23
It took three weeks of hobbling around in a cast then adjusting to life without it before I finally had to cave. I shaved. I cut my hair. I went back to looking like a model officer ready to follow every bit of conduct that they taught me at the academy. All to be ready to sit in the Captain’s office and prepare for what was next. I had to prepare for where I would go next.
Captain Harris had all my paperwork in a folder on his desk, on it was the sheet of paper that would finalize my transfer to the next precinct. All that was left to do is pack up my locker. But, without my bike or a car, I was stuck waiting on a ride to move to the next station. My insurance company was taking their sweet time to get me money to replace my bike.
The thought of giving this up had stayed in my head from the moment I had been stuck in the hospital by myself. The sense of dread about going back to what was normal just weighed in my stomach. Here I was waiting to go meet my new boss, and I was miserable. I wouldn’t get over this if I went back to something I didn’t want. There was only one thing I could do.
“I quit,” it was out in a breath.
“You’re quitting?” he looked surprised for a beat. “Dunn tried to warn me that you weren’t prepared for undercover work. I just assumed she was jealous of you getting tapped and not her.”
“Tara doesn’t really strike me as the type to be jealous,” I shook my head. All Tara had done is take care of me. She tried to talk me off of the path I had begun to take. She tried to do so much for me, even after the horrible aftermath after we had sex the first time. “She might’ve been right, maybe not. But this. This. Me quitting is because I don’t think I can serve the people as I did before. I can’t,” I offered up my palms. I felt helpless admitting this to another person, but I’ve had enough people telling me that I needed to take care of my head. This path seemed right. “I need to get myself straight, and I don’t think I’m anywhere near that.”
“One of the things you’re going to have to do before you get into the uniform again is go through a psychological evaluation,” he said, and it was something I’d already known. “It would offer you counseling. Counseling is something that’s required after going through anything traumatic.”
“I intend to get professional help,” I assured him. “But I’ll give you my gun and my badge. I’m not fit to have them right now.”
“I'll get everything in order to see to it that you get the proper care that you need,” he turned to delve into the filing cabinet at his side.
After getting all of the paperwork and hearing a few ‘I hope you’ll reconsiders,’ I was in the locker room, gathering all the things I had stored away in there. There were two boxes worth of uniforms, a plaque I had gotten for graduating the academy and a few other pieces of memorabilia. My career as a cop had been short. There were people that worked the beat longer than most served in the military. Often, myself included, law enforcement was something to pick up after a tour of duty was finished. Me, I wasn’t a man that could hack twenty years in the Army. I just now realized I couldn’t hack that as a cop either. I’d figure out what I’d end up with, but right now the most important thing was glaring at me from the entrance of the locker room.
“What the hell are you doing?” Tara snapped at me.
“Packing up my shit,” I nodded at her. “Did you miss the sign that said men on it? Or is there something you need to tell me?”
She huffed and walked in without answering my question. “You’re going to quit? And do what exactly from here?” She folded her arms over her chest. “Go back to working at the Boneyard garage?”
I shook my head, “I doubt they’d let me back at the garage. I figure I’ll flip burgers somewhere until I can decide what I want to do with myself.” I looked at her. “This way you don’t have to worry about being with me and it screwing up your career.”
“I didn’t mean for you to do this,” her tone changed quick. “I didn’t mean for you to make this kind of sacrifice for me.”
“I really wouldn’t call this a sacrifice,” I shrugged a shoulder. “I usually just went through the motions. It seemed like the next best alternative when I got out of the Army. It just took me this long to realize I was wrong. I hope you’re not going to hold it against me that I quit.”
“No,” she came to me, watching as I got the last little bits out of what was once my locker. “I’m just worried. I didn’t make this job you did easy. I gave you a hard time in the beginning because I was so worried about what it would happen if shit went south.”
It was understandable, I sat down on the bench and looked up at her. The height difference with me sitting was amusing.
“You can’t take the blame for doubt. Being a cop was your dream, right? Something you wanted to be for a while?”
“I grew up with my brother playing cops and robbers,” she admitted. “I’d cry until he’d agree to let me be the cop. I wanted to take down the bad guys and help people,” I nodded and smiled, it made sense. “After that first time we were together I was so confused by everything I felt I didn’t take into consideration what you would still want me. I thought it’d be a one-time deal. A one night stand that we could forget about and move on from.”
I shook my head again. “I think I wanted you from the moment I saw you. Getting stuck in the patrol car with you was torture. Do you have any idea how good you smell? Even after chasing down a perp?”
“You’re going to get into trouble if you keep talking like this,” she sighed and looked at my boxes. “Are you going to be able to afford your apartment and bills after you start flipping burgers?”
“I’ll figure out something,” I assured her and stood. I heaved a box up, and she picked up the other. “If being a grill jockey doesn’t work, do you think I could get away with prostitution?”
