Rain
“I NEED A FAVOR.”
“You’ve got to be fuckin’ kiddin’ me, man. I haven’t spoken to you in years. You just up and left. Not a fucking word, Rain. Now all of a sudden, here you are. And you ain’t callin’ to shoot the shit. You need somethin’. That ain’t the Rain I remember.”
“I’m not the Rain you remember. But I wouldn’t have called anyone else. That count for something?”
Zachary Devino’s silence makes me rethink this phone call. “I guess. So what the hell do you want?”
“I want you to find someone for me. Keep an eye on him.”
The bored sigh on the other end of the line makes me chuckle. I know that sound and it means he’s in.
“Better be worth it, man.”
“It is. But I’m not involved, you hear me? I’m not looking to come back and I’m not looking to be found. I’m asking a favor. The one you owe me.”
“I don’t owe you shit, Rain. You were paid rather generously.”
“You don’t want to do it, then fuck off. I’ll do it myself.”
“Wait. Christ, you’re the same dick you’ve always been. You know that? Who am I looking for?”
The last thing I ever wanted to do was talk to any of those guys again. Out of any of them, Devino is the only one I would ever even think to reach out to. I had to do it. I’ll never be able to live with idea of Charlie running and looking over her shoulder at every step. If last night proved anything, it’s that she needs to get as far away from me as quickly as she can. Had she not stopped me, I wouldn’t have thought twice on putting that guy in the ground. When I saw him shove her against that wall, I had every intention of killing him right where he stood. I’m a killer; that’s what I do.
Charlie’s damned journal is like a dealer to a crack addict. It’s just sitting there, begging me to read one more page. I know it’s making this worse for me, but I want to know how she got here. These are her private thoughts and invading her privacy isn’t something I’m proud of, but I want to know everything about her. Unfortunately, I’m only coming across the bad stuff; I guess I keep reading just hoping I find some shred of good. Charlie has been through hell. She deserves a nice guy with a good family, who wants that perfect little life in the suburbs. The opposite of any kind of man I am or ever will be.
If Yank wasn’t Nicole’s uncle, there’s no way I would have walked away from that. I would have gone to jail and then easily found by Jansen. Then again, if Yank wasn’t Nicole’s uncle, I wouldn’t have gone into a bar in the first place.
Yank is Nicole’s mother’s brother. Her mother isn’t my mother. She’s the woman I caught my dad cheating with. There on the steps of his office building, I saw him kissing Nicole’s mother. That wasn’t something that I could keep from my mom. She was heartbroken, and I hated my dad for not only doing that to her, but also for doing it to me. We were a normal, happy suburban family. He destroyed that in one sunny afternoon. I never understood why my mom decided to stay by his side. But I could never look at him the same. That’s when I began isolating myself from them and spending my time at the shop.
Little did I know, things would get even more confusing nine years ago when Nicole showed up out of nowhere. The day she got her license, she drove right up to their house, knocked on the door, looked my dad in the eye, and said, “I’m your daughter.”
My mom called me crying and told me that I had a half-sister. I was loyal to my mom and had no plans of even talking to Nicole, but then she showed up on my doorstep. The second I looked into her pleading eyes, I knew she needed me. We’ve had each other’s backs ever since. Nicole is the only one who has stood next to me through it all. She’s the reason I had to get out of Portland and away from the shop.
As thoughts rush through my head, I stare at the bubbles rising and popping in the pancake batter on the skillet.
“You going to flip that?”
“Mornin’.” I flick my head in her direction, but my eyes stay toward the ground. Risking a look into her eyes right now could be detrimental for what I’m about to do today. I flip the pancake over and make myself spit out the words I don’t want to say. “The car is almost ready.”
Her shoulders slouch, but her lips turn up and smile. She’s a really bad liar.
“Is there any way I could use your phone?” she asks.
So much for me trying to avoid eye contact. Reacting quickly and without thought, I shoot a questioning look in her direction. Fuck me. Why did I look? Her sleepy eyes match her tousled hair and she’s still in those skintight shorts. Or what she calls shorts. They are not shorts.
“Are you calling someone?”
“No. I thought I could use it to map out a route.”
“The food is done. Eat first.”
Charlie moves to the cabinet right next to the refrigerator and gets out two glasses. She fills both of them with orange juice, puts one ice cube into mine, just how I like it, and sets them on the table. As we sit in silence eating, all I can think about is how Charlie fits perfectly into my life here. With Luther at her feet, I stare at the only woman who has ever had breakfast with me and wonder what the fuck I’m doing.
“Yep, just like that. Now swing your right leg behind my left one and push your knee into the back of mine.”
