiss on his forehead. “I love taking care of you. This is another way I get to show you that.”
Some of the stress started leaching away and his head settled on my chest. I rubbed his tummy back and forth while he sucked on his binkie, and after a few minutes, I let my hand go down to his diaper. Giving the front a little pat, feeling the thick fullness of the wet material, I gave his head another kiss. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
His breath came out a little choppy, but he nodded, standing up on slightly shaky legs. Wrapping my arms around him, I held him tight as we walked into the bedroom together. His shorts couldn’t hide the bulge from the wet diaper, but that had been deliberate.
I didn’t want him to have anything to hide behind.
He wouldn’t be able to think back later and have any doubts about my reactions or how he’d looked. No what if’s or did Daddy really understand. Just the complete truth between us. He was blushing and looking anywhere but at me by the time we reached the bed.
I wasn’t sure if it was because he thought the diaper was more noticeable or if it was all starting to sink in for him, but I wanted him to feel proud of himself. Standing by the nightstand where his supplies were, I drew him close, not pulling away when the heavy diaper pressed against me.
Eric tried to pull back, with more panic than actual thought apparently running through him. I tightened my arms and held him close. “Baby. Baby! Look at me. Look at Daddy.”
His wiggling only pushed it against me more, but he froze and just looked at me. I reached up with one hand and pulled his binkie out. “Tell me how I feel about you.”
It wasn’t what he was expecting me to say. He blinked at me, opening and closing his mouth a few times before the words could come out. “You love me.”
They came out soft, but with conviction. “That’s right. I love you when you’re little and when you’re my partner—no matter what we’re doing.”
He nodded, and his muscles started to relax. Leaning into me for support, he whispered, “No matter what we’re doing.”
“No matter what,” I repeated. He relaxed in my arms, and I started rubbing his back from the soft hair at his neck to the lower part where the diaper started. Up and down, I let my hands wander up through his hair and then down over his bottom.
When he’d relaxed and was snuggling into me, not holding on for dear life, I pulled back enough to look down into his eyes. Using a firm voice, I let him know exactly what was going to happen. “There is nothing to hide from me. I’m going to get you cleaned up and get that wet diaper off you. Then we’re going to cuddle.”
His blush deepened, but knowing I’d already made the decision about what would come next seemed to make things easier for him. His body started to relax more, and he yawned, tucking his head against my neck.
“I love you, Daddy…I’m s—”
My finger went up to his mouth. “No. You have nothing to be sorry about, Baby. I know this wasn’t easy for you. After everything that happened, you have every right for it to feel huge and overwhelming. Do not apologize for that.”
He gave me a little grin, then nodded. “Yes, sir.”
“That’s my sweet boy. Now you need to get cleaned up or you’ll never relax. A soggy diaper would keep anyone awake.”
His nose scrunched up. “I don’t want a nap.”
There was my boy. “That yawn said otherwise. Come on, up you go.”
He grumbled under his breath about naps and bossy daddies as I laid out a blanket to change him on, but climbed on the bed and laid back. Taking off his shorts, I set them beside him and started stripping off the wet diaper. It was heavy and full, and I knew it felt obvious and probably a little overwhelming.
I wanted him to understand that it was okay.
It was one of the reasons he had to meet more littles. He needed to see more people who understood that love came in many different forms and none of them were shocking. Sexy, unique, sweet, arousing…but not bad.
“I’m so proud of you, Baby. You did such a good job.” He looked a little like he wanted to argue with me but wisely kept it to himself. Obviously, the discussion on being nice to himself stuck. Sliding the diaper out from under him, I tossed it in the trashcan and reached for the wipes. “I loved holding you and getting to cuddle my boy. And you looked so cute in your diaper.”
Biting his lip, he shook his head slightly. “Oh, no, you don’t get to argue with me about how cute you looked.”
Running my fingers up his legs, I grinned as he wiggled. The cool touch of the wipe made him gasp, and I started talking again. “You have the cutest bottom and your diaper only makes it better. Knowing that you’re tucked away in your diaper and will need me to change you is perfect.”
The blush was starting to fade and most of the tension had left his body, because his cock was starting to stir as I wiped him down. Thoroughly. His soft length started to thicken, and I took my time cleaning him slowly. By the time I reached for the cream to protect his skin, he was hard and long, and only slightly embarrassed about it.
His growing need was chasing away any worries. Desire was wonderful that way.
With a gentle touch, I smoothed the lotion over his erection and down to his balls and taint. He squirmed and made the sweetest begging noises, but I didn’t let his sexy sounds tempt me too much. “If you’re a good boy and take a nap, we’ll finish this when you wake up.”
Grabbing a new diaper, I got him covered and dressed while he whined and pouted. “Remember, only if you’re a good boy.”
The grumbling stopped, but he couldn’t seem to decide if he liked the way my hands caressed him through the diaper or if it was just frustrating. When everything was put away and his shorts covered his diaper again, I leaned down to give him a kiss. “Scoot up, Boy. Nap time.”
He yawned again, the stress of the morning finally getting to him, and reached for me. “You’re going to stay too, right, Daddy?”
“Of course.” Climbing in beside him, I reached for his binkie and slid it into his mouth. “I’ll be right here with you.”
He sighed and snuggled into me, wrapping his arms around me. His face was pressed so tight against me I could feel his breath on my chest. I was too hard to sleep, but holding him while he relaxed was perfect. There was no place else I wanted to be.