“I think your girlfriend might have something to say about that,” she poked at me and led the way out to her car.
That’s was the first time she referred to herself as just my girlfriend. Before then, there was always an emphasis on the pretend part. Not now apparently. It made my heart race.
“Thanks for wasting your day off to help me,” I told her while we put both boxes in her trunk. “You didn’t have to.”
“I wanted to,” she closed the trunk. “Still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that you quit. I'm going to have to get a new partner.”
I went to the passenger side of the car and waited for her to unlock it.
“You were gonna end up with a new partner anyway,” I informed her.
“I know,” she unlocked it and jerked open her door. “But I figured I had a little time before that happened.” She flopped down into the car. “Didn’t think it would be today.”
“You gonna miss me?” She snorted, but her face got rosy. That was answer enough for me. “You'll be alright as long as you don't get assigned a partner cuter than me.”
“That's a legit worry,” she laughed a little. “I liked you better with a beard.”
I grimaced and rubbed my bare face. “Me too. It'll come back, don't worry.”
“Don't go for that complete shaggy look you were rocking,” she complained while she cranked up the car and got us rolling. “You can grow your hair out, but try to keep it neat.”
“Bossy.”
“My man’s gotta look good.”
“I don’t look good?” I asked her, watching her expression as she drove.
“You look good,” she sniffed as if she hadn’t insulted me. “I just have my preferences.”
“And I don’t meet them now,” I grunted and looked away as I considered just how I should feel about that. “That’s a shame. I guess I won’t be able to make due on that rain check I owe you.”
“Oh, don’t let my preferences stop you from paying me back,” there was something about her tone now that caught my interest. “Beards grow back.” She shot me a slight grin.
“Oh, I got your attention?”
“I can drive fast if I want to,” she was wearing a smirk now. “I’m a cop.”
I released a curse: “Fuck, I didn’t get to keep my cuffs. That’s the one thing I’m regretting now.”
“I’ll remember them for when you’re bad,” she said with a laugh.
She weaved through traffic dangerously, it was enough to make me grip the handle above the door. But I didn’t bother to tell her to slow down. It had been so long since I last had sex that I wasn’t going to make her take her time. When we pulled into the lot of my apartment complex we didn’t even bother with my boxes, they could wait.
The fact that she was in a hurry, that she had waited for me to get well enough for something like this, was something that pierced right through me. She’d never said the words. She never told me she loved me. But here we both were, waiting for me to fumble my way into my apartment so we could make good on that rain check. Of course it was more than just sex, of course it was more.
I opened the door for her, followed her close as she led the way to my bedroom. As soon as she cleared the door, she turned to me, took my hand and pulled me close to her.
“Are you sure?” She asked. “You’re good?”
“It wasn’t a mistake the first time, it won’t be a mistake now or ever,” I said lowly. “Don’t worry about me,” I told her as I skirted around her and led her to bed.
“I can’t help it,” she breathed. “It’s what I do. I worry. From the moment you agree to be in a motorcycle gang--”
“Club,” I interjected, getting her to sit down.
“Picking that club,” she said with a bit of snark. “Over your damn job. Seducing your partner… and now quitting your job.” She curled her lip at me but didn’t seem to protest when I shoved her so that she laid back. “You make some bad decisions.”
I knelt on the floor in front of her, pulling off her tennis shoes.
“Not bad decisions,” I said as I reached up and unbuttons her jeans. “I decided I’d rather live. That I’d rather try to be happy versus following the rules.” I started to ease them off her hips. “Getting into your pants was just the first step.”
“What’s the next step?” her breath picked up as my knuckles brushed against her thighs.
“I’ll let you know when we get there.”
I didn’t bother with her panties, they weren’t lacy or sexy. They were plain gray cotton, but it didn’t keep my mouth from watering. I reached forward to nudge a knuckle against the indention of her cleft, teasing her until I could catch the sweet scent of her cunt. I shifted aside the scrap of cloth that kept me from what I wanted. Her lips were flushed, and I could see the gathering dampness between them. I leaned forward to kiss them, brushing my tongue out and along the length of them. She released a breath slowly, not quite a gasp but enough to let me know she had wanted this. It was almost as good as savoring the taste of her.
I parted her lips with my fingers and delved further in with my tongue, swiping it up along the length of her opening just skirting over her clit. Her hips twitched, and I shifted further between her thighs, using my shoulders as a means to keep them apart as I drank her in. Her fingers curled through my hair, and I heard her make a short irritated noise.
“Your hair isn’t long enough.”
“It’ll grow out,” I growled against her cunt.
“Not fast enough,” she gasped out, her hips curling up against my face. “Do that again.”