I knew it the second Charlie’s eyes squared in on mine that night on my couch. Charlie is a fighter. It’s only natural that it would take her a bit of time to get her determination back. When someone tears you down to a level you never knew existed, it’s not easy to build yourself back up. She’s going to be scared, but she’s already shown that she is confident enough to at least fight back. I was nervous that she wouldn’t be ready for this. But her body didn’t tense like it did the first time I came up from behind her and wrapped my arms around her chest. We’ve been going through a few simpler moves, like a punch to the face, digging your fingers into the eye sockets, and how to get out of a face-to-face chokehold. We haven’t gone very far into moves yet, but there’s one more I want to show her.
“Good. Now lean down and pull up on the front of my pants while you’re engaging your knee. Once I become unsteady, quickly throw an elbow into my jaw.”
Charlie rights herself and turns to face me.
“Elbow you? You want me to elbow you in the face?”
“Yeah.”
“No. I’m not elbowing you in the face. Can I pretend?”
Her worried look makes me chuckle. If she only knew the kind of pain I have felt. Her elbow will be nothing. I’d also be lying if I didn’t admit that I’m kind of excited about this.
“Just do it.” I try to keep my smirk at bay, but by the look on her face, I’m doing a shitty job of it. Her eyes float down to my mouth and her lips tip up at the sides. “C’mon,” I antagonize.
She turns herself back around, and once again, I wrap my arms around her as if I would be attacking her from behind. The curve of her ass pressing against me is almost too much to handle. I push the feeling to the side and try to remember what I’m supposed to be telling her to do next. Before I can get another word in to guide her through the process, my ass is on the floor.
“Wow, you—” My sentence is cut off by her swift elbow. “Shhhhhhit,” I say. I guess it’s been a while since I’ve been cracked one, but there is something really satisfying about it.
“Oh my God,” Charlie squeaks. “Are you okay? See? I told you this was a bad idea. Do you need help getting up?”
“First of all, I’m fine,” I say, placing my hand up to stop her. “Second, that was perfect.”
If only she knew the reason I wasn’t getting up. Standing right now would put my excitement on display. Every aspect of Charlie excites me, but this was beyond anything I had expected from her. She’s right. She’s completely underestimated. She tucks a stray piece of auburn hair back behind her ear delicately, and there is a look on her face that makes me think she has also underestimated herself.
“I think I’m going to take a walk.”
“Take Luther.”
“Why? I took you to the ground. I can protect myself.” Her joking tone and full smile make me chuckle. “You need some help up?”
“You’re funny,” I say sarcastically. “Take Luther. I highly doubt a cougar would attack in that exact fashion.”
Her face scrunches up, then she giggles as she walks out of the garage. I hear her call for Luther. She’s come a long way from the night I found her in my woods.
I adjust my pants and try to think about anything other than Charlie to get rid of the uncomfortable tightening of my jeans. It’s impossible. Ever since she got here, she’s all I see. The ringing of my phone does the job.
“What’d you find?” I ask Devino.
“Lawyer. Has a bunch of asshats in his back pocket.”
“Have you located Austen?”
“Looking at him as we speak.”
“Kill him.”
I wish I could say that it bothers me how easily the words flow from my mouth. But knowing what he’s done to her, there is no remorse.
“Rain. You should think about this. I can’t just go kill someone on the street in broad daylight. Besides there’s something you should know. We don’t do things like we used to. Klipp and I have chang—”
“You didn’t tell him you talked to me, right?”
“No. But I hope you realize what I’m doing for you. If my uncle finds out, I can’t say what his reaction would be.”
“Are you saying you’re done?”
“Did I say that I was done? I’m going to keep watch on him, as promised. Listen, before you go crazy, if my instincts are right, I think he’s worth more alive. There’s shit that ain’t sittin’ right with me.”
“Update me.”
“Will do.”
It would be a lot easier to send Charlie on her way if I knew that asshole was dead. As my hands rub together, I can’t help but think about just doing it myself. But Devino’s instincts are rarely off. Charlie’s car sits, staring at me from the bay across the garage. I just can’t picture her driving away in it. Instead of working on it like I had planned, I spend the afternoon resenting its presence.
“Dinner,” Charlie yells from the kitchen window. I didn’t even know she was inside cooking. I hop up from my mechanic’s chair and walk out the door to the house. With rain falling from the winter sky, I take my time going in.
The smell of home invades my senses. It reminds me of walking into my mom’s house when I was younger. The aroma of garlic and happiness. I walk toward the pots on the stove to see what she’s cooking.
