ELEVEN
“Mama! Up, up. Up! ” Gracie demanded.
“Mama, sleep, please?” Jess was willing to beg.
After Kayne left, she'd spent several long hours tossing and turning, trying to figure out what had gone wrong. She'd hoped he would have kissed her again at the very least. But it seemed like he couldn't leave fast enough. Maybe she had been the one to throw herself at him at the game. God, how embarrassing was that? No wonder he'd kept his distance as he'd helped her get sleeping and exhausted kids into bed, then left at the first opportunity.
“Up, mama. Sun up, you up!” Grace’s voice was insistent.
On a morning like this, bribery wasn’t only acceptable it was completely necessary. “I'll let you wear a pretty to church if you lay back down for a while with me. Just one hour?” Gracie loved “pretties,” especially necklaces.
“Mine pretty?” Grace bounced excitedly. “Mine spesha pretty?”
Her special pretty? That was asking a lot.
“If I say yes, will you go back to sleep?” Jess would agree to just about anything at this point.
“Yes!” Gracie bobbed her head and climbed under the covers to snuggle. Obviously she considered it a foregone conclusion that she'd be wearing her special necklace.
***
Jess sat in front of her vanity mirror, trying not to fuss with her hair. She’d tried not to dress up, choosing to wear only a simple floral skirt and a matching solid-color silk blouse. It was church, not a date. After Kayne’s sudden departure the night before, she wondered if he'd even show. The kids had invited him, and he'd said he would think about it. But the look on his face had told her church was the last place in the world he wanted to be. Truthfully, she couldn't blame him.
“Mama, you look really nice today.” Maddy smiled encouragingly.
Jess returned the smile. “Thanks, sweetheart.”
“Mama, mine pretty!” Gracie climbed onto Jess’s lap.
“How about a different pretty?” In the light of day, Jess regretted the agreement. She worried that something might happen to the only link to Gracie's past.
Though the clasp had been broken, the delicate chain had been knotted around her neck the night she’d been pulled from the accident. When the police department released it from evidence, Jess had placed it in her jewelry box for safe keeping until Gracie grew up. On occasion, Jess would show it to Gracie, knowing someday she'd have to tell her what had happened to her parents.
Jess still believed it a miracle that Grace had survived. In fact, that was how she'd chosen her name. By the grace of God, go I.
Despite all of Jarred's faults, he had been an incredible fire-medic. He'd given up his parents’ dreams for him to be a doctor, stepped away from his family's money, and followed his heart. He'd loved it more than anything else—including her. It was that love and dedication to his job that had given Grace, and, in turn, Jessica, a miracle.
Jess could still remember standing in that emergency room helplessly watching Mark Oberly and his team try to save Jarred. Joe Sutton’s arms wrapped around her had been the only thing holding her together. All she'd been able to think about was that their last words had been in anger. He'd walked out and never come home. But he'd unknowingly given her a gift with his death, because Jess hadn't been able to let go of the baby, and the local CPS office had reluctantly agreed. They assumed they'd quickly locate next of kin, and the issue would resolve itself. Cody had been furious that Jess would even consider keeping the baby. But Joe seemed to understand her need to do so, and had stood beside her. In fact, he’d spent those first few nights on her couch, making sure she wasn't going to lose her ever-loving mind.
Days had turned into weeks, and weeks into months, and finally Gracie's maternal grandparents had been located. When Oxnard's Missing Persons got a hit and match on dental records from Payson's Jane Doe, Jess had feared she’d lose Gracie. But they'd denied any knowledge of the man or baby, and admitted they hadn't seen their daughter, Ludmyla, in over a year, claiming the relationship had been strained at best.
Jess had been shocked when she discovered the grandparents refused to take custody of Gracie. But Jessica hadn’t been able to work up any real hatred toward the grandparents, because she'd fallen absolutely and thoroughly in love with Gracie.
Jess took a moment to study the pendant: a three dimensional trefoil knot with a half-carat heart-shaped diamond in the center, surrounded by three smaller, colored-stone hearts, each set in a loop of the trefoil. Jess had always assumed the pale pink stone represented Gracie's October birth month. The pendant had a phrase engraved on the back in Cyrillic. She'd assumed it was Russian, but upon translation the words had made no sense. And yet it was still the only tie to Gracie's past. Her grandparents had been adamant they wanted nothing to do with her.
“Mine spesha pretty, Mama!”
Jess reluctantly clasped it around her neck, fearing she'd made a horrible mistake by agreeing to let Gracie wear it.
***
By the time Jess turned into the church parking lot, she was so nervous she could hardly breathe. Though her children had continued attending after Jarred died, she had not. She’d been too overwhelmed, then too angry to step foot within those walls. Thankfully, Polly had been more than happy to have this weekly time with the kids. What would everyone think of her showing up after all this time? What if Kayne showed up like he’d promised the kids?
Not likely after last night. Besides, why the hell did she care what anyone thought anyway?
Jess pulled into a space near the door, took a deep breath, then another, and turned off the engine. She climbed out and opened the back door to unbuckle Gracie.
Maddy frowned. “Mama, you don't have to get out. I can take them in.”
“I heard a rumor that Mama was staying for church today.”