I obliged her by pressing my mouth to her clit and growling lowly. I watched with Glee as Tara threw her head back and rolled her hips against me. It went straight to my dick. At least after she came it wouldn’t be a done deal, it was just the beginning. So I feasted on her with abandon, spearing her with two fingers and watching over the little trail of hair as she moved in response. I closed my lips around the little hood and sucked hard, growing impatient with my need for her. I worked her with less relish and more intent until I heard moans. When I felt the scrape of her nails against my scalp, I knew she was close.
I forged ahead until she was bucking against my face and clenching my thrusting fingers hard. I pulled away despite the insistent tug of her hand.
“You don’t get out of sex just because you had your happy ending,” I informed her.
She didn’t have an answer for me, she just whimpered as I pulled my fingers from her. I kissed my way up, shifting the v neck she was wearing up until I met the jersey knit bra she wore. The set didn’t bother me in the least bit, didn’t deter my want at all. The realness of her just hit me, I had no preferences when it came to Tara. I just wanted her.
I took a little time to get my jeans open and my cock out, just so I could feel her soft skin against me. The relief was like catching your breath, I wanted nothing more than to bury my face between her breasts but I needed to kiss her. I caught her mouth hungrily as I rubbed myself against her thighs. Her arms curled around my neck and I felt her adjust so when her hips curled up I no longer was rubbing against her thigh, but against the dampness of her pussy. Another shift and I was easing my way into her.
“This was definitely not a mistake,” I called out.
“Waiting this long,” she whispered into my ear. “Might’ve been.”
“I’ll make up for it,” I thrust into her, burying myself ball deep.
I was rewarded with a gasped out: “How?”
“How about,” I began a slow thrusting rhythm, so I still had the capacity to think and speak. “I fuck you every chance I get? How does that sound?”
“Harder,” her nails dug into me. “More,” was another pleading response.
“I’m taking that as a yes? Okay.”
I laughed a little before I gave into her. There was something about after a few months without sex, and having her as my only emotional connection, that made this all the more better. I lay against her as I fucked her, trailing kisses along her neck and up her jaw until I found her mouth. I was lost to this woman.
There was still so much clothing between us, there were no attempts at being sexy. There were no attempts at seduction. But it didn’t take away from the feeling in my gut, the tightness in my chest with being with her and wanting more of her. I was so overwhelmed with it, my feelings for her and just the way she felt wrapped around me. I should be struggling for control, striving to make sure she’d finish again before I did. But I wasn’t going to make it. Even as I went to circle her clit with my thumb, I felt my balls tightening to the point of pain. It was all too good for me to hold on.
I tried to jerk out of her hold, grunting against her, “I’m gonna cum.”
She didn’t let me out though, her legs locked around my hips despite my effort to pull away.
“Don’t stop,” she hissed at me.
I grunted with effort then, she decided to ride it out. I kept throwing my hips into hers, gritting out as if I had any opportunities to make it last any longer. But it was hopeless, I was hopeless. There was no chance I could make this last any longer. I groaned out loud as I went ridged over her, exploding in her tight hold and shuddering in the disappointment she’d probably feel.
The rawness of it became overshadowed by the hard clench her pussy gave me, while I was still spurting inside her. Her hold fluttered and squeezed, giving a sign that she was cumming with me.
“God!” I gasped out as it seemed to only take me along with her. “Fuck me,” I whimpered in her hair, “it’s too fucking good.”
I relaxed against her, leaning heavily on her. It was an effort to catch my breath after that, I could still feel the pulses of her pussy. I didn’t want to pull out just, yet.
“I didn’t have a condom on,” I gasped out, afraid of the response, though I was sure she knew by now.
“On birth control,” I felt the sweep of her fingers over my back and shoulders. “It’ll be okay as long as we don’t make a habit of it,” she sighed. “Though we need to make a habit of taking all our clothes off when we have sex.”
“I got impatient.”
“I can tell,” she chuckled. “I’m taking it as a compliment though.”
I pulled out slowly, and she made a soft noise in response.
“I’ll make up for it,” I kicked off my shoes and stood so I could shuck off my jeans and boxers. “Give me a little bit, and we can go for round two.”
“Oh, you’re going to be able to do a round two?” She sat up and pulled her bunched up shirt over her head. “Is that why you’re undressing now?”
“I’d ask you to put your clothes back on so we can have sex half-dressed again, but you made a complaint before,” I tugged my own shirt off and wandered into the bathroom.
“Maybe you should work on your patience instead,” she hollered after me.
“I’m a work in progress.”
I found a wash cloth and dampened it in the sink before turning to go and join her on the bed. I took the time to appreciate what she’d done, that she had finished undressing. She sat in the middle of my bed, brushing her fingers through her hair in an effort to get the tangles out. I wasn’t quite ready for round two, and I might’ve been joking. But looking at her then, I could feel my cock twitch in shared interest. I came to her and very carefully wiped away the cum seeping from her. She spread her legs, and I could see the want I felt for her echoed in her expression.