“Go wash your hands.” Charlie nods toward the bathroom. I do as I’m told, but I look back just before I’m about to go into the bathroom and see her standing at the stove, smiling.
“You shouldn’t be out here. It’s cold.”
There’s no doubt Charlie isn’t going to listen to a word I say. She ignores me as predicted and sits on the top step like she did before. I reach down and grab a beer out of my six-pack and offer it to her.
“No thanks,” she says. She shakes a bottle of water that she brought from inside at me.
“Sit here.” I get up from the chair and point to it. “I’ll be back.” I hurry to the garage, grab another chair, and go back to the porch. I place the chair next to the one I was sitting in before Charlie came out. As I take a seat, she stretches her legs and rests her heels on the railing. Droplets of water from the sky casually slide down her leg as she pulls in a sip from the water bottle. My hungry gaze watches as they dance down her skin. We sit silently together for several minutes, listening to the patter of the rain falling onto the leaves. The soothing hum comes from the running water in the gutter above.
“I see why this pulls you in. It’s like the earth is cleansing you.”
“That is exactly it,” I say, stunned. No one has ever taken the time to fully understand. They don’t get it.
“What do you need cleansing from?”
Her question doesn’t feel accusatory or meddlesome. I can tell from her tone, it is a lighthearted question. I wish I had a lighthearted answer.
“I’ve done terrible things in my life. Things I should be in prison for. I’ll need a lifetime of rain to come close to cleansing these hands. Probably more. I’m not the man you think I am.”
“How do you know what kind of man I think you are? I know you’re dangerous and paranoid. I know you live all alone in the middle of the woods, and yet you never sleep without your gun right next to you, ready to go.”
Surprised at her observation, my head slowly turns to look at her, expecting to see her face full of disgust. It isn’t. Her eyes are closed, head tilted to the sky. The gentle droplets fall over the mountains and valleys of her face.
“I may not know exactly what has happened in your life, but I know you aren’t as cold as you claim.”
Instead of responding, I take a long drink from the bottle. I have to change the subject, or I might tell her she’s right. I’ve fallen in love with her. This cold soul only lasted mere hours around her.
“So did you come up with a plan? Where are you going from here?”
Her body adjusts with the change of subject. Each leg crisscrosses and gets tucked neatly underneath of her.
“I’m going to visit my parents.”
“Your parents? Do they even know you left Austen?”
“My parents are dead.”
“Shit. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. They’ve been gone for a few years now. I just have to find where they’re buried and how to get there.”
“You don’t know?”
Again, her body language changes with the conversation. This time, she pulls her legs up and wraps her arms around her knees.
“We weren’t in a good place at the time. When Austen told me they got into a car accident and passed away, I cried. I cried for days. They lived in California and I wanted to go to the service, but I’m petrified to fly and the only car we had was broken and in the shop.”
“Wait. Are you telling me dickhead didn’t bring you down to your parents’ funeral?”
“He was working on this really big case and he was due in court.”
Her attempt at making this conversation seem like no big deal fails miserably. Her unease is obvious as she struggles to find a comfortable position in the chair.
“What about your family? I know you’re not a huge fan of your dad,” she says, changing the subject.
“He’s the reason I need so much rain.”
“Do you talk to them?”
Bubbles begin to rise from the boil I feel deep in my blood. “Things took a bad turn years ago. My father has never forgiven me for telling my mother he was cheating on her. He turned on me, and that’s when I turned to someone else. It was just bad luck that someone else turned into a bad dude. I got sucked into a life of crime. One that I’ve never fully paid for. I talk to my mom, but it’s rare and there isn’t a whole lot to talk about.”
A chuckle from her chest brings my attention back in her direction. “We’re a fucking pair, aren’t we? At least you and Nicole have each other. Does she still speak to your mom or dad?”
“Now that’s funny.”
“What?”
“The thought of Nicole talking to my mom. My mom isn’t Nicole’s mother. Nicole’s mother is my dad’s mistress.”
Her hand moves quickly, covering her mouth to stifle the gasp. After a second of silence, she places both of her feet on the ground and sits up straight. “Well, anyone can see the bond the two of you have is pretty special. Must have been difficult in the beginning though.”
“Nicole makes everything difficult, always. But it wasn’t her fault. She didn’t ask to be the result of an affair. She needs me as much as I need her.”
I’m well aware that my life sounds like a goddamn soap opera sometimes. From the look on Charlie’s face, she can tell I don’t want to talk about it anymore either. My eyes float to the sky. The moon peeks out from the clouds as they thin out. The rhythm of the forest begins to silence. I take a long drawn-out breath. For tonight, I feel clean enough.