“Are you going to be good for a round two?”
“You gotta let my boy catch his breath,” I climbed onto the bed and curled around her. “But it's been awhile since the last time I got laid. I got some catching up to do. The question is, are you going to be able to keep up?”
“I don't mind giving you the chance to catch your breath, and you bet your ass I can keep up,” she relaxed against me. “It gives me the opportunity to grill you for information.” She rolled onto her side so that we were stomach to stomach. Her fingers started to trace along my chest and neck. “So you're serious about flipping burgers?”
“I need something mindless,” I told her. “Something part time, maybe?”
I hadn't really thought about it and right now with her wandering hands it wasn't a real concern for me.
“How do you expect to pay rent and your bills working part time?” She frowned at me, “You're not going to get lazy on me, are you?”
“I haven’t fallen asleep, yet, but if you’re going to start reaming me about quitting my job today, I might consider it.”
I cupped her face in my hands and watched her carefully. The best way to handle this was to be honest. I loved her and I didn’t want to chase her away, but I couldn’t lie to her either.
“I’m not okay,” I admitted and took a breath. I decided to forge ahead, I needed to come completely clean. “I shouldn’t have taken the assignment to go undercover. I realize that now because I saw so many people that were like me. I realized that we’re all going through similar shit. They saw me for what I really was, even if they didn’t find out I was a cop until the end of it. They knew what was wrong with me and did nothing but support me. I don’t remember how many times I was told I needed to get my head fixed. So, I’m going to take this time to do that. Don’t worry about me though,” I leaned forward and kissed her forehead, trying to put aside that fear that she might get up and leave after all of this. “I’m not going to get lazy, I’m going to work. Just let me have a bit of time off first, okay?”
Tara took in a shaky breath, fear gnawed at me as I saw a tear streak down one cheek.
“I didn’t help you. I’m sorry,” she wiped at her face and took another breath as if she were trying to work up courage. “I’ll be right here though, from now on. If you need me, if you need an ear or just someone to hold you, I’m here. I tried so hard to resist you, so hard to not give in and I failed miserably,” she leaned in and gently brushed her lips against mine.
“I love you, Chase.”
My heart skipped a beat, and our lips met, though we didn’t kiss. I was lost in it all until she pulled away and continued.
“I’m not going to push you away again, I can’t resist the pull I feel, and I don’t want to leave you hanging again.”
I cut off anything else she might have been about to say by catching her mouth, I kissed her hard hoping she’d get just how much it meant to hear her say that. My arms wrapped around here and there was no chance of her getting away from me now. It was too late, I decided. She was stuck with me now.
“No idea,” I mumbled against her mouth. “You have no idea how good it felt to hear you say that. I think I just got my second wind.”
I started to shift her on her back and nudge my way between her thighs.
“I was trying to be serious,” she pulled her mouth from mine, but it didn’t deter me at all. I traced my tongue along the length of her jaw until I found her neck to latch onto. “If this,” her tone went breathy as I scraped my teeth against her skin. “If living here gets to be too much and flipping burgers makes it hard to afford,” I paused then let go so I could see her face. “I think my place can fit the two of us.”
“Are you offering for me to move in?”
“Did you miss the part where I said if flipping burgers doesn’t pay enough?” She huffed. “The last time I checked that was a minimum wage kind of job. Are you going to be able to pay rent and keep your girlfriend entertained on that kind of salary?”
“I figured I’d learn how to cook, so I’d be able to feed you and that I could just keep you entertained by cuffing you to the bed.”
It seemed like sound reasoning. I really wasn’t sure how she couldn’t see the beauty behind that idea. It didn’t keep her from laughing out loud though.
“Burgers will only make me fat then I won’t meet your preferences, and you won’t want to keep me cuffed to the bed. And where are you going to get handcuffs from?”
“I’ll steal yours,” I told her and caught each of her wrists. With a tug, I pulled them up over her head. “That’d solve that problem, right?”
“Okay, this doesn’t sound like a horrible idea,” she said, distracted by my line of thinking and the slow way I started to rub my hardening cock against her lower lips. “You think we can take turns being cuffed to the bed?”
I hummed, getting distracted myself now, “It’s something I might be talked into.”
She rolled her hips up, and the suddenly the angle was just right so I could slide right in. It had us both breathless, pillow talk turning into sex.
We had taken the time to be honest with one another, to express ourselves and worries. It didn’t seem to change anything. Though I knew things would change in time, but that didn’t really matter. Just as long as I got to keep her. With her by my side, without having to hide anything from anyone, it seemed like life would get a helluva lot better. I could handle anything that came my way, and I didn’t have to be alone while I did it.